Thursday, September 3, 2009

My 500th Wiggle!

Well! It is my 500th blog post! Can you believe it? I certainly can. I feel every single one of those 500 entries deep within my bones. To celebrate, here is a cheerleader thing that I made:

She is cheering me on to victory. This craft came from a kit that cost $1. Apparently, if you spend $1 on a kit, then you get a bunch of yarn and felt and instructions that say “Make the thing look like it does in the picture.”

Anyhoo, I thought since it was the 500th blog we could look back in time a little bit. I started this blog in Seattle on Jan. 2, 2007, which probably aggravated me at the time cause I’m the kind of person that would have preferred to start on the first. Ah well. For the first five or so months, only my dear friend Matthew knew about the blog. Things I wrote about when only Matthew read my blog: books, spam email, things I ate for lunch, beverages I consumed, my horrible knee injury of 2007.

Matthew eventually told me that being the only reader was creepy, and so then I started telling other people. When other people started reading it, I started writing about other things, such as concerts and readings I went to, things that happened that day in history, Bryan Adams music videos, movies and television. Plus, the introduction of special guest bloggers! And I learned how to put pictures up!

Hey! Then do you remember when I decided to up and move back across the country? Oh, man I do. Cause I blogged all about it, from my annoying landlady to going to post office 25 times to mail all my books to the big drive cross country. Then I lived in Candler for two months, answering phones at Dad’s office, so I had plenty of time to blog blog blog. Mary Henry and Brad helped get me to my goal of 200 posts in one year, setting a deadly dangerous precedent for the next year.

And speaking of the next year, that’s when I got a job and moved to Atlanta! In Atlanta, I’ve pretty much blogged about things I’ve always blogged about, such as concerts and books and trips and award shows and pictures and whatnot, but in Atlanta I’ve had the additional advantage of writing about Chick-fil-a and its wondrous and creepy bad spelling cows.

Hey, speaking of the Chick-fil-a cows, yesterday I went to Chick-fil-a for lunch, and a guy dressed in the cow costume was in the store! He made a small child cry. A middle-aged man got really excited though, and whipped out his fancy phone for pictures with the cow. I was in a hurry, so I couldn’t stick around and give that cow a piece of my mind on his spelling habits, but that’s okay. I think if I had gotten much closer to that cow I would have cried like the small child. That cow was very big and wanted hugs.

So, several weeks ago, I realized that I was coming up on my 500th Wiggle. And I thought to myself, what sort of special thing should I do to celebrate this occasion? Immediately, the thought came to me, as if from somewhere outside my body: “That’s the post where you quit the blog. That’s your last post.” And I was like, whoa, that’s weird, I wasn’t even thinking about quitting the blog. But really, as soon as I had that thought, I knew it was the right thought. This is the last post.

Let me explain why this is the last post. When I started this blog, I was somewhat frustrated in my job. I was in a funk and needed a creative outlet. And the blog filled that need and became something special and fun in ways that I could have never imagined. It’s nice to hear that other people have enjoyed it, but at the end of the day, I didn’t really care if anyone read it. I wrote all the entries as if only I would read them, and I think that experience made me more creative and observant and disciplined in ways that I would be lacking in if I hadn’t kept the blog.

However, I am in a much different place now than I was when I started the blog For one thing, I’m like 33 months older. But I live in a different city and I have a much different job, one where I write something daily. It can be really hard to read and write for 8 or 9 hours and then come home and muster up the energy to read and write some more. But lately, when I do come home with that energy to write and create, I’m not inspired to pound out a blog entry. I’ve been trying to do the kind of writing that eventually becomes a short story or a book. I don’t know if any of it will ever become a proper short story or a published book, but that’s what I’m working on now.

I just tried to find a blog I read once where a writer explained why she quit her blog – it’s like, you start a blog because you love to write and see it as a gateway drug to bigger and better writing. But you never get to the big stuff because you’re so distracted by the blog. So that’s basically why I’m quitting the blog. Also, I find the internet more and more disappointing every day and it’s probably best I stay off it.

Anyhoo, I have no idea who reads the blog anymore. But thanks for reading. And please know that you can always email me or pick up the phone and chat. In some ways, that would be a really nice thing for me. When you write a blog, people kinda know what you’re up to, but you have no idea what other people are up to. It’s a very weird one-way mirror. But again, thanks for reading.

And now, to symbolize the end of the blog, here is a picture of me on a bulldozer, symbolically running it into the ground, but also digging up the fresh dirt that symbolizes a new beginning or something like that.

And here are some posts I consider my greatest wiggles:
First blog: http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2007/01/in-bloghouse.html

Knee injury: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8
Bryan Adams: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6

Why I am warped, Part II: Interviews with family: Dad, Mom, George, William, Dad again


Special guest bloggers/guest: Brad and Mary Henry, Matthew, George #1, George #2, George #3, William

Popetacular: #1, #2, #3, #4

Fun with stuffed animals: #1, #2, #3, #4
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Monday, August 24, 2009

books and pictures

Today on CNN, it was reported that Barack Obama took 5 books totaling 2300 pages with him on vacation. Well, I don’t know how many pages my books totaled, but I ended up taking 12 books and 10 magazines with me on my vacation. And of course I didn’t read them all. I just wanted to have the luxury of lots of choice. And I suppose it’s kind of a poor showing that I only read 2 books out of the 12. But what can I say. The activities schedule was pretty packed.

What was weird about the books I read on vacation was that they both ended up dealing with childhood sexual abuse even though I had no idea that that’s what either book would contain when I started them. So that may also be why I only read two books. Perhaps I was scared of starting another book that somehow also involved childhood sexual abuse, because then I would have had to question why I was buying all these books that somehow featured childhood sexual abuse without my knowing. What’s up with my subconscious?

Anyhoo, the two books I read were:
--Book #15: Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith by Martha Beck
--Book #16: Case Histories by Kate Atkinson

I chose “Leaving the Saints” cause I wanted to read about some crazy Mormons, and this memoir did not disappoint on that count. It’s about how Martha Beck, the lady who I hear appears on Oprah sometimes, relocated from Cambridge, MA to her childhood home of Utah. Her father is a bigwig in the Church of JC of LDS, so she re-explores her family’s religion while trying to come to grips with her own spiritual beliefs. It’s interesting enough as a memoir of faith. But then you have to throw the aforementioned childhood abuse in there; Beck alleges that her father molested her when she was young, something she repressed until adulthood. If you look at the reviews on Amazon, they’re pretty divided on whether this book is truthful or not, which seems like kind of a weird thing for strangers to debate but oh well. I can’t say I want to hang out with the lady, but the book was interesting enough to me.

Well, after reading the Mormon Memoir, I decided to switch over to fiction. I chose “Case Histories” because I’d heard it was a real page-turner. Eh, it was okay. It didn’t wow me. Basically there are three sets of characters and all of them have a decades-old mysterious death in their past and a private investigator tries to solve everything so that the families have closure. There was sexual abuse in this one too, as well as multiple families in which one child was loved way more than another one, which is not exactly a fun thing to read about at a family reunion. It really wasn’t a mystery as described in all the blurbs, though the characters that were wandering around the book were interesting enough. Even though when perspective changed, the author’s style didn’t, meaning that all these characters expressed their thoughts in parentheses (which made it hard to distinguish the differences between people). Just alright.

Hey, are you kind of depressed after reading about these sad books I read on vacation? Me too. Let’s look at vacation pictures to cheer ourselves up.

Abe Lincoln's boyhood home:

Lincoln birthplace memorial:

Lincoln statue in Hodgenville:

ZOOOM in:


Rough River Lake:

More of the lake:

Holding Mickey Mantle's bat:

Stealing some chicken from the colonel:
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Sunday, August 23, 2009

getting lucky in kentucky

Two weeks ago I was in the state of Kentucky, enjoying a big ol’ family reunion and vacation. Having spent the last week in that daze you experience once you get back from a vacation and have to re-enter the real world, I’m finally ready to write about this amazingly relaxing and refreshing week.

The ultimate destination was Rough River Dam State Resort Park, in western Kentucky, where we were meeting up with the Iowa branch of my dad’s family – my uncle, aunt and my two cousins, along with the spouse, two children and significant other that those two brought along (I guess for accuracy’s sake, my cousins don’t live in Iowa anymore. But they shall always be my Iowa cousins. Anyways). But the Candler branch of the family decided to take their time getting up to the state park so we could hit some Kentucky attractions.

First up: Maker’s Mark Distillery, which is in the middle of nowhere and has very limited visiting hours, which made getting there practically a race. Not helping matters, in my opinion, was my father’s new GPS system, which was named Greta. Anyone in my immediate family can probably speak for an hour about how much I hate Greta. Here I was, sitting in the back, with printed directions that were as good as Greta’s, and yet whenever Greta did something correct, like tell us to turn right, everyone was just amazed. I CAN DO THE SAME THING! I WANT COMPLIMENTS TOO!! And if I was wrong, man, I bet they’d really let me have it. Whereas when Greta was wrong or off, it was just chalked up as an endearing fault. Ugh, I hate this technology and I really don’t think we should become too dependent on it. But I digress. That is a lengthy topic for another time.

Anyways, Maker’s Mark was fun and located in a pretty spot. After a family argument about lunch that I shall not discuss here, we ate at a little café on the distillery grounds before our tour. We heard about the Maker’s Mark recipe, saw bourbon aging in the barrels, and then we had a little taste of the white dog that comes out of the barrels, before it’s diluted with water. My sister-in-law Courtney claimed it smelled like alcohol poisoning, and it didn’t taste much different than that, either. I think that burned off my tastebuds, leaving me unable to appreciate the Maker’s Mark. Or, it’s possible that bourbon just isn’t my drink. But it was cool to watch my brothers dip a bottle of Maker’s Mark in that distinctive red wax.

After Maker’s Mark, we headed off for another distillery called Heaven Hill. The tour at this one was a bit more informative as far as Kentucky Bourbon goes, and the place as a whole was a bit more swanky. But the bourbon still tasted gross to me. Oh well. All the other things I tasted that were made with bourbon, like candies and barbeque sauces and beer….those were all delicious!

After Heaven Hill we headed into Bardstown for the night. The only thing open in Bardstown past 5 p.m., it seems, is the Old Talbott Tavern, which is probably one of the coolest places I’ve eaten. The place was built in 1779, and all manners of famous people have been there, including native son Abraham Lincoln. There, we tasted Kentucky delicacies like Burgoo (a stew of sorts) and Kentucky Hot Browns, which is a sandwich dipped in like gravy sauce and topped with bacon. You know, healthy stuff!

The next day was all about Abraham Lincoln. From Bardstown we drove to his boyhood home at Knob Creek Farm. Well, it’s not actually his boyhood home, it’s a replica/reconstructed cabin, but the Park Service seems to think it’s in the right place and you can walk down to the creek where Abe almost drowned. A little further down the road is the more impressive birthplace site, which had a tearjerking introductory video, a massive monument built to enclose the cabin, and yet another little cabin, which again, is not the real, actual cabin but as close to the real thing as possible. This state has a lot of fake cabins, but you do get a real sense of what it might have been like to grow up in a tiny cabin with nothing around you, if only because the land is still so undeveloped.

Then it was off to the Abraham Lincoln Museum in Hodgenville, which has got to be the best three bucks I ever spent. The life story of Abraham Lincoln is depicted in dioramas featuring wax figures! I won’t put the pictures up here because I fear it could get me sued, but suffice it to say that it’s both awesome and creepy. We had to drag Dad out of the gift shop.

After loading up on some supplies at Wal-Mart, it was off to Rough River, where we spent a few days. I won’t go into detail on all the days, but most involved some combination of the following: yummy meals, sitting by/swimming in the pool, walks through the park, mini golf, real golf, card games, board games, swimming in the lake and riding on boats. One day, we headed to Mammoth Cave National Park, which, like the Lincoln Museum, was awesome and creepy, but in a different way of course. The two-hour tour we took was a real workout, cause we had to practically crawl through these tight spaces and then climb all these steps to get back out. I can’t imagine being the first person who decided it was a good idea to go into a cold, dark, underground cave.

Overall, the reunion was just great, a relaxing fun time, and it was nice to spend so much quality time with that side of the family, as I don’t get to see them that often. Plus, Kentucky is a beautiful state. I was very impressed with it.

On the way back to Candler, we attempted to squeeze in a few more Kentucky attractions. We drove to Louisville to hit up (pun intended) the Louisville Slugger Museum. We went on a tour to see how they make the bats, and it was pretty cool. They show you all the choices that a player can make, and then they put a piece of wood into a machine and boom….there’s a bat.

On our way out of town, my family very patiently indulged me as we stopped at my beloved Half Price Books, which has like 10 locations in the greater Seattle area yet NONE in the south. Please, Half Price Books honchos, if you read this, please please please come to Atlanta. That Louisville one is the closest one to me and I really think that’s unacceptable. I think I can guarantee that if you come to Atlanta, my purchases alone will keep you in business.

Once I had bought enough to keep me in books for the rest of the year, we made the long drive back to Candler, stopping one last time in Corbin, KY, the site of the first Kentucky Fried Chicken. I’m not a huge fan of KFC, but I can tell you that if you eat at the one in Corbin, it will taste better than all other KFC you’ve ever had in your life combined. The ghost of the Colonel must hover overhead, ensuring that the chicken, biscuits and sides are just extra delicious. And that concludes the account of my Kentucky vacation.
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Monday, August 3, 2009

Book #14: Infinite Jest

Alright, so people have started to notice that I have not posted in a good long while. Hopefully this post will explain why, in part. The thing is, I have been very busy reading “Infinite Jest,” which is a book that has more than 1000 pages if you count the endnotes. Lots of people have been reading “Infinite Jest” this summer thanks to the online book group at Infinite Summer. Well, as you likely know, I can’t stand not having read a book that many other people had read, so I decided to join in. But I decided to make it even harder on myself—while the Infinite Summer readers were taking from June 21st to Sept. 22nd to read the book, I wanted to go a little faster. I made it my goal to read “Infinite Jest” in just one month: July 1 to July 31.

To do this, one has to read about 30 pages a day, and woe unto me if I skipped a day because of like, a social life, because then I was attempting to read 60 or so pages a day. And these aren’t the kinds of pages you read real fast; there’s a lot of contemplating and trying to figure out what’s going on. Now, I didn’t have to do it this way, but I wanted to, so I’ve been reading a lot and that’s part of why I haven’t been blogging lately.

Well, I’ll just go ahead and admit that I didn’t finish the book til last night, August 2, two days off the goal mark, but oh well. I’m still glad I read at the pace I did, because I think that if I hadn’t set aside such large chunks of time to read this book, I might have given up on this book like so many others do. But because I kept going at quite a clip, I think I got to a place of acceptance with it faster, and it became like this dedicated mental exercise time, when I sat down to read. A recent blogger at Infinite Summer likened it to yoga, and I completely agree.

And I ended up really loving it, and being absolutely in awe of how David Foster Wallace’s brain worked (and of course, at the same time, sad about how his brain worked, as he committed suicide last year and lots of the book deals with awful awful depression, but that’s not what I want to focus on). Some days, this book made me want to write my own book, and some days, I felt it was useless to even call myself a writer because what could I ever produce that would match this? It’s such a weird, funny, scary, heartbreaking world he created in this book. The plot is impossible to summarize, but it involves a tennis academy, alcohol and drug addiction, filmmaking, depression, alienation and Quebec separatists.

“Infinite Jest” seems like one of those books that people think they’re not smart enough to read, but all the intro posts to the book posted at Infinite Summer were a big help. Then it was nice to see what other people thought, but then, thanks to my advanced reading schedule, I zoomed ahead of everyone, and stopped checking the internet for what people thought. Then, last night, after I finished, I finally checked the internet again to see if my understanding of the book was remotely close to what I was “supposed” to think, and it seems like I did okay in terms of understanding everything, which is good, I guess, but I suppose that’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to worry about, and the fact that I’m even giving myself the intellectual pat on the back now seems kind of weird. But I guess what I’m saying is that if you’ve ever been intimidated by the book, you shouldn’t be. The things you’re supposed to understand, you do, and the things that aren’t addressed or resolved, well, they’re good in their own way too. I think I’ll be re-reading passages in this book for days and months to come, if not re-reading it altogether, which is an impulse I very rarely have about a book; usually I consider re-reading to be a waste when there are so many other books to be read.

So that’s what I’ve been doing: reading a really really long book in a short timeframe. And if that’s not enough for you, I’ll show you something else I’ve been working on in the last few months. It’s a cross-stitch of Pope John Paul II!!!!!!


At the top you see what it will be one day, and at bottom you see where I am with it now. I have a headless pope. But this is what I like to do while I watch junky tv, when I wasn't reading Infinite Jest or at work or hanging out with people. So hopefully now all my time is accounted for. And as a warning---I'm going on vacation starting Friday where I will be blissfully internet-free, so hopefully this post can tide y'all over for awhile.
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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

animal cruelty

Today I was driving home from work, and there was a truck going in the opposite direction. The truck driver stuck his head out the window and let loose a big old gob of spit, which landed right on my windshield. It was so gross. Grosser, I think, than having a bird poop on the windshield, because I have higher expectations from humans than I do from birds.

One time, I was walking down the street in Seattle, and this guy walking past me let loose some spit. I guess he was aiming for the ground, but since there was a slight breeze, the spit stayed aloft and hit me right on the arm. Neither the dude nor the lady he was with thought it was that big a deal, if the half-hearted apology I got was any indication. I suppose it's possible they were on drugs. People spit all over the sidewalks of Seattle. There's not as much walking around in Atlanta as there is in Seattle, but today I learned that even if you don't have to see everyone's deposits of spit on the sidewalk, then you still might have to see them on your very own car.

Look, I didn't mean to get off on such a spitting tangent. I am tired. The whole reason I started to blog was to share this picture of how I was cruel to my fish this past weekend. I thought it might help keep the little guy in line if I put a package of tuna fish right next to his bowl. As you can see from his body language, of keeping still and facing straight ahead, he was not amused. I probably made a bigger deal than I should have in making and eating those tuna fish sandwiches.


Geez, now that I am writing about what I put poor Alvin through, I feel I kind of deserved that spit globule. I am the worst fish owner in the world. I am sorry, Alvin. I promise to never chunk you up and mix you with mayonnaise, dijon mustard, onion and relish for a sandwichy treat, no matter how hungry I may get. Please don't spit on me.
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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

images of america

As I mentioned in my last post, I went dishwasher shopping with my parents this past weekend. When we were walking up to Home Depot, on the day before the 4th of July, I was very struck by this image:
I think this picture encapsulates the American Dream, which to me, clearly, is flag + tractor. Actually, it's about owning a home with a yard that requires a tractor, and a trip to a nice American-owned business like Home Depot means you have the financial security to acquire such an item. Or something like that. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, because taking pictures in a parking lot is quite a dangerous thing to do.

What other images of America did I capture over the holiday weekend? Well, here is a picture of a grill with all sorts of meat on it, along with some spiced pierogies:


What, you think that the grilled meat could be made more American by the addition of a beer, some french fries and a little ketchup? Me, too:

And last but not least, here is a kitten playing a video game:

You may notice that even though this is a post full of images of America, there is only one American flag. Well, that is because everyone in Candler, NC was violating the flag code, which I read up on as preparation for the 4th. You have to take your flags down at night if they're not properly illuminated, people!
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Monday, July 6, 2009

important life lessons

Well, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that it was tough to go back to work today, after a nice, long, holiday weekend. I spent my 4th of July in Candler with the family. Though our activities mostly involved eating, I was still able to learn lots of things on my trip home. I decided to blog about all the things I learned, each day. Here we go.

Thursday: In which I drive from Atlanta to Candler, eat at Mellow Mushroom with my brothers and go to a Jenny Lewis concert with my brother George.

I learned that…..
….Atlanta traffic is not that bad if you get to leave work at 1 p.m.
…..Ronde the cat is still impossibly cute
…..Tiki the cat is still rather grumpy when I am around
…..my brother William is starting to look and act eerily like my father.
…..waitresses who show up for their Mellow Mushroom shift directly after “gardening” are often too spacey to be very effective in serving.
…..the Mellow Mushroom in Asheville was out of nearly every local beer.
…..my brother William has some frightening sort of mojo or reverse psychology that can make me agree to eating Hawaiian pizza when I really want to eat White Pizza.
…….it’s better to just compromise and order two pizzas, particularly if one of the pizzas is a White pizza.
….short people who are pissy about having to stand behind taller people at a concert should get to the concert earlier
....the Heartless Bastards are a good opening band, and the lead singer of that band looks like a Muppet.
….a new stylish look, as worn by Jenny Lewis, is a cut-up white t-shirt with a black bra underneath.
….Tecate is a tasty beer suitable for performers, as evidenced by Jenny Lewis’s enthusiasm for it.
…..Jenny Lewis posters are nigh-impossible to get, as they sold out just before I was able to buy one for my brother, and none of the staff members were willing to get the one out of the locked marquee for us.

Friday: I ate coffee cake, cold cuts and chicken, went shopping with my parents and sat on the porch.
I learned that……
….Sara Lee coffee cake is delicious
…..I might be allergic to Ronde the kitten
….shopping for dishwashers is difficult
….dishwasher salesmen might be creepier than car salesmen
….trying on hats at antique stores is fun
….if Hardee’s is out of lids for their medium-sized cups, they will upgrade you to a large.
…..a large soda at Hardee’s is way more soda than any person has a right to drink
…..sitting out on the porch, in weather that was at least ten degrees cooler than Atlanta, is delightful.
….Ronde can climb trees
……my mom used to win roller-skating competitions and win a giant Hershey’s bar for her efforts
….if you let the boys cook, they will come up with something delicious, thus meaning that they should always cook while the ladies sip drinks on the proch
…3 adults can easily polish off 3 bottles of wine.

Saturday: A day to celebrate America by eating and watching things.
I learned that….
…..Tecate is more delicious than I remembered. Thanks for the tip, Jenny Lewis.
…..pierogies with spicy seasoning cooked on the grill are delicious
….how to make ribs from my brother’s father-in-law. Sorta.
…the renovated movie theater on Hendersonville road is awesome, because it has all these big comfy couches and footrests.
…The Hangover is an immensely funny movie
…..when you hear a rustling in trees near the house, it’s best to assume that it’s a bear.
…fireworks that emit a loud boom without also emitting any beautiful sparkles are awful fireworks and should not even be sold.
…..there was much I did not know about our nation’s first sixteen presidents, thanks to the History Channel’s marathon of “The Presidents.”
….the History Channel thinks that Jimmy Carter succeeded Abraham Lincoln in the presidency, if the way they ordered the episodes of “The Presidents” is any indication.
….I get too tired to stay up til 4 a.m. to watch the entirety of any television marathon, even if it is about the presidents.

Sunday: I ate some things, read some stuff, and drove back to Atlanta.
I learned that….
…..my mom can make a mean breakfast sandwich
….the show “Rome Reports” is a must if you like popes, and if you get that channel about Catholics, which my parents do.
….reading “Infinite Jest” while your parents watch the Wimbledon finals is kind of weird.
…ribs are delicious
…..it’s best to shower after you eat ribs
….though you may be expecting heavy traffic on the last day of a holiday weekend, it won’t come in the spots that you expect.
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Thursday, July 2, 2009

Guacamolly!!!!!

Oh man, last night as I was drifting off to sleep I had realized that I should have titled my last post GUACAMOLLY. That's what I'm going to call guacamole from now on. You try it too and see if anyone says anything. Guacamolly. I just googled it and apparently other people have already thought of it, but since I came to the idea independently I shall still claim it as my own.

Anyways, I was too tired to get up and edit the title of the last post, so I am posting this as an addendum to the last post. Unfortunately, no dreams about guacamolly pools and popcorn stars last night. Instead, I dreamt that Sarah Palin made fun of me and that I did this really fancy dance down a flight of stairs. If this dance were to be performed in real life, it would likely result in a broken neck, so in dreams it shall stay.
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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

a dream is a wish your heart makes

You know how people tell you to have "sweet dreams"? Well, last night, I definitely had a sweet dream. Actually, sweet and savory. I dreamt that I was floating on a giant tortilla chip in a pool filled with guacamole. I could break off little pieces of the tortilla chip and get some guacamole without ruining my raft. The moon was a chocolate chip cookie and the stars were made of popcorn. Here is a drawing depicting my dream:

Dreamers's note: I did not dream that there was an ice cream cone next to the pool of guacamole. It was just something I added in while I was drawing, because it seemed like a good thing to have there.
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

why don't you climb down off that movie screen

I have a long-standing blog tradition, which is every six months, I list all the films that I’ve seen for the first time in the previous six months. It is that time of year again, and even though I am uncomfortably full of cheeseburgers and beer, I shall review the films watched in the first half of 2009. Think about that people. 2009 is half over. What do I have to show for it? Well, for one, I have these 31 films.

1. Made of Honor
When I watch movies with Patrick Dempsey, I get to reminisce about the time I stood less than a foot away from him in Seattle. He was so beautiful. I think he should be in all the romantical comedies.

2. Fred Claus
For a film that included Vince Vaughan, Paul Giamatti and Kevin Spacey, it probably could have been better. But as a kids’ Christmas film, it also could have been a lot worse. So I was pleased with the effort, particularly the origin story of Santa and Fred at the beginning.

3. Step Brothers
I probably shouldn’t have let myself get my hopes up, because I’ve been burned too badly by Will Farrell and/or John C. Reilly (oh, Walk Hard…). I remember laughing kinda hard at something in this movie, but now I don’t even remember what it was. Probably not a good sign.

4. Smart People
Wasn’t impressed.

5. Definitely, Maybe
Man, combine the charm of Ryan Reynolds and the sassy precociousness of Abigail Breslin, with a few little dabs of Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz, and you have a very enjoyable two hours. On the one hand, I was kind of surprised that it wasn’t a bigger hit, but on the other hand, it’s not like I ran out to the theaters and watched it. I watched it on DVD.

6. Night at the Museum
Oh man, I thought I would like it because I like museums, and how can you go wrong with a movie about a museum? But I ended up adoring this movie. Even Robin Williams, who has become fairly annoying in most every movie these days, was enjoyable to watch.

7. Igor
I don’t even remember watching this movie, which is pretty rare for me as far as John Cusack movies are concerned. But I watched it during what was probably my worst week ever in a good long time, and there was so much going on that I think this got crowded out of my brain space.

8. He’s Just Not That Into You
I enjoyed watching this movie, because there were a lot of likeable people in the cast, but my main problem is that the whole premise of the book/movie is that you shouldn’t sit around waiting to suddenly be the love of someone’s life all of a sudden, because that’s not the way things happen. And the movie is built around teaching the characters that, but in the end, they get what they want anyways, even though the book/movie was about teaching them that they couldn’t have those things. Was that supposed to be ironic?

9. The Bank Job
I liked this movie a lot.

10. Iron Man
I liked this movie too, but it was kinda long for my taste.

11. Sunshine Cleaning
It’s definitely a weak movie where plot’s concerned, but I thought Amy Adams was great.

12. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
In some ways, this movie made me wish I was a teenager who lived in New York City. In other ways, this movie made me very glad I wasn’t a teenager anymore. Though if I was a teenager who knew Michael Cera…..well, I could probably deal with that.

13. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
It was okay for what it was. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me that people that destitute would spend so much on equipment and other things necessary for making a porno, but I guess if you can buy into that premise it’s not so bad.

14. Rachel Getting Married
Man, aren’t you glad you didn’t have to go to that wedding? What an annoying wedding, what with all that singing and dancing and the long speeches and the faux intellectualism. I mean, some might say that Anne Hathaway’s character is a train wreck who ruins everything around her, but if I were at that wedding, I’d want some relief from all the pretentiousness.

15. Milk
I don’t know how anyone could have doubted that Sean Penn would win the Oscar. I liked this one quite a bit.

16. My Kid Could Paint That
I liked this documentary very much. It’s about modern art and a four-year-old prodigy, and the questions that start to arise about whether the child actually did the work. Was it the frustrated artist father? I kinda think so.

17. The Wrestler
I had pretty high hopes based on the reviews and wasn’t that blown away. Mainly I was just made uncomfortable my all the staple guns and breaking glass and whatnot. I used to really like wrestling when I was little, because it had all those outsized personalities, but I never really associated it with pain, if that makes sense. More like dancing with storylines. Mickey Rourke was impressive, but I wasn’t outraged at his Oscar loss as some people were.

18. Frost/Nixon
I liked Sean Penn in “Milk” an awful lot, but I would not have been sad if Frank Langella had won the Best Actor Oscar. I wish all movies could have a retired President wandering around in them. Even if it’s not based on fact at all. Here’s how I see this working: two characters have lunch at a café, and discuss an issue of some importance to one of the characters. Then Millard Fillmore wanders by and asks them if they want refills. And you have sort of comforting sense that an ex-president is nearby. Think about it.

19. The King of Kong
I don’t know much about video games, but this documentary about breaking video game records made me briefly care about them.

20. What Happens in Vegas
Sometimes I forget how entertaining Ashton Kutcher is.

21. Patty Hearst
One day, feeling sad that Natasha Richardson had died, I was adding a lot of her movies to my Netflix queue. I noticed this one, considered one of her breakout roles, was only available instantly. Being interested in the story of Patty Hearst, I sat down and watched it then and there. Intriguing. Not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but interesting. Now I’m looking forward to some Patty Hearst documentaries that are in the queue.

22. The Nanny Diaries
I have really fond memories of reading the book “The Nanny Diaries,” which I did while I was studying abroad at Oxford. We had to go on a really long bus trip to Scotland and when there wasn’t any scenery, I read this book and was enchanted by it. I didn’t really have any plans to see the movie, because I’m not the biggest Scarlett Johansson fan, but then I watched the “John Adams” miniseries, and I immediately wanted to see everything that Paul Giamatti had even touched, which is how I ended up finally watching this movie. I have to say: eh.

23. Last Chance Harvey
Sometimes Dustin Hoffman seems so weird and mannered in interviews that I lose all desire to watch him in movies. But with Emma Thompson to balance him out in this endeavor, I was okay. Better than okay actually…somewhat enchanted by this short, sweet film.

24. Wendy and Lucy
I’m not a dog person, so this indie film about losing a dog was a little hard to identify with, but I think Michelle Williams did a fabulous job. But don’t watch it unless you’re up for a good dose of hopelessness.

25. Troop Beverly Hills
I wanted to see Jenny Lewis in her younger days.

26. Pineapple Express
I like it when cast members of “Freaks and Geeks” work together. I thought it was just alright, though.

27. Doubt
Holy cow. Meryl Streep was so good in this movie, I thought. I wish her character could be in every movie too, like the ex-presidents, just wandering around and saying things sharply.

28. The Proposal
This movie made me all warm and fuzzy. I found myself helpless against the combined charisma of Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.

29. The Doors
This movie made me never ever want to do drugs. I think they should show it to kids who are pondering taking drugs, because I think it would make them not want to do it. I mean, I even felt like I was on drugs while I was watching this movie and I did not feel well afterward.

30. Blades of Glory
I remember finding one line in this movie REALLY funny, but I just read all the Memorable Quotes for this movie on IMDB.com and I can’t find that funny line. I just watched this movie a few days ago, so that’s probably not a very good sign for my memory. But in reading all those memorable quotes, I found another one that I liked:
Chazz (Will Farrell): Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy (Napoleon Dynamite): Did you just say mind-bottling? Chazz: Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?

31. Confessions of a Shopaholic
Okay, so I REALLY like the Shopaholic books, so I was bound to be disappointed by the movie, right? Probably, and I was disappointed. Isla Fisher was good, but here were my problems:
1. The love interest did not look or act anything like I pictured.
2. I did not like the filmmakers changing the setting from London to New York.
3. They crammed several of the books together. This does not bother me because I don’t think they need to make a sequel…but it left some gaping holes in plot.
4. Somehow, it’s easier to sympathize and root for a character who shops compulsively when you’re reading her thoughts. When you’re just watching her, it’s very hard to care. A few monologues by Isla does not explain why the character has this shopping problem. Just something that’s easier to read, I guess.
5. That’s all I have right now.
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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Book #13: Bait and Switch

I don’t know why I decided to read “Bait and Switch: The (Futile) Pursuit of the American Dream” by Barbara Ehrenreich. Perhaps it was because it looked like a quick read, and I’m about to dive into a big book. Perhaps because it seems like the kind of book that if you don’t read soon after its published, it becomes too dated to read. Perhaps because I liked “Nickel and Dimed,” Ehrenreich’s most famous book. All I know is that after reading “Bait and Switch,” I’m terribly depressed about the job market and pretty fed up with Barbara Ehrenreich.

Here’s the premise of the book: having gone undercover with the working class in “Nickel and Dimed,” Ehrenreich decides to go undercover with the middle class with a white collar job. She gives herself a few months to find a job in the corporate world, and then she will work at this job for a few more months, to learn all of the corporate world’s secrets, and then she will quit. So she fashions a fake resume and goes about doing the kind of job-searching things that make great book anecdotes, like going to a religious networking event and getting a wacky career coach and getting a makeover.

Now, here’s the thing that made this book so hard to read: Ehrenreich’s immense derision for everything that doesn’t fit within her prescribed world view practically drips off every page. I just kept thinking, man, it must be exhausting to be Barbara Ehrenreich because you never get to have any fun. To make matters worse, one of the places that she did her job-searching was Atlanta, so she took some potshots at Atlanta that seemed a little unfair. Perhaps not unfair, but it just showed how little research she did in the course of her journalistic undertaking. Perhaps research doesn’t make a good book anecdote.

The process of being unemployed and looking for a job is one that many, including myself, can relate with. But it quickly became tiresome reading Ehrenreich’s complaints, particularly when you consider that she really shouldn’t get an interview or a 60k a year job on the basis of her slightly exaggerated resume. Boo hoo Barbara. She rambles for 200 pages and then ends with a call for better unemployment insurance and universal health care. Hope that wasn’t a spoiler for anyone.

While I couldn’t stand Ehrenreich’s condescension to everyone who wasn’t her, I will say that this book was immensely useful in one important way: it made me want to stay at my job for a good long time, if only because this book was like an awful nightmare flashback to what job hunting is like. And I do think that the difficulty of finding a job that pays you enough to live the American Dream is a worthy topic. It’s just not a topic that Ehrenreich should have left her pearl-crusted room to undertake.
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Happy anniversary, New Jersey

Almost every day, I check to see what happened on that particular day in history. If I find something that's relevant to me, or something that I'm interested in, I try to write about it. Last week, I was looking at upcoming events in history, and I noted that on June 24, 1664, the colony of New Jersey was founded. That is relevant to me, because New Jersey is where my dad grew up.

The whole family went to New Jersey when we were little, but the only thing I remember is that at the hotel we stayed at, you could get a Belgian waffle with ice cream on top at the breakfast buffet. So I decided to call up my resident expert on New Jersey to learn some interesting factoids about this state. Below, I share my findings:

Molly: First off, the issue on everyone’s mind. How are Tiki and Ronde doing?
Dad: They are fine. They're starting to get a little closer, but there's still some hissing.

Molly: Okay, before we start, I want to make sure you’re really from New Jersey. So tell us what the state insect is.
Dad: Hmmm. Praying mantis?
Molly: I'm sorry, it's the European honey bee.
Dad: Oh.

Molly: Tell us some interesting facts about New Jersey.
Dad: Well, in 1976, the year of the bicentennial, New Jersey was the third largest state, but the most densely populated. Only 37 percent of the state was actually inhabited.

Molly: Why was 63 percent of it uninhabited?
Dad: There are a lot of pine forests, and the meadowlands, a lot of which they've gotten rid of now. Back then it was a swamp.

Molly: Any other interesting facts?
Dad: Well, it's called the Garden State because it's known for its truck gardens. The farmers would put their produce in their trucks and take it to market.

Molly: How did your parents end up in New Jersey?
Dad: My dad had a job in New York City, so before I was born, they lived there. But as my brother and sister started to get older, and when my mom was pregnant with me, my dad decided to move out to the country. And New Jersey at the time was the country. They moved to Westwood.

Molly: What was Westwood like?
Dad: Westwood was a small town that had a railroad running through it. It was a nice little town at that point. It's still a nice little town.

Molly: How does Westwood compare to other towns in New Jersey?
Dad: It was very middle class. In that part of New Jersey, one little town runs into another little town all the way to New York City. Some of those towns were more working class, some of them were very affluence, but Westwood was very middle class.

Molly: What was it like to grow up in New Jersey?
Dad: It was the kind of town that when I was little, I could ride bikes all over town. Things were very accessible. There were a lot of kids in the neighborhood, so it was easy to ride your bike and meet up with everyone to play baseball or to play football or to play army. Or we'd all ride our bikes somewhere together. But there were a lot less diversions back then. There was no internet. There were only a few channels on television.

Molly: You mentioned sports. Do you have a favorite New Jersey sports team?
Dad: This is something that bugs me. My favorite New Jersey sports team is called the New York Jets. They're called that, and they started in New York, but they play in New Jersey at the Meadowlands.

Molly: Did you have to leave the state due to illicit dealings with the mafia?
Dad: No.
Molly: Did you ever see any people who were in the mafia?
Dad: One time I went to a house where the guy had an indoor swimming pool, and that guy was reportedly in the mafia. Then there was a guy across the street, he was the head of a union, and he might have been in the mafia. But when I was in the newspaper when I was little for collecting political buttons, that guy called me over and gave me a button. And now that button sells for like $400 or $500.
Molly: You don't think he was trying to buy your silence?
Dad: Nah, it wasn't worth that much in 1964.
Molly: Well, I hope he doesn't see this blog and try to come after you.
Dad: I'm sure he's dead. If the mafia didn't get him, then old age did.

Molly: If the aliens were to come down to earth, and they wanted to know the best things to see and do in New Jersey, what things would you tell them to see?
Dad: We have great delicatessens and great homemade ice cream stores. We have nice little towns with nice downtown areas. People think New Jersey is nothing but concrete, but I grew up in a small town with white picket fences, the kind of town where I could ride my bike. Then later, I could walk to the bars when I was home from school.

Molly: I know you like state quarters. Do you have any comments on the New Jersey State quarter?
Dad: It's an excellent quarter. It shows George Washington crossing the Delaware from New Jersey to attack the British.

Molly: Are there any other New Jersey historical factoids you'd like to share?
Dad: The area where I was originally home to a lot of Indians, and then it was settled by the Dutch. Since the Dutch settled lots of New Jersey, there are lots of Dutch names up there. It was known as the Pascack Valley, and there was a team that called itself the Pascack Valley Indians. That may be insensitive today, but it was to honor the Indians in the area we grew up in.

Molly: True or false: Bruce Springsteen is the greatest person --other than you -- to come out of New Jersey.
Dad: False. We have lots more interesting people like Bruce Willis. Hold on, I'm going to go get my almanac so I can tell you some famous people from New Jersey. Like Charles Lindbergh. He lived there when his kid got stolen. Now Bruce Springsteen may be a friend of New Jersey, and he's certainly more famous than me, but I wouldn't put him at the greatest.

[Dad is still trying to find his almanac at this point]

Another great thing about growing up in New Jersey is that we had many different nationalities and religions represented. IT was a nice place to meet people and to realize that there were good people from all different backgrounds.

[finds almanac]

Okay, here we go. Some other famous people from New Jersey include Jason Alexander, Samuel Alito, Judy Blume, Jon Bon Jovi, Aaron Burr, James Fenimore Cooper, Danny Devito, James Gandolfini, who grew up in my hometown. Ed Harris, who I played football against. Ed Marinaro, who I also played football against -- he was on Hill Street Blues. Antonin Scalia, Joe Pesci, Martha Stewart. Meryl Streep, who lived the same county. Her father owned a tire store. Woodrow Wilson was one of our governors, even though he was originally from Virginia.

[Dad continues to read from the almanac]

New Jersey is 47th in size. It was the site of many battles during the American Revolution. It was the first state to approve the Bill of Rights. It's famous for its shore -- not the beach -- the Jersey Shore.

Molly: Would you ever want to live in New Jersey again?
Dad: I don't think so. Now it's crowded and expensive and the weather is a lot harsher than it is here. I think I would probably like to live here, but it was a nice place to grow up. Oh! Also, Frank Sinatra and Jack Nicholson are from New Jersey? How do you like them apples? The state motto is "Liberty and Prosperity." And if you had asked me the state flower or the state bird, I would have known those, because I have it on a little trivet in the basement.
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Monday, June 22, 2009

Introducing Ronde!!

Even though I was afflicted with a terrible illness on Thursday and Friday, I still managed to make it up to North Carolina to spend Father’s Day weekend with my dear old dad. And boy, am I glad I made it, because something big happened at our house this weekend!

Our Saturday started off normally enough. Dad goes out to breakfast and to the flea market with his buddies every Saturday, but since it was Father’s Day weekend, William, Mom and me went him instead. Breakfast was at J&S Cafeteria, and it was epic. Probably four pounds of breakfast meat was consumed between the four of us. Then it was off to the flea market. Great deals were found by all.

Then we decided to stop by Michaels, the arts and crafts superstore, because there was a seasonal centerpiece that Mom wanted to show me. Michaels is right next to a pet store; two weeks ago, my family saw an adorable little kitten at that pet store and they have not stopped talking about that kitten since. As we pulled into the parking lot, Dad and William agreed that if the kitten was still there, he was coming home with us. Even Mom, who doesn’t like having to worry about new cats coming in and scratching things, said it was okay if the cat came home, mainly because she thought that kitten had long since been adopted.

Well, Dad didn’t even go into Michaels with everyone else. He ran straight to the pet store and guess what—the kitten was still there!! But since flea market days start very early---you have to be at the cafeteria at 6 am so you can get to the flea market before the good things are gone---we figured we weren’t going to be able to hold the kitten, because the adoption ladies weren’t due to show up for a few more hours. This made me sad because this kitten truly was the most adorable cat I had ever seen. Luckily for us, though, an adoption lady showed up early! While you could tell that she just wanted to set up and get things ready, she let us play with the kitten. And, because that kitten was just too cute to give back, she let us go ahead and start the adoption process a few hours early!

Dad had to fill out eleventy billion papers, probably more adoption papers than Madonna had to fill out when she adopted her orphans from Malawi. While he did all the paperwork, William and I traded off holding the kitten and tried to think of some names. Eventually we got to go home, and the little guy was just captivated by the world. So captivated that he pooped in the box.

But now, as loyal readers know, Mom and Dad already have one cat at home that we all dearly love – lil’ Tiki. Tiki is, how you say, spoiled rotten. So she was none too happy to see this little version of herself show up in the house, and I don’t know that we did a great job introducing the two because there was some hissing involved. No one wanted to go with my idea, which was trying to make Tiki think that she had given birth to the kitten. How would I have done that? By getting Tiki so sick that she threw up, then quickly covering the kitten in vomit and presenting it to Tiki. Then she would care for it as if it were her own. Genius, right? Sadly, we did not use this idea.

During the introduction process, my heart was torn in half. On the one hand, the experience brought up some subconscious memories of what it was like to be an only child, the sole apple of my parents’ eye, until one day when they brought my baby brother home. My life was never the same. So I knew how Tiki was feeling. But on the other hand, Tiki has never been that nice to me. She has a tendency to scratch me and never let me pet her, whereas the new kitten had already proved to be an affectionate lovebug. So while I knew how the first cat felt, the second cat was rapidly stealing my heart.

Over a lunch of hot dogs, we decided to name the kitten Ronde. As you might remember, Tiki is named for Tiki Barber, who played football for Dad’s alma mater, the University of Virginia. Ronde is the name of Tiki’s twin brother; the name Oronde means first-born son in Swahili. For the rest of the day, Tiki was moody, while Ronde was adorable.

Since we decided that Tiki should get to sleep at the foot of Mom and Dad’s bed, per usual, so that she didn't feel like she'd been replaced, I got to take little Ronde up to my bedroom for the night. Ronde woke up every two hours, which made me very tired, but every time Ronde woke me up, he’d try to make it up to me by putting his little paws on either side of my face and giving me little cat kisses. Geez. I just don’t know if I’m getting across how frickin adorable this little guy is.

Tiki was none too pleased when Ronde and I emerged the next day; perhaps she thought it was a bad dream and the kitten would be gone in the morning. I had to leave the cats to come back to Atlanta, but I hope that by the next time I return, they’ll have become good buddies. My greatest fear is that Tiki will tell Ronde not to be so sweet to me. But hopefully Ronde will have better persuasive skills, and I will have two cat friends in Candler.

I couldn’t get a great picture of Ronde, one that captures all his cuteness. Here he is with his eyes closed:
And this is not a very good picture of me, but at least Ronde has his eyes open:

And this is how Tiki looked all weekend. She literally shot green lasers of hate at all of us.
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

this day in popes

As we all know, I just love popes. In fact, if it seems like I haven’t been blogging too much lately, it’s because I’ve been spending a fair amount of spare time cross-stitching the likeness of Pope John Paul II. If you have never cross-stitched before, I can tell you that it takes hours and hours for it to look like you’ve done anything at all, but it is a good activity to do while you watch junky summer television.

Anyhoo, one of the reasons I’m big on popes is the concept of infallibility, which as super powers go, is a pretty good one. However, papal infallibility is a relatively new concept, brought about by Pope Pius IX. And today we shall discuss good ol’ Pius IX, because it was on this day in history in 1846 that he was elected pope.

Things started getting exciting as soon as Pius IX was elected pope, and I mean that literally, because Pius’s election was confirmed at nighttime, so there was no chance to spread the word about what had actually happened during the conclave. People assumed that this other guy had been elected pope, and as per tradition, the other guy’s pals went to his home and burned all his vestments because he would get new papal ones. Then, the next day, they find out that actually, that other guy wasn’t elected pope. AWKWARD.

Pius IX came into office at a tricky time during Italy’s history – the Risorgimento, or unification of Italy. At first, it looked like Pius IX was a liberal pope in favor of unification, because he did things like install streetlights and railroads, which his predecessor wouldn’t do because he claimed that the world should remain exactly as God made it. Pius also granted asylum to political prisoners and got the Austrians out of Italy. Though he was super popular, Pius IX didn’t want to be some sort of symbol for unification. By 1848, he had given a speech that writer Eamon Duffy, in his book “Saints and Sinners: A History of the Popes,” called “a douche of icy water on the overheated enthusiasm which had surrounded his first two years as pope.” What an awesome sentence.

Anyways, people didn’t like the papal states holding up the unification process, so Pius IX went from super popular to super unpopular. Then Pius IX’s papal minster was assassinated. So Pius IX disguised himself as a priest, which I guess was not really that much of a disguise at all, and fled to Naples. By this point, Pius IX saw people working for unification as working for the devil, while he of course, worked for the Lord. Eventually Pius IX returned to Rome and the papal states fell. This is part of why papal infallibility came about. Because the pope lost so much political power in the transition, many people wanted to grant him increased spiritual power.

But before Pius IX pushed through infallibility for himself, he had some other things to attend to. One of his biggest accomplishments was the dogma of immaculate conception, as well as a publication entitled the “Syllabus of Errors,” which I think we must all agree is one of the most wonderful titles of anything in the history of the world. He was involved in this bizarre situation whereby a Jewish boy was taken from his parents, baptized as a Christian, and then kept away from his parents based on some rule that Christians couldn’t be raised by Jews; one of my pope books includes an anecdote of the pope playing hide-and-seek with the boy under his papal robe, a regrettable description in the light of recent sexual abuse in the church. Pius IX also called Vatican I, arguably in the top two as far as Vatican councils go. Pius IX was the first pope to be photographed, and he also got all this work done while suffering from epilepsy.

However, by the time he died, Pius IX was not liked that much. He spent his last years as the “prisoner of the Vatican,” which is not too bad a gig, and Pius actually did quite a bit in terms of sprucing up St. Peter’s and the Vatican. Still, he considered himself a prisoner because he didn’t like the financial arrangements or power structures that were offered to him after the Risorgimento. When his dead body was being moved to its burial place, people threw rocks at the procession and tried to throw his body into the Tiber River.

Despite all the controversy, though, John Paul II beatified him in 2000; one has to wonder if John Paul II thought that he would break Piux IX’s record as longest-serving pope (after Saint Peter). However, John Paul II only served as pope for almost 27 years, meaning that Pius IX is still the longest-serving pope, at a whopping 31 years and 7 months. The fun facts just don’t stop with Pius IX. Actually, they do. Longest-serving pope was the last fun fact I had at my disposal.
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Monday, June 15, 2009

Book #12: Bel Canto

A few years ago, I was at a friend’s apartment, and she had a copy of “Bel Canto” by Ann Patchett sitting in the bathroom. “I love this book,” she said. “But I can never seem to finish it.” Now, having finished up “Bel Canto” myself, I can see why she said that. When I was reading the book, I was completely enthralled. But then, I would put the book down for days at a time and care little what happened to the characters inside, despite the fact that they were in a very life-or-death situation: a hostage crisis. It’s the most leisurely hostage crisis you will ever read about.

Here is the basic plot: a group of notable people have gathered in an unnamed South American country for a Japanese businessman’s birthday party. The attendees think that the Japanese businessman will build a factory in the town, but the businessman is only interested in the night’s entertainment, which is his favorite opera singer. After she finishes singing, terrorists take the group hostage, and the ordeal lasts for months and months, which gives the characters some time to make unlikely connections. While staying suitably vague, I can only say that the way some of the connections panned out only made my stomach hurt, the way your stomach can hurt sometimes for fictional characters that you wish had better endings waiting for them.

Well, here is what I learned about hostage situations from this book:
--It’s essential to have a good translator on hand.
--It’s also good to have wonderful musicians on hand, because they can entertain everyone and unite different people with the common language of music.
--Chess is a good way to pass the time while you’re waiting for your demands to be met.
--Hopefully one of the hostages knows how to cook.
--A priest is also helpful in such situations.
--Use your spare time in captivity to learn foreign languages.
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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

$3.25 worth of awesomeness

Tonight I went to a nearby Goodwill because I heard through the grapevine that this particular store location was a good place to pick up quality used books. Well, I only ended up buying one book, but it was a doozy:


It is a book called Molly!!!!!! And here is something freaky: it came out the year I was born. I love the cover of this book more than words can say. I think I am going to keep it on my dresser so that I can style my hair that way.

Now, I admit that I probably would have bought this book for its cover alone, but listen to the intriguing text found on the book jacket:
“Molly” is storytelling at its dramatic best – the fast-paced, engrossing tale of a feisty young Irish girl whose spirit triumphs over poverty and personal tragedy.

Fleeing her fanatical republican family, Molly O’Dowd arrives nearly penniless in London at the end of the nineteenth century. With the aid of a social worker, she escapes the world of East End gambling houses and brothels and invests what little money she has in a typing course – an investment that will lead to the founding of her own employment agency and her establishment as a woman of power and means.

Along the way Molly wins – and then loses in the Boer War – her first love, makes a marriage of convenience, is widowed, and marries again. But her energy and determination never flag, and finally she meets the man who will be her match in business and in love.

From the rough-and-tumble world of the London docks to the luxurious hotels and restaurants of the fashionable West End, “Molly” captures the temper of the times – the unrest of the laboring classes, the courage of the suffragette movement, the ravages of the First World War. And through it all moves one of the most appealing and fully realized heroines in years: the indomitable Molly O’Dowd.

Can you believe that? And that’s just the book jacket!! Who knows how much more plot acclaimed author Teresa Crane stuck into this book?!?! It sounds like that Molly really gets around. Even if I never read this book, the book cover and jacket description make it well worth the $1.25 I spent on it.

Then, even though it seemed like my night couldn’t get any better, I wandered into the dollar store that was next door to the Goodwill. And there, I found some outfits for my bears Barnabas and Chester. For just $2, I was able to outfit an ENTIRE BEAR ARMY. Dressed like this, these bears will CONQUER THE WORLD.

Now, I do think that the material of Barnabas’s outfit is the same kind of material used for those kids’ pajamas that would spontaneously combust. So he might have to sleep out on the couch when he’s wearing his army outfit. But the real find, I think, is Chester’s outfit. While Barnabas is sort of a standard size bear as far as clothing goes, Chester is not. So far he only has an Appalachian State t-shirt to wear. He is petite, yet he has big hips. I’m not exactly sure what other stuffed animals or dolls this army outfit could fit, so I guess the only way to describe it is Chester–size. Though, since the outfit doesn’t have any Velcro, I’m not sure it will ever come off. So Chester Bear, you are in the army for life.

This is Chester trying to comfort fictional Molly, after he heard about her tragic loss in the Boer War:
And that is how you entertain yourself for hours with only $3.25. Plus tax.
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Sunday, June 7, 2009

for your screensaver consideration

Though my last post is a lot of babble about how tired I am and how the world is going to end and a lot of photos of the weird statues that live in the Atlanta Botanical Garden, I did see some mighty lovely things this morning. Here are the best of my pretty flower photos:








(To be honest, I took a lot of pictures of bluish flowers that I liked better than the red flowers above. But those didn't come out as well. So this picture got a sort of symbolic nod.)






Impossible to capture the color of these beautiful orchids!



This next picture doesn't have pretty flower per se, but a funny sign. Right now, there's an exhibition of Henry Moore statues, which necessitates a sign that says "Mind the hot bronze!"

I like to think this sign meant, "hey, don't miss that incredibly handsome bronze statue behind you," with hot being a measure of appearance as opposed to temperature. Or I would like it if this sign meant "obey the bronze statues."
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