Cousin Reunion #10: I am J.K. Rowling

Well, just two weeks ago today, the cousin reunion ended. And here I am still churning out entries about it. To be perfectly honest, it's been a little tough to get all the way to the 11 entries I promised. After all, the cousin reunion itself only lasted about 42 hours. And some of those hours we were asleep. So it's almost an entry for, like, every three hours. I am kind of running out of things to talk about.

Then I got some advice from my cousin Grant via Facebook wall contact. Grant told me to be like J.K. Rowling. I hadn't considered being like J.K. Rowling, mainly because I'm not worth over a billion dollars. No one's waiting breathlessly at midnight in costume for my next blog installment and staying up to read it by flashlight, and I didn't start this blog when I was a poor single mother writing in British cafes. I haven't even gotten to hang out with Daniel Radcliffe, though he was spotted in Seattle a few times because rumor had it he was dating a girl who lived there.

But the more I thought about trying to be J.K. Rowling, the more I realized Grant had a point. Why try to fight it. As it turns out, I must reveal a long-guarded family secret:

All of my cousins are wizards.

There, I said it. It may surprise some of the Muggles who married into this family but that's just the way it is. We can't hide anymore. When I said we were all at "Kanuga," I meant we were all really at Hogwarts. You may have noticed that I didn't dedicate any time to describing how we arrived, but that's because everyone knows you arrive by train (although some of us apparated).

But this will make further sense when you go back and read previous entries knowing I am a wizard. When I said we were drinking, clearly we were drinking butterbeer. When we ate a lot, it was chocolate frogs and those beans that taste like everything. (But we really did eat A LOT of popcorn). When I ran in a road race, then now you must understand that it was part of the Triwizard Tournament. Celebrity magazines = The Daily Prophet and The Quibbler. Beer pong = Quidditch. And can you believe that when glass got stuck in my hand, it formed a scar in the shape of a lightning bolt?!?!?

Too bad that we didn't have enough Galleons to play Tripoley and lacked proper transport (aka a designated driver) to get to Diagon Alley. Yet it was a good thing that no one got so drunk that we had to go to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Thank goodness we didn't act on a drunken impulse to prank phone call our parents, or we might have ended up in Azkaban. I'm happy that no dementors showed up and want to give a big shout-out to all of those who keep the Harry Potter Wikipedia entries so well up-to-date and excruciatingly detailed.

Now, while I may have muddled my previous entries on the cousin reunion with Muggle-speak to balance the harmony between the magical and non-magical world, it should not be assumed that the good times had by all were in any way changed. It was just a regular family event with our hippogriffs and house elves. We listened to wizard rock and hid horcruxes all over Kanuga. We defended against the dark arts and practiced parseltongue just for the hell of it.

J.K. Rowling uses a lot of flashbacks in her books, but I'll do her one better and present a flash-forward of what our next family event might entail:
1. Someone peeing their pants
2. Someone crawling into a bed that is not their own
3. Someone eating way too many sausage biscuits
4. Someone acting like a monkey.
5. Someone who is too loud when we are supposed to be quiet!
6. Popcorn
7. People talking about how old they are.
8. People talking about asses.
9. Molly requesting stories about what she was like as a child
10. Someone getting married.

Well, I guess that's about it. So we're wizards. Deal with it. I don't want to brag but since I'm at the 10th installment of this series I've already done three better than J.K. Rowling. Oh….but I just re-read my facebook wall. Apparently I was supposed to be like J.K. Rowling in terms of length of entries. Oh. Maybe I wasn't supposed to say we were all wizards. Yikes. I get so confused. Much like Ron Weasley in dealing with his feelings for Hermione.