Well, we’re finally up to the 200th entry of the blog, as well as the last entry of 2007. It’s been a big year for the blog, and a big year for me. A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to predict any of the things that ended up happening, which I guess just goes to show…something profound. Fill in the blank yourself.
When I started this blog, I lived in Seattle. Over the course of the last year, I made the decision to pick up my life there and try something new. It was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my life, to pick up and pack up three years of life for the unknown. I quit my first real job. I had to say goodbye to a beautiful city and some good friends, but I’m glad that I knew when it was time to go.
I entertained about a million different options for where to go next, and to even my own surprise, I’m moving to Atlanta in twelve days. Atlanta was a very late entry in the “where should I move?” contest, and hopefully the fact that I got a job about a month after I started applying there is something of a sign that I picked the right place.
What else? I drove cross-country. I went to seven states that I’d never been to before. I left the country once (Canada). I saw the Grand Canyon. I lived with my parents for two months. My brother got married. My grandmother died. I sprained my knee and got new glasses. I read 32 books and approximately 150 magazines. I watched 79 movies. I went to concerts. I went to parties. I met the governor of Washington. I turned 25. I bought a car. I worked at my dad’s law office answering phones. I went on two job interviews and got the second one.
When the blog started, only one person knew about it, and it was mostly just things I ate or drank, spam emails that I thought were funny, and books I read. Now it is oh-so-much more than that. I watched who-knows-how-many Bryan Adams videos and wrote ten stories about goats dying. There were two special guest bloggers and a special event week called BAM(H)! POW! SOB! At one point, I posted once a day for 47 days in a row, but you can’t tell anymore since I moved the blog over from pacific time to eastern time.
So, yes, a big year. A year that I thought would be fairly stable ended up being pretty dramatic, so it’s hard to say what next year will bring. Obviously, it’s a new beginning, but how that will actually shake out, it’s hard to say. But anyway, the blog is coming along for the journey, so be sure to check back next year.
Happy new year, everyone!
Monday, December 31, 2007
weird stuff in my room
Are you sick of all the posts today? I'm getting kind of sick of myself. But look how close we are to 200 posts for the year! This is post 199! Except I don't really have any interesting observations left. So I took a few pictures of weird stuff in my room and we're going to have a look at those. Look, I am a huge packrat, and living with my parents in the house in which I grew up, I am surrounded by the weird things that my youthful pack rat self wanted to keep. Now I probably won't want to throw these things away either, now that I've blogged about them. Sorry Mom.
Item #1: Millenium Countdown Socks
I believe I received these for Christmas 1999. January 1, 2000, was right around the corner, and clearly everyone wanted to celebrate with some festive socks. I don't think I ever wore these socks. But now I can't throw them away because they seem like a collector's item of some type.
Item #2: Elementary School Work
I know that it's perfectly acceptable to keep little stories and artwork from one's kindegarten years, but what you see at left is some school work where I was learning how to write and add one-digit numbers. I should mention that what you see is a very small sample of what I actually kept. I know there is really no time in the future when I am going to want to look back and see how I first figured out that 3 and 4 made 7, but I just can't throw this stuff away. You know why? Because what if there is a museum about me one day? They will definitely need this stuff!
Item #3: Ceramic Aerobics Pig
I acquired ceramic aerobics pig in elementary school. We had this little class store, where you bought little trinkets with tickets you earned by being good and doing well on assignments. I had a ton of tickets, but unfortunately, the stuff in the store was kind of crappy, because parents were just supposed to bring in things to donate to the store. Well, this was the only thing that I even remotely liked, but this girl Katie wanted it too because it reminded her of her pregnant sister. But I had way more tickets than Katie so I got it. I wish that I had just refused it gracefully and thrown my tickets away, because really what did it matter---but instead I got the ceramic aerobics pig and now I'll probably never be able to throw it away because I feel so guilty for stealing it from Katie, who probably would have done something nice and given it to her sister. Oh well.
Other items that easily could have been photographed for this post, had I been able to find them, include a bag with every scrunchie I ever owned, a chest with literally every greeting card I've ever received, and the box of souvenir pencils that I bought on vacations when I was a kid. I never sharpened any of them, because, you know, they were souvenirs.
Item #1: Millenium Countdown Socks
I believe I received these for Christmas 1999. January 1, 2000, was right around the corner, and clearly everyone wanted to celebrate with some festive socks. I don't think I ever wore these socks. But now I can't throw them away because they seem like a collector's item of some type.
Item #2: Elementary School Work
I know that it's perfectly acceptable to keep little stories and artwork from one's kindegarten years, but what you see at left is some school work where I was learning how to write and add one-digit numbers. I should mention that what you see is a very small sample of what I actually kept. I know there is really no time in the future when I am going to want to look back and see how I first figured out that 3 and 4 made 7, but I just can't throw this stuff away. You know why? Because what if there is a museum about me one day? They will definitely need this stuff!
Item #3: Ceramic Aerobics Pig
I acquired ceramic aerobics pig in elementary school. We had this little class store, where you bought little trinkets with tickets you earned by being good and doing well on assignments. I had a ton of tickets, but unfortunately, the stuff in the store was kind of crappy, because parents were just supposed to bring in things to donate to the store. Well, this was the only thing that I even remotely liked, but this girl Katie wanted it too because it reminded her of her pregnant sister. But I had way more tickets than Katie so I got it. I wish that I had just refused it gracefully and thrown my tickets away, because really what did it matter---but instead I got the ceramic aerobics pig and now I'll probably never be able to throw it away because I feel so guilty for stealing it from Katie, who probably would have done something nice and given it to her sister. Oh well.
Other items that easily could have been photographed for this post, had I been able to find them, include a bag with every scrunchie I ever owned, a chest with literally every greeting card I've ever received, and the box of souvenir pencils that I bought on vacations when I was a kid. I never sharpened any of them, because, you know, they were souvenirs.
this film is on
At the halfway point of this year, I reported on the movies I saw during the first half of 2007, and now it’s time for the movies I have seen since then. Again, this is only movies I saw for the first time this year; it doesn’t take into account how many times I’ve watched “Walk the Line” on HBO in the last month or all the times I put on “Broadcast News” while I was cleaning my apartment.
I keep these movies in an Excel spreadsheet and just add to it when I see a movie, but I just want to say that when I was looking over this list, it was really hard to remember movies that I watched in Seattle before the big move. The move makes it feel like I watched all these movies like ten years ago. Oh well.
44. 1408
This is one of John Cusack’s best performances, and while I may say that about a lot of his movies, you can really believe me about this one. He will make you laugh, make you cry, make you scared, etc.
45. The Omen
For me, this is one of those movies where I’ve read or heard about so many of the iconic scenes, that when I actually saw it, all of the twists and turns and gasp-inducing moments had lost a lot of their power.
46. In the Heat of the Night
I know this is awful, but all I can remember about this movie is liking the theme song and eating Chinese takeout while I watched it.
47. Munich
I just remember this movie being LONG. I kind of just wanted them to kill the guys and have their moral quandaries and get on with it already.
48. Little Children
Definitely one of the best movies that I saw this year. Also one of the saddest.
49. Dreamgirls
I realize this is getting boring but I really don’t remember watching this movie. I guess a change I’ll have to make for next year is making the comments on the movie as I watch the movie. Plus then this entry will already be written when I get to the end of the year.
50. Last Tango in Paris
Kinda the same thing as “The Omen”...you hear so much about the famous scenes, that when you actually see them, it’s anti-climactic.
51. Me and you and everyone we know
There are some funny scenes with the little kids. I might have thought it was a touch overrated.
52. Welcome to the Dollhouse
I liked it.
53. The Heiress
This movie just made me want to cross-stitch! Also it made me want to have a man fall in love with me solely because he thought I was coming into a big inheritance. Seems like there are worse things that could happen.
54. Risky Business
Shockingly, scientology was not the risky business to which the title referred.
55. Never Been Kissed
I don’t know why I watched this. I hate Drew Barrymore, and this didn’t change my mind.
56. A Prairie Home Companion
Loved this movie---one of my favorites this year. I watched it twice in a row. I have the soundtrack. I got mildly obsessed with Garrison Keillor
57. Fast Food Nation
Not as good as the book, but an interesting way to adapt the book.
58. Searching for Bobby Fischer
It made me wish that I was a child prodigy that had a difficult relationship with my father, and that I got to play chess with Laurence Fishburne and Ben Kingsley.
59. Zodiac
Probably one of the three best movies I saw this year. Great acting.
60. Black Snake Moan
This movie answers the age-old question: Can blues music cure promiscuity and mental illness? The answer, of course, is a resounding yes. Not only that, it can do it in 90 minutes.
61. Miss Potter
This film was sweet, but it had so many plotlines that I couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be about, exactly. Getting published? Falling in love? Environmentalism? The role of women at the turn of the century? It was just a lot crammed into 90 minutes. I don’t say this about a lot of movies, but I think this one could have been a little longer.
62. The Sweet Hereafter
Creepy, but good.
63. Bobby
Good actors, in kind of so-so parts. There were too many things going on. Still, much better than you’d expect from the guy in Mighty Ducks.
64. The Ex
I watched it at the gym, and it fit two elliptical workouts exactly.
65. The Last Waltz
Levon Helm is the man, which makes me feel bad about liking this movie that he criticized so badly. I can see how it’s a little biased toward Robbie Robertson, but it’s a great movie all the same. Lives up to the hype.
66. I'm Your Man
This is the concert film/documentary on Leonard Cohen. A boatload of great performances, but the movie is especially electrifying whenever Rufus Wainwright.is onscreen.
67. The Heartbreak Kid (2007)
This movie was a lot better than I thought it would be; I laughed out loud a few times. However, what I will always remember about this movie is where I saw it. Basically, there is this ghetto mall in Asheville that is so destitute that it doesn’t even have real stores in it anymore. It has stores where a man sells bags and little aquariums with swimming frogs…in the same store! And so this ghetto mall opened a movie theater that’s one of those movie theaters where you can drink while you watch the movie, which is great, except they painted it black and made it all sleek and weird and it just doesn’t fit the ghetto mall vibe. It feels creepy and like there are gangsters in the projection room waiting to kill you. I’m not explaining it well, but basically, I had a really weird experience at this movie theater. Maybe it affected my opinion of the movie.
68. Old School
It was funny.
69. Reservoir Dogs
I liked it; I don’t know why it took me so many years to watch it.
70. Super Troopers
I watched this movie sober and alone, which may be the worst way to watch it. I’d recommend watching it with people and drinking.
71. Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World
I would watch Albert Brooks read the phone book. Probably because it would go poorly for him and that would be funny.
72. Martian Child
This is one of John Cusack’s best performances. I am contractually obligated to say that about every John Cusack movie because I love him so much; you can choose whether you believe me or not on this one. After I saw the movie, I saw a review in an Asheville paper that said that Joan Cusack showed all the acting depth that she shows in her cell phone commercials, and I thought that was an extremely mean thing to say. I thought it was so mean that John Cusack would want to avenge his sister, and that he should come to Asheville and stay with me while he does so.
73. Shattered Glass
This is the movie about Stephen Glass and his fabrication of articles for The New Republic. It’s a great movie…lots of suspense. I have this new job writing articles and it made me both nervous and excited. Not that I’m saying that I would fabricate articles. But it would be nice if Peter Sarsgaard were my editor.
74. Waitress
I liked it, but I didn’t like it as much as all the critics told me I was going to. Great performances from people who sometimes did not have that much to do.
75. National Treasure
I don’t even remember this movie coming out, but I don’t usually like Nicolas Cage, so that’s probably why I ignored it. But it was really good!
76. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
I think what’s great about these National Treasure movies is they have just enough history to be interesting, and the rest of it is believable enough to be entertaining. But I worry about kids who might learn some false history because of these movies.
77. Knocked Up
I thought it was funny. However, I watched it with my parents and little brother and it was just slightly uncomfortable to see what my dad laughed at.
78. Ocean's Thirteen
It was fun. Not as fun as Ocean’s Eleven, but a good time.
79. Hairspray
Okay, technically I haven’t seen this one yet. But I think we’re watching it sometime tonight, because nothing says “happy new year!” like John Travolta in drag! Also we might work a jigsaw puzzle. New Year’s Eve is c-c-c-crazy at my house!
I keep these movies in an Excel spreadsheet and just add to it when I see a movie, but I just want to say that when I was looking over this list, it was really hard to remember movies that I watched in Seattle before the big move. The move makes it feel like I watched all these movies like ten years ago. Oh well.
44. 1408
This is one of John Cusack’s best performances, and while I may say that about a lot of his movies, you can really believe me about this one. He will make you laugh, make you cry, make you scared, etc.
45. The Omen
For me, this is one of those movies where I’ve read or heard about so many of the iconic scenes, that when I actually saw it, all of the twists and turns and gasp-inducing moments had lost a lot of their power.
46. In the Heat of the Night
I know this is awful, but all I can remember about this movie is liking the theme song and eating Chinese takeout while I watched it.
47. Munich
I just remember this movie being LONG. I kind of just wanted them to kill the guys and have their moral quandaries and get on with it already.
48. Little Children
Definitely one of the best movies that I saw this year. Also one of the saddest.
49. Dreamgirls
I realize this is getting boring but I really don’t remember watching this movie. I guess a change I’ll have to make for next year is making the comments on the movie as I watch the movie. Plus then this entry will already be written when I get to the end of the year.
50. Last Tango in Paris
Kinda the same thing as “The Omen”...you hear so much about the famous scenes, that when you actually see them, it’s anti-climactic.
51. Me and you and everyone we know
There are some funny scenes with the little kids. I might have thought it was a touch overrated.
52. Welcome to the Dollhouse
I liked it.
53. The Heiress
This movie just made me want to cross-stitch! Also it made me want to have a man fall in love with me solely because he thought I was coming into a big inheritance. Seems like there are worse things that could happen.
54. Risky Business
Shockingly, scientology was not the risky business to which the title referred.
55. Never Been Kissed
I don’t know why I watched this. I hate Drew Barrymore, and this didn’t change my mind.
56. A Prairie Home Companion
Loved this movie---one of my favorites this year. I watched it twice in a row. I have the soundtrack. I got mildly obsessed with Garrison Keillor
57. Fast Food Nation
Not as good as the book, but an interesting way to adapt the book.
58. Searching for Bobby Fischer
It made me wish that I was a child prodigy that had a difficult relationship with my father, and that I got to play chess with Laurence Fishburne and Ben Kingsley.
59. Zodiac
Probably one of the three best movies I saw this year. Great acting.
60. Black Snake Moan
This movie answers the age-old question: Can blues music cure promiscuity and mental illness? The answer, of course, is a resounding yes. Not only that, it can do it in 90 minutes.
61. Miss Potter
This film was sweet, but it had so many plotlines that I couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be about, exactly. Getting published? Falling in love? Environmentalism? The role of women at the turn of the century? It was just a lot crammed into 90 minutes. I don’t say this about a lot of movies, but I think this one could have been a little longer.
62. The Sweet Hereafter
Creepy, but good.
63. Bobby
Good actors, in kind of so-so parts. There were too many things going on. Still, much better than you’d expect from the guy in Mighty Ducks.
64. The Ex
I watched it at the gym, and it fit two elliptical workouts exactly.
65. The Last Waltz
Levon Helm is the man, which makes me feel bad about liking this movie that he criticized so badly. I can see how it’s a little biased toward Robbie Robertson, but it’s a great movie all the same. Lives up to the hype.
66. I'm Your Man
This is the concert film/documentary on Leonard Cohen. A boatload of great performances, but the movie is especially electrifying whenever Rufus Wainwright.is onscreen.
67. The Heartbreak Kid (2007)
This movie was a lot better than I thought it would be; I laughed out loud a few times. However, what I will always remember about this movie is where I saw it. Basically, there is this ghetto mall in Asheville that is so destitute that it doesn’t even have real stores in it anymore. It has stores where a man sells bags and little aquariums with swimming frogs…in the same store! And so this ghetto mall opened a movie theater that’s one of those movie theaters where you can drink while you watch the movie, which is great, except they painted it black and made it all sleek and weird and it just doesn’t fit the ghetto mall vibe. It feels creepy and like there are gangsters in the projection room waiting to kill you. I’m not explaining it well, but basically, I had a really weird experience at this movie theater. Maybe it affected my opinion of the movie.
68. Old School
It was funny.
69. Reservoir Dogs
I liked it; I don’t know why it took me so many years to watch it.
70. Super Troopers
I watched this movie sober and alone, which may be the worst way to watch it. I’d recommend watching it with people and drinking.
71. Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World
I would watch Albert Brooks read the phone book. Probably because it would go poorly for him and that would be funny.
72. Martian Child
This is one of John Cusack’s best performances. I am contractually obligated to say that about every John Cusack movie because I love him so much; you can choose whether you believe me or not on this one. After I saw the movie, I saw a review in an Asheville paper that said that Joan Cusack showed all the acting depth that she shows in her cell phone commercials, and I thought that was an extremely mean thing to say. I thought it was so mean that John Cusack would want to avenge his sister, and that he should come to Asheville and stay with me while he does so.
73. Shattered Glass
This is the movie about Stephen Glass and his fabrication of articles for The New Republic. It’s a great movie…lots of suspense. I have this new job writing articles and it made me both nervous and excited. Not that I’m saying that I would fabricate articles. But it would be nice if Peter Sarsgaard were my editor.
74. Waitress
I liked it, but I didn’t like it as much as all the critics told me I was going to. Great performances from people who sometimes did not have that much to do.
75. National Treasure
I don’t even remember this movie coming out, but I don’t usually like Nicolas Cage, so that’s probably why I ignored it. But it was really good!
76. National Treasure: Book of Secrets
I think what’s great about these National Treasure movies is they have just enough history to be interesting, and the rest of it is believable enough to be entertaining. But I worry about kids who might learn some false history because of these movies.
77. Knocked Up
I thought it was funny. However, I watched it with my parents and little brother and it was just slightly uncomfortable to see what my dad laughed at.
78. Ocean's Thirteen
It was fun. Not as fun as Ocean’s Eleven, but a good time.
79. Hairspray
Okay, technically I haven’t seen this one yet. But I think we’re watching it sometime tonight, because nothing says “happy new year!” like John Travolta in drag! Also we might work a jigsaw puzzle. New Year’s Eve is c-c-c-crazy at my house!
an apartment on the 99th floor of my block
There’s nothing quite like apartment hunting to make you feel like you’ve picked the wrong place to live. I spent three days last week with my mother, looking for a new place to live in Atlanta. It seemed like every flaw of the city was magnified—the layout, the traffic, the weather—and everything was working against us. Ultimately, it all worked out okay, but man oh man, there were some miserable moments in there. I am still tired from it all.
Maybe the biggest problem is that I expected it to be easy, and got frustrated when it wasn’t. After all, finding the job in Atlanta was fairly easy, much easier than I’d expected. I thought the apartment hunting would be fun. Instead there were apartments that my mom wouldn’t even get out of the car to view, because she thought they looked so dirty and unsafe. There were apartments that were beautiful but they were in crappy locations. There were apartments that were dumps that were in great locations. There were apartments that were seventy billion dollars a month. I thought about calling Emory to see if I could just move back into a dorm room or something. Any dorm. I wasn’t even going to be picky about it.
We’d check into hotel rooms and I would try to figure out how many square feet were in the room and how that might equate to a monthly rent figure. I started thinking how awful it was that job hunting and apartment hunting are two of the hardest things to do, since a person is pretty much always either at their job or at their apartment. It seems to me that finding the places where you’ll spend the majority of your life should be more fun. As I was drifting off to sleep the first night, I started thinking that I wouldn’t mind a world where you just get handed a job and a place to live, just so I could avoid the stress of finding it myself. “Oh dear,” I thought. “I hope I’m not a communist or a socialist or something.” I couldn’t really remember which one I was thinking of.
Then I started thinking about this story in my middle school social studies book about a guy who lived in the Soviet Union under communism, and how he purposely would get shoes that were two sizes too small, so that when he took them off at the end of the day, he could experience a little bit of pleasure in his sad, harsh life. Then I started thinking about the shoes that I wear to work and how they’re also pretty uncomfortable, and how taking them off when I get home is a relief as well, and about that time I fell asleep and I dreamt about Ronald Reagan fighting communists.
I forget where I was going with all that. Sometime during the trip I had worked out some elaborate communism metaphor but I forgot what it was.
Anyways, with the help of a perky apartment finder (and man, do those people have the worst job in the world or what?), I found a nice apartment in a fun neighborhood. At first, I was concerned that the apartment’s one drawback was that it didn’t seem to have enough room for all of my books, but I think I’ve gotten Mom to agree that I can use the entire front closet as a book closet. Mom’s rule for this new apartment is that I can’t have books in my kitchen cabinets like I did in Seattle. I guess I have to learn how to cook.
Maybe the biggest problem is that I expected it to be easy, and got frustrated when it wasn’t. After all, finding the job in Atlanta was fairly easy, much easier than I’d expected. I thought the apartment hunting would be fun. Instead there were apartments that my mom wouldn’t even get out of the car to view, because she thought they looked so dirty and unsafe. There were apartments that were beautiful but they were in crappy locations. There were apartments that were dumps that were in great locations. There were apartments that were seventy billion dollars a month. I thought about calling Emory to see if I could just move back into a dorm room or something. Any dorm. I wasn’t even going to be picky about it.
We’d check into hotel rooms and I would try to figure out how many square feet were in the room and how that might equate to a monthly rent figure. I started thinking how awful it was that job hunting and apartment hunting are two of the hardest things to do, since a person is pretty much always either at their job or at their apartment. It seems to me that finding the places where you’ll spend the majority of your life should be more fun. As I was drifting off to sleep the first night, I started thinking that I wouldn’t mind a world where you just get handed a job and a place to live, just so I could avoid the stress of finding it myself. “Oh dear,” I thought. “I hope I’m not a communist or a socialist or something.” I couldn’t really remember which one I was thinking of.
Then I started thinking about this story in my middle school social studies book about a guy who lived in the Soviet Union under communism, and how he purposely would get shoes that were two sizes too small, so that when he took them off at the end of the day, he could experience a little bit of pleasure in his sad, harsh life. Then I started thinking about the shoes that I wear to work and how they’re also pretty uncomfortable, and how taking them off when I get home is a relief as well, and about that time I fell asleep and I dreamt about Ronald Reagan fighting communists.
I forget where I was going with all that. Sometime during the trip I had worked out some elaborate communism metaphor but I forgot what it was.
Anyways, with the help of a perky apartment finder (and man, do those people have the worst job in the world or what?), I found a nice apartment in a fun neighborhood. At first, I was concerned that the apartment’s one drawback was that it didn’t seem to have enough room for all of my books, but I think I’ve gotten Mom to agree that I can use the entire front closet as a book closet. Mom’s rule for this new apartment is that I can’t have books in my kitchen cabinets like I did in Seattle. I guess I have to learn how to cook.
Book #32: The Reagan Diaries
The book: The Reagan Diaries, by Ronald Reagan, edited by Douglas Brinkley
What is this book about: This book is the personal daily diary that Ronald Reagan kept when he was president. Fun fact: Only four presidents other than Reagan kept regular diaries. They are: George Washington, John Quincy Adams, James K. Polk, and Rutherford B. Hayes.
Why did I read this book: I went to the Reagan Library in October, and thought that I needed a little more personal and historical insight into what was making the guy tick.
What did I think of this book: They should totally make this book into a movie! All the horseback riding! All the lovey-dovey phone calls to Margaret Thatcher! The intrigue of what staff member will resign next, and who will replace him! A ton of bad guys to pick from, including Democrats! The press! Big government! The communists!
On a more serious note, it is interesting to see how a president spends his days. Some things went over my head because I didn’t know the context or who he was talking about, and the things that I did expect to be big deals weren’t. For example, the “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” moment was simply written up as: “Then it was on to the Brandenberg Gate where I addressed tens & tens of thousands of people—stretching as far as I could see. I got a tremendous reception—interrupted 28 times by cheers.”
What was my favorite part of this book: With eight years of entries spanning six hundred pages, it’s hard to pick out just one anecdote. I guess I’m going to go with the upchuck fiascos of ’87-’88. I’d like to note that “upchuck” is the president’s word and not mine. On August 1, 1987, the president did something he hadn’t done since he was a child—he upchucked because he accidentally put some ear drops in his nose. Then on January 13, 1988, he upchucked two times! There was such concern that he was going to keep upchucking that he couldn’t even go to a former aide’s funeral! He was worried that he’d upchuck on the prime minister of Japan! Whether Ronald Reagan ever upchucked after he left office, I can’t tell you.
What did I learn from this book: Ronald Reagan hated Mondays. Being president involves lots of meetings, lots of trips to Camp David, and lots of horseback riding.
What grade do I give this book: B+
What is this book about: This book is the personal daily diary that Ronald Reagan kept when he was president. Fun fact: Only four presidents other than Reagan kept regular diaries. They are: George Washington, John Quincy Adams, James K. Polk, and Rutherford B. Hayes.
Why did I read this book: I went to the Reagan Library in October, and thought that I needed a little more personal and historical insight into what was making the guy tick.
What did I think of this book: They should totally make this book into a movie! All the horseback riding! All the lovey-dovey phone calls to Margaret Thatcher! The intrigue of what staff member will resign next, and who will replace him! A ton of bad guys to pick from, including Democrats! The press! Big government! The communists!
On a more serious note, it is interesting to see how a president spends his days. Some things went over my head because I didn’t know the context or who he was talking about, and the things that I did expect to be big deals weren’t. For example, the “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” moment was simply written up as: “Then it was on to the Brandenberg Gate where I addressed tens & tens of thousands of people—stretching as far as I could see. I got a tremendous reception—interrupted 28 times by cheers.”
What was my favorite part of this book: With eight years of entries spanning six hundred pages, it’s hard to pick out just one anecdote. I guess I’m going to go with the upchuck fiascos of ’87-’88. I’d like to note that “upchuck” is the president’s word and not mine. On August 1, 1987, the president did something he hadn’t done since he was a child—he upchucked because he accidentally put some ear drops in his nose. Then on January 13, 1988, he upchucked two times! There was such concern that he was going to keep upchucking that he couldn’t even go to a former aide’s funeral! He was worried that he’d upchuck on the prime minister of Japan! Whether Ronald Reagan ever upchucked after he left office, I can’t tell you.
What did I learn from this book: Ronald Reagan hated Mondays. Being president involves lots of meetings, lots of trips to Camp David, and lots of horseback riding.
What grade do I give this book: B+
Sunday, December 30, 2007
something that has been bothering me
I have hesitated to write about this, but I can no longer remain quiet. My hesitation relates to the fact that I play online Scrabble with several people that I know read this blog. I don't want them to get any sort of idea that I might be "cheating" or "augmenting my vocabulary knowledge illicitly," but every now and then, I cruise over to the online Scrabble dictionary provided by Hasbro to check on whether some words are real or not, or perhaps just to see what other words might be made from my tiles. But, I'd like to reiterate, I'm not cheating at online Scrabble.
But the online Scrabble dictionary has really been getting on my nerves. Not the service itself, which is exceptional, but the picture at the top of the page. Take a look at this site: http://www.hasbro.com/games/adult-games/scrabble/home.cfm?page=Dictionary/dict
Why is Scrabble using this picture of a woman and a baby? I don't understand how it's relevant. Maybe if she were reading a book to the baby, or holding up letters for the baby, I might be able to believe that she were imparting a love of words into the baby, which might lead the baby to grow up and play Scabble. But I bet she's just saying nonsensical things to the baby, and while those nonsensical things might technically be on the list of acceptable two-letter words, I don't understand what Scrabble-related activity might be taking place between these two people.
I for one would like to go on the record as saying that I don't believe that babies should be near Scrabble boards, because they might swallow the tiles and die, or at the very least, ruin your version of Scrabble, because you don't have all the tiles.
Then if you go to the main Scrabble page (http://www.hasbro.com/games/adult-games/scrabble/home.cfm?page=home), you can see this slideshow of kids and adults with captions written out in Scrabble tiles. This is cute and all, but let's move these kids over to the Scrabble Jr. page, which, if there is any justice in the world, has pictures of old men and hookers smoking cigarettes, with Scrabble tiles spelling out dirty words.
But the online Scrabble dictionary has really been getting on my nerves. Not the service itself, which is exceptional, but the picture at the top of the page. Take a look at this site: http://www.hasbro.com/games/adult-games/scrabble/home.cfm?page=Dictionary/dict
Why is Scrabble using this picture of a woman and a baby? I don't understand how it's relevant. Maybe if she were reading a book to the baby, or holding up letters for the baby, I might be able to believe that she were imparting a love of words into the baby, which might lead the baby to grow up and play Scabble. But I bet she's just saying nonsensical things to the baby, and while those nonsensical things might technically be on the list of acceptable two-letter words, I don't understand what Scrabble-related activity might be taking place between these two people.
I for one would like to go on the record as saying that I don't believe that babies should be near Scrabble boards, because they might swallow the tiles and die, or at the very least, ruin your version of Scrabble, because you don't have all the tiles.
Then if you go to the main Scrabble page (http://www.hasbro.com/games/adult-games/scrabble/home.cfm?page=home), you can see this slideshow of kids and adults with captions written out in Scrabble tiles. This is cute and all, but let's move these kids over to the Scrabble Jr. page, which, if there is any justice in the world, has pictures of old men and hookers smoking cigarettes, with Scrabble tiles spelling out dirty words.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Christmas present
I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. I got everything I wanted, including some things that I didn't know that I wanted, but am now very glad to have.
My brother George gave me the book "Blogging for Dummies," which is either a comment on what he thinks about me, or what he thinks about my blog. Anyways, next year promises to be a very big year, as I try to implement some things from the book.
George told me that he didn't like posts where I just put photos, so hopefully I can write enough about these photos that he will consider it a real post.
My brother George gave me the book "Blogging for Dummies," which is either a comment on what he thinks about me, or what he thinks about my blog. Anyways, next year promises to be a very big year, as I try to implement some things from the book.
George told me that he didn't like posts where I just put photos, so hopefully I can write enough about these photos that he will consider it a real post.
Here I am with my brothers and the book.
George: Here is a concept explained in very easy terms, since you are such a dummy.Molly: Hmmm. I am thinking about it. I can't say I understand.
George: Why don't you understand? Do I have to explain everything?
Molly: Your shirt is very red!
Sorry, I am not very good at writing captions for photographs. I had to do it at my last job, and I was pretty famous for not doing it well.
We had time to do this photo shoot when it was discovered that the prime rib that we thought had been cooking for two hours had actually been sitting in a cold oven for two hours. Someone who I will not name, but he is one of my parents and not the one who is my mother, forgot to turn the oven on.
And as if to punish me for mocking this book, I have had a very hard time formatting this post. I wish I had brought the book with me. Hopefully it shows up okay.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Points that I should have been awarded during a recent Scattergories game
Well, it’s the holiday, which means that my entire family is home. To celebrate, we recently had a family fun night, which involved playing some games. I should explain that when we were younger, my brothers were extremely jealous of how awesome I am at games. Perhaps that resentment still lingers, because I had an extremely difficult time getting some of my Scattergories answers approved. I present my case below as to why each answer should have been approved.
For those who don’t know, Scattergories is a game where you have a list of catergories, such as “a boy’s name,” “things in the refrigerator,” “countries”, etc. You roll a di for a letter of the alphabet, and then you have a minute to think of an answer for each of the categories, with the answer starting with the letter that was rolled. If your answer has two words, both with that letter, that’s two points.
I knew I was in for a rough night when I had to fight hard to get my family to realize that a stick bug was a real insect (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stick_insect), and that “epidermis” is an item found at the beach (it’s friggin’ everywhere!), but these are the answers that were ultimately (and unfairly) denied:
-For the category “Things that are Sticky,” I answered: frog.
Justification: I could have been referring to many acceptable things here. First, there are those toys that are shaped like frogs that you can stick on windows and glass and whatnot. Second, I could have been referring to the black-spotted sticky frog (http://ecologyasia.com/verts/amphibians/black-spotted-sticky-frog.htm). Third, I just found a book on Amazon called “The Icky Sticky Frog.” For any of these three reasons, my answer should have been accepted.
-For the category “Awards/Ceremonies,” I answered: frisbee golf awards.
Justification: My brothers have been playing a lot of frisbee golf lately. And to award them, I recently decided to give them a certificate or a trophy or something to celebrate their work. But you know what? Now that you’ve deemed frisbee golf awards an invalid answer, I am DEFINITELY not doing that anymore.
-For the category “Cooking Utensils,” I answered: flipper
Justification: I think for this one, my family assumed that my ignorance in the kitchen extended to the names of utensils, and they thought I was trying to get away with calling a spatula a flipper. But in my defense, I present the following links:
http://www.amazon.com/Orka-All-Purpose-13-Inch-Turner-Flipper/dp/B000RYNOI4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Cook-Large-Flipper-Purple/dp/B000VSSP5S/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Cook-Perforated-Flipper-Green/dp/B000VSOXYU/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-15
I mean, I could go on, but I think we all see it’s a perfectly valid term.
-For the category “Parks,” I answered: fossil bed.
Justification: The National Park Service has almost 200 search results for fossil bed, including Florissant Fossil Beds National Monument (that technically would have been two points), the Agate Fossil Beds National Monument, and the John Day Fossil Beds National Monument.
-For the category “Things in a Medicine Cabinet,” I answered: rope.
Justification: Okay, I can’t find really any good justification for this, but I still think rope would be a good thing to have in a medicine cabinet, just in case you need to make a tourniquet or something.
-For the category “Halloween costumes,” I answered: Ramona Quimby.
Justification: I think lots of little girls are probably dressing up as Beverly Cleary’s most beloved character.
-For the category “Kinds of Dances,” I answered: doo-wop
Justification: I’d hate to be the one to tell the New England Doo Wop Society (http://www.newenglanddoowopsociety.org/) that their New Year’s Eve Dance Party is an invalid event, wouldn’t you?
-For the category “College Majors,” I answered: dentistry
Justification: A search by major on U.S. News and World Report reveals that Dalhousie University, Ohio State University, University of British Columbia, University of Florida, University of Kentucky, University of Toronto, and University of Western Ontario all offer a major in dentistry.
-For the category “Things at a circus,” I answered: ignorance.
Justification: Ignorance is everywhere!
-For the category, “Famous Females,” I answered: Wonder Woman
Justification: My family did not accept this because Wonder Woman is a fictional character. I would respond that this category does not specify whether is has to be real or not. It’s true that I did not accept my father’s answer of “Nicholas Nickleby” during the category “Historical Figures,” but that category denotes that the figure must be of history and not of literature. Wonder Woman, real or not, is famous and easily identifiable by her outfit.
-For the category, “Names Used in the Bible,” I answered: wise men.
Justification: While it is true that we know the names of the wise men, “wise men” is the name used to refer to them. I just did a little internet research, and the term “wise men” appears 44 times in the Bible. Particularly in this Christmas season, I believe we should count “wise men” as a name and award the point to me.
I believe I have adequately provided justification for 11 additional points (I won’t even give myself a point for rope), and I must declare myself the winner of this game which occurred two days ago.
For those who don’t know, Scattergories is a game where you have a list of catergories, such as “a boy’s name,” “things in the refrigerator,” “countries”, etc. You roll a di for a letter of the alphabet, and then you have a minute to think of an answer for each of the categories, with the answer starting with the letter that was rolled. If your answer has two words, both with that letter, that’s two points.
I knew I was in for a rough night when I had to fight hard to get my family to realize that a stick bug was a real insect (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stick_insect), and that “epidermis” is an item found at the beach (it’s friggin’ everywhere!), but these are the answers that were ultimately (and unfairly) denied:
-For the category “Things that are Sticky,” I answered: frog.
Justification: I could have been referring to many acceptable things here. First, there are those toys that are shaped like frogs that you can stick on windows and glass and whatnot. Second, I could have been referring to the black-spotted sticky frog (http://ecologyasia.com/verts/amphibians/black-spotted-sticky-frog.htm). Third, I just found a book on Amazon called “The Icky Sticky Frog.” For any of these three reasons, my answer should have been accepted.
-For the category “Awards/Ceremonies,” I answered: frisbee golf awards.
Justification: My brothers have been playing a lot of frisbee golf lately. And to award them, I recently decided to give them a certificate or a trophy or something to celebrate their work. But you know what? Now that you’ve deemed frisbee golf awards an invalid answer, I am DEFINITELY not doing that anymore.
-For the category “Cooking Utensils,” I answered: flipper
Justification: I think for this one, my family assumed that my ignorance in the kitchen extended to the names of utensils, and they thought I was trying to get away with calling a spatula a flipper. But in my defense, I present the following links:
http://www.amazon.com/Orka-All-Purpose-13-Inch-Turner-Flipper/dp/B000RYNOI4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Cook-Large-Flipper-Purple/dp/B000VSSP5S/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-5
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Cook-Perforated-Flipper-Green/dp/B000VSOXYU/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1198513177&sr=1-15
I mean, I could go on, but I think we all see it’s a perfectly valid term.
-For the category “Parks,” I answered: fossil bed.
Justification: The National Park Service has almost 200 search results for fossil bed, including Florissant Fossil Beds National Monument (that technically would have been two points), the Agate Fossil Beds National Monument, and the John Day Fossil Beds National Monument.
-For the category “Things in a Medicine Cabinet,” I answered: rope.
Justification: Okay, I can’t find really any good justification for this, but I still think rope would be a good thing to have in a medicine cabinet, just in case you need to make a tourniquet or something.
-For the category “Halloween costumes,” I answered: Ramona Quimby.
Justification: I think lots of little girls are probably dressing up as Beverly Cleary’s most beloved character.
-For the category “Kinds of Dances,” I answered: doo-wop
Justification: I’d hate to be the one to tell the New England Doo Wop Society (http://www.newenglanddoowopsociety.org/) that their New Year’s Eve Dance Party is an invalid event, wouldn’t you?
-For the category “College Majors,” I answered: dentistry
Justification: A search by major on U.S. News and World Report reveals that Dalhousie University, Ohio State University, University of British Columbia, University of Florida, University of Kentucky, University of Toronto, and University of Western Ontario all offer a major in dentistry.
-For the category “Things at a circus,” I answered: ignorance.
Justification: Ignorance is everywhere!
-For the category, “Famous Females,” I answered: Wonder Woman
Justification: My family did not accept this because Wonder Woman is a fictional character. I would respond that this category does not specify whether is has to be real or not. It’s true that I did not accept my father’s answer of “Nicholas Nickleby” during the category “Historical Figures,” but that category denotes that the figure must be of history and not of literature. Wonder Woman, real or not, is famous and easily identifiable by her outfit.
-For the category, “Names Used in the Bible,” I answered: wise men.
Justification: While it is true that we know the names of the wise men, “wise men” is the name used to refer to them. I just did a little internet research, and the term “wise men” appears 44 times in the Bible. Particularly in this Christmas season, I believe we should count “wise men” as a name and award the point to me.
I believe I have adequately provided justification for 11 additional points (I won’t even give myself a point for rope), and I must declare myself the winner of this game which occurred two days ago.
Do you need a last-minute stocking stuffer?
If you need a last minute item to put in someone's stocking this Christmas, let me recommend Hershey's Goodnight Kisses Milk Chocolate Hot Cocoa Mix. This is an extremely delicious product that will surely brighten anyone's Christmas!
What really sets this cocoa product apart from other cocoas is that it is made with tiny bits of Hershey's chocolate. When you get near the bottom of the cup, you may be sad, because your cocoa is almost gone, but let me tell you, the best is still to come! For, lingering at the bottom of the cup, are these tiny little Hershey's Kisses. I guess they don't all get melted by the hot water, and so your last sip of this delicious beverage is a sip of little chocolate morsels!
I will put out the disclaimer that my brother William found the appearance of these mini Kisses to be somewhat similar to rat poop, but if you can get past that, then you are in for a wonderful treat! This beverage is so sweet that I forego dessert and just have a cup of this instead! That is probably a good thing, because looking at the nutritional info, I am realizing how unhealthy this product is! Do not give this product to someone who has weight issues!
Hershey's Goodnight Kisses Milk Chocolate Hot Cocoa Mix is 99.9% caffeine free, which I guess is why they call it Goodnight Kisses. Because it won't keep you awake. However, it might kind of keep you awake if you have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom. If you need a morning cocoa with a little bit of caffeine in it, I can recommend to you Swiss Miss Pick-Me-Up Cocoa, which claims to have as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. It does not however, have those little mini-kisses at the end of the cup, which is why I'm more wholeheartedly recommending the Hershey's Mix.
This product can probably be found at grocery stores, but I happened to find it at Wal-Mart. I realize that today is probably the least appealing day to go to Wal-Mart, but it will be worth it when you see the expression on your loved one's face when they realize that there are Hershey's kisses waiting for them in the bottom of their cup!
What really sets this cocoa product apart from other cocoas is that it is made with tiny bits of Hershey's chocolate. When you get near the bottom of the cup, you may be sad, because your cocoa is almost gone, but let me tell you, the best is still to come! For, lingering at the bottom of the cup, are these tiny little Hershey's Kisses. I guess they don't all get melted by the hot water, and so your last sip of this delicious beverage is a sip of little chocolate morsels!
I will put out the disclaimer that my brother William found the appearance of these mini Kisses to be somewhat similar to rat poop, but if you can get past that, then you are in for a wonderful treat! This beverage is so sweet that I forego dessert and just have a cup of this instead! That is probably a good thing, because looking at the nutritional info, I am realizing how unhealthy this product is! Do not give this product to someone who has weight issues!
Hershey's Goodnight Kisses Milk Chocolate Hot Cocoa Mix is 99.9% caffeine free, which I guess is why they call it Goodnight Kisses. Because it won't keep you awake. However, it might kind of keep you awake if you have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom. If you need a morning cocoa with a little bit of caffeine in it, I can recommend to you Swiss Miss Pick-Me-Up Cocoa, which claims to have as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. It does not however, have those little mini-kisses at the end of the cup, which is why I'm more wholeheartedly recommending the Hershey's Mix.
This product can probably be found at grocery stores, but I happened to find it at Wal-Mart. I realize that today is probably the least appealing day to go to Wal-Mart, but it will be worth it when you see the expression on your loved one's face when they realize that there are Hershey's kisses waiting for them in the bottom of their cup!
Saturday, December 22, 2007
All good things must come to an end
Whew, well, that’s it! I have addressed all of the prompts provided by Mary Henry and Brad, and that’s the close of BAM(H)! POW! SOB!
Technically I will note that the list provided had 29 prompts, the 29th being “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”, but I will address that in my own way next week.
On a personal note, in the middle of this big week on the blog, something pretty exciting happened---I got a job! I’m moving to Atlanta next month. My policy of not talking about work on the blog will continue, so you’ll have to chat with me if you would like to know more about what I’ll be doing. It's gonna be fun!
So, sadly, my ability to hang out with Mary Henry and Brad will not be as plentiful as it was during these last few months of unemployment. But don’t worry, guys, we will always have the memory of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! to keep us together. Thank you so much for the list of writing topics. I really appreciate your help in the assistance of my goal of writing 200 blog entries this year. After BAM(H)! POW! SOB! week, I have less than ten entries to go!
Technically I will note that the list provided had 29 prompts, the 29th being “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”, but I will address that in my own way next week.
On a personal note, in the middle of this big week on the blog, something pretty exciting happened---I got a job! I’m moving to Atlanta next month. My policy of not talking about work on the blog will continue, so you’ll have to chat with me if you would like to know more about what I’ll be doing. It's gonna be fun!
So, sadly, my ability to hang out with Mary Henry and Brad will not be as plentiful as it was during these last few months of unemployment. But don’t worry, guys, we will always have the memory of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! to keep us together. Thank you so much for the list of writing topics. I really appreciate your help in the assistance of my goal of writing 200 blog entries this year. After BAM(H)! POW! SOB! week, I have less than ten entries to go!
Poll #5 Results
We had a special BAM(H)! POW! SOB! poll this week!
Here was the poll:
Mary Henry and Brad’s favorite thing to do:
-Making jewelry and selling it at local fairs and festivals
-Auditioning for reality television programs
-Getting things pierced
-Reading books about zoology
Results:
0% chose making jewelry. That one was a trick because while Mary Henry and Brad just adore making jewelry, they don’t sell it at local fairs and festivals. They keep it all for themselves and their stuffed animals.
63% chose auditioning for reality television programs. I think they audition for all kinds of television programs, including soap operas, game shows, and hospital dramas, but it does seem like they have a special affinity for realty programming, in particular the work of Mike Rowe.
27% chose getting things pierced. If this is true, then I do not want to know too much about it.
9% chose reading books about zoology. Congratulations! If you chose this one, you chose correctly. Brad and Mary Henry just love zoos and animals and they really just go cuckoo for books on those subjects. I’m really sorry that more people didn’t pick this option. I know I did.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the poll. That was the last poll for the year 2007. Polls will return again in 2008.
Here was the poll:
Mary Henry and Brad’s favorite thing to do:
-Making jewelry and selling it at local fairs and festivals
-Auditioning for reality television programs
-Getting things pierced
-Reading books about zoology
Results:
0% chose making jewelry. That one was a trick because while Mary Henry and Brad just adore making jewelry, they don’t sell it at local fairs and festivals. They keep it all for themselves and their stuffed animals.
63% chose auditioning for reality television programs. I think they audition for all kinds of television programs, including soap operas, game shows, and hospital dramas, but it does seem like they have a special affinity for realty programming, in particular the work of Mike Rowe.
27% chose getting things pierced. If this is true, then I do not want to know too much about it.
9% chose reading books about zoology. Congratulations! If you chose this one, you chose correctly. Brad and Mary Henry just love zoos and animals and they really just go cuckoo for books on those subjects. I’m really sorry that more people didn’t pick this option. I know I did.
Thanks to everyone who participated in the poll. That was the last poll for the year 2007. Polls will return again in 2008.
The last questions!
Here's the last batch of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! questions provided! I threw all these together because they were the most random, and the hardest to think of answers for!
23. Mike Huckabee is scarier than W
Do you feel this way because you are scared of Chuck Norris?
24. The freecreditreport.com song, while it is extremely annoying, it gets stuck in your head
Every time I turn around, there is an entirely new freecreditreport.com commercial! So now I can’t even say that all of them are stuck in my head. I know that one with the pirates in the restaurant pretty well. Annoying songs are just meant to get stuck in one’s head. I am reminded of that episode of Cheers where Rebecca wanted a jingle for the bar, but she didn’t like the tune they did because it was annoying and just put the phone number of the bar over a children’s song. But then Woody walked by and sang another place’s phone number to the tune of a children’s song, and Rebecca realized she made a mistake by not hiring the guy. Or something like that. Anyways, I kind of like the guy who plays the pirate. He’s from France.
25. There hasn't been a good movie made in America in years.
I would disagree. John Cusack makes most of his movies in America (exceptions: Max, maybe there were a few filmed in Canada), and these are really good movies.
26. Why are 12-year-olds so much older than I was when I was 12?
I think they put hormones in the water now.
27. The American Family Association has called for a boycott of Target due to its support of same-sex benefits. Thoughts & reactions.
I think the American Family Association should consider boycotting stores that do not offer any benefits, because I would guess that’s probably way more damaging to a family.
28. Bumper stickers on a car: W 2004 next to "Keep Asheville Weird"?? WTF
Asheville is an interesting place. There are a lot of hippies, and when I was in high school, Rolling Stone did an article that called Asheville the New Freak Capital (most of the article really dealt with a guy who ran around naked who ran for City Council). Yet there are also a lot of conservative people. I guess BAM(H) was surprised that both of these stickers would be on the same car.
One of the criticisms I remember about the “Keep Austin Weird” movement is that you can’t necessarily cultivate weirdness. And isn’t it kind of uncool to know how weird you are? And can weirdness be a movement per se? Isn’t it kind of lame that Asheville just stole Austin’s slogan? I think if you agree with these kinds of criticisms, then you can see how a person who is technically a conservative might want to view themselves as weird and as supporting Asheville’s weirdness. I really don’t think the true Asheville weirdos are really the ones buying the “Keep Asheville Weird” stickers.
But hey, everyone who reads this blog likes the Avett Brothers, right? In an interview, Scott Avett was talking about how Asheville was a good fit for the band because it was mix of freaks and conservatives: “I think the really good thing about Asheville is that you can get some of the same, I would say creative progressiveness, as you get in New York City, with the same contrast of conservative countryness, which is a mixture of what we are.” So while it might be odd to see both bumper stickers on the same car, I think we have to support it if it’s going to help the Avett Brothers thrive.
23. Mike Huckabee is scarier than W
Do you feel this way because you are scared of Chuck Norris?
24. The freecreditreport.com song, while it is extremely annoying, it gets stuck in your head
Every time I turn around, there is an entirely new freecreditreport.com commercial! So now I can’t even say that all of them are stuck in my head. I know that one with the pirates in the restaurant pretty well. Annoying songs are just meant to get stuck in one’s head. I am reminded of that episode of Cheers where Rebecca wanted a jingle for the bar, but she didn’t like the tune they did because it was annoying and just put the phone number of the bar over a children’s song. But then Woody walked by and sang another place’s phone number to the tune of a children’s song, and Rebecca realized she made a mistake by not hiring the guy. Or something like that. Anyways, I kind of like the guy who plays the pirate. He’s from France.
25. There hasn't been a good movie made in America in years.
I would disagree. John Cusack makes most of his movies in America (exceptions: Max, maybe there were a few filmed in Canada), and these are really good movies.
26. Why are 12-year-olds so much older than I was when I was 12?
I think they put hormones in the water now.
27. The American Family Association has called for a boycott of Target due to its support of same-sex benefits. Thoughts & reactions.
I think the American Family Association should consider boycotting stores that do not offer any benefits, because I would guess that’s probably way more damaging to a family.
28. Bumper stickers on a car: W 2004 next to "Keep Asheville Weird"?? WTF
Asheville is an interesting place. There are a lot of hippies, and when I was in high school, Rolling Stone did an article that called Asheville the New Freak Capital (most of the article really dealt with a guy who ran around naked who ran for City Council). Yet there are also a lot of conservative people. I guess BAM(H) was surprised that both of these stickers would be on the same car.
One of the criticisms I remember about the “Keep Austin Weird” movement is that you can’t necessarily cultivate weirdness. And isn’t it kind of uncool to know how weird you are? And can weirdness be a movement per se? Isn’t it kind of lame that Asheville just stole Austin’s slogan? I think if you agree with these kinds of criticisms, then you can see how a person who is technically a conservative might want to view themselves as weird and as supporting Asheville’s weirdness. I really don’t think the true Asheville weirdos are really the ones buying the “Keep Asheville Weird” stickers.
But hey, everyone who reads this blog likes the Avett Brothers, right? In an interview, Scott Avett was talking about how Asheville was a good fit for the band because it was mix of freaks and conservatives: “I think the really good thing about Asheville is that you can get some of the same, I would say creative progressiveness, as you get in New York City, with the same contrast of conservative countryness, which is a mixture of what we are.” So while it might be odd to see both bumper stickers on the same car, I think we have to support it if it’s going to help the Avett Brothers thrive.
Friday, December 21, 2007
i'm not really too hungry right now, but thanks for asking
Here are some BAM(H)! POW! SOB! questions about food!!!!!
20. Why does Hot Dog World have the best Greek salad in the world?
I have never had the Greek salad at Hot Dog World. Hot Dog World is a restaurant in Hendersonville, where Brad and Mary Henry live. In the Candler/Asheville area, we have Hot Dog King, and I do not believe that they serve Greek salad.
But I guess I don’t understand how anyone ever tried the Greek salad at Hot Dog World in the first place. Even if I were to visit Hot Dog World, knowing that they have a really good Greek salad, it would be hard for me to turn down the hot dogs. Because hot dogs are so delicious, and this is their world! If I were in a place called Greek Salad World (a.k.a. Greece), I certainly wouldn’t order hot dogs!
But I did learn a valuable lesson about not judging restaurants by their appearances the other day. In Asheville, there’s this restaurant that’s essentially attached to a gas station, and in most circumstances, that would lead me to say, “ewwwww.” But we went to this restaurant the other day, and I had a very delicious Cuban sandwich. The delicious food at this restaurant attached to a gas station taught me that maybe I need to get past any stereotypes that I might hold in relation to food. This would include ordering a Greek salad even if I am in a place devoted to hot dogs.
But I think the original question is moot because Apollo Flame in Asheville has the best Greek salad in the world.
21. Ice cream...some days you need mix-ins, some days you don't
One time after we ate dinner, BAM(H)! and I went to Marble Slab, which is one of those places where you pick an ice cream and some mix-ins, such as fruit or candy, and they mash it all up together for you. These places have different names all across the country, and dare I say, the world.
Sometimes ice cream with mix-ins is a really nice treat. You can feel kind of like a mad scientist or a culinary genius as you pick your combinations. But sometimes I would just rather have ice cream as-is. This is probably due to the fact that there are already many wonderful pre-packaged ice creams, including moose tracks and mint chocolate chip. So it’s hard to improve a good thing. But there are two problems that I sometimes have with mix-in ice cream: 1. Sometimes the mix-ins get frozen. This leads to things like hard M&M’s or rock-solid gummy bears. 2. Sometimes after they mix all the things together, the ice cream is a little runny, like it has lost some consistency. That said, some days I do enjoy getting ice cream with mix-ins. Some days, I don’t.
22. What’s with the Japanese steakhouses that do not employ Japanese cooks? I mean they should at least be Asian.
This question probably derives from a conversation I had with BAM(H) that recounted an office Christmas party I attended recently at a Japanese steakhouse. The kind where the guy slices and dices and sets things on fire, and you don’t even have to chat with other people at your table because you can just watch someone cooking. Except we had just some regular guy whose show was kind of mediocre, but everyone was still very quiet, probably because they were still going to wait for something to be set on fire, Japanese guy or no. What was with this Japanese steakhouse that did not employ Japanese cooks? BAM(H) and I pondered. I mean, they should at least be Asian.
In the time since that office party, I have come to a few hypotheses:
-We are having an immigration problem in this country. I had not heard that it was affecting Asians, but perhaps it is.
-There are actually not many Asian people in this part of the country.
-Maybe a person just wants a job where they don’t have to set something on fire every day.
I’ve also been wondering why we don’t use that white sauce at Japanese restaurants more often. I mean, I’d put that stuff on a hamburger and be happy as a duck. Or on nachos or something. Today I asked my youngest brother, who loves that sauce, if he’d be interested in a restaurant where every dish involved the sauce. He said no, which was sort of a surprise to me. Anyways. Here’s an interesting website that someone has taken the time to put together: http://www.japanese-steakhouse-white-sauce.com/
20. Why does Hot Dog World have the best Greek salad in the world?
I have never had the Greek salad at Hot Dog World. Hot Dog World is a restaurant in Hendersonville, where Brad and Mary Henry live. In the Candler/Asheville area, we have Hot Dog King, and I do not believe that they serve Greek salad.
But I guess I don’t understand how anyone ever tried the Greek salad at Hot Dog World in the first place. Even if I were to visit Hot Dog World, knowing that they have a really good Greek salad, it would be hard for me to turn down the hot dogs. Because hot dogs are so delicious, and this is their world! If I were in a place called Greek Salad World (a.k.a. Greece), I certainly wouldn’t order hot dogs!
But I did learn a valuable lesson about not judging restaurants by their appearances the other day. In Asheville, there’s this restaurant that’s essentially attached to a gas station, and in most circumstances, that would lead me to say, “ewwwww.” But we went to this restaurant the other day, and I had a very delicious Cuban sandwich. The delicious food at this restaurant attached to a gas station taught me that maybe I need to get past any stereotypes that I might hold in relation to food. This would include ordering a Greek salad even if I am in a place devoted to hot dogs.
But I think the original question is moot because Apollo Flame in Asheville has the best Greek salad in the world.
21. Ice cream...some days you need mix-ins, some days you don't
One time after we ate dinner, BAM(H)! and I went to Marble Slab, which is one of those places where you pick an ice cream and some mix-ins, such as fruit or candy, and they mash it all up together for you. These places have different names all across the country, and dare I say, the world.
Sometimes ice cream with mix-ins is a really nice treat. You can feel kind of like a mad scientist or a culinary genius as you pick your combinations. But sometimes I would just rather have ice cream as-is. This is probably due to the fact that there are already many wonderful pre-packaged ice creams, including moose tracks and mint chocolate chip. So it’s hard to improve a good thing. But there are two problems that I sometimes have with mix-in ice cream: 1. Sometimes the mix-ins get frozen. This leads to things like hard M&M’s or rock-solid gummy bears. 2. Sometimes after they mix all the things together, the ice cream is a little runny, like it has lost some consistency. That said, some days I do enjoy getting ice cream with mix-ins. Some days, I don’t.
22. What’s with the Japanese steakhouses that do not employ Japanese cooks? I mean they should at least be Asian.
This question probably derives from a conversation I had with BAM(H) that recounted an office Christmas party I attended recently at a Japanese steakhouse. The kind where the guy slices and dices and sets things on fire, and you don’t even have to chat with other people at your table because you can just watch someone cooking. Except we had just some regular guy whose show was kind of mediocre, but everyone was still very quiet, probably because they were still going to wait for something to be set on fire, Japanese guy or no. What was with this Japanese steakhouse that did not employ Japanese cooks? BAM(H) and I pondered. I mean, they should at least be Asian.
In the time since that office party, I have come to a few hypotheses:
-We are having an immigration problem in this country. I had not heard that it was affecting Asians, but perhaps it is.
-There are actually not many Asian people in this part of the country.
-Maybe a person just wants a job where they don’t have to set something on fire every day.
I’ve also been wondering why we don’t use that white sauce at Japanese restaurants more often. I mean, I’d put that stuff on a hamburger and be happy as a duck. Or on nachos or something. Today I asked my youngest brother, who loves that sauce, if he’d be interested in a restaurant where every dish involved the sauce. He said no, which was sort of a surprise to me. Anyways. Here’s an interesting website that someone has taken the time to put together: http://www.japanese-steakhouse-white-sauce.com/
gambling commission
Here are some BAM(H)! POW! SOB! questions related to games!
17. Boggle: the best game ever (other than backgammon)
I played a little online Boggle just now so that I can say this with certainty, but I don’t think Boggle is the best game ever. Sorry, BAM(H). I think that it is a very good game, but it is not the best. I don’t feel that backgammon is the second best game ever, either. But clearly, you guys have something with games that start with the letter B that I just don’t understand. Might I suggest bocce and Battleship to you?
Some games that I enjoy include Scattergories, Taboo, Trivial Pursuit, Tripoley, Cranium, and Monopoly. But the best game of all time is a little game called Shopopoly, which is Monopoly adapted for Old Navy. For example, instead of Boardwalk, there’s something like tank tops or flip flops or fleece jackets. As far as I know, this game is only available to Old Navy employees after they do something particularly heinous, like scraping gum off the store floor for five hours or opening 150 Old Navy credit cards. I stole mine from the stock room when I worked there. I don’t know why someone left it there, because you really did have to do something really really awful to deserve one, and if I did something that big, I’d want to keep my prize forever. But perhaps that worker died from their deed, or perhaps they died by inhaling the dyes that are in the clothes.
18. Age at which you are too old to be on Facebook
If someone can make me an application where I can play Battleship with people on Facebook, similar to the way that one can play Scrabble on Facebook, then I would be willing to say that no one is too old to be on Facebook. Normally I might have said that everyone is too old to be on Facebook, but if an old person can make me a Battleship application, then I would say no one is too old. I came to this conclusion while addressing the best game ever issue above. Please, I want to play Facebook Battleship. I found where you can play online but I think the computer is cheating.
19. Your mom's high score on Guitar Hero
Guitar Hero is a game where you push buttons on a fake guitar that correspond with notes on your television screen, and by pushing these buttons, you play a rock song. My mom discovered this game when she helped by brother George move. She is a natural talent. When my brothers were teaching me how to play, I had to keep hearing, “Mom is so much better than you!” My mom and I have been playing a lot of Guitar Hero these days, and for awhile, I was doing a little better than her. Then I came home and would play, and I’d set a high score, but it wouldn’t be as high as Mom’s. One day, I came home, and she said, “Ooh, I played a song that you just have to play because it will give you a very high score! The song is about killing? Killing for something?” I ask if she means “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine. It turns out that is what she meant. I find it very entertaining that my Mom is so good at Guitar Hero.
17. Boggle: the best game ever (other than backgammon)
I played a little online Boggle just now so that I can say this with certainty, but I don’t think Boggle is the best game ever. Sorry, BAM(H). I think that it is a very good game, but it is not the best. I don’t feel that backgammon is the second best game ever, either. But clearly, you guys have something with games that start with the letter B that I just don’t understand. Might I suggest bocce and Battleship to you?
Some games that I enjoy include Scattergories, Taboo, Trivial Pursuit, Tripoley, Cranium, and Monopoly. But the best game of all time is a little game called Shopopoly, which is Monopoly adapted for Old Navy. For example, instead of Boardwalk, there’s something like tank tops or flip flops or fleece jackets. As far as I know, this game is only available to Old Navy employees after they do something particularly heinous, like scraping gum off the store floor for five hours or opening 150 Old Navy credit cards. I stole mine from the stock room when I worked there. I don’t know why someone left it there, because you really did have to do something really really awful to deserve one, and if I did something that big, I’d want to keep my prize forever. But perhaps that worker died from their deed, or perhaps they died by inhaling the dyes that are in the clothes.
18. Age at which you are too old to be on Facebook
If someone can make me an application where I can play Battleship with people on Facebook, similar to the way that one can play Scrabble on Facebook, then I would be willing to say that no one is too old to be on Facebook. Normally I might have said that everyone is too old to be on Facebook, but if an old person can make me a Battleship application, then I would say no one is too old. I came to this conclusion while addressing the best game ever issue above. Please, I want to play Facebook Battleship. I found where you can play online but I think the computer is cheating.
19. Your mom's high score on Guitar Hero
Guitar Hero is a game where you push buttons on a fake guitar that correspond with notes on your television screen, and by pushing these buttons, you play a rock song. My mom discovered this game when she helped by brother George move. She is a natural talent. When my brothers were teaching me how to play, I had to keep hearing, “Mom is so much better than you!” My mom and I have been playing a lot of Guitar Hero these days, and for awhile, I was doing a little better than her. Then I came home and would play, and I’d set a high score, but it wouldn’t be as high as Mom’s. One day, I came home, and she said, “Ooh, I played a song that you just have to play because it will give you a very high score! The song is about killing? Killing for something?” I ask if she means “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine. It turns out that is what she meant. I find it very entertaining that my Mom is so good at Guitar Hero.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
color me mine
Here are some questions that BAM(H) asked about various colors!
15. Are universities with the color orange in their "spirit colors" trying to make lots of people look like giant cheetos?
You ask this question as if you have something against cheetos. Cheetos are very delicious, and I feel that if we were to assign a personality to this inanimate object, then I bet we would find that cheetos are pretty jolly most of the time. I think there are probably worse things than for a crowd to be dressed as a bunch of giant cheetos, although I could foresee a time in which some aliens come down from outer space, and they fly over a football stadium, and they say, “hey, let’s go eat all those giant cheetos.” But that’s really the only danger I can think of at this minute.
My father’s school colors are blue and orange, so I conducted a brief, informal interview with him regarding how he feels about the orange. It was so informal that I did not take notes, but here’s what I remember of the conversation.
Molly: Dad, how do you feel about your school’s colors?
Dad: I like them.
Molly: Really? Even orange?
Dad: Yes.
Molly: What if your school sent you a letter and said that they were thinking about changing the school colors. Would you be happy? Would you rather have different colors than blue and orange? How would you respond to that letter?
Dad: I guess at this point, I would want the colors to remain the same due to tradition.
Molly: Would you wear a giant orange sweatshirt that said “Virginia,” even if it made you look like a giant cheeto?
Dad: Yes.
Molly: Would you wear a giant orange sweatshirt if it did not say “Virginia”?
Dad: I guess I wouldn’t.
Molly: So your affection for the color orange is pretty strictly tied to its association with the University of Virginia?
Dad: Yes.
So here’s what I think we’ve learned: My dad would wear an orange sweatshirt if it said the school name. He would not wear an orange sweatshirt if it did not say the name. Schools probably pick outrageous colors so that when people wear them, they really stand out. Because everyone wears navy or hunter green sweatshirts, they pick loud colors so that fans can pick their fellow fans out of a crowd. Because I bet when my dad sees an orange sweatshirt, he at least subconsciously tries to check if it is a UVA fan. Or, he is looking to see if it’s a giant cheeto walking down the street.
16. Is anyone really the color of "nude pantyhose"?
I really hate pantyhose. I think they are the worst invention in the history of the whole world. My mom says that when I wear them, I walk like I have a corncob stuck up my butt. I don’t like the way they feel, and I don’t like the sound they make when they rub together. Why should we be surprised that the evil, evil, really bad people who create pantyhose have also created a color that matches absolutely no one? Of course no one is the color of nude pantyhose, because pantyhose are an abomination against God, and there’s no reason they should even exist in the first place.
15. Are universities with the color orange in their "spirit colors" trying to make lots of people look like giant cheetos?
You ask this question as if you have something against cheetos. Cheetos are very delicious, and I feel that if we were to assign a personality to this inanimate object, then I bet we would find that cheetos are pretty jolly most of the time. I think there are probably worse things than for a crowd to be dressed as a bunch of giant cheetos, although I could foresee a time in which some aliens come down from outer space, and they fly over a football stadium, and they say, “hey, let’s go eat all those giant cheetos.” But that’s really the only danger I can think of at this minute.
My father’s school colors are blue and orange, so I conducted a brief, informal interview with him regarding how he feels about the orange. It was so informal that I did not take notes, but here’s what I remember of the conversation.
Molly: Dad, how do you feel about your school’s colors?
Dad: I like them.
Molly: Really? Even orange?
Dad: Yes.
Molly: What if your school sent you a letter and said that they were thinking about changing the school colors. Would you be happy? Would you rather have different colors than blue and orange? How would you respond to that letter?
Dad: I guess at this point, I would want the colors to remain the same due to tradition.
Molly: Would you wear a giant orange sweatshirt that said “Virginia,” even if it made you look like a giant cheeto?
Dad: Yes.
Molly: Would you wear a giant orange sweatshirt if it did not say “Virginia”?
Dad: I guess I wouldn’t.
Molly: So your affection for the color orange is pretty strictly tied to its association with the University of Virginia?
Dad: Yes.
So here’s what I think we’ve learned: My dad would wear an orange sweatshirt if it said the school name. He would not wear an orange sweatshirt if it did not say the name. Schools probably pick outrageous colors so that when people wear them, they really stand out. Because everyone wears navy or hunter green sweatshirts, they pick loud colors so that fans can pick their fellow fans out of a crowd. Because I bet when my dad sees an orange sweatshirt, he at least subconsciously tries to check if it is a UVA fan. Or, he is looking to see if it’s a giant cheeto walking down the street.
16. Is anyone really the color of "nude pantyhose"?
I really hate pantyhose. I think they are the worst invention in the history of the whole world. My mom says that when I wear them, I walk like I have a corncob stuck up my butt. I don’t like the way they feel, and I don’t like the sound they make when they rub together. Why should we be surprised that the evil, evil, really bad people who create pantyhose have also created a color that matches absolutely no one? Of course no one is the color of nude pantyhose, because pantyhose are an abomination against God, and there’s no reason they should even exist in the first place.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wind-up Woodpecker
13. How do those wind-up flashlights work anyway?
I have thought of three possible answers for this question:
--Magic
--Fireflies get blown toward the front of the flashlight
--Inside a wind-up flashlight is a small generator that keeps the bulb working. When you turn the handle, you are running the generator. This means that the flashlight doesn’t need batteries. Some of these wind-up flashlights will even charge your cell phone! Other kinds of flashlights that don’t require batteries include squeezable flashlights and shakable flashlights.
I think regardless of whether you use wind-up flashlights or not, it is always smart to have extra batteries around in case of emergency. That is my advice for the day.
14. Man vs. Wild...WTF
This is a television show on the Discovery Channel where a guy named Bear tries to survive in the wild. I don’t really watch this show, but I guess I have a pretty good idea of what goes on.
But let me tell you a little something about my house these days. At my house, it is like Man vs. Woodpecker. The woodpeckers are eating us alive. All of a sudden I will be doing something innocuous in my room, like folding clothes or eating candy, and then the next thing I know, it’s like World War III. But it’s woodpeckers instead of bombs or guns. Frankly I think the woodpeckers are more annoying. So I have to stop what I’m doing, go outside, and shoo them away. But then I guess they think that maybe I’ve left the room or the house, and they’ll come back ten minutes later. This process repeats over and over for hours. Shoo, return. Shoo, return. Sometimes I have gone outside and the insulation from the house is flying everywhere and it looks like it’s snowing. Sometimes my parents will try to shoot them with a BB gun, but they will still come back.
The woodpeckers have put so many holes in the house that now other birds can come through and play around in the walls. Many a time since I have been home, I have been sleeping sweet dreams, only to have a bird start dancing around in the wall behind my bed. Or it sounds like they’re behind my books. One day these birds will drive me so crazy that I might just start pulling everything off my shelves and claw at the shelves and scream, “The birds! The birds! Why won’t these birds leave me alone!” And my wailing will be heard all across Western North Carolina.
So anyway, where I was going with this, is I would like to contact this Bear, and see if they can do an episode of “Man vs. Wild” in my yard. He can live under trees and try to escape from small frogs. But he can only eat woodpeckers. I want to see that guy catch, skin, and eat these friggin’ woodpeckers.
I have thought of three possible answers for this question:
--Magic
--Fireflies get blown toward the front of the flashlight
--Inside a wind-up flashlight is a small generator that keeps the bulb working. When you turn the handle, you are running the generator. This means that the flashlight doesn’t need batteries. Some of these wind-up flashlights will even charge your cell phone! Other kinds of flashlights that don’t require batteries include squeezable flashlights and shakable flashlights.
I think regardless of whether you use wind-up flashlights or not, it is always smart to have extra batteries around in case of emergency. That is my advice for the day.
14. Man vs. Wild...WTF
This is a television show on the Discovery Channel where a guy named Bear tries to survive in the wild. I don’t really watch this show, but I guess I have a pretty good idea of what goes on.
But let me tell you a little something about my house these days. At my house, it is like Man vs. Woodpecker. The woodpeckers are eating us alive. All of a sudden I will be doing something innocuous in my room, like folding clothes or eating candy, and then the next thing I know, it’s like World War III. But it’s woodpeckers instead of bombs or guns. Frankly I think the woodpeckers are more annoying. So I have to stop what I’m doing, go outside, and shoo them away. But then I guess they think that maybe I’ve left the room or the house, and they’ll come back ten minutes later. This process repeats over and over for hours. Shoo, return. Shoo, return. Sometimes I have gone outside and the insulation from the house is flying everywhere and it looks like it’s snowing. Sometimes my parents will try to shoot them with a BB gun, but they will still come back.
The woodpeckers have put so many holes in the house that now other birds can come through and play around in the walls. Many a time since I have been home, I have been sleeping sweet dreams, only to have a bird start dancing around in the wall behind my bed. Or it sounds like they’re behind my books. One day these birds will drive me so crazy that I might just start pulling everything off my shelves and claw at the shelves and scream, “The birds! The birds! Why won’t these birds leave me alone!” And my wailing will be heard all across Western North Carolina.
So anyway, where I was going with this, is I would like to contact this Bear, and see if they can do an episode of “Man vs. Wild” in my yard. He can live under trees and try to escape from small frogs. But he can only eat woodpeckers. I want to see that guy catch, skin, and eat these friggin’ woodpeckers.
Halfway point of BAM(H)! POW! SOB!
Read this if you have forgotten what BAM(H)! POW! SOB! is!!!!
10. Where is the country of Anguilla and why haven't I heard of it until now?
Perhaps you have not heard of the country of Anguilla because it’s not actually a country, but rather a British overseas territory. It is located in the Caribbean Sea, near St. Martin and St. Barts. The name derives from the word for “eel” because the land has an eel-like shape. Its motto is “strength and endurance”, which I think means that you’ll be hearing about Anguilla for a long time to come. Because it’s so enduring.
Fun things to do in Anguilla apparently include sailing and cricket. About 40 percent of the population is Anglican. Also, it has spectacular coral reefs. The currency is the Eastern Caribbean Dollar, but U.S. currency is pretty widely accepted. A few weeks ago, Jimmy Buffett released “Live in Anguilla,” a 3-CD set which so far has received a 4 ½ star average from user reviews on Amazon.
11. Why did we never understand that Kink saying "Oh, go to" meant that she was telling us "to go to hell"?
This is a question that refers to Mary Henry’s and my grandmother, Kink. You can read a little more about Kink here: http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2007/06/kink.html
Basically, when you got Kink angry or frustrated, or when she plain didn’t understand you, she’d squint up her eyes and say, “Oh, go to!” and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. Mary Henry and I have discussed that we both had sort of a delayed realization that she was telling us to go to hell. I guess my gut reaction to the original question is, we were obviously somewhat sheltered children who didn’t think much about hell, and who certainly didn’t believe that our grandmother wanted us there. But after doing some research for the first question, I’m inclined to believe that she was actually telling us to go to Anguilla. I mean, you should look at some pictures of that place. It looks really beautiful.
12. Who buys coffee that comes from meerkat poop?
Kink.
10. Where is the country of Anguilla and why haven't I heard of it until now?
Perhaps you have not heard of the country of Anguilla because it’s not actually a country, but rather a British overseas territory. It is located in the Caribbean Sea, near St. Martin and St. Barts. The name derives from the word for “eel” because the land has an eel-like shape. Its motto is “strength and endurance”, which I think means that you’ll be hearing about Anguilla for a long time to come. Because it’s so enduring.
Fun things to do in Anguilla apparently include sailing and cricket. About 40 percent of the population is Anglican. Also, it has spectacular coral reefs. The currency is the Eastern Caribbean Dollar, but U.S. currency is pretty widely accepted. A few weeks ago, Jimmy Buffett released “Live in Anguilla,” a 3-CD set which so far has received a 4 ½ star average from user reviews on Amazon.
11. Why did we never understand that Kink saying "Oh, go to" meant that she was telling us "to go to hell"?
This is a question that refers to Mary Henry’s and my grandmother, Kink. You can read a little more about Kink here: http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2007/06/kink.html
Basically, when you got Kink angry or frustrated, or when she plain didn’t understand you, she’d squint up her eyes and say, “Oh, go to!” and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. Mary Henry and I have discussed that we both had sort of a delayed realization that she was telling us to go to hell. I guess my gut reaction to the original question is, we were obviously somewhat sheltered children who didn’t think much about hell, and who certainly didn’t believe that our grandmother wanted us there. But after doing some research for the first question, I’m inclined to believe that she was actually telling us to go to Anguilla. I mean, you should look at some pictures of that place. It looks really beautiful.
12. Who buys coffee that comes from meerkat poop?
Kink.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
An astrological reading for Mary Henry and Brad
First I should probably note that I don’t know anything about astrology. But in honor of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! I thought we should take a look at what’s in the stars for Brad and Mary Henry.
Mary Henry was born on September 20. This makes Mary Henry a Virgo. Wikipedia says that Virgos are careless with their fingernails and that their token animal is a bushbaby. Brad was born on December 6th. This makes Brad a Sagittarius. Wikipedia says that Sagittarians’ favorite seasoning is garlic butter, but it does not explain why and it is driving me crazy! How do you not explain something like that?! Anyways, according to Wikipedia, Virgo and Sagittarius are semi-compatible! Way to go! That is one step up from Not Compatible! Apparently you do not have similar personalities! Good luck with that!
I have looked into my crystal ball and predict that both of you will have very busy, yet fulfilling years, with the busy times peaking around the summer season and around major religious holidays. I predict that your town will get a lot of new, delicious restaurants, and I am not just predicting that because you might have alluded to that in the past. I predict that you both will spend a fair amount of time outside. I predict that Brad will receive a lot of candy this summer. I predict that Christmas will be in seven days. I predict that pink will be the new black. I predict that if you are careful with your personal data, you can avoid identity theft.
All astrologists and fortune tellers know that it all comes down to the day you were born. So let’s take a look at the important events and happenings on your days of birth:
Mary Henry:
-On September 20 in 1878, Upton Sinclair was born. I predict that this means that Mary Henry will never have to work in a dirty meatpacking plant.
-On that day in 1957, Fran Drescher was born. I predict that this means that you will have a nanny someday.
-On that day in 1973, Jim Croce died. I predict that this means that you will not be able to trap time in a bottle. So don’t even try!
-On that day in 1948, the Mexican Baseball League disbanded. I predict that this means that you will never play baseball in Mexico.
-On that day in 1973, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in the battle-of-the-sexes tennis match. I predict that this means that Mary Henry will always beat boys when she plays them in games.
-In Laos, they celebrate Thanksgiving on this day! I predict your next vacation will be in Laos!
Brad:
-On December 6 in 1889, Jefferson Davis died. Brad, this means that you are the last best hope for preserving the Confederacy.
-On that day in 1926, Claude Monet died. Brad, perhaps you can preserve the Confederacy through painting.
-On that day in 1988, Roy Orbison died. Brad, perhaps you can preserve the Confederacy through singing sad songs in a distinctive voice. Perhaps you are also blind.
-On that day in 1849, Harriet Tubman escaped from slavery in Maryland. Brad, why would you want to preserve the Confederacy when slavery is such a heinous crime against man?
-On that day in 1865, the 13th Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery. Brad, it looks like your painting and your songs couldn’t preserve the Confederacy, or slavery.
-On that day in 1975, Robert Dole and Elizabeth Hanford married. Brad, perhaps you are a Republican.
To sum up, what do the stars hold for Mary Henry and Brad? I don’t know. I’m writing it when it’s daytime and the stars are not out yet. If you want to learn more about yourselves, might I suggest you check here: http://www.astrology-online.com/sagittar.htm and here: http://www.astrology-online.com/virgo.htm.
Mary Henry was born on September 20. This makes Mary Henry a Virgo. Wikipedia says that Virgos are careless with their fingernails and that their token animal is a bushbaby. Brad was born on December 6th. This makes Brad a Sagittarius. Wikipedia says that Sagittarians’ favorite seasoning is garlic butter, but it does not explain why and it is driving me crazy! How do you not explain something like that?! Anyways, according to Wikipedia, Virgo and Sagittarius are semi-compatible! Way to go! That is one step up from Not Compatible! Apparently you do not have similar personalities! Good luck with that!
I have looked into my crystal ball and predict that both of you will have very busy, yet fulfilling years, with the busy times peaking around the summer season and around major religious holidays. I predict that your town will get a lot of new, delicious restaurants, and I am not just predicting that because you might have alluded to that in the past. I predict that you both will spend a fair amount of time outside. I predict that Brad will receive a lot of candy this summer. I predict that Christmas will be in seven days. I predict that pink will be the new black. I predict that if you are careful with your personal data, you can avoid identity theft.
All astrologists and fortune tellers know that it all comes down to the day you were born. So let’s take a look at the important events and happenings on your days of birth:
Mary Henry:
-On September 20 in 1878, Upton Sinclair was born. I predict that this means that Mary Henry will never have to work in a dirty meatpacking plant.
-On that day in 1957, Fran Drescher was born. I predict that this means that you will have a nanny someday.
-On that day in 1973, Jim Croce died. I predict that this means that you will not be able to trap time in a bottle. So don’t even try!
-On that day in 1948, the Mexican Baseball League disbanded. I predict that this means that you will never play baseball in Mexico.
-On that day in 1973, Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in the battle-of-the-sexes tennis match. I predict that this means that Mary Henry will always beat boys when she plays them in games.
-In Laos, they celebrate Thanksgiving on this day! I predict your next vacation will be in Laos!
Brad:
-On December 6 in 1889, Jefferson Davis died. Brad, this means that you are the last best hope for preserving the Confederacy.
-On that day in 1926, Claude Monet died. Brad, perhaps you can preserve the Confederacy through painting.
-On that day in 1988, Roy Orbison died. Brad, perhaps you can preserve the Confederacy through singing sad songs in a distinctive voice. Perhaps you are also blind.
-On that day in 1849, Harriet Tubman escaped from slavery in Maryland. Brad, why would you want to preserve the Confederacy when slavery is such a heinous crime against man?
-On that day in 1865, the 13th Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery. Brad, it looks like your painting and your songs couldn’t preserve the Confederacy, or slavery.
-On that day in 1975, Robert Dole and Elizabeth Hanford married. Brad, perhaps you are a Republican.
To sum up, what do the stars hold for Mary Henry and Brad? I don’t know. I’m writing it when it’s daytime and the stars are not out yet. If you want to learn more about yourselves, might I suggest you check here: http://www.astrology-online.com/sagittar.htm and here: http://www.astrology-online.com/virgo.htm.
BAM(H)! POW! SOB! Television Edition
Here are some questions that BAM(H) had about issues related to television:
7. Why is the History Channel only interesting when Hitler is on?
I wouldn’t say that the History Channel is ONLY interesting when Hitler is on; there are also numerous “Who Killed the Kennedy’s?” specials that I enjoy. Here’s an interesting analysis of why Hitler and the Nazis are on the History Channel that someone else wrote: http://archive.salon.com/may97/media/media970508.html. But here is a cute anecdote: the other day, my mother, brother, and I were searching for something to watch on television, and we settled on “Forrest Gump.” About 20 minutes in, my mother noticed the History Channel logo in the bottom right-hand corner. “This is the History Channel?” she asked, disbelievingly. “This is probably the longest that I’ve ever watched the History Channel! Someone go tell Dad!” Because my dad is pretty much always watching the Nazis on the History Channel. He hates those damn dirty Nazis.
8. When is the next slap on "How I Met Your Mother?"
First off, if you do not watch the show “How I Met Your Mother,” I would recommend that you do. It is very witty and clever, it features Neil Patrick Harris, and the main character looks a little bit like John Cusack. That’s like three good reasons to watch it.
So anyways, if you don’t watch the show, what happened is, Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) lost a bet to Marshall (some actor whose name I’m too lazy to look up), and Marshall won the right to slap Barney five times at any time of his choosing. Before the third slap, a web site was created to count down to the slap, and it just took place, on the Slapsgiving episode. Here, watch Marshall sing about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzpYeHTiEGY
There are two slaps left. Well, I can tell you the next slap won’t be anytime soon because of the writer’s strike. Sometimes I worry about whether the show might get cancelled before all five slaps occur, and then fans will have to live in perpetual fear, just as Barney does, of looming slaps that never come. I do think the last slap will occur in the last episode, perhaps in a flash forward moment, or even better, the show could just fade to black with a look of fear in Barney’s eyes. And then we could debate the HIMYM finale the way that Sopranos fans debated their finale. Did Barney really get slapped? How? Is he dead? Why is a Journey song playing?
9. Why is the "Family Guy" advertising for Subway?
I found a quote from Howard Nelson, vice president of worldwide promotion for 20th Century Fox licensing and merchandising, that said, “Subway’s attitude and irreverence is the perfect platform for the ‘Family Guy’ brand’s trademark twisted humor.” I am somewhat surprised that Subway views itself as “irreverent.” But anyways. Here’s my theory. Subway felt that it had been appealing to skinny people for far too long, and it was time to make sub sandwiches unhealthy again. That’s why they have this new gigantic sandwich that Peter Griffin is shilling, and also why they have introduced these personal pizzas that they have. Those pizzas are delicious though. I would recommend one with sausage, tomato, and onion.
7. Why is the History Channel only interesting when Hitler is on?
I wouldn’t say that the History Channel is ONLY interesting when Hitler is on; there are also numerous “Who Killed the Kennedy’s?” specials that I enjoy. Here’s an interesting analysis of why Hitler and the Nazis are on the History Channel that someone else wrote: http://archive.salon.com/may97/media/media970508.html. But here is a cute anecdote: the other day, my mother, brother, and I were searching for something to watch on television, and we settled on “Forrest Gump.” About 20 minutes in, my mother noticed the History Channel logo in the bottom right-hand corner. “This is the History Channel?” she asked, disbelievingly. “This is probably the longest that I’ve ever watched the History Channel! Someone go tell Dad!” Because my dad is pretty much always watching the Nazis on the History Channel. He hates those damn dirty Nazis.
8. When is the next slap on "How I Met Your Mother?"
First off, if you do not watch the show “How I Met Your Mother,” I would recommend that you do. It is very witty and clever, it features Neil Patrick Harris, and the main character looks a little bit like John Cusack. That’s like three good reasons to watch it.
So anyways, if you don’t watch the show, what happened is, Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) lost a bet to Marshall (some actor whose name I’m too lazy to look up), and Marshall won the right to slap Barney five times at any time of his choosing. Before the third slap, a web site was created to count down to the slap, and it just took place, on the Slapsgiving episode. Here, watch Marshall sing about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzpYeHTiEGY
There are two slaps left. Well, I can tell you the next slap won’t be anytime soon because of the writer’s strike. Sometimes I worry about whether the show might get cancelled before all five slaps occur, and then fans will have to live in perpetual fear, just as Barney does, of looming slaps that never come. I do think the last slap will occur in the last episode, perhaps in a flash forward moment, or even better, the show could just fade to black with a look of fear in Barney’s eyes. And then we could debate the HIMYM finale the way that Sopranos fans debated their finale. Did Barney really get slapped? How? Is he dead? Why is a Journey song playing?
9. Why is the "Family Guy" advertising for Subway?
I found a quote from Howard Nelson, vice president of worldwide promotion for 20th Century Fox licensing and merchandising, that said, “Subway’s attitude and irreverence is the perfect platform for the ‘Family Guy’ brand’s trademark twisted humor.” I am somewhat surprised that Subway views itself as “irreverent.” But anyways. Here’s my theory. Subway felt that it had been appealing to skinny people for far too long, and it was time to make sub sandwiches unhealthy again. That’s why they have this new gigantic sandwich that Peter Griffin is shilling, and also why they have introduced these personal pizzas that they have. Those pizzas are delicious though. I would recommend one with sausage, tomato, and onion.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Relationship Myths
These questions are a part of the BAM(H)! POW! SOB! series
5. A cougar: a woman who dates a younger man...thoughts?
My thoughts are I wish that I did not just use Google to do some research on this topic, because I saw some things that I wish I had not seen. I generally frown upon things that are illegal, so I would say that as long as the younger man is of age, then it seems okay to me.
In issues like this, I tend to look to what the celebrities are doing. Patrick Dempsey, at the age of 21, married his 48-year-old manager, which only made him a year older than his stepson. But they got divorced, so don’t necessarily take that as an endorsement. There’s Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. But really, if you want to understand how celebrities feel about cougars, look no further than John Mellencamp. John Mellencamp is completely responsible for the term “cougar” in popular culture.
In 1967, John Mellencamp saw the movie “The Graduate.” He was very taken with Mrs. Robinson, and he saw a lot of himself in young Dustin Hoffman. He said, “That woman is totally a cougar! From here on out, I will be known as Johnny Cougar!” And so he was, and that is how the term “cougar” came to denote an older woman dating a younger man. Johnny Cougar, and later, John Cougar Mellencamp, used his inoffensive pop music to subliminally influence our nation’s older women to date younger men. For example, few people know that in the song “Jack and Diane,” Diane is actually 30, while Jack is 21. “Small Town” is a reference to where most cougars hang out. “Pink Houses” refers to the kind of house that cougars and their younger men like to live in. And so on and so forth.
Most people think that John Cougar Mellencamp dropped the “Cougar” because he wanted to be taken a little more seriously in his music, but really, it’s because he got older, and if he wanted to keep chasing cougars, he’d have to date 60-year-olds. Now I hear he’s interested in being known as John Lolita Mellencamp, or John May-December Romance Mellencamp.
6. “Mythbusters” rocks
I don’t watch the show “MythBusters,” so it will be hard for me to say too much about this topic. But let me just go ahead and bust the myth that John Cougar Mellencamp is the one responsible for the term “cougar” in popular culture. I don’t know who made that up.
5. A cougar: a woman who dates a younger man...thoughts?
My thoughts are I wish that I did not just use Google to do some research on this topic, because I saw some things that I wish I had not seen. I generally frown upon things that are illegal, so I would say that as long as the younger man is of age, then it seems okay to me.
In issues like this, I tend to look to what the celebrities are doing. Patrick Dempsey, at the age of 21, married his 48-year-old manager, which only made him a year older than his stepson. But they got divorced, so don’t necessarily take that as an endorsement. There’s Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. But really, if you want to understand how celebrities feel about cougars, look no further than John Mellencamp. John Mellencamp is completely responsible for the term “cougar” in popular culture.
In 1967, John Mellencamp saw the movie “The Graduate.” He was very taken with Mrs. Robinson, and he saw a lot of himself in young Dustin Hoffman. He said, “That woman is totally a cougar! From here on out, I will be known as Johnny Cougar!” And so he was, and that is how the term “cougar” came to denote an older woman dating a younger man. Johnny Cougar, and later, John Cougar Mellencamp, used his inoffensive pop music to subliminally influence our nation’s older women to date younger men. For example, few people know that in the song “Jack and Diane,” Diane is actually 30, while Jack is 21. “Small Town” is a reference to where most cougars hang out. “Pink Houses” refers to the kind of house that cougars and their younger men like to live in. And so on and so forth.
Most people think that John Cougar Mellencamp dropped the “Cougar” because he wanted to be taken a little more seriously in his music, but really, it’s because he got older, and if he wanted to keep chasing cougars, he’d have to date 60-year-olds. Now I hear he’s interested in being known as John Lolita Mellencamp, or John May-December Romance Mellencamp.
6. “Mythbusters” rocks
I don’t watch the show “MythBusters,” so it will be hard for me to say too much about this topic. But let me just go ahead and bust the myth that John Cougar Mellencamp is the one responsible for the term “cougar” in popular culture. I don’t know who made that up.
I answer BAM(H)'s questions about days of the week and weather
It is Day 2 of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! If you don't know what that is, scroll down and read all about the fun that will be taking place this week!
3. the Mondays: roots, history, and reality...and we don't mean the band
I didn’t even know there was a band called the Mondays! But if you Google the Mondays, they are the first result. If I were in a band like that, I would only want to play on Monday nights.
Anyways, I’m answering this question today because it is Monday. The name Monday comes from “moon.” If someone is saying Monday in a foreign language then it might come from their word for moon. It is typically the first day of the work week and the school week in most cultures, so people get kind of sad about going to work. They feel kind of blue. They might have “a case of the Mondays,” which was a phrase popularized by the film “Office Space.” Some cultures differ though on whether Monday is technically the first day of the week or whether Sunday is.
My experience is that I don’t really have too much extra trouble on Monday mornings. Maybe because I expect to be more tired out and my body adjusts accordingly. Personally, I have more difficulty with Tuesdays, because while Monday is a shock to the system, Tuesday is a bigger shock when you realize that you have to endure a few more days of this. Sometimes, though, sad things happen to me on Monday, and then I hate Mondays. For example, today I got to work and found out that Dan Fogelberg died yesterday. That’s pretty sad. It’s probably going to drag my week down.
On a somewhat related note, I don’t like how people call Wednesday “Hump Day.”
In 1968, the Uniform Monday Holiday Act was signed into law, which moved holidays such as Veterans Day and Memorial Day onto designated Mondays so that federal employees got more three-day weekends. Monday is also a day when football comes on.
If we were to take a look at the concept of Mondays in popular music, we might learn something. In the song, “Lady Madonna” by the Beatles, Monday’s child has learned to tie his bootlace, and then we can see how they run. The Bangles describe Mondays as “manic.” In the Jimmy Buffett song “Come Monday,” Monday is seen as a hopeful day, because that is the day when “it will be alright.” The Carpenters equate Mondays with rainy days as the two kinds of days that will get you down. The Cure doesn’t care if Monday is blue, or black, or if it makes you fall apart or hold your head, because Friday is sort of a big day for them.
Perhaps no one has done as much disservice to Monday as the Mamas and the Papas, with their song “Monday, Monday.” Mondays leave them crying a lot. Monday is a day that you can’t trust. I guess the misunderstanding came about because originally Monday was a day that was very good to them, but then Monday let them down, and now every other day (every other day!), every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
4. It is December 10...it was 75 degrees today
It was December 10, a beautiful, warm day, when BAM(H)! sent me this list. My only comment on that, BAM(H), was that that was an awesome day. Now it is cold and unpleasant and it has been spitting snow and raining. Do you like that? Do you need “cold” to be in the Christmas spirit? I don’t. I wish it was another 75 degree day.
3. the Mondays: roots, history, and reality...and we don't mean the band
I didn’t even know there was a band called the Mondays! But if you Google the Mondays, they are the first result. If I were in a band like that, I would only want to play on Monday nights.
Anyways, I’m answering this question today because it is Monday. The name Monday comes from “moon.” If someone is saying Monday in a foreign language then it might come from their word for moon. It is typically the first day of the work week and the school week in most cultures, so people get kind of sad about going to work. They feel kind of blue. They might have “a case of the Mondays,” which was a phrase popularized by the film “Office Space.” Some cultures differ though on whether Monday is technically the first day of the week or whether Sunday is.
My experience is that I don’t really have too much extra trouble on Monday mornings. Maybe because I expect to be more tired out and my body adjusts accordingly. Personally, I have more difficulty with Tuesdays, because while Monday is a shock to the system, Tuesday is a bigger shock when you realize that you have to endure a few more days of this. Sometimes, though, sad things happen to me on Monday, and then I hate Mondays. For example, today I got to work and found out that Dan Fogelberg died yesterday. That’s pretty sad. It’s probably going to drag my week down.
On a somewhat related note, I don’t like how people call Wednesday “Hump Day.”
In 1968, the Uniform Monday Holiday Act was signed into law, which moved holidays such as Veterans Day and Memorial Day onto designated Mondays so that federal employees got more three-day weekends. Monday is also a day when football comes on.
If we were to take a look at the concept of Mondays in popular music, we might learn something. In the song, “Lady Madonna” by the Beatles, Monday’s child has learned to tie his bootlace, and then we can see how they run. The Bangles describe Mondays as “manic.” In the Jimmy Buffett song “Come Monday,” Monday is seen as a hopeful day, because that is the day when “it will be alright.” The Carpenters equate Mondays with rainy days as the two kinds of days that will get you down. The Cure doesn’t care if Monday is blue, or black, or if it makes you fall apart or hold your head, because Friday is sort of a big day for them.
Perhaps no one has done as much disservice to Monday as the Mamas and the Papas, with their song “Monday, Monday.” Mondays leave them crying a lot. Monday is a day that you can’t trust. I guess the misunderstanding came about because originally Monday was a day that was very good to them, but then Monday let them down, and now every other day (every other day!), every other day of the week is fine, yeah.
4. It is December 10...it was 75 degrees today
It was December 10, a beautiful, warm day, when BAM(H)! sent me this list. My only comment on that, BAM(H), was that that was an awesome day. Now it is cold and unpleasant and it has been spitting snow and raining. Do you like that? Do you need “cold” to be in the Christmas spirit? I don’t. I wish it was another 75 degree day.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
the first two questions
Throughout the week, I will address the topics provided by BAM(H)!, probably two per post. Let’s get started.
1. Is Rachael Ray on crack?
Yes, Rachael Ray is on crack. But I don't mean that in a literal way, in a way that Rachael Ray might sue me for libel if she were to read this. I mean it in the pretend, fake crack way. Rachael Ray is on fake crack. But here's where I stand on Rachael Ray: It is fairly well-known that I am not a good cook, and that I do not like to cook, and that I resent the amount of time it takes to cook things. When people hear these objections of mine to cooking, they usually say, “well, you should check out Rachael Ray, because she cooks entire meals in 30 minutes.” And, I, thinking that 30 minutes sounded reasonable for a cooking time, did check out the show. But what Rachael Ray accomplishes in 30 minutes would probably take me 3 hours. She cooks so fast! How does she cook so fast, and talk so fast? Plus did you know that she has three shows?! Where does she get all that time? The answer, as BAM(H)! has hypothesized, is indeed crack (fake kind). Plus, Rachael Ray says things like this, which definitely sound like the (fake) crack talking: “You know I never make a soup without a dunker. How bout you?” That’s a quote I wrote down like a year ago, thinking that I’d need it one day, and low and behold, I have used it.
2. Novelty toilet paper???
I’m going to take a crack at this one (pun intended), because this topic came up when I saw Brad and Mary Henry at a party last night. I sensed that BAM(H)! might come down on the anti-novelty toilet paper side, but I am going pro-novelty toilet paper, because as I mentioned to them, life is too short to use boring toilet paper. But I mean, I do have some limits. All the inks in novelty toilet paper should be safe for use, and they should not give me a rash or infection in any way. It would be helpful if the novelty toilet paper had like a game, so I had something to do in there, or, if the novelty toilet paper was instructive, or had trivia. For example, imagine being at a dinner party. You go to the bathroom, find novelty toilet paper with fun facts. You can come back to the dinner table with interesting things to say, and everyone will think, wow, that person was thinking of some deep stuff when they were in the bathroom! I think the case for novelty toilet paper has now been made clear.
1. Is Rachael Ray on crack?
Yes, Rachael Ray is on crack. But I don't mean that in a literal way, in a way that Rachael Ray might sue me for libel if she were to read this. I mean it in the pretend, fake crack way. Rachael Ray is on fake crack. But here's where I stand on Rachael Ray: It is fairly well-known that I am not a good cook, and that I do not like to cook, and that I resent the amount of time it takes to cook things. When people hear these objections of mine to cooking, they usually say, “well, you should check out Rachael Ray, because she cooks entire meals in 30 minutes.” And, I, thinking that 30 minutes sounded reasonable for a cooking time, did check out the show. But what Rachael Ray accomplishes in 30 minutes would probably take me 3 hours. She cooks so fast! How does she cook so fast, and talk so fast? Plus did you know that she has three shows?! Where does she get all that time? The answer, as BAM(H)! has hypothesized, is indeed crack (fake kind). Plus, Rachael Ray says things like this, which definitely sound like the (fake) crack talking: “You know I never make a soup without a dunker. How bout you?” That’s a quote I wrote down like a year ago, thinking that I’d need it one day, and low and behold, I have used it.
2. Novelty toilet paper???
I’m going to take a crack at this one (pun intended), because this topic came up when I saw Brad and Mary Henry at a party last night. I sensed that BAM(H)! might come down on the anti-novelty toilet paper side, but I am going pro-novelty toilet paper, because as I mentioned to them, life is too short to use boring toilet paper. But I mean, I do have some limits. All the inks in novelty toilet paper should be safe for use, and they should not give me a rash or infection in any way. It would be helpful if the novelty toilet paper had like a game, so I had something to do in there, or, if the novelty toilet paper was instructive, or had trivia. For example, imagine being at a dinner party. You go to the bathroom, find novelty toilet paper with fun facts. You can come back to the dinner table with interesting things to say, and everyone will think, wow, that person was thinking of some deep stuff when they were in the bathroom! I think the case for novelty toilet paper has now been made clear.
A Very Special Week on the Blog!
One of the benefits of my stay in Western North Carolina is that I have gotten to hang out with my cousin, Mary Henry, and her boyfriend Brad. They are both nice, funny, people. Some interesting things about Mary Henry include that she once rode a donkey and she has one hand (the other hand was chewed off by a crocodile). Some interesting things about Brad include that he once climbed Mount Everest and he once ate 29 pancakes all by himself. Please note that some of these interesting things may not be true.
On the occasion of one of our dinners together, we started talking about my blog. I told them that it was my goal to write 200 entries before 2007 ended, but at that point, I was still very far away from 200. I guess I look suitably stressed about it, so last week, Mary Henry and Brad emailed me a list of 29 things that I could blog about (I had 29 entries left to go at that point).
The list is a mix of questions, concerns, and ideas, all of which I will address over the next week. Now, I think I have mentioned before, that if you google something like “things to blog about” or “blog topics”, not a whole lot comes up. So I know how hard it is to generate a list of 29 blog ideas, and that’s why I really appreciate this list. I knew I would have to think of a cool title for this week, as well as for Brad and Mary Henry, something that would generate the same level of prestige that the term “Special Guest Blogger” does (you can read previous special guest bloggers here and here).
I did some thinking, and the best I could come up with was:
Brad and Mary Henry! Patrons of Week! Superheroes of Blog!
Which I have helpfully shortened to: BAM(H)! POW! SOB!
(In comic books, you always see the sound of the punches, but not the sound of the response. So that is why "sob" is there. Also, please note that in BAM(H)! the ‘h’ is silent, but if you ever meet Mary Henry, the ‘h’ is not silent because she prefers to be called both names.)
So, welcome to the first day of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! Everything you read this week has been suggested or inspired by Brad and Mary Henry.
On the occasion of one of our dinners together, we started talking about my blog. I told them that it was my goal to write 200 entries before 2007 ended, but at that point, I was still very far away from 200. I guess I look suitably stressed about it, so last week, Mary Henry and Brad emailed me a list of 29 things that I could blog about (I had 29 entries left to go at that point).
The list is a mix of questions, concerns, and ideas, all of which I will address over the next week. Now, I think I have mentioned before, that if you google something like “things to blog about” or “blog topics”, not a whole lot comes up. So I know how hard it is to generate a list of 29 blog ideas, and that’s why I really appreciate this list. I knew I would have to think of a cool title for this week, as well as for Brad and Mary Henry, something that would generate the same level of prestige that the term “Special Guest Blogger” does (you can read previous special guest bloggers here and here).
I did some thinking, and the best I could come up with was:
Brad and Mary Henry! Patrons of Week! Superheroes of Blog!
Which I have helpfully shortened to: BAM(H)! POW! SOB!
(In comic books, you always see the sound of the punches, but not the sound of the response. So that is why "sob" is there. Also, please note that in BAM(H)! the ‘h’ is silent, but if you ever meet Mary Henry, the ‘h’ is not silent because she prefers to be called both names.)
So, welcome to the first day of BAM(H)! POW! SOB! Everything you read this week has been suggested or inspired by Brad and Mary Henry.
Poll #4 Results: Burritos
Poll #4 asked, which ingredient is the best ingredient in a burrito. The winner was cheese, with 60% of the vote. I think that’s pretty understandable, because cheese is delicious in most every circumstance but particularly when paired with the other ingredients in a burrito. Somewhat surprisingly, beans came in second with 40% of the vote. While beans do make up a large percentage of the burrito, and undoubtedly are responsible for making a person feel full, I have to say that if I were to eat a burrito without beans, I might not notice. Subquestion: what kind of beans do you prefer in a burrito? Me, I prefer black.
All of the other options (meat, pico de gallo, guacamole, salsa, and sour cream) came in with 20% of the vote each. To me, the big surprise here was the lack of support shown to guacamole. I’ll tip my hand a little here and say that guacamole is my favorite ingredient in a burrito, but perhaps it’s a little handicapped in this race because many burrito vendors do not necessarily view guacamole as an essential ingredient. In many cases, this relegates the guacamole to an add-on status, and many may not pay the extra to have it added to the burrito. I’m also surprised that meat didn’t do as well as others ingredients. I find meat to be very crucial. Subquestion: what kind of meat do you prefer in a burrito? If it’s a special occasion, and if I know they have it, I’ll go steak. But I like chicken as well.
Fun facts about burritos:
-Burrito means “little donkey” in Spanish.
-American-style burritos are typically larger than Mexican-style burritos.
-Breakfast burritos are delicious.
-Juan Mendez is credited with inventing the burrito, but don’t confuse that Juan Mendez with the Juan Mendez that is in the United Nations.
All of the other options (meat, pico de gallo, guacamole, salsa, and sour cream) came in with 20% of the vote each. To me, the big surprise here was the lack of support shown to guacamole. I’ll tip my hand a little here and say that guacamole is my favorite ingredient in a burrito, but perhaps it’s a little handicapped in this race because many burrito vendors do not necessarily view guacamole as an essential ingredient. In many cases, this relegates the guacamole to an add-on status, and many may not pay the extra to have it added to the burrito. I’m also surprised that meat didn’t do as well as others ingredients. I find meat to be very crucial. Subquestion: what kind of meat do you prefer in a burrito? If it’s a special occasion, and if I know they have it, I’ll go steak. But I like chicken as well.
Fun facts about burritos:
-Burrito means “little donkey” in Spanish.
-American-style burritos are typically larger than Mexican-style burritos.
-Breakfast burritos are delicious.
-Juan Mendez is credited with inventing the burrito, but don’t confuse that Juan Mendez with the Juan Mendez that is in the United Nations.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
A Guide to Bowl Parties, Volume 2
Here is Part Two of my guide to holding an entertaining bowl party. As you might have guessed from yesterday, it's a scientific balance of the corporate sponsor, the name of the bowl, the teams playing, the locale of the bowl, etc. Today's ideas concern the bowl games that will be held in January:
Outback Bowl; Wisconsin vs. Tennessee; held in Tampa on Jan. 1
What to serve: Have Outback cater! Or, I guess if you’re REALLY into Wisconsin, cheese.
How to decorate: Put up pictures of the outback. Put signs on your bathroom doors for “Sheilas” and “Mates” or however Outback does it.
What to say: “The dingo stole my touchdown!”
AT&T Cotton Bowl; Missouri vs. Arkansas; held in Dallas on Jan. 1
What to say: “You’re not wearing cotton. You have to leave.”
Fun halftime activity: Make long-distance phone calls
Konica Minolta Gator Bowl; Texas Tech vs. Virginia; held in Jacksonville on Jan. 1
What to serve: Gator meat
Fun halftime activity: take pictures of people
What to say: “Go buddy go buddy go buddy go buddy go buddy…yeah!” (that is what my dad says when he watches Virginia games)
Capital One Bowl; Michigan vs. Florida; held in Orlando on Jan. 1
What to say: “What’s in your wallet, Florida?” (Just say it randomly and with different inflections, so that people can’t necessarily tell whether it’s supportive or derogatory)
Rose Bowl presented by Citi; Illinois vs. USC; held in Pasadena on Jan. 1
What to serve: I hear this bowl is pretty prestigious, so I think have some like filet mignon and champagne or something. Maybe surf-n-turf.
How to decorate: With tulips
Allstate Sugar Bowl; Hawaii vs. Georgia; held in New Orleans on Jan. 1
What to serve: Candy
What to drink: Sweet, fruity cocktails (bonus points if they are red)
Fun party favor: Leis
Fun prank to freak out Georgia fans: Tell them you’re frying up a bulldog in the backyard.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl; Oklahoma vs. West Virginia; held in Glendale on Jan. 2
What to serve: Tostitos. Set up a buffet with dips including salsa, cheese, guacamole, bean dip, etc.
What to drink: Margaritas
Fun halftime activity: Go work in a coal mine.
FedEx Orange Bowl; Virginia Tech vs. Kansas; held in Miami on Jan. 3
What to serve: Orange foods such as cheetos, cheeses, sherbet, carrots, popsicles, etc.
What to drink: Screwdrivers, mimosas
What to say: “Let’s go Hokies!”
International Bowl; Rutgers vs. Ball State; held in Toronto on Jan. 5
What to serve: Have a buffet with foods from around the world
What to say: Things in different languages
What to drink: Alcohol from around the world
GMAC Bowl; Bowling Green vs. Tulsa; held in Mobile on Jan. 6
Fun halftime activity: Bowling
Things to talk about: financial planning
Allstate BCS Championship Game; LSU vs. Ohio State; held in New Orleans on Jan. 7
What to serve/drink: I think you should probably repeat the New Orleans menu from the Dec. 21 bowl game. Because I am totally out of ideas.
Outback Bowl; Wisconsin vs. Tennessee; held in Tampa on Jan. 1
What to serve: Have Outback cater! Or, I guess if you’re REALLY into Wisconsin, cheese.
How to decorate: Put up pictures of the outback. Put signs on your bathroom doors for “Sheilas” and “Mates” or however Outback does it.
What to say: “The dingo stole my touchdown!”
AT&T Cotton Bowl; Missouri vs. Arkansas; held in Dallas on Jan. 1
What to say: “You’re not wearing cotton. You have to leave.”
Fun halftime activity: Make long-distance phone calls
Konica Minolta Gator Bowl; Texas Tech vs. Virginia; held in Jacksonville on Jan. 1
What to serve: Gator meat
Fun halftime activity: take pictures of people
What to say: “Go buddy go buddy go buddy go buddy go buddy…yeah!” (that is what my dad says when he watches Virginia games)
Capital One Bowl; Michigan vs. Florida; held in Orlando on Jan. 1
What to say: “What’s in your wallet, Florida?” (Just say it randomly and with different inflections, so that people can’t necessarily tell whether it’s supportive or derogatory)
Rose Bowl presented by Citi; Illinois vs. USC; held in Pasadena on Jan. 1
What to serve: I hear this bowl is pretty prestigious, so I think have some like filet mignon and champagne or something. Maybe surf-n-turf.
How to decorate: With tulips
Allstate Sugar Bowl; Hawaii vs. Georgia; held in New Orleans on Jan. 1
What to serve: Candy
What to drink: Sweet, fruity cocktails (bonus points if they are red)
Fun party favor: Leis
Fun prank to freak out Georgia fans: Tell them you’re frying up a bulldog in the backyard.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl; Oklahoma vs. West Virginia; held in Glendale on Jan. 2
What to serve: Tostitos. Set up a buffet with dips including salsa, cheese, guacamole, bean dip, etc.
What to drink: Margaritas
Fun halftime activity: Go work in a coal mine.
FedEx Orange Bowl; Virginia Tech vs. Kansas; held in Miami on Jan. 3
What to serve: Orange foods such as cheetos, cheeses, sherbet, carrots, popsicles, etc.
What to drink: Screwdrivers, mimosas
What to say: “Let’s go Hokies!”
International Bowl; Rutgers vs. Ball State; held in Toronto on Jan. 5
What to serve: Have a buffet with foods from around the world
What to say: Things in different languages
What to drink: Alcohol from around the world
GMAC Bowl; Bowling Green vs. Tulsa; held in Mobile on Jan. 6
Fun halftime activity: Bowling
Things to talk about: financial planning
Allstate BCS Championship Game; LSU vs. Ohio State; held in New Orleans on Jan. 7
What to serve/drink: I think you should probably repeat the New Orleans menu from the Dec. 21 bowl game. Because I am totally out of ideas.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
A Guide to Bowl Parties, Volume 1
Since I’ve been back living at home, I seem to have watched a lot more football than I might normally. Or should I say, I read magazines while football is on. But I get really excited about bowl games.
Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t like football. I didn’t even go to a school with football, so why should I care about the bowl games?” and I am here to tell you that I used to think things like that. But then I found out that bowl games are an excellent excuse to have a party and to eat and drink fun things.
You could just eat and drink standard football things (chips, beer, etc.) but bowl games can be oh so much more exciting. So I’m here to provide you with a guide of how to entertain for bowl games—everything from what to serve to what to say to your guests. Today we’ll do games that will be held in December, and tomorrow we’ll do the bowl games that are in January.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl; Utah vs. Navy; held in San Diego on Dec. 20
What to serve: I am sorry that we have to start with this bowl, because I really don’t think you can serve anything exciting.
How to decorate: With poinsettias
Fun halftime activity: Hold a contest to see who has the worst credit history.
What to say: “Why are we watching this bowl?”
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl; Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic; held in New Orleans on Dec. 21
What to serve: Serve your favorite New Orleans dish. Ideas include beignets, po’ boys, crawfish.
What to drink: Serve hurricanes for a beverage, but if you run out, just drink whatever you can find.
What to say: “What does R+L Carriers even do?”
Fun party favor: Mardi Gras beads
Papajohns.com Bowl; Southern Miss vs. Cincinnati; held in New Orleans on Dec. 22
What to serve: Pizza
Fun halftime activity: Divide into two teams. Each team picks a driver. Make pizza deliveries all over town. Time who finishes first.
New Mexico Bowl; Nevada vs. New Mexico; held in Albuquerque on Dec. 22
What to serve: Something spicy
How to decorate: Consider renovating the room with the television with adobe bricks.
What to say: “Alphie, the costumed mascot of the Nevada Wolf Pack, is so hilarious! But so is Louie Lobo, the mascot for New Mexico! These wolves are so hilarious!”
Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl; UCLA vs. BYU; held in Las Vegas on Dec. 22
What to serve: Serve things that pioneers ate. To do this, meet before the game and go on a hunt. Hopefully you will shoot delicious items such as bear, squirrel, and venison. You can also serve dried fruit and cornmeal.
What to drink: Since BYU is playing, I’m tempted to say you can’t drink anything. But ultimately, since the bowl is in Vegas, I think you can serve cocktails in tiny glasses and request that people tip you a dollar for them.
What to say: “I didn’t know Mormons could play football!”
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl; Boise State vs. East Carolina; held in Honolulu on Dec. 23
Where to host this party: Try to rent the penthouse of a Sheraton
What to serve: Room service
What to say: “Arrrrrrr!” “I’ll make that team walk the plank!” and other piratey things, in honor of the East Carolina Pirates.
Motor City Bowl; Purdue vs. Central Michigan; held in Detroit on Dec. 26
What to drink: Boilermakers, which is a shot of liquor and a pint of beer. How is this relevant? The Purdue mascot is a train called the Boilermaker Special. Do you see yet how awesome these bowl parties can be? If you’re a Central Michigan fan, then their mascot is called the Flying C, which sounds like a great cocktail that you can just make up.
What to say: “I wish Michael Moore were here to capture how much fun this party is.”
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl; Arizona State vs. Texas; held in San Diego on Dec. 27
What to serve: Tex-Mex buffet
What to say: “Oh, snap, did Arizona State just mess with Texas?”
Fun party favor: Information on life insurance
Champs Sports Bowl; Boston College vs. Michigan State; held in Orlando on Dec. 28
I am sorry if you are watching this bowl. Nothing---not the corporate sponsor, the name of the bowl, the mascots of the schools playing, or the locale—lends itself to a clever bowl party. This bowl sucks.
Texas Bowl; Texas Christian vs. Houston; held in Houston on Dec. 28
Cook up a whole cow and just talk about how great Texas is and how much it sucks for people who don’t live in Texas (I’m kind of assuming that only Texans are going to watch this bowl.
Emerald Bowl; Maryland vs. Oregon State; held in San Francisco on Dec. 28
What to serve: crab cakes, rice-a-roni
What to drink: Beers from Ireland; cocktails made with Midori
Meineke Car Care Bowl; UConn vs. Wake Forest; held in Charlotte on Dec. 29
Fun halftime activity: Car care relays---see how fast people can change tires, check the oil, etc. Alternately, crash a car and call Meineke!
What to serve: A cake in the shape of a car.
Stripper to hire: Guy dressed as a mechanic.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl; UCF vs. Mississippi State; held in Memphis on Dec. 29
Do the same thing recommended for the Meineke Car Care Bowl, but instead of taking broken car to Meineke, take to AutoZone.
Valero Alamo Bowl; Penn State vs. Texas A&M; held in San Antonio on Dec. 29
What to say: “Did you know ‘alamo’ is Spanish for cottonwood tree?”
How to decorate: With portraits of heroes from the Battle of the Alamo
What to serve: Things made with oil
PetroSun Independence Bowl; Alabama vs. Colorado; held in Shreveport on Dec. 30
I don’t know. I’m getting kind of tired of football.
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl; California vs. Air Force; held in Fort Worth on Dec. 31
How to decorate: With bells and/or helicopters
Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl; Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State; held in Boise on Dec. 31
What to serve: various potato snacks
What to drink: Coca-Cola products
What to say: “Watching this bowl makes me feel like a good person!”
Brut Sun Bowl; South Florida vs. Oregon; held in El Paso on Dec. 31
What to serve: Duck marinated in Brut; Sun Chips with Brut dipping sauce
What to drink: Brut
What to say: “Did you know that this is the second-oldest consecutively played bowl game? Would you like a squirt of Brut?”
Fun party favor: Brut
Fun halftime activity: Take a bath in Brut.
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl; Kentucky vs. Florida State; held in Nashville on Dec. 31
How to decorate: With posters of country music stars
Fun halftime activity: Songwriting competition
What to serve: Rejection
Insight Bowl; Indiana vs. Oklahoma State; held in Tempe on Dec. 31
What to say: Try to say insightful things about football.
Chick-fil-a Bowl; Clemson vs. Auburn; held in Atlanta on Dec. 31
What to serve: Chick-fil-a nuggets
What to drink: Caffeine-free Diet Coke
What to say: “I really wish that more Chick-fil-a franchises would choose to serve caffeinated Diet Coke.”
Well, that concludes Part 1! Tune back in tomorrow for the guide to January bowl games!
Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t like football. I didn’t even go to a school with football, so why should I care about the bowl games?” and I am here to tell you that I used to think things like that. But then I found out that bowl games are an excellent excuse to have a party and to eat and drink fun things.
You could just eat and drink standard football things (chips, beer, etc.) but bowl games can be oh so much more exciting. So I’m here to provide you with a guide of how to entertain for bowl games—everything from what to serve to what to say to your guests. Today we’ll do games that will be held in December, and tomorrow we’ll do the bowl games that are in January.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl; Utah vs. Navy; held in San Diego on Dec. 20
What to serve: I am sorry that we have to start with this bowl, because I really don’t think you can serve anything exciting.
How to decorate: With poinsettias
Fun halftime activity: Hold a contest to see who has the worst credit history.
What to say: “Why are we watching this bowl?”
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl; Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic; held in New Orleans on Dec. 21
What to serve: Serve your favorite New Orleans dish. Ideas include beignets, po’ boys, crawfish.
What to drink: Serve hurricanes for a beverage, but if you run out, just drink whatever you can find.
What to say: “What does R+L Carriers even do?”
Fun party favor: Mardi Gras beads
Papajohns.com Bowl; Southern Miss vs. Cincinnati; held in New Orleans on Dec. 22
What to serve: Pizza
Fun halftime activity: Divide into two teams. Each team picks a driver. Make pizza deliveries all over town. Time who finishes first.
New Mexico Bowl; Nevada vs. New Mexico; held in Albuquerque on Dec. 22
What to serve: Something spicy
How to decorate: Consider renovating the room with the television with adobe bricks.
What to say: “Alphie, the costumed mascot of the Nevada Wolf Pack, is so hilarious! But so is Louie Lobo, the mascot for New Mexico! These wolves are so hilarious!”
Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl; UCLA vs. BYU; held in Las Vegas on Dec. 22
What to serve: Serve things that pioneers ate. To do this, meet before the game and go on a hunt. Hopefully you will shoot delicious items such as bear, squirrel, and venison. You can also serve dried fruit and cornmeal.
What to drink: Since BYU is playing, I’m tempted to say you can’t drink anything. But ultimately, since the bowl is in Vegas, I think you can serve cocktails in tiny glasses and request that people tip you a dollar for them.
What to say: “I didn’t know Mormons could play football!”
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl; Boise State vs. East Carolina; held in Honolulu on Dec. 23
Where to host this party: Try to rent the penthouse of a Sheraton
What to serve: Room service
What to say: “Arrrrrrr!” “I’ll make that team walk the plank!” and other piratey things, in honor of the East Carolina Pirates.
Motor City Bowl; Purdue vs. Central Michigan; held in Detroit on Dec. 26
What to drink: Boilermakers, which is a shot of liquor and a pint of beer. How is this relevant? The Purdue mascot is a train called the Boilermaker Special. Do you see yet how awesome these bowl parties can be? If you’re a Central Michigan fan, then their mascot is called the Flying C, which sounds like a great cocktail that you can just make up.
What to say: “I wish Michael Moore were here to capture how much fun this party is.”
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl; Arizona State vs. Texas; held in San Diego on Dec. 27
What to serve: Tex-Mex buffet
What to say: “Oh, snap, did Arizona State just mess with Texas?”
Fun party favor: Information on life insurance
Champs Sports Bowl; Boston College vs. Michigan State; held in Orlando on Dec. 28
I am sorry if you are watching this bowl. Nothing---not the corporate sponsor, the name of the bowl, the mascots of the schools playing, or the locale—lends itself to a clever bowl party. This bowl sucks.
Texas Bowl; Texas Christian vs. Houston; held in Houston on Dec. 28
Cook up a whole cow and just talk about how great Texas is and how much it sucks for people who don’t live in Texas (I’m kind of assuming that only Texans are going to watch this bowl.
Emerald Bowl; Maryland vs. Oregon State; held in San Francisco on Dec. 28
What to serve: crab cakes, rice-a-roni
What to drink: Beers from Ireland; cocktails made with Midori
Meineke Car Care Bowl; UConn vs. Wake Forest; held in Charlotte on Dec. 29
Fun halftime activity: Car care relays---see how fast people can change tires, check the oil, etc. Alternately, crash a car and call Meineke!
What to serve: A cake in the shape of a car.
Stripper to hire: Guy dressed as a mechanic.
AutoZone Liberty Bowl; UCF vs. Mississippi State; held in Memphis on Dec. 29
Do the same thing recommended for the Meineke Car Care Bowl, but instead of taking broken car to Meineke, take to AutoZone.
Valero Alamo Bowl; Penn State vs. Texas A&M; held in San Antonio on Dec. 29
What to say: “Did you know ‘alamo’ is Spanish for cottonwood tree?”
How to decorate: With portraits of heroes from the Battle of the Alamo
What to serve: Things made with oil
PetroSun Independence Bowl; Alabama vs. Colorado; held in Shreveport on Dec. 30
I don’t know. I’m getting kind of tired of football.
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl; California vs. Air Force; held in Fort Worth on Dec. 31
How to decorate: With bells and/or helicopters
Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl; Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State; held in Boise on Dec. 31
What to serve: various potato snacks
What to drink: Coca-Cola products
What to say: “Watching this bowl makes me feel like a good person!”
Brut Sun Bowl; South Florida vs. Oregon; held in El Paso on Dec. 31
What to serve: Duck marinated in Brut; Sun Chips with Brut dipping sauce
What to drink: Brut
What to say: “Did you know that this is the second-oldest consecutively played bowl game? Would you like a squirt of Brut?”
Fun party favor: Brut
Fun halftime activity: Take a bath in Brut.
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl; Kentucky vs. Florida State; held in Nashville on Dec. 31
How to decorate: With posters of country music stars
Fun halftime activity: Songwriting competition
What to serve: Rejection
Insight Bowl; Indiana vs. Oklahoma State; held in Tempe on Dec. 31
What to say: Try to say insightful things about football.
Chick-fil-a Bowl; Clemson vs. Auburn; held in Atlanta on Dec. 31
What to serve: Chick-fil-a nuggets
What to drink: Caffeine-free Diet Coke
What to say: “I really wish that more Chick-fil-a franchises would choose to serve caffeinated Diet Coke.”
Well, that concludes Part 1! Tune back in tomorrow for the guide to January bowl games!
Book #31: An Arsonist's Guide to Writers' Homes in New England
The book: An Arsonist’s Guide to Writers’ Homes in New England by Brock Clarke
What is this book about: When Sam Pulsifer was 18, he accidentally burned down the Emily Dickinson House in Amherst, MA; in the process, he killed a couple who were having a private moment on Emily Dickinson’s bed. After ten years in jail, Sam tries to start over, and succeeds until the son of the folks who died in the Emily Dickinson House fire shows up. Sam’s life is ruined. Mysterious fires start occurring at writers’ homes all over New England. The book follows Sam as he tries to get his life back in order.
Why did I read this book: Because the title was so great.
What did I think of this book: I thought this book was pretty clever, even thought at times it’s over-clever and probably needed one more edit. Sometimes Sam Pulsifer was just too much of a rambling sad sack and I wanted to smack him. But I like to read, and this book tries to get at why we read, or why we don’t read, in interesting ways. Are we all just acting out stories we’ve read before? Is anything original, or are we all just characters? Etc. So if you like pondering those sorts of questions, or if you like fires, or New England, or rambling sad sacks, then you will probably like this book.
I also thought several times that I wish I had thought of the title, except I would have set it in the south, because I grew up in a town where someone did actually manage to burn down the writer’s house (http://www.wolfememorial.com/news_ahouserestored.html), so I think I have an idea of the kinds of details that can go in the book. Brock Clarke, if you ever read this, and start thinking sequel, let me know. I got a hunch that plenty of people would be interested in a fictional burning of William Faulkner’s house. Police, if you ever read this, please note the use of the word "fictional".
What was my favorite part of this book: When Sam goes to a reading at the Robert Frost House. That scene captures the pretension and ridiculousness of author’s readings.
What did I learn from this book: The truth does not set you free. There are no accidents. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for things we did not do.
What grade do I give this book: B+
What is this book about: When Sam Pulsifer was 18, he accidentally burned down the Emily Dickinson House in Amherst, MA; in the process, he killed a couple who were having a private moment on Emily Dickinson’s bed. After ten years in jail, Sam tries to start over, and succeeds until the son of the folks who died in the Emily Dickinson House fire shows up. Sam’s life is ruined. Mysterious fires start occurring at writers’ homes all over New England. The book follows Sam as he tries to get his life back in order.
Why did I read this book: Because the title was so great.
What did I think of this book: I thought this book was pretty clever, even thought at times it’s over-clever and probably needed one more edit. Sometimes Sam Pulsifer was just too much of a rambling sad sack and I wanted to smack him. But I like to read, and this book tries to get at why we read, or why we don’t read, in interesting ways. Are we all just acting out stories we’ve read before? Is anything original, or are we all just characters? Etc. So if you like pondering those sorts of questions, or if you like fires, or New England, or rambling sad sacks, then you will probably like this book.
I also thought several times that I wish I had thought of the title, except I would have set it in the south, because I grew up in a town where someone did actually manage to burn down the writer’s house (http://www.wolfememorial.com/news_ahouserestored.html), so I think I have an idea of the kinds of details that can go in the book. Brock Clarke, if you ever read this, and start thinking sequel, let me know. I got a hunch that plenty of people would be interested in a fictional burning of William Faulkner’s house. Police, if you ever read this, please note the use of the word "fictional".
What was my favorite part of this book: When Sam goes to a reading at the Robert Frost House. That scene captures the pretension and ridiculousness of author’s readings.
What did I learn from this book: The truth does not set you free. There are no accidents. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for things we did not do.
What grade do I give this book: B+
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
gingerbread architect
Part of the reason for my enthusiasm for gingerbread houses is my proximity to the Grove Park Inn (http://www.groveparkinn.com/Leisure/TheResort/History/), which hosts the National Gingerbread House Competition every year. It’s always worth a trip to see the houses that are on display. I mean, my little house is alright, but by going to Grove Park all these years, I’ve been brought up to think that real miracles can be worked with gingerbread.
Things, for example, such as this:
If I were good with icing, this is the gingerbread kit I totally would have made. Because I don’t want to lose sight of the reason for the season, and I think the reason for the season would be best expressed with gingerbread. But look at all that intricate icing work! I couldn’t do it. Sorry, Baby Jesus.
Mostly, though, awesome gingerbread houses don’t come from kits. They come from hard work and good baking skills. So I made a list of gingerbread displays that I would like to make, assuming that I could bake things, that I could make icing look like what I wanted it to, and that I had infinite amounts of patience.
College — I’d really like to construct a model of my college out of gingerbread. And put a little gingerbread girl on the quad to represent myself. And maybe likenesses of my friends in various spots around campus, such as the library and eating places and the gym. And I would push a little car around campus to symbolize the shuttle system.
St. Peter’s / the Vatican — The cupola of St. Peter’s would be pretty impressive in itself, but what if I could construct the Vatican museums so that you could take the top of it off and see all the art inside? What if you could hold the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in your hand? I would make gingerbread men to represent all the popes.
Casino/entire Las Vegas strip — Even just one casino would be pretty fun, because you could do slot machines and little gingerbread men playing poker and scantily clad gingerbread waitresses. But think how awesome a gingerbread strip would look! Bonus points if I could somehow get it to light up. Maybe glow-in-the-dark candy?
The homes in Gone With the Wind — Really, I’m thinking Tara here, with gingerbread Scarlett and Rhett. If I were to go all out, I’d add the neighboring Twelve Oaks estate, and put a gigantic plantation between the two of them. Cotton bales could be illustrated with gigantic globs of white icing.
Battlefields — I’d probably go with Gettysburg so that I could pair it with the option above, but all your major battles would work. Maybe a Fort Sumter or Normandy or Hanoi or something. Gingerbread men: in various states of dying.
Heaven/hell — I think it would be kind of sweet to see what kind of heaven a kid could build out of gingerbread. Maybe we’d see some pearly gates and then gingerbread men that represent people who have died before us. As for hell, it seems like an excuse to just go crazy with the candy, and a good way to teach kids to behave. For example, when a child misbehaves, take a gingerbread man, bite his head off, and place him in hell. Say, “That’s what happens to children who misbehave,” and watch as your child exhibits absolutely flawless behavior!
Battleship — Sink it in milk.
Homeless Shelter — Because gingerbread housing should not be a privileged affair. Put some gingerbread men around the house, with little signs that they need money for the shelter, and maybe you’ll make some cash for Christmas shopping!
Things, for example, such as this:
If I were good with icing, this is the gingerbread kit I totally would have made. Because I don’t want to lose sight of the reason for the season, and I think the reason for the season would be best expressed with gingerbread. But look at all that intricate icing work! I couldn’t do it. Sorry, Baby Jesus.
Mostly, though, awesome gingerbread houses don’t come from kits. They come from hard work and good baking skills. So I made a list of gingerbread displays that I would like to make, assuming that I could bake things, that I could make icing look like what I wanted it to, and that I had infinite amounts of patience.
College — I’d really like to construct a model of my college out of gingerbread. And put a little gingerbread girl on the quad to represent myself. And maybe likenesses of my friends in various spots around campus, such as the library and eating places and the gym. And I would push a little car around campus to symbolize the shuttle system.
St. Peter’s / the Vatican — The cupola of St. Peter’s would be pretty impressive in itself, but what if I could construct the Vatican museums so that you could take the top of it off and see all the art inside? What if you could hold the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in your hand? I would make gingerbread men to represent all the popes.
Casino/entire Las Vegas strip — Even just one casino would be pretty fun, because you could do slot machines and little gingerbread men playing poker and scantily clad gingerbread waitresses. But think how awesome a gingerbread strip would look! Bonus points if I could somehow get it to light up. Maybe glow-in-the-dark candy?
The homes in Gone With the Wind — Really, I’m thinking Tara here, with gingerbread Scarlett and Rhett. If I were to go all out, I’d add the neighboring Twelve Oaks estate, and put a gigantic plantation between the two of them. Cotton bales could be illustrated with gigantic globs of white icing.
Battlefields — I’d probably go with Gettysburg so that I could pair it with the option above, but all your major battles would work. Maybe a Fort Sumter or Normandy or Hanoi or something. Gingerbread men: in various states of dying.
Heaven/hell — I think it would be kind of sweet to see what kind of heaven a kid could build out of gingerbread. Maybe we’d see some pearly gates and then gingerbread men that represent people who have died before us. As for hell, it seems like an excuse to just go crazy with the candy, and a good way to teach kids to behave. For example, when a child misbehaves, take a gingerbread man, bite his head off, and place him in hell. Say, “That’s what happens to children who misbehave,” and watch as your child exhibits absolutely flawless behavior!
Battleship — Sink it in milk.
Homeless Shelter — Because gingerbread housing should not be a privileged affair. Put some gingerbread men around the house, with little signs that they need money for the shelter, and maybe you’ll make some cash for Christmas shopping!
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