gingerbread architect

Part of the reason for my enthusiasm for gingerbread houses is my proximity to the Grove Park Inn (http://www.groveparkinn.com/Leisure/TheResort/History/), which hosts the National Gingerbread House Competition every year. It’s always worth a trip to see the houses that are on display. I mean, my little house is alright, but by going to Grove Park all these years, I’ve been brought up to think that real miracles can be worked with gingerbread.

Things, for example, such as this:



If I were good with icing, this is the gingerbread kit I totally would have made. Because I don’t want to lose sight of the reason for the season, and I think the reason for the season would be best expressed with gingerbread. But look at all that intricate icing work! I couldn’t do it. Sorry, Baby Jesus.

Mostly, though, awesome gingerbread houses don’t come from kits. They come from hard work and good baking skills. So I made a list of gingerbread displays that I would like to make, assuming that I could bake things, that I could make icing look like what I wanted it to, and that I had infinite amounts of patience.

College — I’d really like to construct a model of my college out of gingerbread. And put a little gingerbread girl on the quad to represent myself. And maybe likenesses of my friends in various spots around campus, such as the library and eating places and the gym. And I would push a little car around campus to symbolize the shuttle system.

St. Peter’s / the Vatican — The cupola of St. Peter’s would be pretty impressive in itself, but what if I could construct the Vatican museums so that you could take the top of it off and see all the art inside? What if you could hold the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in your hand? I would make gingerbread men to represent all the popes.

Casino/entire Las Vegas strip — Even just one casino would be pretty fun, because you could do slot machines and little gingerbread men playing poker and scantily clad gingerbread waitresses. But think how awesome a gingerbread strip would look! Bonus points if I could somehow get it to light up. Maybe glow-in-the-dark candy?

The homes in Gone With the Wind — Really, I’m thinking Tara here, with gingerbread Scarlett and Rhett. If I were to go all out, I’d add the neighboring Twelve Oaks estate, and put a gigantic plantation between the two of them. Cotton bales could be illustrated with gigantic globs of white icing.

Battlefields — I’d probably go with Gettysburg so that I could pair it with the option above, but all your major battles would work. Maybe a Fort Sumter or Normandy or Hanoi or something. Gingerbread men: in various states of dying.

Heaven/hell — I think it would be kind of sweet to see what kind of heaven a kid could build out of gingerbread. Maybe we’d see some pearly gates and then gingerbread men that represent people who have died before us. As for hell, it seems like an excuse to just go crazy with the candy, and a good way to teach kids to behave. For example, when a child misbehaves, take a gingerbread man, bite his head off, and place him in hell. Say, “That’s what happens to children who misbehave,” and watch as your child exhibits absolutely flawless behavior!

Battleship — Sink it in milk.

Homeless Shelter — Because gingerbread housing should not be a privileged affair. Put some gingerbread men around the house, with little signs that they need money for the shelter, and maybe you’ll make some cash for Christmas shopping!