Poll #3 Results

Well, I hope everyone got a chance to vote in Poll #3, because I am about to share the results. As usual, these results provide a fascinating glimpse at who we are as human beings, and the issues that unite and divide us.

First, the poll read as follows:

All I want for Christmas is--
-My two front teeth
-You
-A teddy bear with a potentially blasphemous name
-For my father to see what life would be like had he never lived, which will hopefully lead to his redemption and to my neighbors giving us money
-I’m _______________ (insert faith that does not celebrate Christmas), and this poll offends me.

The teddy bear was the overwhelming winner in this poll, with a whopping 83% of the vote. I think this shows that readers of my blog are well-educated people who follow current events, which does make me wonder if I should make my blog more topical.

With 16% of the vote, “you” was the only other entry that garnered any votes, and I think that whoever voted for this option would agree that regardless of what you think of Mariah Carey at non-holiday times, “All I Want for Christmas is You” is a pretty awesome song.

Clearly, no one thinks that “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” is an awesome song, because it received 0% of the votes. It is a pretty annoying song. Also, I am going to assume that all my readers have their two front teeth and felt that voting for such an option would be redundant.

0% of readers wanted their father to see what life would be like had he never lived, which I interpret to mean that you people either hate your fathers, or hate Jimmy Stewart, or perhaps even hate yourselves. You know, some angel was going to get their wings for every person who selected this option, but now, NO angels will get wings, ever. Way to go, people.

0% of my readers responded that they were part of a faith that did not celebrate Christmas, which might mean that I am lacking in diversity among my blog readers but I guess it’s just as well because I guess now I can tell dirty Hanukkah jokes if I want to. Not that I want to. But I can.

Okay, Poll #4 is up, and it just might be the most exciting poll in the history of the world! Be sure to vote!