one badass bear

When I first got my adorable bear, Barnabas, I was living in Seattle and I needed someone to keep an eye on the place when I wasn’t around. I wanted some security for when I was home alone at night. And Barnabas, in addition to being a wonderful companion, has kept things very safe. I haven’t been burgled once in the entire time that I’ve owned Barnabas, and I don’t think that’s just a coincidence.

Now, I envisioned that Barnabas would be able to stay at home and make my protection his full time job and life’s mission. But, no one can deny that times are tough these days, and I have asked Barnabas to get a job to cover a few household expenses. For example, I didn’t expect that my fish would live an entire year and now we’re going to have to keep buying fish food. Also, we have another mouth to feed since little Chester Bear came into our life at Christmas.

Man, if this is the first blog entry that you’re reading, you’re really confused and disturbed, huh?

So Barnabas sat down about a month ago and started thinking about what job he might like. At first he wanted to be a puppeteer, but as always, nobody’s looking for a puppeteer in today’s wintry economic climate. Then he thought he might like to be a sports coach, because he’s been really interested in things like the Final Four and the Masters lately. But he doesn’t really excel at any one sport. He is however, athletic, and when I considered that, in combination with the fact that he came along for the express purpose of personal protection, I told him that maybe he should consider being a police bear or a bodyguard or something.

Well, Barnabas did a little investigation and talking to other local bears, and I am proud to announce that little Barn is now fully trained and employed as a member of the Bear SWAT Team. Here he is with Alvin the fish before his first day of work:

Here are some fun facts about SWAT teams that I got from Wikipedia:
--SWAT stands for Special Weapons and Tactics.
--The first SWAT team was established in 1968 in Los Angeles.
--The first significant deployment of that SWAT team was a four-hour confrontation with the Black Panthers in 1969.
--The most common weapons used by SWAT units are submachine guns, assault rifles, shotguns and sniper rifles.
--SWAT duties include perimeter security against snipers for visiting dignitaries, countering terrorist operations in U.S. cities and stabilizing situations involving high-risk suicidal subjects.

Now maybe you are thinking, “Whoa! Molly! How can you handle sending your sweet little bear into such a big bad world?” And I cannot lie, it is hard for me. But from what I understand, the bear SWAT units are a little bit different, in ways that Wikipedia hasn’t quite caught up to yet. And Barnabas assures me that he is always very safe and that he feels it is his duty to go out and protect other bears, like Chester.

I did worry when he came home from his first day on the job, because the first thing he did was head for the fridge, get a beer, and sit in front of the tv. He didn’t say a word, and it was only because I pestered him that he mumbled something about a bear hostage crisis. Here he is, looking kinda rough:

So of course I’m concerned that he may become hardened by this job. However, after a beer, he was back to his old Barnabas self, and we had a good discussion about how we both hate the song “Maggie May” by Rod Stewart. Like, we both REALLY hate it. I asked him if he thought I should add black beans to the hash browns I was making for dinner, cause I’m all about adding black beans to everything these days. Barnabas voted no, that I should get my hash brown technique more finely tuned before I start experimenting with add-ins. And friends and neighbors, that bear was right. My hash browns still need work.