getting lucky in kentucky

Two weeks ago I was in the state of Kentucky, enjoying a big ol’ family reunion and vacation. Having spent the last week in that daze you experience once you get back from a vacation and have to re-enter the real world, I’m finally ready to write about this amazingly relaxing and refreshing week.

The ultimate destination was Rough River Dam State Resort Park, in western Kentucky, where we were meeting up with the Iowa branch of my dad’s family – my uncle, aunt and my two cousins, along with the spouse, two children and significant other that those two brought along (I guess for accuracy’s sake, my cousins don’t live in Iowa anymore. But they shall always be my Iowa cousins. Anyways). But the Candler branch of the family decided to take their time getting up to the state park so we could hit some Kentucky attractions.

First up: Maker’s Mark Distillery, which is in the middle of nowhere and has very limited visiting hours, which made getting there practically a race. Not helping matters, in my opinion, was my father’s new GPS system, which was named Greta. Anyone in my immediate family can probably speak for an hour about how much I hate Greta. Here I was, sitting in the back, with printed directions that were as good as Greta’s, and yet whenever Greta did something correct, like tell us to turn right, everyone was just amazed. I CAN DO THE SAME THING! I WANT COMPLIMENTS TOO!! And if I was wrong, man, I bet they’d really let me have it. Whereas when Greta was wrong or off, it was just chalked up as an endearing fault. Ugh, I hate this technology and I really don’t think we should become too dependent on it. But I digress. That is a lengthy topic for another time.

Anyways, Maker’s Mark was fun and located in a pretty spot. After a family argument about lunch that I shall not discuss here, we ate at a little café on the distillery grounds before our tour. We heard about the Maker’s Mark recipe, saw bourbon aging in the barrels, and then we had a little taste of the white dog that comes out of the barrels, before it’s diluted with water. My sister-in-law Courtney claimed it smelled like alcohol poisoning, and it didn’t taste much different than that, either. I think that burned off my tastebuds, leaving me unable to appreciate the Maker’s Mark. Or, it’s possible that bourbon just isn’t my drink. But it was cool to watch my brothers dip a bottle of Maker’s Mark in that distinctive red wax.

After Maker’s Mark, we headed off for another distillery called Heaven Hill. The tour at this one was a bit more informative as far as Kentucky Bourbon goes, and the place as a whole was a bit more swanky. But the bourbon still tasted gross to me. Oh well. All the other things I tasted that were made with bourbon, like candies and barbeque sauces and beer….those were all delicious!

After Heaven Hill we headed into Bardstown for the night. The only thing open in Bardstown past 5 p.m., it seems, is the Old Talbott Tavern, which is probably one of the coolest places I’ve eaten. The place was built in 1779, and all manners of famous people have been there, including native son Abraham Lincoln. There, we tasted Kentucky delicacies like Burgoo (a stew of sorts) and Kentucky Hot Browns, which is a sandwich dipped in like gravy sauce and topped with bacon. You know, healthy stuff!

The next day was all about Abraham Lincoln. From Bardstown we drove to his boyhood home at Knob Creek Farm. Well, it’s not actually his boyhood home, it’s a replica/reconstructed cabin, but the Park Service seems to think it’s in the right place and you can walk down to the creek where Abe almost drowned. A little further down the road is the more impressive birthplace site, which had a tearjerking introductory video, a massive monument built to enclose the cabin, and yet another little cabin, which again, is not the real, actual cabin but as close to the real thing as possible. This state has a lot of fake cabins, but you do get a real sense of what it might have been like to grow up in a tiny cabin with nothing around you, if only because the land is still so undeveloped.

Then it was off to the Abraham Lincoln Museum in Hodgenville, which has got to be the best three bucks I ever spent. The life story of Abraham Lincoln is depicted in dioramas featuring wax figures! I won’t put the pictures up here because I fear it could get me sued, but suffice it to say that it’s both awesome and creepy. We had to drag Dad out of the gift shop.

After loading up on some supplies at Wal-Mart, it was off to Rough River, where we spent a few days. I won’t go into detail on all the days, but most involved some combination of the following: yummy meals, sitting by/swimming in the pool, walks through the park, mini golf, real golf, card games, board games, swimming in the lake and riding on boats. One day, we headed to Mammoth Cave National Park, which, like the Lincoln Museum, was awesome and creepy, but in a different way of course. The two-hour tour we took was a real workout, cause we had to practically crawl through these tight spaces and then climb all these steps to get back out. I can’t imagine being the first person who decided it was a good idea to go into a cold, dark, underground cave.

Overall, the reunion was just great, a relaxing fun time, and it was nice to spend so much quality time with that side of the family, as I don’t get to see them that often. Plus, Kentucky is a beautiful state. I was very impressed with it.

On the way back to Candler, we attempted to squeeze in a few more Kentucky attractions. We drove to Louisville to hit up (pun intended) the Louisville Slugger Museum. We went on a tour to see how they make the bats, and it was pretty cool. They show you all the choices that a player can make, and then they put a piece of wood into a machine and boom….there’s a bat.

On our way out of town, my family very patiently indulged me as we stopped at my beloved Half Price Books, which has like 10 locations in the greater Seattle area yet NONE in the south. Please, Half Price Books honchos, if you read this, please please please come to Atlanta. That Louisville one is the closest one to me and I really think that’s unacceptable. I think I can guarantee that if you come to Atlanta, my purchases alone will keep you in business.

Once I had bought enough to keep me in books for the rest of the year, we made the long drive back to Candler, stopping one last time in Corbin, KY, the site of the first Kentucky Fried Chicken. I’m not a huge fan of KFC, but I can tell you that if you eat at the one in Corbin, it will taste better than all other KFC you’ve ever had in your life combined. The ghost of the Colonel must hover overhead, ensuring that the chicken, biscuits and sides are just extra delicious. And that concludes the account of my Kentucky vacation.