Today I was at Borders looking at a book I needed for work. I was sitting on the floor, trying to concentrate, but I kept seeing something flitting around out of the corner of my eye. Not five feet from where I was sitting there was a mouse, darting in and out of a corner in the art section.
This mouse filled me with a mixture of emotion that I will outline for you:
-First I thought about how cute a series of children's books about a mouse who lives in a bookstore would be. The mouse would have some whimsical name like Cadbury or Tuck or Doolittle. He would have lots of adventures with the kids who came in to learn how to read and he would recommend books to people and maybe he'd chew the corners of the pages but only because he loved books so much.
-Second I was concerned about what level of participation was required on my part. Did I need to alert Borders to their mouse problem? Should I take matters into my own hands and get one of those big art coffee table books and kill the mouse?
-Third I was struck by the horrific thought of OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL SITTING ON THE FLOOR WHEN THERE IS A MOUSE SO CLOSE? I stood up and tried to continue concentrating on the book but the mouse corner was so distracting, and the book, which was about how to build a house out of bags filled with dirt (I am not lying), kept using phrases like "hard-assing the butt-end of a tube" to describe filling the bags of dirt. I couldn't tell if they were using these phrases as humor or accidentally or what. Building a house out of dirt doesn't seem like something to joke about. I kind of had to give up on the book.
-Fourth, and this is the most lasting emotion, is concern that I could have caught some sort of mouse disease from sitting on the floor in such close proximity to the mouse. What if I have mashed up mouse droppings all over me and I don't even know?
So anyways, between discovering that my closest Borders has a mouse problem, and being too distracted by the mouse problem to continue reading the book I need for work, I would have to say that this was sort of a rough day.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hour 4--It wasn't a full hour, thank goodness
Hour 4 is starting off with a bang—Best Actor. By the way, I haven’t really written about these, but as you can guess from my love of montage, I am truly enjoying these montages of the people who have won the award that immediately precedes the giving of the award. Who didn’t cry when it flashbacked to Steven Spielberg winning for “Schindler’s List”? And his mom was crying? Oh my.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
Oscars Hour 3: The moment I have been dreading arrives.
How did everyone in my pool not foresee this mini-sweep by Bourne Ultimatum in the technical awards? None of us had it for Film Editing!
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
Oscars Hour 2: Things are semi-interesting.
Hour Two begins with Owen Wilson presenting an award. Then we have Jerry Seinfeld as a bee presenting an award. Oh! John Steinbeck just got one right in the pool, picking “Peter and the Wolf” to win Best Short Film-Animated over more entertainingly named animated short films such as “I Met the Walrus,” “All Pigeons Go to Heaven,” and “Madame Tutli-Putli.”
Okay, we’re about to do Best Supporting Actress. Enjoy this, people, because we won’t have another truly entertaining award with a celebrity winner for awhile. Unless people who do sound editing and mixing are celebrities to you. Hmm. Tilda Swinton pulls out an upset. I don’t want to be too mean here, and I know she’s very avant-garde and outside Hollywood, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she also wins an award for ugliest dress.
One year I’d like to be asked to host the scientific and technical awards, held in a separate ceremony.
Man, when you’re hosting an Oscar party with inanimate objects, all you do is eat! Because no one is there to help you eat.
Wouldn’t you feel bad if you were the uncreative Coen sibling?
Look, I’m perfectly willing to understand the role Miley Cyrus plays in entertaining today’s youth. BUT GET HER OFF THE OSCARS. She is climbing up the charts of my Hollywood nemeses. She can’t beat out Jennifer Love Hewitt or Drew Barrymore, but she might be #3 with a bullet.
No one in my pool had The Bourne Ultimatum winning for Sound Editing! Or for sound mixing! Let’s take a moment and look at the Oscar pool score:
Molly—5
Pope John Paul II—3
John Steinbeck—1
The Frog & the Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—4
I hope no one is letting me win because I am the host.
Look, no one wants a 15-minute speech by someone we don’t know, but I hate when they start playing music over people, particularly in an occasion when three people win, and the music starts playing after person #2.
Okay, they’re doing Best Actress a little early in the evening, I guess to throw the viewers a bone, but it kind of make it seems like they care less about actresses than actors. I mean, we haven’t even done documentary awards and they’re going to do Best Actress?! Marion Cotillard wins and is very emotional. I think I would have been happy with any of them winning. Although if I ever win, I’m never going to say, “Thank you life, thank you love,” even if I don’t speak the language very well.
Well, we are over halfway done now, if you take into account the number of awards to be given out. How much time is left? Only God knows.
Are you bored yet? My guests the Frog and the Cheerleader have been bored the whole night. As I mentioned in the intro, they’re the kind of people who just come to an Oscar party to socialize, not to pay strict attention to what is going on. Here they are chatting up the frog cookie jar in my kitchen.
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Jon Stewart plays Wii with the girl who sang the song from “August Rush.” Nice.
Where are you going with this, Jack Nicholson? OH, a tribute to Best Picture. Based on my count, I have seen 53 of them, although some of them I barely remember and perhaps should see again. And so ends Hour 2.
Okay, we’re about to do Best Supporting Actress. Enjoy this, people, because we won’t have another truly entertaining award with a celebrity winner for awhile. Unless people who do sound editing and mixing are celebrities to you. Hmm. Tilda Swinton pulls out an upset. I don’t want to be too mean here, and I know she’s very avant-garde and outside Hollywood, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she also wins an award for ugliest dress.
One year I’d like to be asked to host the scientific and technical awards, held in a separate ceremony.
Man, when you’re hosting an Oscar party with inanimate objects, all you do is eat! Because no one is there to help you eat.
Wouldn’t you feel bad if you were the uncreative Coen sibling?
Look, I’m perfectly willing to understand the role Miley Cyrus plays in entertaining today’s youth. BUT GET HER OFF THE OSCARS. She is climbing up the charts of my Hollywood nemeses. She can’t beat out Jennifer Love Hewitt or Drew Barrymore, but she might be #3 with a bullet.
No one in my pool had The Bourne Ultimatum winning for Sound Editing! Or for sound mixing! Let’s take a moment and look at the Oscar pool score:
Molly—5
Pope John Paul II—3
John Steinbeck—1
The Frog & the Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—4
I hope no one is letting me win because I am the host.
Look, no one wants a 15-minute speech by someone we don’t know, but I hate when they start playing music over people, particularly in an occasion when three people win, and the music starts playing after person #2.
Okay, they’re doing Best Actress a little early in the evening, I guess to throw the viewers a bone, but it kind of make it seems like they care less about actresses than actors. I mean, we haven’t even done documentary awards and they’re going to do Best Actress?! Marion Cotillard wins and is very emotional. I think I would have been happy with any of them winning. Although if I ever win, I’m never going to say, “Thank you life, thank you love,” even if I don’t speak the language very well.
Well, we are over halfway done now, if you take into account the number of awards to be given out. How much time is left? Only God knows.
Are you bored yet? My guests the Frog and the Cheerleader have been bored the whole night. As I mentioned in the intro, they’re the kind of people who just come to an Oscar party to socialize, not to pay strict attention to what is going on. Here they are chatting up the frog cookie jar in my kitchen.
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Jon Stewart plays Wii with the girl who sang the song from “August Rush.” Nice.
Where are you going with this, Jack Nicholson? OH, a tribute to Best Picture. Based on my count, I have seen 53 of them, although some of them I barely remember and perhaps should see again. And so ends Hour 2.
Oscars, Hour One: And so it begins
Okay it’s starting. Before the show I read a blog where the producer said that the first 90 seconds of the show would be the most exciting film that the Oscars had ever shown. What could it be? Well, it seems animated. It’s lots of characters from lots of different movies. I mean, it didn’t blow me away. I wouldn’t give it an Oscar or anything. If that was supposed to be the most exciting 90 seconds, then it’s going to be a long night.
And here comes Jon Stewart, to perform the most thankless task in Hollywood. But Daniel Day-Lewis is just eating it up! Tommy Lee Jones, however, not amused, but I have to agree with him that Javier Bardem hair jokes are getting a little old. In talking about Diablo Cody’s background as a stripper, Jon Stewart reminds us that we can find out our stripper name by taking the name of our first pet and the street we grew up on. Fun fact: my stripper name is Ralph Poplar.
Alright, it’s time for award, and Jennifer Garner is going to give it out. I am so glad the writer’s strike is over so that we get a well-written blurb about all that goes into being a fashion designer! So far Abraham Lincoln and I are tied in the Oscar pool. It’s time for a commercial already?! I have Oscar fever. Don’t stop now!
First montage of the night coming 19 minutes in. All the old favorites—Jack Palance’s one-armed push-ups, Rob Lowe dancing with Snow White, the Titanic song plays in the background. God I know these are silly but I can’t help it, I love a good montage.
I’m not going to lie, I had Norbit for Best Makeup, because I thought that Oscar voters had a sense of humor and would appreciate the idea of giving Norbit an Oscar. But nope, they go with La Vie en Rose. Marion Cotillard is incredibly overwhelmed.
I know that Broadway stars do this all the time, but I have a lot more respect for Amy Adams watching her sing a song from Enchanted live while billions of people watch.
Oh my God, my favorite commercial is on. It’s the commercial where the little kid eats McDonald’s while “Cha Cha Slide” plays. Here, I found it on YouTube so we can all enjoy it as often we want:
I wish we could give that little kid an Oscar!
Here is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to make someone’s dream come true! With the win of “The Golden Compass” for visual effects, Abraham Lincoln pulls into the lead. He has not looked up from his book the entire time the show has been on!
I had Javier Bardem in the pool, but don’t you feel kind of bad about him winning seeing Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter in the audience? Oh, but then don’t you feel even worse that the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones and he’s not even paying attention to his co-star? He’s playing with his cufflink! Get with it Tommy Lee. I know Javier is speaking in Spanish but this is supposed to be meaningful.
So far John Steinbeck has not gotten anything right in the pool. Here he is with the other guys, helping me with all the ballots:
Jon Stewart is mocking montages, saying that if the writer’s strike had continued, we would have gotten a montage to binoculars and periscopes. I know it’s a joke, but not too bad a montage. “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute”…love it.
A stirring song from “August Rush” ends hour 1. Only 17 hours to go! Don’t you love jokes about how long the Oscars are?!
And here comes Jon Stewart, to perform the most thankless task in Hollywood. But Daniel Day-Lewis is just eating it up! Tommy Lee Jones, however, not amused, but I have to agree with him that Javier Bardem hair jokes are getting a little old. In talking about Diablo Cody’s background as a stripper, Jon Stewart reminds us that we can find out our stripper name by taking the name of our first pet and the street we grew up on. Fun fact: my stripper name is Ralph Poplar.
Alright, it’s time for award, and Jennifer Garner is going to give it out. I am so glad the writer’s strike is over so that we get a well-written blurb about all that goes into being a fashion designer! So far Abraham Lincoln and I are tied in the Oscar pool. It’s time for a commercial already?! I have Oscar fever. Don’t stop now!
First montage of the night coming 19 minutes in. All the old favorites—Jack Palance’s one-armed push-ups, Rob Lowe dancing with Snow White, the Titanic song plays in the background. God I know these are silly but I can’t help it, I love a good montage.
I’m not going to lie, I had Norbit for Best Makeup, because I thought that Oscar voters had a sense of humor and would appreciate the idea of giving Norbit an Oscar. But nope, they go with La Vie en Rose. Marion Cotillard is incredibly overwhelmed.
I know that Broadway stars do this all the time, but I have a lot more respect for Amy Adams watching her sing a song from Enchanted live while billions of people watch.
Oh my God, my favorite commercial is on. It’s the commercial where the little kid eats McDonald’s while “Cha Cha Slide” plays. Here, I found it on YouTube so we can all enjoy it as often we want:
I wish we could give that little kid an Oscar!
Here is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to make someone’s dream come true! With the win of “The Golden Compass” for visual effects, Abraham Lincoln pulls into the lead. He has not looked up from his book the entire time the show has been on!
I had Javier Bardem in the pool, but don’t you feel kind of bad about him winning seeing Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter in the audience? Oh, but then don’t you feel even worse that the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones and he’s not even paying attention to his co-star? He’s playing with his cufflink! Get with it Tommy Lee. I know Javier is speaking in Spanish but this is supposed to be meaningful.
So far John Steinbeck has not gotten anything right in the pool. Here he is with the other guys, helping me with all the ballots:
Jon Stewart is mocking montages, saying that if the writer’s strike had continued, we would have gotten a montage to binoculars and periscopes. I know it’s a joke, but not too bad a montage. “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute”…love it.
A stirring song from “August Rush” ends hour 1. Only 17 hours to go! Don’t you love jokes about how long the Oscars are?!
Oscar Preshow Part 2: Gary Busey attacks!
Gary Busey is crashing Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney’s interview and yelling at Ryan Seacrest but I don’t think anyone know who he is! It’s so awkward! He just manhandled Jennifer Garner and she is freaked out.
Ryan Seacrest to Miley Cyrus: “You might be the most famous person to our viewers.” That is just insulting, Ryan Seacrest. She is whining how she doesn’t have any friends.
Keri Russell is very beautiful but her dress is such a weird color that it doesn’t look like she’s wearing one and also it highlights how uncomfortably skinny she is.
WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING TO MILEY CYRUS? She has gotten the longest interview ever. Now they’re talking to her mom! What is up with Miley’s weird mouth? She says she can’t wait to be back here with her own movie, so we can all see how much she loves film and her craft and bullshit like that. She just promised to give Ryan Seacrest a call later in the week. The thing is, I think she really will. Creepy.
E! has decided that red is the color of the night.
Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I’m not going to lie, I’m not completely sure who Jessica Alba is. I think I get her confused with Jessica Biel.
Cameron Diaz just admitted that she did not get Drew Barrymore anything for her birthday. Can you believe Drew Barrymore is 33? For a long time Drew Barrymore always seemed really old but now 33 doesn’t seem old to me. I guess she’s just been in the biz a long time. I should probably clarify that Drew Barrymore is not there. Cameron Diaz is just talking about her. Cameron Diaz is wearing a pink dress. It’s okay.
Marion Cotillard is very beautiful, perhaps wearing my favorite dress of the night so far. But if she wins, that acceptance speech is going to take forever, unless she just bites the bullet and does it in French.
I just don’t like Hilary Swank, but I don’t know why.
Tilda Swinton is talking about how she doesn’t understand the sex appeal of George Clooney, and how she’s never ever seen the Oscars. I just feel like she is pissing on America.
Colin Farrell said that if he weren’t an actor, he’d like to make something with his hands, like hats. Ryan Seacrest thought he was joking, but Colin was deadly serious when he said he wanted to make hats. I get the sense that Colin Farrell is always deadly serious.
I just took a vote of my Oscar party guests, and we all agree that we don’t like Hilary Swank, which makes me feel better.
Do you think that there are a lot of babies named Viggo in the past few years? It’s kind of growing on me as a name.
Katherine Heigl is wearing the reddest lipstick that Ryan Seacrest has ever seen!
“Women hot. Guys very charming.” is the way Ryan Seacrest sums up the night.
Okay, so it’s 8:00, which means we switch over to ABC for another red carpet show. A few years ago, they started some rule that the network that hosts the Oscars gets exclusive rights to show the red carpet right before the show starts or something. It’s frankly kind of pointless and we’ll probably see the same interviews we just saw on E! But this time we get Regis!
George Clooney, showing himself to be the consummate nice guy, asks Regis about Notre Dame football. Maybe his girlfriend’s dress is my favorite.
Helen Mirren looks lovely. Amy Adams is very polite. Regis is talking to the oldest Oscar fan. What am I wearing? Thanks for asking. A green shirt and jeans. Hilary Swank is on again?!
Okay, only a few minutes left so I'm going to go ahead and post this. Here's a shot of the crazy Oscar party I am hosting---this is Barnabas reading the current Time Magazine cover story on George Clooney. You might recall that Barnabas is pulling for a Michael Clayton sweep.
Ryan Seacrest to Miley Cyrus: “You might be the most famous person to our viewers.” That is just insulting, Ryan Seacrest. She is whining how she doesn’t have any friends.
Keri Russell is very beautiful but her dress is such a weird color that it doesn’t look like she’s wearing one and also it highlights how uncomfortably skinny she is.
WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING TO MILEY CYRUS? She has gotten the longest interview ever. Now they’re talking to her mom! What is up with Miley’s weird mouth? She says she can’t wait to be back here with her own movie, so we can all see how much she loves film and her craft and bullshit like that. She just promised to give Ryan Seacrest a call later in the week. The thing is, I think she really will. Creepy.
E! has decided that red is the color of the night.
Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I’m not going to lie, I’m not completely sure who Jessica Alba is. I think I get her confused with Jessica Biel.
Cameron Diaz just admitted that she did not get Drew Barrymore anything for her birthday. Can you believe Drew Barrymore is 33? For a long time Drew Barrymore always seemed really old but now 33 doesn’t seem old to me. I guess she’s just been in the biz a long time. I should probably clarify that Drew Barrymore is not there. Cameron Diaz is just talking about her. Cameron Diaz is wearing a pink dress. It’s okay.
Marion Cotillard is very beautiful, perhaps wearing my favorite dress of the night so far. But if she wins, that acceptance speech is going to take forever, unless she just bites the bullet and does it in French.
I just don’t like Hilary Swank, but I don’t know why.
Tilda Swinton is talking about how she doesn’t understand the sex appeal of George Clooney, and how she’s never ever seen the Oscars. I just feel like she is pissing on America.
Colin Farrell said that if he weren’t an actor, he’d like to make something with his hands, like hats. Ryan Seacrest thought he was joking, but Colin was deadly serious when he said he wanted to make hats. I get the sense that Colin Farrell is always deadly serious.
I just took a vote of my Oscar party guests, and we all agree that we don’t like Hilary Swank, which makes me feel better.
Do you think that there are a lot of babies named Viggo in the past few years? It’s kind of growing on me as a name.
Katherine Heigl is wearing the reddest lipstick that Ryan Seacrest has ever seen!
“Women hot. Guys very charming.” is the way Ryan Seacrest sums up the night.
Okay, so it’s 8:00, which means we switch over to ABC for another red carpet show. A few years ago, they started some rule that the network that hosts the Oscars gets exclusive rights to show the red carpet right before the show starts or something. It’s frankly kind of pointless and we’ll probably see the same interviews we just saw on E! But this time we get Regis!
George Clooney, showing himself to be the consummate nice guy, asks Regis about Notre Dame football. Maybe his girlfriend’s dress is my favorite.
Helen Mirren looks lovely. Amy Adams is very polite. Regis is talking to the oldest Oscar fan. What am I wearing? Thanks for asking. A green shirt and jeans. Hilary Swank is on again?!
Okay, only a few minutes left so I'm going to go ahead and post this. Here's a shot of the crazy Oscar party I am hosting---this is Barnabas reading the current Time Magazine cover story on George Clooney. You might recall that Barnabas is pulling for a Michael Clayton sweep.
Oscar pre-show, part 1
E! has been keeping me up-to-date on the Los Angeles weather, theorizing about how the stars should be wearing their hair so that it’s not ruined between their limo and the tarped red carpet.
George Clooney’s girlfriend is wearing a cute dress. One thing I remember reading about George Clooney back in the E.R. days was that he said he wouldn’t go to the Oscars as a presenter or anything until he was invited for work that he did. Which is kind of admirable, particularly when one hears that such luminaries as Miley Cyrus will be presenting tonight.
I can’t believe it’s 38 minutes in and we’ve only seen a few celebrities! They told the celebrities that the writer’s strike was over, right? I think I can safely stop to eat pizza without missing anything.
Another weather update. Scattered showers. Wind picking up. Ryan Seacrest is talking about distracting George Clooney’s perfect hair is.
The anonymous ladies of E! are talking about what Anne Hathaway’s wearing, which reminds me of something I’m really dreading about tonight’s show. I dread it every year, but this year, I’m really dreading the montage of celebrities that died in the previous year. It always becomes this weird post-mortem popularity contest, as people start clapping in celebration of the people that are dead. But then, someone more famous is flashed up, and then people have to clap louder to prove that they appreciate that person even more. I hate hate hate this about award shows because it’s nothing but awkward. The people who worked behind the scenes that no one knew are met with stunned silence, which somehow diminishes their achievement. While the more famous people compete for the loudest clapping.
I would dread this at any time, but I especially dread it this year because Heath Ledger died. Heath Ledger is going to get some sort of standing ovation during the dead celebrity montage. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly sad and shocking that Heath Ledger died. It’s sad and shocking when any 28-year-old dies. But the implication that somehow Heath Ledger was the greatest loss, or the most famous person who died, that will, in my mind, be expressed through celebrities trying to clap very loudly for him during the montage, is just frustrating and wrong. They should tell people to sit in respectful silence during that. Would you want to be compared to everyone else who died in the same 365-day span as you?
Ryan Seacrest just flicked his sweat at the camera.
I’m not seeing any Oscar dresses that are knocking me out.
Patrick Dempsey is on now. Has everyone heard the story about how I saw Patrick Dempsey on the streets of Seattle right after he filmed a scene of Grey’s Anatomy? His hair is so beautiful. He is shorter than you might expect, but it allows better access to look at his gorgeous hair. I guess I kind of relate to Ryan Seacrest when he talks about how distracting George Clooney’s hair is.
Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson is talking about how presenting an award is helping to make someone’s dream come true, and how humbling that is. All of the guests at my fake Oscar party are extremely disgusted by this remark.
They’re interviewing the guy from Atonement, and while he talked, they showed this clip of Jennifer Garner trying to run with an umbrella from her car to the red carpet. Thank goodness E! has continually let me know about this weather situation so that I know what that was all about!
George Clooney’s girlfriend is wearing a cute dress. One thing I remember reading about George Clooney back in the E.R. days was that he said he wouldn’t go to the Oscars as a presenter or anything until he was invited for work that he did. Which is kind of admirable, particularly when one hears that such luminaries as Miley Cyrus will be presenting tonight.
I can’t believe it’s 38 minutes in and we’ve only seen a few celebrities! They told the celebrities that the writer’s strike was over, right? I think I can safely stop to eat pizza without missing anything.
Another weather update. Scattered showers. Wind picking up. Ryan Seacrest is talking about distracting George Clooney’s perfect hair is.
The anonymous ladies of E! are talking about what Anne Hathaway’s wearing, which reminds me of something I’m really dreading about tonight’s show. I dread it every year, but this year, I’m really dreading the montage of celebrities that died in the previous year. It always becomes this weird post-mortem popularity contest, as people start clapping in celebration of the people that are dead. But then, someone more famous is flashed up, and then people have to clap louder to prove that they appreciate that person even more. I hate hate hate this about award shows because it’s nothing but awkward. The people who worked behind the scenes that no one knew are met with stunned silence, which somehow diminishes their achievement. While the more famous people compete for the loudest clapping.
I would dread this at any time, but I especially dread it this year because Heath Ledger died. Heath Ledger is going to get some sort of standing ovation during the dead celebrity montage. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly sad and shocking that Heath Ledger died. It’s sad and shocking when any 28-year-old dies. But the implication that somehow Heath Ledger was the greatest loss, or the most famous person who died, that will, in my mind, be expressed through celebrities trying to clap very loudly for him during the montage, is just frustrating and wrong. They should tell people to sit in respectful silence during that. Would you want to be compared to everyone else who died in the same 365-day span as you?
Ryan Seacrest just flicked his sweat at the camera.
I’m not seeing any Oscar dresses that are knocking me out.
Patrick Dempsey is on now. Has everyone heard the story about how I saw Patrick Dempsey on the streets of Seattle right after he filmed a scene of Grey’s Anatomy? His hair is so beautiful. He is shorter than you might expect, but it allows better access to look at his gorgeous hair. I guess I kind of relate to Ryan Seacrest when he talks about how distracting George Clooney’s hair is.
Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson is talking about how presenting an award is helping to make someone’s dream come true, and how humbling that is. All of the guests at my fake Oscar party are extremely disgusted by this remark.
They’re interviewing the guy from Atonement, and while he talked, they showed this clip of Jennifer Garner trying to run with an umbrella from her car to the red carpet. Thank goodness E! has continually let me know about this weather situation so that I know what that was all about!
The first celebrities are here
Well, E! has switched over to Ryan Seacrest, which in E!’s world, screams respectability. So soon, any minute now, we might have an actual celebrity to talk to. Who will be the first to show up? That’s such a mixed bag—it seems slightly uncool, like showing up to a party before it gets into full swing, but on the other hand, there’s more chance to be on TV because everyone is so eager to film the one celebrity wondering around on the red carpet.
While we wait, here’s a movie-related anecdote. So, I joined Netflix, because now that I don’t live in Seattle, I can’t borrow all of my entertainment from the library, and I won’t even get started on the numerous ways that the Atlanta-Fulton County Library is failing me. So anyway, I’ve started Netflix. Perhaps this will sound backward to all of you who have been Netflixing forever, but I’ve gotten kind of obsessed with rating movies so that the “Movies You’ll Heart” section becomes stunningly accurate and insightful. I just want Netflix to know me so well that I don’t even have to think about what to watch and instead can just be happy with whatever a robot serves up to me.
So, it’s going a little slowly. If you rank “Loved It” to Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1, it offers up Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2. I had hoped for a little more diversity. But I just got recommended “Women’s Health: The Wedding Workout” based on my enjoyment of “Sex and the City,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” How depressing. Just because I like watching things with women as main characters I must be interested in a wedding workout? None of the main characters in those things even gets married!
By the way, The Wedding Workout has three reviews. One is positive, pointing out that you pick what kind of dress you’re wearing (strapless or formfitting), and then you receive a customized workout to help you look great on your special day. The other two reviews are negative, saying that the workout is not long enough and that you’ll probably never lose enough weight if that’s all you do to get ready for your wedding.
Okay, actual celebrities have been sighted now! George Clooney is talking to someone. But no celebrities are near E! so they’re just doing celebrity gossip. Angelina Jolie is pregnant…c’mon E! that is so 24 hours ago. Oh thank God, Ryan has nagged some celebrities: Heidi Klum and Seal. Heidi Klum just admitted that she is not wearing a bra, and then Seal said he had some ideas about how he and Heidi were going to collaborate musically in the future, but he wasn’t going to reveal them, and Heidi got mad because Seal has secrets! Marital awkwardness! Then Seal let us know that his favorite movie of the year was “Into the Wild.” Good to know.
My Oscar party is in full swing. Here is Abraham Lincoln, who staked out a spot next to the pretzels I thoughtfully provided for my guests:
More thoughts on the Oscar pre-show are on the way!
While we wait, here’s a movie-related anecdote. So, I joined Netflix, because now that I don’t live in Seattle, I can’t borrow all of my entertainment from the library, and I won’t even get started on the numerous ways that the Atlanta-Fulton County Library is failing me. So anyway, I’ve started Netflix. Perhaps this will sound backward to all of you who have been Netflixing forever, but I’ve gotten kind of obsessed with rating movies so that the “Movies You’ll Heart” section becomes stunningly accurate and insightful. I just want Netflix to know me so well that I don’t even have to think about what to watch and instead can just be happy with whatever a robot serves up to me.
So, it’s going a little slowly. If you rank “Loved It” to Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1, it offers up Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2. I had hoped for a little more diversity. But I just got recommended “Women’s Health: The Wedding Workout” based on my enjoyment of “Sex and the City,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” How depressing. Just because I like watching things with women as main characters I must be interested in a wedding workout? None of the main characters in those things even gets married!
By the way, The Wedding Workout has three reviews. One is positive, pointing out that you pick what kind of dress you’re wearing (strapless or formfitting), and then you receive a customized workout to help you look great on your special day. The other two reviews are negative, saying that the workout is not long enough and that you’ll probably never lose enough weight if that’s all you do to get ready for your wedding.
Okay, actual celebrities have been sighted now! George Clooney is talking to someone. But no celebrities are near E! so they’re just doing celebrity gossip. Angelina Jolie is pregnant…c’mon E! that is so 24 hours ago. Oh thank God, Ryan has nagged some celebrities: Heidi Klum and Seal. Heidi Klum just admitted that she is not wearing a bra, and then Seal said he had some ideas about how he and Heidi were going to collaborate musically in the future, but he wasn’t going to reveal them, and Heidi got mad because Seal has secrets! Marital awkwardness! Then Seal let us know that his favorite movie of the year was “Into the Wild.” Good to know.
My Oscar party is in full swing. Here is Abraham Lincoln, who staked out a spot next to the pretzels I thoughtfully provided for my guests:
More thoughts on the Oscar pre-show are on the way!
E! The network with nothing better to do.
So perhaps you think I have started my Oscar coverage too early. After all, the show doesn’t start for four more hours! But the E! channel began its red carpet coverage at approximately 2 a.m. on Friday morning, so clearly I have a lot of catching up to do. I mean, they’ve been talking about the Oscars for months, but only one network would put anchors outside and in studios in designer gowns for 72 hours, and that channel is E!
When you start that early, though, you have to do a lot of stretching in terms of content. Celebrities aren’t even going to start showing up for another two hours. So here’s a fun game. Guess which of these things E! has not done in the past few hours:
--Polled four-year-olds on their choices for Best Picture.
--Had a pregnant teenager in the studio to talk about realism in “Juno” and to model maternity designer wear.
--Played a game where a dude had to identify which designer made which necklace and bracelet.
--Looked at maps to determine which countries really aren’t appropriate for old men.
--Had an Edith Piaf impersonation contest to discuss Marion Cotillard’s chances.
--Compared Cate Blanchett’s work in “Elizabeth” and “I’m Not There” with the thesis that she is actually playing the same character.
--Killed an anchor to see if there will actually be blood.
--Provided recipes for Oscar-themed snacks, including cookies shaped like diving bells and butterflies, Michael Caketon, and Johnny Seven-layer Depp.
--Had an underwear fashion show to discuss the troubling topic of panty lines under designer dresses.
--Had a stirring conversation about how current events are shaping the documentary categories.
--Brought in E! reality stars to sings all the nominations for Best Original Song.
--Interpreted celebrity tattoos for insight into who that celebrity really is.
--Evaluated polling to see if they can make any early projections in Texas and Ohio.
--Had quirky comedians sing acoustic songs about the nominees.
The thing is, E! had done quite a few of these things. It’s fairly possible that they’ll do the rest of them by the time the celebrities actually start arriving. And even if they don’t, I think you’ll agree that all of them are fairly plausible regardless.
When you start that early, though, you have to do a lot of stretching in terms of content. Celebrities aren’t even going to start showing up for another two hours. So here’s a fun game. Guess which of these things E! has not done in the past few hours:
--Polled four-year-olds on their choices for Best Picture.
--Had a pregnant teenager in the studio to talk about realism in “Juno” and to model maternity designer wear.
--Played a game where a dude had to identify which designer made which necklace and bracelet.
--Looked at maps to determine which countries really aren’t appropriate for old men.
--Had an Edith Piaf impersonation contest to discuss Marion Cotillard’s chances.
--Compared Cate Blanchett’s work in “Elizabeth” and “I’m Not There” with the thesis that she is actually playing the same character.
--Killed an anchor to see if there will actually be blood.
--Provided recipes for Oscar-themed snacks, including cookies shaped like diving bells and butterflies, Michael Caketon, and Johnny Seven-layer Depp.
--Had an underwear fashion show to discuss the troubling topic of panty lines under designer dresses.
--Had a stirring conversation about how current events are shaping the documentary categories.
--Brought in E! reality stars to sings all the nominations for Best Original Song.
--Interpreted celebrity tattoos for insight into who that celebrity really is.
--Evaluated polling to see if they can make any early projections in Texas and Ohio.
--Had quirky comedians sing acoustic songs about the nominees.
The thing is, E! had done quite a few of these things. It’s fairly possible that they’ll do the rest of them by the time the celebrities actually start arriving. And even if they don’t, I think you’ll agree that all of them are fairly plausible regardless.
Oscar Party 2008
Well, it’s Oscar Day! Has a special anticipation tinted everything you’ve done today? I know, me too. I mean, I haven’t seen many of the movies nominated, but I just love to watch celebrities celebrate themselves. And with the Golden Globes cancelled in January, the Oscars are under a lot of pressure to deliver an award show high that can last til the Emmys in September.
I know very few people who have the endurance, the dedication, the lack of anything else to do that allow them to focus on award shows in the way I do. So this year, I’m not trying to find those people. Rather, I’m making them up. I am having a made-up Oscar party with things in my home to which I’ve assigned personalities.
Are you confused? Perhaps this picture will help:
These are the people at my Oscar party. I just finished filling out everyone’s ballots, so let me introduce you to everyone by telling you a little about everyone’s choices.
Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln is one-half of my “Abraham Lincoln Reading a Book” set of bookends. He has dressed quite dapperly for the party, and as you can see, he is reading a book that was the basis for one of the films nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay. Because he doesn’t just see the movie, he judges the source material and the actual success in adapting it.
For this Oscars, Abe’s choices are generally what you’d expect from a leader who led the country through a violent and divisive war. He has “There Will Be Blood” to win Best Picture and generally every other category for which it’s nominated. Otherwise, he went for historical choices, including Cate Blanchett for “Elizabeth” and Casey Affleck for “Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.”
Barnabas Bear: Barnabas is my faithful bear companion. While he spends most of his time lying around in whatever spot I leave him, he has managed to catch several films that are already on DVD. Yesterday, he and I watched “Michael Clayton,” and while I was generally underwhelmed, Barnabas really loved it and has it winning most every category that it’s nominated for. Other than that, most of his picks are just things he’s seen in the Netflix queue.
Pope John Paul II: This bust of everyone’s favorite pope picked “Atonement” to win Best Picture, because atonement as a concept is really something he can get behind. After that, he tried to pick nominees who have a variety of backgrounds, so as to show his ability to unite and support people from all over the world. This means that the pope is supporting everything from Marion Cotillard to “Persepolis” to Javier Bardem.
John Steinbeck: John Steinbeck, as depicted on this t-shirt I bought in California, was one of only two Nobel laureates for literature to be nominated for a writing Academy Award. He was nominated three times, no less. So he has picked winners based on their basis in literature. Like the pope, he has “Atonement” to win (the only Best Picture overlap that exists at this Oscar Party), but he has picked a variety of nominees with origins in a book: Johnny Depp, Hal Holbrook, There Will Be Blood. Least exciting category to him: Best Original Screenplay.
Frog and Cheerleader: This jauntily clad Frog usually holds candy in his bucket, while the Cheerleader was in my stocking at Christmas a few years ago. I don’t know if you can tell in the picture, but she has an M on her chest; I think she was intended to cheer me on or something. A fun fact is that if you squeeze her, she sings a song about wiggling it, just a little bit, that provides this blog with its name. Anyways, these two are playing together, for one, because I didn’t print out enough ballots, and for two, because they are clearly the kind of people who don’t actually care about movies or four hour award shows. They’re the people that show up just to see who’s wearing what and to see what snacks the party host will provide. While this duo has some issues with teen pregnancy, they’ve gone with “Juno” as best picture, because it was so cheery, cheeriness and/or attractiveness being their general qualification for what they’ve picked. As such, they’re pulling for George Clooney and “Diving Bell and the Butterfly”…because what is more cheery than butterflies?!
As for me, I have a pretty good-looking ballot as long as there are no surprises and everyone who has been anointed as a winner by the media actually wins. Luckily, however, I have five other ballots that I can take credit for, and with that many involved, I’m sure to win somehow. Stay tuned for an epic night of blogging and fun!
I know very few people who have the endurance, the dedication, the lack of anything else to do that allow them to focus on award shows in the way I do. So this year, I’m not trying to find those people. Rather, I’m making them up. I am having a made-up Oscar party with things in my home to which I’ve assigned personalities.
Are you confused? Perhaps this picture will help:
These are the people at my Oscar party. I just finished filling out everyone’s ballots, so let me introduce you to everyone by telling you a little about everyone’s choices.
Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln is one-half of my “Abraham Lincoln Reading a Book” set of bookends. He has dressed quite dapperly for the party, and as you can see, he is reading a book that was the basis for one of the films nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay. Because he doesn’t just see the movie, he judges the source material and the actual success in adapting it.
For this Oscars, Abe’s choices are generally what you’d expect from a leader who led the country through a violent and divisive war. He has “There Will Be Blood” to win Best Picture and generally every other category for which it’s nominated. Otherwise, he went for historical choices, including Cate Blanchett for “Elizabeth” and Casey Affleck for “Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.”
Barnabas Bear: Barnabas is my faithful bear companion. While he spends most of his time lying around in whatever spot I leave him, he has managed to catch several films that are already on DVD. Yesterday, he and I watched “Michael Clayton,” and while I was generally underwhelmed, Barnabas really loved it and has it winning most every category that it’s nominated for. Other than that, most of his picks are just things he’s seen in the Netflix queue.
Pope John Paul II: This bust of everyone’s favorite pope picked “Atonement” to win Best Picture, because atonement as a concept is really something he can get behind. After that, he tried to pick nominees who have a variety of backgrounds, so as to show his ability to unite and support people from all over the world. This means that the pope is supporting everything from Marion Cotillard to “Persepolis” to Javier Bardem.
John Steinbeck: John Steinbeck, as depicted on this t-shirt I bought in California, was one of only two Nobel laureates for literature to be nominated for a writing Academy Award. He was nominated three times, no less. So he has picked winners based on their basis in literature. Like the pope, he has “Atonement” to win (the only Best Picture overlap that exists at this Oscar Party), but he has picked a variety of nominees with origins in a book: Johnny Depp, Hal Holbrook, There Will Be Blood. Least exciting category to him: Best Original Screenplay.
Frog and Cheerleader: This jauntily clad Frog usually holds candy in his bucket, while the Cheerleader was in my stocking at Christmas a few years ago. I don’t know if you can tell in the picture, but she has an M on her chest; I think she was intended to cheer me on or something. A fun fact is that if you squeeze her, she sings a song about wiggling it, just a little bit, that provides this blog with its name. Anyways, these two are playing together, for one, because I didn’t print out enough ballots, and for two, because they are clearly the kind of people who don’t actually care about movies or four hour award shows. They’re the people that show up just to see who’s wearing what and to see what snacks the party host will provide. While this duo has some issues with teen pregnancy, they’ve gone with “Juno” as best picture, because it was so cheery, cheeriness and/or attractiveness being their general qualification for what they’ve picked. As such, they’re pulling for George Clooney and “Diving Bell and the Butterfly”…because what is more cheery than butterflies?!
As for me, I have a pretty good-looking ballot as long as there are no surprises and everyone who has been anointed as a winner by the media actually wins. Luckily, however, I have five other ballots that I can take credit for, and with that many involved, I’m sure to win somehow. Stay tuned for an epic night of blogging and fun!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
steakin' it out
Well, since the first installment of the Great Food Court Project, my work has truly been blessed by the gods, for this week, coupon books appeared in the break room at work. And these coupon books feature over two dozen coupons for food court restaurants in the vicinity!
So today, I headed over and ate at the Great Steak & Potato Company. Places like this always have slightly different names, but you can usually identify them by their predilection for serving french fries in a cup. They also chop up meat in tiny pieces and grill it and it becomes something kind of resembling a philly cheese steak.
If I were to order the things with the most interesting names on the menu, I would have ordered a Ham Explosion sandwich (ham, onions, peppers, mushroom and swiss cheese) and a King Potato, which features cheese, bacon, sour cream, and either olives or chives (I was sitting kind of faraway when I was taking my notes. I guess chives makes more sense but olives is funnier to me). Although the Great Potato (which is the King Potato with either steak or chicken) is a close runner-up, I guess because it kind of sounds like something Linus from Peanuts would sit around waiting for.
But I didn’t order those things. Instead, I chose a super steak sandwich, which is steak, cheese, onions, peppers, and mushrooms; mushrooms, of course, being what distinguishes a super steak from a regular steak. Also with my coupon I got free fries.
The food court was not as crowded as usual today, but even so, there were not many patrons at the Great Steak & Potato Company while I was there. I wonder if their food preparation methods work against them. On the one hand, it’s probably the only place where they cook the food when you order it, as opposed to placing it under a heat lamp, but on the other hand, when that place gets backed up, it’s backed up.
As I ate my super steak, I tried to learn something from the Great Steak & Potato Company by browsing their menu. In addition to the sandwiches, they also serve salads with the chopped up meat on them. They also have a wide variety of baked potatoes with lots of toppings on them. Some places in this cheesesteak genre will instead substitute fries for baked potatoes and serve loaded fries. I think I prefer loaded fries to loaded potatoes. I don’t know. As soon as I typed that I doubted myself.
My super steak was okay but not super. That said, I’m not really a cheese steak connoisseur and I tend to find these places kind of hit-and-miss. While eating, I tried to make a chart of how things can go well at these places, and how they can go bad:
Factors that make a good cheesesteak sandwich
-Bun a perfect mix of crispy and soggy
-A lot of cheese distributed throughout sandwich
-Proper ratios of mayonnaise or other special sauce
-Generally, I think shredded lettuce is better than big leafy lettuce
Factors that spell doom for cheesesteak sandwich
-Bun too hard, hard to eat
-Bun too soggy, sandwich falls apart
-Sandwich falls apart due to unwieldy ingredients, regardless of bun conditions
-Meat too dry
My chart also needs to include something about vegetables. There’s also something tricky about the vegetables in the cheese steak, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Anyways, it was okay. The fries were good although too salty. While I ate, I tried to decide if the awning and sign for the Great Steak & Potato Company was dingier and dirtier than its neighbors, but I think that might have been my imagination.
When I got back to the office, I had to get some Junior Mints from the convenience store downstairs to really complete the meal and close the palate. Just something to keep in mind if you happen to eat at one of these types of establishments and feel that something is missing when you’re finished.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
taste test
For several weeks, I have been intrigued by the ads that have been appearing for Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. It kind of seems like a win, because I love Diet Dr. Pepper, cherries and chocolate. I was leery, of course, about the combination. If it had just been Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, well, I think that would be good because it would be kind of like Diet Cherry Coke which is delicious. It’s the chocolate that is cause for concern.
I haven’t tried any of the other specialty Diet Dr. Peppers, which I believe are Berries & Cream and Cherry Vanilla. Berries in cola has absolutely no appeal, and neither does vanilla for me, really. But this cherry chocolate…so intriguing. Especially when I found a single 20-oz bottle for sale in Kroger. Obviously, you can’t commit to a 12-pack with a beverage like this. When I bought the drink, amidst a whole array of other items, it was the only one that the grocery bagger commented on. “What, are they putting food in our Coke now?” she said.
Well, tonight is the big night to try this new beverage, and I am blogging about it in case anyone else has been wondering. For reference, I am drinking this chilled, as opposed to with ice. I don’t really like ice in my drink.
If you swirl it around like you’re supposed to do with wine, you see a very distinct red tint. Clearly we are dealing with some cherry flavoring along the lines of Cheerwine here.
A chocolate scent is immediately distinguishable upon opening the bottle. Followed by a strong cherry finish. It smells kind of like a chocolate covered cherry.
Oh my, it tastes disgusting.
I am trying to think of what this tastes like. I think it kind of tastes like liquid Tootsie Roll. Like, you know how when you eat a Tootsie Roll, and then you kind of have saliva left over in your mouth, and you swallow it? That’s how I would sum up Diet Dr Pepper Cherry Chocolate.
I really can’t taste the cherry or the Diet Dr. Pepper in this concoction. Perhaps all the flavors are battling for dominance and all that’s emerging is crap.
Okay, you know what the problem might be here? I’m kinda hungry. Maybe this drink needs to accompany food. I’m going to go heat up a burrito.
No, food does not help the situation at all. I’d rather drink a burrito flavored beverage than this Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. And bear in mind, again, that I am a person who loves Diet Dr. Pepper, cherries, and chocolate. I just feel that that bears repeating. I guess that concludes this taste test. I suppose it’s possible that after dinner, the flavorful soda might serve as a kind of dessert wine, a full-bodied port, but I have my doubts about how long I’m going to keep drinking this
I would just like to send a message to the fine folks over at Diet Dr. Pepper, if they should ever happen to stumble upon this blog: please don’t hold this poor review of your product against me. I really really love Diet Dr Pepper. Send me a free case and I’ll frequently write about how great it is. Just please don’t send me a case of this flavored crap.
Tune in next time when I evaluate Diet Cherry Coke and Cherry Coke Zero. WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE? I HAVE NO IDEA!
I haven’t tried any of the other specialty Diet Dr. Peppers, which I believe are Berries & Cream and Cherry Vanilla. Berries in cola has absolutely no appeal, and neither does vanilla for me, really. But this cherry chocolate…so intriguing. Especially when I found a single 20-oz bottle for sale in Kroger. Obviously, you can’t commit to a 12-pack with a beverage like this. When I bought the drink, amidst a whole array of other items, it was the only one that the grocery bagger commented on. “What, are they putting food in our Coke now?” she said.
Well, tonight is the big night to try this new beverage, and I am blogging about it in case anyone else has been wondering. For reference, I am drinking this chilled, as opposed to with ice. I don’t really like ice in my drink.
If you swirl it around like you’re supposed to do with wine, you see a very distinct red tint. Clearly we are dealing with some cherry flavoring along the lines of Cheerwine here.
A chocolate scent is immediately distinguishable upon opening the bottle. Followed by a strong cherry finish. It smells kind of like a chocolate covered cherry.
Oh my, it tastes disgusting.
I am trying to think of what this tastes like. I think it kind of tastes like liquid Tootsie Roll. Like, you know how when you eat a Tootsie Roll, and then you kind of have saliva left over in your mouth, and you swallow it? That’s how I would sum up Diet Dr Pepper Cherry Chocolate.
I really can’t taste the cherry or the Diet Dr. Pepper in this concoction. Perhaps all the flavors are battling for dominance and all that’s emerging is crap.
Okay, you know what the problem might be here? I’m kinda hungry. Maybe this drink needs to accompany food. I’m going to go heat up a burrito.
No, food does not help the situation at all. I’d rather drink a burrito flavored beverage than this Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate. And bear in mind, again, that I am a person who loves Diet Dr. Pepper, cherries, and chocolate. I just feel that that bears repeating. I guess that concludes this taste test. I suppose it’s possible that after dinner, the flavorful soda might serve as a kind of dessert wine, a full-bodied port, but I have my doubts about how long I’m going to keep drinking this
I would just like to send a message to the fine folks over at Diet Dr. Pepper, if they should ever happen to stumble upon this blog: please don’t hold this poor review of your product against me. I really really love Diet Dr Pepper. Send me a free case and I’ll frequently write about how great it is. Just please don’t send me a case of this flavored crap.
Tune in next time when I evaluate Diet Cherry Coke and Cherry Coke Zero. WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE? I HAVE NO IDEA!
Monday, February 18, 2008
57 channels (and nothing on)
This weekend I had to sit around and wait for the Comcast man, but boy oh boy, was that time well worth it! Now I have cable and (legal) internet! That means I no longer have to curl up in the one corner of my apartment trying to pick up a signal. I’m writing this sentence in my bedroom!
And this sentence in my kitchen!
And I’m writing this in my bathroom!
And this sentence is brought to you from my deck.
But anyways, now I’m settled in on the couch. God bless my router. Other than a serendipitous 5-hour Project Runway marathon that got me all caught up on what’s been happening the past few weeks, I haven’t really had time to play around with the cable and see what’s there. So we’re gonna do that now, together. I did this once before, when I was desperate for daily content (http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-probably-should-have-read-book.html). Let’s see how it shakes out in a different city. Starting time: 9:03 p.m.
2--a guy is singing a song about how much he loves God in front of a picture of praying hands, and behind the picture appears to be a bunch of cubicles with people at work. Do they know about the singing guy? It’s hard to tell.
3--Dance War with Carrie Ann and Bruno. When I lived with my parents, they got me pretty hooked on Dancing with the Stars. As much as I enjoyed the judging of Bruno, I had no desire to watch this show. Although right now Bruno is wearing a cowboy hat! That’s so adorable! What other headgear have I been missing? Also, this is the week where they’re going to announce the new contestants of Dancing With the Stars! But after only a moment I can tell this show is too annoying to stick around and wait for the announcement. I’ll google it later.
4—Terminator the Sarah Conner Chronicles. I should probably point out that it’s not like I could have identified this by myself, but my cable has one of those things where it flashes up the name of the program when I change the channel. Terminator is a pretty good movie. Not so good that I’d watch a tv show based on it. Does anyone remember the short-lived television show based on A League of Their Own? I didn’t think so, and if that show can’t make it, neither will this one.
5—Here is a church service.
6—It’s a commercial for Disney World and/or Disney Land. Man that small child sure looks happy.
7—“Shaft” is on the channel Peachtree TV, which is a channel I have been watching the past few weeks because I could pick it up with only an antenna. It’s a weird channel. It shows movies and tv shows at random times. Wait…Christian Bale is in Shaft?!
8—PBS is talking about Native Americans and the skills they provided the white man.
9—Two and a Half Men is on CBS. I don’t know what it is about this show, BUT IT IS ALWAYS ON WHEN I HAVE TURNED ON THE TV LATELY. Seriously. Did it just go into syndication, or have they just been showing it a lot because of the writers’ strike?
10—This is a Pussycat Dolls episode that is entitled “Let’s get girlilicious” which is a phrase I’m going to try to work into more conversations. I guess any noun followed by –licious is pretty good. Bloggylicious. Odorlicious. Nilla waferlicious.
11—Bible reading by a guy sitting at what looks like some weird Ikea table.
12—Brooke Shields is trying to sell me toothpaste. I find Brooke Shields mildly annoying.
13—This is a makeup commercial with…Brooke Shields?! No, I’m joking. That would be too crazy a coincidence. It’s just Leeza Gibbons.
14—A soap opera in Spanish. The guy looks very sensitive and heartbroken. Oh no now he’s crying! The girl is just walking away. What do you think happened between them?
15—America’s Funniest Home Videos. This show really does have a catchy theme song. But this clip is from 1994, and Bob Saget is not hosting. So that means that the show probably held onto it for a few years and then was like, eh, it’s funny enough, I guess.
16—Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. Hmm. I can’t tell how close we are to the famous Colin Firth dripping wet scene. It’s the age old question, should I stay or should I go?
17—You are always approved for credit at Nissan South! They’re certainly not losing any money on this crappy ad!
18—A firefighter is talking about getting a cancer screening.
19—This looks like a public access channel about getting on Medicare in Georgia.
20—Another public access channel showing a woman doing ballet by herself in a castle. She is really not utilizing all the castle space available to her. Dance, girl! There’s tons of room in that banquet hall! Wait, now there’s an orchestra. Are they in the castle too? I can’t tell. Okay now they got more dancers in that banquet hall. That makes me feel better.
21—Some public government channel. Something about civil rights and hip-hop, but not as exciting as it sounds.
22—Oh my God, some Bible show about how Katrina was designed by a secret society to kill black people. But God saved them. What?
23—We finally get to a shopping network…I was starting to think I got more religious channels than shopping channels. They are selling a gross yellow sweater. Four easy payments of $11.04.
24—An Atlanta City Council meeting. They have a nice room for their meetings.
25—TV guide channel! I better not peek ahead!
29—Shopping channel selling a treadmill. This treadmill totally changed this woman’s life!
30—Hillary Clinton is talking to people in Wisconsin. Look, maybe this deserves its own entry, but I am having recurring dreams about Barack Obama. We just sit there and talk, that’s about it. This weekend I dreamt that I was running for president also, but I wanted to drop out, and I had all these delegates to give away, and I really wanted to surprise Barack Obama and give them to him. I guess I was dreaming I was John Edwards.
31—Weather Channel. Give me some words Weather Channel! I have no idea what that color-coded map means!
33—These people have a lot of kids and they’re just talking about feeding them.
34—Larry King is talking to a panel of people about I don’t know what. But I think he has too many people on the panel.
35—Headline News is on, but I don’t see any presidential candidates, so I’m switching.
36—Boring commercials.
37—There’s Barack! People are fainting at his rallies. But this is Fox News so that’s probably somehow going to be bad for Barack.
38—These people are going to try to stop a girl from taking pills.
39—Family Guy. One time I saw the voice of Lois (Alex Borstein) at a coffee shop in Seattle.
40—A commercial for the DVD of Rendition, which didn’t get very good reviews, but it does have Jake Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgard and Reese Witherspoon. So probably worth a rental.
41—Law & Order. I don’t watch this show.
42—Wrestling! The favorite show of my youth.
43—I don’t know, and the show description is not helpful.
44—Hockey. Detroit: 4, Colorado: 0.
45—College basketball. La Salle: 75, St. Joseph’s: 79
46—College basketball. Texas A&M: 11, Texas: 23. If you can’t mess with Texas, who messes with who in this scenario?
47—World series of poker…from 2004! Whatever happened to that poker show on Bravo? Is that still on?
48—I can’t tell what this is.
49—Golf…from 2004! Why are all these sports from 2004? Don’t we have enough current sports?
50—boring commercial for a mop. I mean a Swiffer. It’s not a very clear commercial.
51—Flavor Flav!
52—Commercial for cell phones that integrates skateboarding.
53—College football from 2001! Wake Forest: 14, Chapel Hill: 31. I guess google it if you want to find out what happened SEVEN YEARS AGO.
54—I don’t know.
55—Lifetime movie that appears to be about motivating a young girls’ track team.
56—A commercial about getting a sports channel. A good selling point would be mentioning whether your games are current or from four to seven years ago.
57—Oh they are showing how they bottle juice. Oh maybe marmalade. That’s what they just said. It’s a fruit product.
58—Car commercial with cute boy. No, wait. Never mind.
59—A commercial for contemporary furniture. It is about as boring as it sounds.
60—A guy is trying to live with a tribe of creepy people. Uh, I can’t tell anymore cause it’s freaking me out and I’m switching. Thanks Travel Channel.
61—They’re doing something with a dog. Oh my God can you believe how many channels I have?
62—This is the Cartoon Network, a show called “my gym partner is a monkey.” They seem to narrate in rhyme.
63—Home Improvement. What an annoying show.
64—A guy in a space suit is going to fly over a football field? I have no idea what’s going on. But I think he wishes he was on the football team?
65—Designing Women, post Delta Burke.
66—The Godfather. I should watch this movie again sometime. But not right now.
67—South Park. I’ve never really gotten into this show.
69—Oh my God, Gone with the Wind is on Turner Classic Movies! It’s the greatest feeling ever to stumble onto Gone with the Wind on television, even if you own it on both tape and DVD. Okay this is motivation to finish this little exercise up fast and get back to Scarlett. They’re playing the intermission music so I have plenty of time. Oh there’s still so much good stuff to come. Ok let’s get going.
70—Project Runway. As I mentioned, I watched this over the weekend. I pick Christian to win it all. Although I do like Rami and I don’t care if he makes the same outfit every week.
71—Martin Lawrence.
72—Don’t know, don’t care, gotta get back to GWTW.
73—A guy in the snow talking in Spanish.
74—A Star Trek.
75—I think it is a channel all about cars.
78—A CSI. I have never watched this show
79—Natalie Portman movie.
80—CSPAN-2. Wait, where was CSPAN 1?
106—something about Best Buy. The store.
Okay, now I’m getting into some channels that it says are unavailable to me. I think I also have some music channels, and I have OnDemand, which I don’t really understand and will have to explore at a later time. The point is, I have plenty of good entertainment at my disposal now. But right now I have to return to the greatest film of all time. Robert E. Lee just surrendered. Didn't see that coming! Plant more cotton, Scarlett! Cotton oughta go sky-high next year!
And this sentence in my kitchen!
And I’m writing this in my bathroom!
And this sentence is brought to you from my deck.
But anyways, now I’m settled in on the couch. God bless my router. Other than a serendipitous 5-hour Project Runway marathon that got me all caught up on what’s been happening the past few weeks, I haven’t really had time to play around with the cable and see what’s there. So we’re gonna do that now, together. I did this once before, when I was desperate for daily content (http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-probably-should-have-read-book.html). Let’s see how it shakes out in a different city. Starting time: 9:03 p.m.
2--a guy is singing a song about how much he loves God in front of a picture of praying hands, and behind the picture appears to be a bunch of cubicles with people at work. Do they know about the singing guy? It’s hard to tell.
3--Dance War with Carrie Ann and Bruno. When I lived with my parents, they got me pretty hooked on Dancing with the Stars. As much as I enjoyed the judging of Bruno, I had no desire to watch this show. Although right now Bruno is wearing a cowboy hat! That’s so adorable! What other headgear have I been missing? Also, this is the week where they’re going to announce the new contestants of Dancing With the Stars! But after only a moment I can tell this show is too annoying to stick around and wait for the announcement. I’ll google it later.
4—Terminator the Sarah Conner Chronicles. I should probably point out that it’s not like I could have identified this by myself, but my cable has one of those things where it flashes up the name of the program when I change the channel. Terminator is a pretty good movie. Not so good that I’d watch a tv show based on it. Does anyone remember the short-lived television show based on A League of Their Own? I didn’t think so, and if that show can’t make it, neither will this one.
5—Here is a church service.
6—It’s a commercial for Disney World and/or Disney Land. Man that small child sure looks happy.
7—“Shaft” is on the channel Peachtree TV, which is a channel I have been watching the past few weeks because I could pick it up with only an antenna. It’s a weird channel. It shows movies and tv shows at random times. Wait…Christian Bale is in Shaft?!
8—PBS is talking about Native Americans and the skills they provided the white man.
9—Two and a Half Men is on CBS. I don’t know what it is about this show, BUT IT IS ALWAYS ON WHEN I HAVE TURNED ON THE TV LATELY. Seriously. Did it just go into syndication, or have they just been showing it a lot because of the writers’ strike?
10—This is a Pussycat Dolls episode that is entitled “Let’s get girlilicious” which is a phrase I’m going to try to work into more conversations. I guess any noun followed by –licious is pretty good. Bloggylicious. Odorlicious. Nilla waferlicious.
11—Bible reading by a guy sitting at what looks like some weird Ikea table.
12—Brooke Shields is trying to sell me toothpaste. I find Brooke Shields mildly annoying.
13—This is a makeup commercial with…Brooke Shields?! No, I’m joking. That would be too crazy a coincidence. It’s just Leeza Gibbons.
14—A soap opera in Spanish. The guy looks very sensitive and heartbroken. Oh no now he’s crying! The girl is just walking away. What do you think happened between them?
15—America’s Funniest Home Videos. This show really does have a catchy theme song. But this clip is from 1994, and Bob Saget is not hosting. So that means that the show probably held onto it for a few years and then was like, eh, it’s funny enough, I guess.
16—Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. Hmm. I can’t tell how close we are to the famous Colin Firth dripping wet scene. It’s the age old question, should I stay or should I go?
17—You are always approved for credit at Nissan South! They’re certainly not losing any money on this crappy ad!
18—A firefighter is talking about getting a cancer screening.
19—This looks like a public access channel about getting on Medicare in Georgia.
20—Another public access channel showing a woman doing ballet by herself in a castle. She is really not utilizing all the castle space available to her. Dance, girl! There’s tons of room in that banquet hall! Wait, now there’s an orchestra. Are they in the castle too? I can’t tell. Okay now they got more dancers in that banquet hall. That makes me feel better.
21—Some public government channel. Something about civil rights and hip-hop, but not as exciting as it sounds.
22—Oh my God, some Bible show about how Katrina was designed by a secret society to kill black people. But God saved them. What?
23—We finally get to a shopping network…I was starting to think I got more religious channels than shopping channels. They are selling a gross yellow sweater. Four easy payments of $11.04.
24—An Atlanta City Council meeting. They have a nice room for their meetings.
25—TV guide channel! I better not peek ahead!
29—Shopping channel selling a treadmill. This treadmill totally changed this woman’s life!
30—Hillary Clinton is talking to people in Wisconsin. Look, maybe this deserves its own entry, but I am having recurring dreams about Barack Obama. We just sit there and talk, that’s about it. This weekend I dreamt that I was running for president also, but I wanted to drop out, and I had all these delegates to give away, and I really wanted to surprise Barack Obama and give them to him. I guess I was dreaming I was John Edwards.
31—Weather Channel. Give me some words Weather Channel! I have no idea what that color-coded map means!
33—These people have a lot of kids and they’re just talking about feeding them.
34—Larry King is talking to a panel of people about I don’t know what. But I think he has too many people on the panel.
35—Headline News is on, but I don’t see any presidential candidates, so I’m switching.
36—Boring commercials.
37—There’s Barack! People are fainting at his rallies. But this is Fox News so that’s probably somehow going to be bad for Barack.
38—These people are going to try to stop a girl from taking pills.
39—Family Guy. One time I saw the voice of Lois (Alex Borstein) at a coffee shop in Seattle.
40—A commercial for the DVD of Rendition, which didn’t get very good reviews, but it does have Jake Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgard and Reese Witherspoon. So probably worth a rental.
41—Law & Order. I don’t watch this show.
42—Wrestling! The favorite show of my youth.
43—I don’t know, and the show description is not helpful.
44—Hockey. Detroit: 4, Colorado: 0.
45—College basketball. La Salle: 75, St. Joseph’s: 79
46—College basketball. Texas A&M: 11, Texas: 23. If you can’t mess with Texas, who messes with who in this scenario?
47—World series of poker…from 2004! Whatever happened to that poker show on Bravo? Is that still on?
48—I can’t tell what this is.
49—Golf…from 2004! Why are all these sports from 2004? Don’t we have enough current sports?
50—boring commercial for a mop. I mean a Swiffer. It’s not a very clear commercial.
51—Flavor Flav!
52—Commercial for cell phones that integrates skateboarding.
53—College football from 2001! Wake Forest: 14, Chapel Hill: 31. I guess google it if you want to find out what happened SEVEN YEARS AGO.
54—I don’t know.
55—Lifetime movie that appears to be about motivating a young girls’ track team.
56—A commercial about getting a sports channel. A good selling point would be mentioning whether your games are current or from four to seven years ago.
57—Oh they are showing how they bottle juice. Oh maybe marmalade. That’s what they just said. It’s a fruit product.
58—Car commercial with cute boy. No, wait. Never mind.
59—A commercial for contemporary furniture. It is about as boring as it sounds.
60—A guy is trying to live with a tribe of creepy people. Uh, I can’t tell anymore cause it’s freaking me out and I’m switching. Thanks Travel Channel.
61—They’re doing something with a dog. Oh my God can you believe how many channels I have?
62—This is the Cartoon Network, a show called “my gym partner is a monkey.” They seem to narrate in rhyme.
63—Home Improvement. What an annoying show.
64—A guy in a space suit is going to fly over a football field? I have no idea what’s going on. But I think he wishes he was on the football team?
65—Designing Women, post Delta Burke.
66—The Godfather. I should watch this movie again sometime. But not right now.
67—South Park. I’ve never really gotten into this show.
69—Oh my God, Gone with the Wind is on Turner Classic Movies! It’s the greatest feeling ever to stumble onto Gone with the Wind on television, even if you own it on both tape and DVD. Okay this is motivation to finish this little exercise up fast and get back to Scarlett. They’re playing the intermission music so I have plenty of time. Oh there’s still so much good stuff to come. Ok let’s get going.
70—Project Runway. As I mentioned, I watched this over the weekend. I pick Christian to win it all. Although I do like Rami and I don’t care if he makes the same outfit every week.
71—Martin Lawrence.
72—Don’t know, don’t care, gotta get back to GWTW.
73—A guy in the snow talking in Spanish.
74—A Star Trek.
75—I think it is a channel all about cars.
78—A CSI. I have never watched this show
79—Natalie Portman movie.
80—CSPAN-2. Wait, where was CSPAN 1?
106—something about Best Buy. The store.
Okay, now I’m getting into some channels that it says are unavailable to me. I think I also have some music channels, and I have OnDemand, which I don’t really understand and will have to explore at a later time. The point is, I have plenty of good entertainment at my disposal now. But right now I have to return to the greatest film of all time. Robert E. Lee just surrendered. Didn't see that coming! Plant more cotton, Scarlett! Cotton oughta go sky-high next year!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
a kind of valentine
Tonight I was settling down with a glass of wine and “War and Peace,” and it struck me that both things started with ‘w,’ and that I loved both things. These are the kinds of patterns that obsess me. So I decided to separate all the things I loved by the letter they began with. Some of these things I will probably love forever, some of them might be passing fads. I might have to edit this tomorrow. I limited myself to six things, max, after the letter B exploded. But c’mon, could you cut any of those B-things?
A
award shows
Abraham Lincoln
Amazon.com
Atlanta
authors
amusement parks
accordions
alt-country or Americana or whatever you want to call it
B
beer
bookstores
Bev Night (RIP)
Bruce Springsteen
board games
beaches
Bojangle’s
Barack Obama
brothers
barbeque
breakfast
boats
bars
C
concerts
cousins
celebrity gossip
coffee shops
cake
D
dairy products
diet dr. pepper
Dad
David Letterman
Dinosaur Comics
dishwashers
E
email
Emory
the Episcopal Church
earrings
Easter
Edelweiss (the song)
F
farmers’ markets
folk music
fingernail polish
flip-flops
Funfetti cake
G
Google
Gone with the Wind
gnomes
Girl Scouts
gummy bears
grudges
H
horoscopes
history
happy hours
holidays
hors d’oeuvres
I
Italy
ice cream
independence
internet
J
John Cusack
Juno
journals
Japanese gardens
junky antique stores
K
Krispy Kremes
Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy
Kleenex
“knocking around”
kopek (the word)
L
Larry David
Lenox Square food court
lists
libraries
living on the top floor
lyrics
M
magazines
mountains
margaritas
Mom
mix CD’s
museums
movies
N
neighborhoods
nachos
naps
nicknames
O
omelets
oceans
office supplies
onions
orange juice
P
pizza
popes
presidents
puzzles
parties
Q
quips
quotes
QI, the best Scrabble word ever
quarters
quilts
quiet
R
road trips
Rolling Stone
recommendations
rain
S
smoothies
sneakers
sweatshirts
Stephen Colbert
sales
stationary
T
trivia
tv show theme songs
trains
traveling
Target
U
uncles
unabridged books
underwear
V
vacation
vegging out
vomit (sometimes)
Vatican City
W
wine
War and Peace
waffles
Warren Zevon
walks
X
xerox machines
xylophone use in the song “Mamma Mia” by Abba
Y
York Peppermint Patties
Yoga
YouTube
Z
I don’t like anything to do with the letter Z.
A
award shows
Abraham Lincoln
Amazon.com
Atlanta
authors
amusement parks
accordions
alt-country or Americana or whatever you want to call it
B
beer
bookstores
Bev Night (RIP)
Bruce Springsteen
board games
beaches
Bojangle’s
Barack Obama
brothers
barbeque
breakfast
boats
bars
C
concerts
cousins
celebrity gossip
coffee shops
cake
D
dairy products
diet dr. pepper
Dad
David Letterman
Dinosaur Comics
dishwashers
E
Emory
the Episcopal Church
earrings
Easter
Edelweiss (the song)
F
farmers’ markets
folk music
fingernail polish
flip-flops
Funfetti cake
G
Gone with the Wind
gnomes
Girl Scouts
gummy bears
grudges
H
horoscopes
history
happy hours
holidays
hors d’oeuvres
I
Italy
ice cream
independence
internet
J
John Cusack
Juno
journals
Japanese gardens
junky antique stores
K
Krispy Kremes
Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy
Kleenex
“knocking around”
kopek (the word)
L
Larry David
Lenox Square food court
lists
libraries
living on the top floor
lyrics
M
magazines
mountains
margaritas
Mom
mix CD’s
museums
movies
N
neighborhoods
nachos
naps
nicknames
O
omelets
oceans
office supplies
onions
orange juice
P
pizza
popes
presidents
puzzles
parties
Q
quips
quotes
QI, the best Scrabble word ever
quarters
quilts
quiet
R
road trips
Rolling Stone
recommendations
rain
S
smoothies
sneakers
sweatshirts
Stephen Colbert
sales
stationary
T
trivia
tv show theme songs
trains
traveling
Target
U
uncles
unabridged books
underwear
V
vacation
vegging out
vomit (sometimes)
Vatican City
W
wine
War and Peace
waffles
Warren Zevon
walks
X
xerox machines
xylophone use in the song “Mamma Mia” by Abba
Y
York Peppermint Patties
Yoga
YouTube
Z
I don’t like anything to do with the letter Z.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
the ground beneath her feet
There’s a moment in “Bridget Jones’s Diary”, at the book release where Bridget makes a fool of herself trying to introduce her boss, where you can just hear the character of Natasha (the snobby character trying to win Colin Firth) say to Salman Rushdie, “So how autobiographical is your work?” The audience doesn’t hear the answer, because the attention has shifted to the love triangle of Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth.
Well, tonight, I heard the answer to that question at a lecture by Salman Rushdie.
I was pretty excited to see Salman Rushdie, because I’ve never seen anyone in person who’s been sentenced to death by the Ayatollah, nor have I seen anyone who was involved in the making of “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” About a year ago, Rushdie gave his manuscripts, papers, drafts, etc. to Emory, and he’s in the midst of a five-year stint as Distinguished Writer in Residence, which includes a public lecture each year. Tonight’s topic was “Autobiography and the Novel.”
Rushdie began by reading the title pages to three great 18th century novels—Robinson Crusoe, Gulliver’s Travels and Tristam Shandy—pointing out that none of those novels feature the authors’ name on the title page. Rather, each book is purported to be written by the main character, and the author could remain in the shadows. No one asked Swift if his work was autobiographical, if he had spent a lot of time talking with little people. Rushdie traced the rise of the author as a celebrity to Charles Dickens, who gave readings where he acted out scenes from his books and stumped for this favorite political causes.
Nowadays, Rushdie says it’s impossible to have a conversation about his work without someone asking if his writing is autobiographical. The wrong way to answer such a query, according to Rushdie, is by saying, “well, some of it might reflect bits and pieces of people I knew or things that happened to me, and some of it I made up, so it’s actually a work of fiction.” The correct way to answer, because it’s what everyone wants to hear, is, “yes, it’s completely autobiographical.” Readers want to decode characters, events, and lines, until they think they have a person completely figured out, particularly in an age where memoirs and autobiographies are flying off the shelves. People are dying to expose themselves; why not fiction writers?
Obviously, Rushdie said, a writer’s life shapes his or her work, and in some cases it’s interesting or important to know something of the author’s life when reading a novel. He gave examples of how his own life had affected his work and gave some other examples—how seeing Oxford, Mississippi had informed his reading of Faulkner, how knowing that Atticus Finch was based on Harper Lee’s father might affect “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and how you sort of have to know that Vonnegut was present for the fire-bombing of Dresden. This is what Rushdie called the “higher gossip.”
But, he said, not everyone who saw the fire bombing of Dresden wrote a book, and not everyone who came from Oxford wrote a book. Knowing the higher gossip doesn’t enhance a reading of the book, because it’s not where it came from, it’s how it’s written and presented to the reader. All of these real places and faces have to book cooked up by the writer; Rushdie called it “the joy of cooking.”
In the middle of this very funny and entertaining speech, I thought, is Rushdie essentially telling me that people actually do make up things that go into their books? It seems so simplistic to think that it comes down to someone explaining that fiction is made-up. But I guess the more I think about it, the more examples I can name where I’ve wanted to figure out the back story of the art. Which songs are about Paul McCartney’s sheep dog and all that. It’s a waste of time to look for what we want to be in the book, as opposed to what’s actually there.
Rushdie talked of envying the 18th century writers who didn’t have to answer for their literary creations, and how perhaps it was wise for writers to just destroy everything, so that scholars wouldn’t have something to dig through. He thinks that Shakespeare’s reputation can only be enhanced by the fact that he left no drafts, notes, laundry lists, etc….all we can do is look at the texts themselves. Then, of course, Rushdie had to acknowledge that he had just given all of his papers to Emory. But at least he was able to recognize that they’ll be in good hands.
Well, tonight, I heard the answer to that question at a lecture by Salman Rushdie.
I was pretty excited to see Salman Rushdie, because I’ve never seen anyone in person who’s been sentenced to death by the Ayatollah, nor have I seen anyone who was involved in the making of “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” About a year ago, Rushdie gave his manuscripts, papers, drafts, etc. to Emory, and he’s in the midst of a five-year stint as Distinguished Writer in Residence, which includes a public lecture each year. Tonight’s topic was “Autobiography and the Novel.”
Rushdie began by reading the title pages to three great 18th century novels—Robinson Crusoe, Gulliver’s Travels and Tristam Shandy—pointing out that none of those novels feature the authors’ name on the title page. Rather, each book is purported to be written by the main character, and the author could remain in the shadows. No one asked Swift if his work was autobiographical, if he had spent a lot of time talking with little people. Rushdie traced the rise of the author as a celebrity to Charles Dickens, who gave readings where he acted out scenes from his books and stumped for this favorite political causes.
Nowadays, Rushdie says it’s impossible to have a conversation about his work without someone asking if his writing is autobiographical. The wrong way to answer such a query, according to Rushdie, is by saying, “well, some of it might reflect bits and pieces of people I knew or things that happened to me, and some of it I made up, so it’s actually a work of fiction.” The correct way to answer, because it’s what everyone wants to hear, is, “yes, it’s completely autobiographical.” Readers want to decode characters, events, and lines, until they think they have a person completely figured out, particularly in an age where memoirs and autobiographies are flying off the shelves. People are dying to expose themselves; why not fiction writers?
Obviously, Rushdie said, a writer’s life shapes his or her work, and in some cases it’s interesting or important to know something of the author’s life when reading a novel. He gave examples of how his own life had affected his work and gave some other examples—how seeing Oxford, Mississippi had informed his reading of Faulkner, how knowing that Atticus Finch was based on Harper Lee’s father might affect “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and how you sort of have to know that Vonnegut was present for the fire-bombing of Dresden. This is what Rushdie called the “higher gossip.”
But, he said, not everyone who saw the fire bombing of Dresden wrote a book, and not everyone who came from Oxford wrote a book. Knowing the higher gossip doesn’t enhance a reading of the book, because it’s not where it came from, it’s how it’s written and presented to the reader. All of these real places and faces have to book cooked up by the writer; Rushdie called it “the joy of cooking.”
In the middle of this very funny and entertaining speech, I thought, is Rushdie essentially telling me that people actually do make up things that go into their books? It seems so simplistic to think that it comes down to someone explaining that fiction is made-up. But I guess the more I think about it, the more examples I can name where I’ve wanted to figure out the back story of the art. Which songs are about Paul McCartney’s sheep dog and all that. It’s a waste of time to look for what we want to be in the book, as opposed to what’s actually there.
Rushdie talked of envying the 18th century writers who didn’t have to answer for their literary creations, and how perhaps it was wise for writers to just destroy everything, so that scholars wouldn’t have something to dig through. He thinks that Shakespeare’s reputation can only be enhanced by the fact that he left no drafts, notes, laundry lists, etc….all we can do is look at the texts themselves. Then, of course, Rushdie had to acknowledge that he had just given all of his papers to Emory. But at least he was able to recognize that they’ll be in good hands.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
thinking outside the bun
Well, I hope that everyone was able to get to sleep last night, and able to concentrate on work today, even with all the excitement and mystery surrounding the beginning of The Great Food Court Project.
Well, the time has come to announce that today I ate lunch at…Taco Bell.
I know, it’s kind of a dud and a boring way to start off The Great Food Court Project. I probably chose it in part as a way of getting that one over with. But here’s the other reason I chose it: you know that urban legend about the girl who ate at Taco Bell, and then she got a sore throat, and it ended up being cockroach eggs that hatched? Well, whenever I’ve eaten at Taco Bell since I heard that story, I feel like I get a sore throat out of hypochondriac sympathy. But I already have a sore throat! I’m sick with a really bad cold! So I’m untouchable to the normal Taco Bell effects.
It’s probably been three years since I ate at Taco Bell, despite living across the street from one in Seattle for awhile, although that particular Taco Bell seemed more like a place where people did drugs than ate. I did love it when I was a child, and I fondly remember dipping cinnamon twists into nacho cheese with my brothers back in the day. So as I stood at the counter to order, I must say that I was struck by the loss of knowledge I’ve suffered where Taco Bell is concerned. What’s bigger—a burrito supreme or a stuft burrito? Just what are the seven layers in a seven-layer burrito? What do all these types of nachos come with? These are things I used to know.
Other things I noticed as I ordered: the line for Taco Bell was all male, although in the time in which I was eating, I did notice two females get some food there as well. Also, I really do think that Taco Bell might be the last truly affordable fast food restaurant. It’s also been awhile since I ate at McDonald’s, but aren’t combos there now like six bucks? I guess the flip side to the cheapness might point to poor quality, like maybe there’s some truth rumor that they just kill cats and use that for beef. But I don’t know if that’s true. I’m not saying it is. Please don’t sue me, Taco Bell.
Well, today I had nachos supreme and a baja chicken chalupa, and both were fine. The shell of the chalupa wasn’t quite as magical as I remembered it being…I remembered it being the finest in fried bread, and when I was little, I thought chalupa shells should be used in everything, despite having an inkling even at that age that they were awfully unhealthy. But anyways, both items were just fine, even though I’ll be a-okay if I don’t eat at Taco Bell for another three years.
As I left the food court, I had a few extra minutes, so I made a loop through Urban Outfitters. I got like a nail or a tack or something stuck in my shoe, but luckily I got it out before it penetrated the food and would have required a tetanus shot. No one said The Great Food Court Project wouldn’t be dangerous.
Well, the time has come to announce that today I ate lunch at…Taco Bell.
I know, it’s kind of a dud and a boring way to start off The Great Food Court Project. I probably chose it in part as a way of getting that one over with. But here’s the other reason I chose it: you know that urban legend about the girl who ate at Taco Bell, and then she got a sore throat, and it ended up being cockroach eggs that hatched? Well, whenever I’ve eaten at Taco Bell since I heard that story, I feel like I get a sore throat out of hypochondriac sympathy. But I already have a sore throat! I’m sick with a really bad cold! So I’m untouchable to the normal Taco Bell effects.
It’s probably been three years since I ate at Taco Bell, despite living across the street from one in Seattle for awhile, although that particular Taco Bell seemed more like a place where people did drugs than ate. I did love it when I was a child, and I fondly remember dipping cinnamon twists into nacho cheese with my brothers back in the day. So as I stood at the counter to order, I must say that I was struck by the loss of knowledge I’ve suffered where Taco Bell is concerned. What’s bigger—a burrito supreme or a stuft burrito? Just what are the seven layers in a seven-layer burrito? What do all these types of nachos come with? These are things I used to know.
Other things I noticed as I ordered: the line for Taco Bell was all male, although in the time in which I was eating, I did notice two females get some food there as well. Also, I really do think that Taco Bell might be the last truly affordable fast food restaurant. It’s also been awhile since I ate at McDonald’s, but aren’t combos there now like six bucks? I guess the flip side to the cheapness might point to poor quality, like maybe there’s some truth rumor that they just kill cats and use that for beef. But I don’t know if that’s true. I’m not saying it is. Please don’t sue me, Taco Bell.
Well, today I had nachos supreme and a baja chicken chalupa, and both were fine. The shell of the chalupa wasn’t quite as magical as I remembered it being…I remembered it being the finest in fried bread, and when I was little, I thought chalupa shells should be used in everything, despite having an inkling even at that age that they were awfully unhealthy. But anyways, both items were just fine, even though I’ll be a-okay if I don’t eat at Taco Bell for another three years.
As I left the food court, I had a few extra minutes, so I made a loop through Urban Outfitters. I got like a nail or a tack or something stuck in my shoe, but luckily I got it out before it penetrated the food and would have required a tetanus shot. No one said The Great Food Court Project wouldn’t be dangerous.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Introducing an exciting new blog feature!
When I lived in Seattle, I frequently complained that food courts in the Pacific Northwest, to put it bluntly, sucked. If someone were to inquire why, it was hard to put my finger on exactly why I thought that way. Surely, the absence of Chick-fil-a, the hallmark of southern food courts, was a factor. But what else? Why was the weird combination of restaurants in the greater Seattle area’s malls so offensive to me? Why eat at malls anyway?
Sometimes, when I tried to explain to people about food courts, I would reference the food court at Lenox Mall, in Atlanta. If you went to college with me, you might remember that this was one of my favorite places in the world to eat. Sure, there are lots of great places in that general vicinity to eat, but if I was in the area, I wanted to go to the mall to eat. Even if I wasn’t going to go to the mall to shop. It’s such a big food court! There’s so much choice! Is that exciting to anyone else?
Well, my current job is located about a fifteen-minute walk from Lenox Mall, and I have decided to take it upon myself to explore why this food court holds such fascination for me, by eating at every single restaurant there and blogging about it. I don’t know how long it will take, because I’ll probably just head over there a few times a month, and it won’t be the only thing I write about, but I hope in the process that we all learn something about food courts, mall culture, the politics of eating, science, small businesses, Barack Obama, and ourselves. I also hope to establish myself as one of the preeminent bloggers on mall food courts, or at the very least, Lenox food court.
Anyways, it will all start tomorrow, so check back in to see where I go. Even I don’t know where I’ll end up! Can you feel the excitement?!
Sometimes, when I tried to explain to people about food courts, I would reference the food court at Lenox Mall, in Atlanta. If you went to college with me, you might remember that this was one of my favorite places in the world to eat. Sure, there are lots of great places in that general vicinity to eat, but if I was in the area, I wanted to go to the mall to eat. Even if I wasn’t going to go to the mall to shop. It’s such a big food court! There’s so much choice! Is that exciting to anyone else?
Well, my current job is located about a fifteen-minute walk from Lenox Mall, and I have decided to take it upon myself to explore why this food court holds such fascination for me, by eating at every single restaurant there and blogging about it. I don’t know how long it will take, because I’ll probably just head over there a few times a month, and it won’t be the only thing I write about, but I hope in the process that we all learn something about food courts, mall culture, the politics of eating, science, small businesses, Barack Obama, and ourselves. I also hope to establish myself as one of the preeminent bloggers on mall food courts, or at the very least, Lenox food court.
Anyways, it will all start tomorrow, so check back in to see where I go. Even I don’t know where I’ll end up! Can you feel the excitement?!
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