We now return to our regularly scheduled programming

Well, it took me two weeks, but I finished my cousin-related blogs. But life didn't stop while I wrote those! So here are the top 7 things that happened in the last two weeks that deserve a blog mention. Normally I might put them all in separate posts but based on how long these last blogs took me it might be a week-and-a-half before I finished. And who knows what will happen in that time?!?

1. I learned that the brush that is behind my sink is used for cleaning dishes! Previously I thought the device was just a sort of decorative accessory, much like my canister of spatulas and the like. But I learned that some people actually use it to do things when my parents came to visit me. We went to the UVA vs. Georgia Tech football game. Luckily UVA won or it would have been sad.

2. I also learned about centerpieces and candles when my parents came to visit. On my kitchen table I have these flower candlesticks, and on my kitchen counter I have these brightly colored candles. But my mom says I have to put all those things away because they are too spring- and summer-like. Now I have to have an autumnal centerpiece and autumnal candles. My autumnal centerpiece has gourds! After autumn is over, I have to put up a Christmas centerpiece and Christmas candles. Then I think I have to put up a Martin Luther King Jr. centerpiece. Keeping track of centerpieces is really hard but luckily I have my mom nearby to help!

3. I learned that a certain mall in the Atlanta area that shall remain nameless is going to have a service where pictures can be taken with Santa. But not for children. FOR PETS. If you need a picture of your pet taken with Santa, then let me know and I can hook you up. But you have to understand that something like this is the kind of thing that makes me hate people with pets and I will judge you. Though I am pondering taking my fish Alvin in for a picture in the hopes that the mall might see how ridiculous their idea is.

4. I learned that Samantha Parkington will be retired as an American Girl doll. This particularly stings as Samantha was the American Girl doll I had when I was little. Why oh why is someone crapping on my childhood? How will the girls of tomorrow ever thrive without this sweet orphan living with her relatives in 1904? Who teaches poor girls that live next door how to read? Why should they be deprived of buying the absolutely adorable school dress that I wish to God I could have worn to school? Or deprived of reenacting what happened when Uncle Gard brought Cornelia home for the holidays? How will they ever learn what a petit four is?

5. Someone is trying to communicate with me via Amazon emails. While I try not to talk about work on my blog, I will tell you that I've had a few unhappy days lately. And on one of the days that was most frustrating, I get an email from Amazon.com with the suggestion that I might enjoy Herman Melville's "Bartleby the Scrivener." This is the classic tale of a man that just starts saying that he prefers not to do work that's assigned to him. Is this some message from God about what I am supposed to do?!?!

6. A sad lesson was learned: video games trump literature. Here's what happened. For the Halloween office party I dressed up as the Ghost of John Steinbeck, using a white sheet and my John Steinbeck shirt. I carried around some grapes and threw them at people. But despite only four people entering the costume contest, I did not win. I lost to a girl who dressed up as Mario. Of Mario and Luigi fame. So don't bother reading, kids. You will not win office costume contests that way. Just play video games.

7. Finally, last Monday I was stopped at a red light and saw two guys having a fight. IT WAS SO EXCITING! I think it would be awesome if the City of Atlanta could install unhappy people at every long light because then we would have some entertainment while we waited and maybe people would not run red lights and cause accidents. The particular fight I witnessed involved two males fighting. Apparently they have had a turbulent past because one of them had a restraining order on the other. But the very guy who took out the restraining order was trying to see the other one. And the other one was not happy, because he could have gone to jail if they were seen. So he kept saying, "If you really love me, just leave. If you really love me, just walk away. Because if you don't walk away, I'll go to jail. Please, please leave if you love me." Did the other guy leave? I DON'T KNOW! The light turned green and I had to go! Never have I been so sad about a green light!