I meen bizness

I went back to Candler for Easter, and as usual, the family made their Saturday pilgrimage to the South Asheville Chick-fil-a for Saturday lunch. We were sitting there, finishing up a delightful array of chicken products and waffle fries when my dad said, “I don’t get that advertisement hanging from the wall.” (or something like that; since he is very detail-oriented I don’t want to get sued if he didn’t say those exact words)

What was hanging from the wall was one of the infamous Chick-fil-a cows with a banner that said “Eat Chicken Q1 through Q4,” except with the zany misspelled words that are the unfortunate trademark of the Chick-fil-a cow. We told Dad it had to do with corporate lingo—Q standing for “quarter”, which is a unit of time of three months. Here, I’ll use it in a sentence: “You better do better in Q2 or you won’t be here in Q3, or in other words, if I don’t see improvement between April and June over your performance between January and March then by July you may not be here. But probably more like August because it takes people half of the next quarter to figure out what went on in the previous quarter.” Oops, that was two sentences.

Anyways, everybody agreed that if the cows are speaking in corporate lingo now, then they really should be spelling correctly. I know that I harp on this and harp on this to the point of obsession, but I just can’t tell you how much it bothers me. These cows have gone out and found business clothes, learned corporate lingo that even my dad doesn’t know, and yet they still can’t use spell check? That’s just not endearing, Chick-fil-a. At this point they stop being darling animals begging us not to eat them in their own befuddled way as much as they become lazy animals that just don’t try hard enough. And do you know what we do with people in this world who don’t try hard enough?? WE EAT THEM.

Here I am with a Chick-fil-a cow. This clearly illustrates how far these cows are taking their campaign…to business offices. I just don’t think anyone would love these advertising darlings any less if some of them were sophisticated beings who spelled correctly and maybe even had fancy handwriting. IF A COW CAN TIE A TIE, IT SHOULD KNOW HOW TO SPELL.
In good news, though, I had no desire to steal this cow the way I want to steal some Chick-fil-a cows I could mention. I think it’s the 2-D vs. 3-D thing. This is just a cardboard cow. I want a cow that takes up some space in a room. Plus, this cow is already dressed, and I would TOTALLY want to make the Chick-fil-a cows cute costumes after I go to the trouble of stealing them.