images of america

As I mentioned in my last post, I went dishwasher shopping with my parents this past weekend. When we were walking up to Home Depot, on the day before the 4th of July, I was very struck by this image:
I think this picture encapsulates the American Dream, which to me, clearly, is flag + tractor. Actually, it's about owning a home with a yard that requires a tractor, and a trip to a nice American-owned business like Home Depot means you have the financial security to acquire such an item. Or something like that. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, because taking pictures in a parking lot is quite a dangerous thing to do.

What other images of America did I capture over the holiday weekend? Well, here is a picture of a grill with all sorts of meat on it, along with some spiced pierogies:

What, you think that the grilled meat could be made more American by the addition of a beer, some french fries and a little ketchup? Me, too:

And last but not least, here is a kitten playing a video game:

You may notice that even though this is a post full of images of America, there is only one American flag. Well, that is because everyone in Candler, NC was violating the flag code, which I read up on as preparation for the 4th. You have to take your flags down at night if they're not properly illuminated, people!

important life lessons

Well, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that it was tough to go back to work today, after a nice, long, holiday weekend. I spent my 4th of July in Candler with the family. Though our activities mostly involved eating, I was still able to learn lots of things on my trip home. I decided to blog about all the things I learned, each day. Here we go.

Thursday: In which I drive from Atlanta to Candler, eat at Mellow Mushroom with my brothers and go to a Jenny Lewis concert with my brother George.

I learned that…..
….Atlanta traffic is not that bad if you get to leave work at 1 p.m.
…..Ronde the cat is still impossibly cute
…..Tiki the cat is still rather grumpy when I am around
…..my brother William is starting to look and act eerily like my father.
…..waitresses who show up for their Mellow Mushroom shift directly after “gardening” are often too spacey to be very effective in serving.
…..the Mellow Mushroom in Asheville was out of nearly every local beer.
…..my brother William has some frightening sort of mojo or reverse psychology that can make me agree to eating Hawaiian pizza when I really want to eat White Pizza.
…….it’s better to just compromise and order two pizzas, particularly if one of the pizzas is a White pizza.
….short people who are pissy about having to stand behind taller people at a concert should get to the concert earlier
....the Heartless Bastards are a good opening band, and the lead singer of that band looks like a Muppet.
….a new stylish look, as worn by Jenny Lewis, is a cut-up white t-shirt with a black bra underneath.
….Tecate is a tasty beer suitable for performers, as evidenced by Jenny Lewis’s enthusiasm for it.
…..Jenny Lewis posters are nigh-impossible to get, as they sold out just before I was able to buy one for my brother, and none of the staff members were willing to get the one out of the locked marquee for us.

Friday: I ate coffee cake, cold cuts and chicken, went shopping with my parents and sat on the porch.
I learned that……
….Sara Lee coffee cake is delicious
…..I might be allergic to Ronde the kitten
….shopping for dishwashers is difficult
….dishwasher salesmen might be creepier than car salesmen
….trying on hats at antique stores is fun
….if Hardee’s is out of lids for their medium-sized cups, they will upgrade you to a large.
…..a large soda at Hardee’s is way more soda than any person has a right to drink
…..sitting out on the porch, in weather that was at least ten degrees cooler than Atlanta, is delightful.
….Ronde can climb trees
……my mom used to win roller-skating competitions and win a giant Hershey’s bar for her efforts
….if you let the boys cook, they will come up with something delicious, thus meaning that they should always cook while the ladies sip drinks on the proch
…3 adults can easily polish off 3 bottles of wine.

Saturday: A day to celebrate America by eating and watching things.
I learned that….
…..Tecate is more delicious than I remembered. Thanks for the tip, Jenny Lewis.
…..pierogies with spicy seasoning cooked on the grill are delicious
….how to make ribs from my brother’s father-in-law. Sorta.
…the renovated movie theater on Hendersonville road is awesome, because it has all these big comfy couches and footrests.
…The Hangover is an immensely funny movie
…..when you hear a rustling in trees near the house, it’s best to assume that it’s a bear.
…fireworks that emit a loud boom without also emitting any beautiful sparkles are awful fireworks and should not even be sold.
…..there was much I did not know about our nation’s first sixteen presidents, thanks to the History Channel’s marathon of “The Presidents.”
….the History Channel thinks that Jimmy Carter succeeded Abraham Lincoln in the presidency, if the way they ordered the episodes of “The Presidents” is any indication.
….I get too tired to stay up til 4 a.m. to watch the entirety of any television marathon, even if it is about the presidents.

Sunday: I ate some things, read some stuff, and drove back to Atlanta.
I learned that….
…..my mom can make a mean breakfast sandwich
….the show “Rome Reports” is a must if you like popes, and if you get that channel about Catholics, which my parents do.
….reading “Infinite Jest” while your parents watch the Wimbledon finals is kind of weird.
…ribs are delicious
…..it’s best to shower after you eat ribs
….though you may be expecting heavy traffic on the last day of a holiday weekend, it won’t come in the spots that you expect.

Guacamolly!!!!!

Oh man, last night as I was drifting off to sleep I had realized that I should have titled my last post GUACAMOLLY. That's what I'm going to call guacamole from now on. You try it too and see if anyone says anything. Guacamolly. I just googled it and apparently other people have already thought of it, but since I came to the idea independently I shall still claim it as my own.

Anyways, I was too tired to get up and edit the title of the last post, so I am posting this as an addendum to the last post. Unfortunately, no dreams about guacamolly pools and popcorn stars last night. Instead, I dreamt that Sarah Palin made fun of me and that I did this really fancy dance down a flight of stairs. If this dance were to be performed in real life, it would likely result in a broken neck, so in dreams it shall stay.

a dream is a wish your heart makes

You know how people tell you to have "sweet dreams"? Well, last night, I definitely had a sweet dream. Actually, sweet and savory. I dreamt that I was floating on a giant tortilla chip in a pool filled with guacamole. I could break off little pieces of the tortilla chip and get some guacamole without ruining my raft. The moon was a chocolate chip cookie and the stars were made of popcorn. Here is a drawing depicting my dream:

Dreamers's note: I did not dream that there was an ice cream cone next to the pool of guacamole. It was just something I added in while I was drawing, because it seemed like a good thing to have there.

why don't you climb down off that movie screen

I have a long-standing blog tradition, which is every six months, I list all the films that I’ve seen for the first time in the previous six months. It is that time of year again, and even though I am uncomfortably full of cheeseburgers and beer, I shall review the films watched in the first half of 2009. Think about that people. 2009 is half over. What do I have to show for it? Well, for one, I have these 31 films.

1. Made of Honor
When I watch movies with Patrick Dempsey, I get to reminisce about the time I stood less than a foot away from him in Seattle. He was so beautiful. I think he should be in all the romantical comedies.

2. Fred Claus
For a film that included Vince Vaughan, Paul Giamatti and Kevin Spacey, it probably could have been better. But as a kids’ Christmas film, it also could have been a lot worse. So I was pleased with the effort, particularly the origin story of Santa and Fred at the beginning.

3. Step Brothers
I probably shouldn’t have let myself get my hopes up, because I’ve been burned too badly by Will Farrell and/or John C. Reilly (oh, Walk Hard…). I remember laughing kinda hard at something in this movie, but now I don’t even remember what it was. Probably not a good sign.

4. Smart People
Wasn’t impressed.

5. Definitely, Maybe
Man, combine the charm of Ryan Reynolds and the sassy precociousness of Abigail Breslin, with a few little dabs of Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz, and you have a very enjoyable two hours. On the one hand, I was kind of surprised that it wasn’t a bigger hit, but on the other hand, it’s not like I ran out to the theaters and watched it. I watched it on DVD.

6. Night at the Museum
Oh man, I thought I would like it because I like museums, and how can you go wrong with a movie about a museum? But I ended up adoring this movie. Even Robin Williams, who has become fairly annoying in most every movie these days, was enjoyable to watch.

7. Igor
I don’t even remember watching this movie, which is pretty rare for me as far as John Cusack movies are concerned. But I watched it during what was probably my worst week ever in a good long time, and there was so much going on that I think this got crowded out of my brain space.

8. He’s Just Not That Into You
I enjoyed watching this movie, because there were a lot of likeable people in the cast, but my main problem is that the whole premise of the book/movie is that you shouldn’t sit around waiting to suddenly be the love of someone’s life all of a sudden, because that’s not the way things happen. And the movie is built around teaching the characters that, but in the end, they get what they want anyways, even though the book/movie was about teaching them that they couldn’t have those things. Was that supposed to be ironic?

9. The Bank Job
I liked this movie a lot.

10. Iron Man
I liked this movie too, but it was kinda long for my taste.

11. Sunshine Cleaning
It’s definitely a weak movie where plot’s concerned, but I thought Amy Adams was great.

12. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
In some ways, this movie made me wish I was a teenager who lived in New York City. In other ways, this movie made me very glad I wasn’t a teenager anymore. Though if I was a teenager who knew Michael Cera…..well, I could probably deal with that.

13. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
It was okay for what it was. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me that people that destitute would spend so much on equipment and other things necessary for making a porno, but I guess if you can buy into that premise it’s not so bad.

14. Rachel Getting Married
Man, aren’t you glad you didn’t have to go to that wedding? What an annoying wedding, what with all that singing and dancing and the long speeches and the faux intellectualism. I mean, some might say that Anne Hathaway’s character is a train wreck who ruins everything around her, but if I were at that wedding, I’d want some relief from all the pretentiousness.

15. Milk
I don’t know how anyone could have doubted that Sean Penn would win the Oscar. I liked this one quite a bit.

16. My Kid Could Paint That
I liked this documentary very much. It’s about modern art and a four-year-old prodigy, and the questions that start to arise about whether the child actually did the work. Was it the frustrated artist father? I kinda think so.

17. The Wrestler
I had pretty high hopes based on the reviews and wasn’t that blown away. Mainly I was just made uncomfortable my all the staple guns and breaking glass and whatnot. I used to really like wrestling when I was little, because it had all those outsized personalities, but I never really associated it with pain, if that makes sense. More like dancing with storylines. Mickey Rourke was impressive, but I wasn’t outraged at his Oscar loss as some people were.

18. Frost/Nixon
I liked Sean Penn in “Milk” an awful lot, but I would not have been sad if Frank Langella had won the Best Actor Oscar. I wish all movies could have a retired President wandering around in them. Even if it’s not based on fact at all. Here’s how I see this working: two characters have lunch at a café, and discuss an issue of some importance to one of the characters. Then Millard Fillmore wanders by and asks them if they want refills. And you have sort of comforting sense that an ex-president is nearby. Think about it.

19. The King of Kong
I don’t know much about video games, but this documentary about breaking video game records made me briefly care about them.

20. What Happens in Vegas
Sometimes I forget how entertaining Ashton Kutcher is.

21. Patty Hearst
One day, feeling sad that Natasha Richardson had died, I was adding a lot of her movies to my Netflix queue. I noticed this one, considered one of her breakout roles, was only available instantly. Being interested in the story of Patty Hearst, I sat down and watched it then and there. Intriguing. Not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but interesting. Now I’m looking forward to some Patty Hearst documentaries that are in the queue.

22. The Nanny Diaries
I have really fond memories of reading the book “The Nanny Diaries,” which I did while I was studying abroad at Oxford. We had to go on a really long bus trip to Scotland and when there wasn’t any scenery, I read this book and was enchanted by it. I didn’t really have any plans to see the movie, because I’m not the biggest Scarlett Johansson fan, but then I watched the “John Adams” miniseries, and I immediately wanted to see everything that Paul Giamatti had even touched, which is how I ended up finally watching this movie. I have to say: eh.

23. Last Chance Harvey
Sometimes Dustin Hoffman seems so weird and mannered in interviews that I lose all desire to watch him in movies. But with Emma Thompson to balance him out in this endeavor, I was okay. Better than okay actually…somewhat enchanted by this short, sweet film.

24. Wendy and Lucy
I’m not a dog person, so this indie film about losing a dog was a little hard to identify with, but I think Michelle Williams did a fabulous job. But don’t watch it unless you’re up for a good dose of hopelessness.

25. Troop Beverly Hills
I wanted to see Jenny Lewis in her younger days.

26. Pineapple Express
I like it when cast members of “Freaks and Geeks” work together. I thought it was just alright, though.

27. Doubt
Holy cow. Meryl Streep was so good in this movie, I thought. I wish her character could be in every movie too, like the ex-presidents, just wandering around and saying things sharply.

28. The Proposal
This movie made me all warm and fuzzy. I found myself helpless against the combined charisma of Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.

29. The Doors
This movie made me never ever want to do drugs. I think they should show it to kids who are pondering taking drugs, because I think it would make them not want to do it. I mean, I even felt like I was on drugs while I was watching this movie and I did not feel well afterward.

30. Blades of Glory
I remember finding one line in this movie REALLY funny, but I just read all the Memorable Quotes for this movie on IMDB.com and I can’t find that funny line. I just watched this movie a few days ago, so that’s probably not a very good sign for my memory. But in reading all those memorable quotes, I found another one that I liked:
Chazz (Will Farrell): Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy (Napoleon Dynamite): Did you just say mind-bottling? Chazz: Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?

31. Confessions of a Shopaholic
Okay, so I REALLY like the Shopaholic books, so I was bound to be disappointed by the movie, right? Probably, and I was disappointed. Isla Fisher was good, but here were my problems:
1. The love interest did not look or act anything like I pictured.
2. I did not like the filmmakers changing the setting from London to New York.
3. They crammed several of the books together. This does not bother me because I don’t think they need to make a sequel…but it left some gaping holes in plot.
4. Somehow, it’s easier to sympathize and root for a character who shops compulsively when you’re reading her thoughts. When you’re just watching her, it’s very hard to care. A few monologues by Isla does not explain why the character has this shopping problem. Just something that’s easier to read, I guess.
5. That’s all I have right now.

Book #13: Bait and Switch

I don’t know why I decided to read “Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream” by Barbara Ehrenreich. Perhaps it was because it looked like a quick read, and I’m about to dive into a big book. Perhaps because it seems like the kind of book that if you don’t read soon after its published, it becomes too dated to read. Perhaps because I liked “Nickel and Dimed,” Ehrenreich’s most famous book. All I know is that after reading “Bait and Switch,” I’m terribly depressed about the job market and pretty fed up with Barbara Ehrenreich.

Here’s the premise of the book: having gone undercover with the working class in “Nickel and Dimed,” Ehrenreich decides to go undercover with the middle class with a white collar job. She gives herself a few months to find a job in the corporate world, and then she will work at this job for a few more months, to learn all of the corporate world’s secrets, and then she will quit. So she fashions a fake resume and goes about doing the kind of job-searching things that make great book anecdotes, like going to a religious networking event and getting a wacky career coach and getting a makeover.

Now, here’s the thing that made this book so hard to read: Ehrenreich’s immense derision for everything that doesn’t fit within her prescribed world view practically drips off every page. I just kept thinking, man, it must be exhausting to be Barbara Ehrenreich because you never get to have any fun. To make matters worse, one of the places that she did her job-searching was Atlanta, so she took some potshots at Atlanta that seemed a little unfair. Perhaps not unfair, but it just showed how little research she did in the course of her journalistic undertaking. Perhaps research doesn’t make a good book anecdote.

The process of being unemployed and looking for a job is one that many, including myself, can relate with. But it quickly became tiresome reading Ehrenreich’s complaints, particularly when you consider that she really shouldn’t get an interview or a 60k a year job on the basis of her slightly exaggerated resume. Boo hoo Barbara. She rambles for 200 pages and then ends with a call for better unemployment insurance and universal health care. Hope that wasn’t a spoiler for anyone.

While I couldn’t stand Ehrenreich’s condescension to everyone who wasn’t her, I will say that this book was immensely useful in one important way: it made me want to stay at my job for a good long time, if only because this book was like an awful nightmare flashback to what job hunting is like. And I do think that the difficulty of finding a job that pays you enough to live the American Dream is a worthy topic. It’s just not a topic that Ehrenreich should have left her pearl-crusted room to undertake.

Happy anniversary, New Jersey

Almost every day, I check to see what happened on that particular day in history. If I find something that's relevant to me, or something that I'm interested in, I try to write about it. Last week, I was looking at upcoming events in history, and I noted that on June 24, 1664, the colony of New Jersey was founded. That is relevant to me, because New Jersey is where my dad grew up.

The whole family went to New Jersey when we were little, but the only thing I remember is that at the hotel we stayed at, you could get a Belgian waffle with ice cream on top at the breakfast buffet. So I decided to call up my resident expert on New Jersey to learn some interesting factoids about this state. Below, I share my findings:

Molly: First off, the issue on everyone’s mind. How are Tiki and Ronde doing?
Dad: They are fine. They're starting to get a little closer, but there's still some hissing.

Molly: Okay, before we start, I want to make sure you’re really from New Jersey. So tell us what the state insect is.
Dad: Hmmm. Praying mantis?
Molly: I'm sorry, it's the European honey bee.
Dad: Oh.

Molly: Tell us some interesting facts about New Jersey.
Dad: Well, in 1976, the year of the bicentennial, New Jersey was the third largest state, but the most densely populated. Only 37 percent of the state was actually inhabited.

Molly: Why was 63 percent of it uninhabited?
Dad: There are a lot of pine forests, and the meadowlands, a lot of which they've gotten rid of now. Back then it was a swamp.

Molly: Any other interesting facts?
Dad: Well, it's called the Garden State because it's known for its truck gardens. The farmers would put their produce in their trucks and take it to market.

Molly: How did your parents end up in New Jersey?
Dad: My dad had a job in New York City, so before I was born, they lived there. But as my brother and sister started to get older, and when my mom was pregnant with me, my dad decided to move out to the country. And New Jersey at the time was the country. They moved to Westwood.

Molly: What was Westwood like?
Dad: Westwood was a small town that had a railroad running through it. It was a nice little town at that point. It's still a nice little town.

Molly: How does Westwood compare to other towns in New Jersey?
Dad: It was very middle class. In that part of New Jersey, one little town runs into another little town all the way to New York City. Some of those towns were more working class, some of them were very affluence, but Westwood was very middle class.

Molly: What was it like to grow up in New Jersey?
Dad: It was the kind of town that when I was little, I could ride bikes all over town. Things were very accessible. There were a lot of kids in the neighborhood, so it was easy to ride your bike and meet up with everyone to play baseball or to play football or to play army. Or we'd all ride our bikes somewhere together. But there were a lot less diversions back then. There was no internet. There were only a few channels on television.

Molly: You mentioned sports. Do you have a favorite New Jersey sports team?
Dad: This is something that bugs me. My favorite New Jersey sports team is called the New York Jets. They're called that, and they started in New York, but they play in New Jersey at the Meadowlands.

Molly: Did you have to leave the state due to illicit dealings with the mafia?
Dad: No.
Molly: Did you ever see any people who were in the mafia?
Dad: One time I went to a house where the guy had an indoor swimming pool, and that guy was reportedly in the mafia. Then there was a guy across the street, he was the head of a union, and he might have been in the mafia. But when I was in the newspaper when I was little for collecting political buttons, that guy called me over and gave me a button. And now that button sells for like $400 or $500.
Molly: You don't think he was trying to buy your silence?
Dad: Nah, it wasn't worth that much in 1964.
Molly: Well, I hope he doesn't see this blog and try to come after you.
Dad: I'm sure he's dead. If the mafia didn't get him, then old age did.

Molly: If the aliens were to come down to earth, and they wanted to know the best things to see and do in New Jersey, what things would you tell them to see?
Dad: We have great delicatessens and great homemade ice cream stores. We have nice little towns with nice downtown areas. People think New Jersey is nothing but concrete, but I grew up in a small town with white picket fences, the kind of town where I could ride my bike. Then later, I could walk to the bars when I was home from school.

Molly: I know you like state quarters. Do you have any comments on the New Jersey State quarter?
Dad: It's an excellent quarter. It shows George Washington crossing the Delaware from New Jersey to attack the British.

Molly: Are there any other New Jersey historical factoids you'd like to share?
Dad: The area where I was originally home to a lot of Indians, and then it was settled by the Dutch. Since the Dutch settled lots of New Jersey, there are lots of Dutch names up there. It was known as the Pascack Valley, and there was a team that called itself the Pascack Valley Indians. That may be insensitive today, but it was to honor the Indians in the area we grew up in.

Molly: True or false: Bruce Springsteen is the greatest person --other than you -- to come out of New Jersey.
Dad: False. We have lots more interesting people like Bruce Willis. Hold on, I'm going to go get my almanac so I can tell you some famous people from New Jersey. Like Charles Lindbergh. He lived there when his kid got stolen. Now Bruce Springsteen may be a friend of New Jersey, and he's certainly more famous than me, but I wouldn't put him at the greatest.

[Dad is still trying to find his almanac at this point]

Another great thing about growing up in New Jersey is that we had many different nationalities and religions represented. IT was a nice place to meet people and to realize that there were good people from all different backgrounds.

[finds almanac]

Okay, here we go. Some other famous people from New Jersey include Jason Alexander, Samuel Alito, Judy Blume, Jon Bon Jovi, Aaron Burr, James Fenimore Cooper, Danny Devito, James Gandolfini, who grew up in my hometown. Ed Harris, who I played football against. Ed Marinaro, who I also played football against -- he was on Hill Street Blues. Antonin Scalia, Joe Pesci, Martha Stewart. Meryl Streep, who lived the same county. Her father owned a tire store. Woodrow Wilson was one of our governors, even though he was originally from Virginia.

[Dad continues to read from the almanac]

New Jersey is 47th in size. It was the site of many battles during the American Revolution. It was the first state to approve the Bill of Rights. It's famous for its shore -- not the beach -- the Jersey Shore.

Molly: Would you ever want to live in New Jersey again?
Dad: I don't think so. Now it's crowded and expensive and the weather is a lot harsher than it is here. I think I would probably like to live here, but it was a nice place to grow up. Oh! Also, Frank Sinatra and Jack Nicholson are from New Jersey? How do you like them apples? The state motto is "Liberty and Prosperity." And if you had asked me the state flower or the state bird, I would have known those, because I have it on a little trivet in the basement.