the man responsible for half my genes

Friday November 28 was my dad's birthday! So while my brothers tried to grill some meat so that it wasn't bleeding (it took more attempts than usual), I sat down to interview my father about the mysteries of life:

Molly: How old are you today?
Dad: 59.

Molly: How does that make you feel?
Dad: Feels good.

Molly: What did you today?
Dad: I took the cat to the vet, then did a little bit of shopping. Had a fun time with my family.

Molly: What was your best birthday ever?
Dad: Except for taking the cat to the vet, this was a pretty good one.

Molly: What was your worst birthday?
Dad: My 11th birthday, no doubt about it. My brother broke my football, blew up my football too much, threw me on the ground and spit on me.

Molly: Did you retaliate?
Dad: No, he was too big.

Molly: Do you think he tries to compensate now by sending you excess presents? (Molly's note: earlier in the evening, we all watched while Dad opened up present after present from our uncle, which made the one present each that we got him look kind of puny. But the presents were awesome)
Dad: I don't know. You'll have to talk to his psychiatrist.

Molly: What is your favorite birthday dessert?
Dad: Pie or cake.

Molly: I'm going to have to ask you to be more specific?
Dad: Well, usually chocolate cake but I wanted shoofly pie for this birthday.

Molly: Can you explain the appeal of shoofly pie? It seems kind of gross to me.
Dad: I have good memories of eating shoofly pie. And I haven't had it now in like, 30 years.
(Molly's note: At this point in the interview, Mom and Dad discuss just how long it might have been since Dad ate shoofly pie. I say that I remember eating shoofly pie at some point at my grandmother's, so I don't think it's been 30 years. Then there's a discussion of how this pie might differ from my grandmother's. There's a bit of discussion of whether the white stuff (basically sugar and flour) looks right. Dad thinks that if I made him a shoofly pie then maybe I will make him Indian pudding for Christmas but I tell him that we've just gotta take things one step at a time.)

Molly: For my next question, I'd like to test your short-term memory in light of your advancing age. Can you tell me what we did one year ago today?
Dad: Watched a football game?
Molly: Nope
(the guessing goes on for quite awhile)
Molly: You had to work. Then we went to Applebee's with the people from your office for lunch (I was living at home at the time and working at the office). Then we went shopping. Then we went to O'Charley's for dinner because you wanted prime rib, but they only serve prime rib on Sunday nights, and it wasn't a Sunday.
Dad: Sounds like a pretty good birthday!

Molly: Okay, next question about the possibility of your memory loss. What was the picture on the birthday card that I gave you last year?
Dad: Hillary Clinton? George Bush?
Molly: here's a hint: I hand-drew the card.
Dad: I don't remember.
Molly: It was a life jacket.
Dad: Oh.

Molly: How do you feel about losing your memory, as evidenced by the last two questions?
Dad: I don’t look at it as losing my memory. I can remember the overall good experience of the birthday. I was with my family and I had a good time.

Molly: What was your favorite birthday of mine?
Dad: When you were one, we would ask you how old you were and you would hold up one finger. You had no hair and all day long you wore a yellow shirt that said, "Today I am this many" and it had one finger on it too. You wore it with red pants. I thought it was so cute to see you hold up that one finger.
Molly: I am going to write down your response as, "I was amazed at how gifted you were."

Molly: Tell me another cute story about myself.
Dad: One birthday I remember we got you a Rainbow Brite cake.
(Molly's note: At this point there is some parental discussion about where that cake came from. Who made it? It's a mystery. But I sure did love Rainbow Brite)

Molly: What is your favorite food and why?
Dad: That's hard. I'd say, a really good hamburger. Really good steak. Homemade French Fries. A well-done loaded baked potato. (Then Dad sang a song to the tune of "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music that went something like, "When the burger sizzles, when the steak comes, when the fries are through…I simply remember my favorite foods and then I don't feel…so hungry!")

Molly's note: At this point I told Dad that we had four questions to go so that we could get to an even 20 questions. Dad suggested we do 21 questions because he likes things in multiples of seven. So much so that whenever he microwaves something, he does it in multiples of seven, like 56 seconds instead of a minute or 28 seconds instead of 30. He says that much past 56 he has problems figuring out the time. We agree to 21 questions.

Molly: What did you think you would be when you grew up when you were 5 years old?
Dad: A baseball player

Molly: What was your best vacation?
Dad: Probably when we all went to Italy. In second place I would put our trip to Montreal and Quebec.

Molly: What is your favorite place to eat lunch?
Dad: Fuddrucker's. I like their bison burger and their chicken sandwich. I have very common tastes. I'm a man of the people.

Molly: If you are such a man of the people, how come you did not support Barack Obama in his race for president?
Dad: I'm for the little guy who's toiling, not the guy who wants a free ride. The guy who pays his mortgage.
(Molly's note: Okay, I swear that this isn't some partisan controversy, but at this point, I can't read my handwriting in my little notebook anymore. I know that Dad talked some about the American dream and how America rewards hard work but I just can't read it! I’m sorry! It's not meant as a Republican vs. Democrat thing. At one point, though, he did say "Barack Hussein Obama" and I reminded him that most of my blog readers were liberals and he just said that he wished Barack Obama luck)

Molly: Last question. Who is your favorite child?
Dad: I don't have a favorite child.
Molly: Good, that was a test. Here's the real question: What is the best television show and why?
Dad: I'd say Seinfeld. Because it's one of the few shows I really like without liking any of the characters. Like, if I don't like the characters in a movie, then I'm not going to like that movie. I just won't care what happens to them. But I really like that show, even though I don't like those characters as people.
Molly: Interesting. Follow-up question: Who's your favorite child?
Dad: I have three favorite children.

Molly: This doesn’t count as one of the official 21 questions, but do you have a message for my blog readers on your 59th birthday?
Dad: Party on, Wayne.