Oscar pre-show, part 1

E! has been keeping me up-to-date on the Los Angeles weather, theorizing about how the stars should be wearing their hair so that it’s not ruined between their limo and the tarped red carpet.

George Clooney’s girlfriend is wearing a cute dress. One thing I remember reading about George Clooney back in the E.R. days was that he said he wouldn’t go to the Oscars as a presenter or anything until he was invited for work that he did. Which is kind of admirable, particularly when one hears that such luminaries as Miley Cyrus will be presenting tonight.

I can’t believe it’s 38 minutes in and we’ve only seen a few celebrities! They told the celebrities that the writer’s strike was over, right? I think I can safely stop to eat pizza without missing anything.

Another weather update. Scattered showers. Wind picking up. Ryan Seacrest is talking about distracting George Clooney’s perfect hair is.

The anonymous ladies of E! are talking about what Anne Hathaway’s wearing, which reminds me of something I’m really dreading about tonight’s show. I dread it every year, but this year, I’m really dreading the montage of celebrities that died in the previous year. It always becomes this weird post-mortem popularity contest, as people start clapping in celebration of the people that are dead. But then, someone more famous is flashed up, and then people have to clap louder to prove that they appreciate that person even more. I hate hate hate this about award shows because it’s nothing but awkward. The people who worked behind the scenes that no one knew are met with stunned silence, which somehow diminishes their achievement. While the more famous people compete for the loudest clapping.

I would dread this at any time, but I especially dread it this year because Heath Ledger died. Heath Ledger is going to get some sort of standing ovation during the dead celebrity montage. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly sad and shocking that Heath Ledger died. It’s sad and shocking when any 28-year-old dies. But the implication that somehow Heath Ledger was the greatest loss, or the most famous person who died, that will, in my mind, be expressed through celebrities trying to clap very loudly for him during the montage, is just frustrating and wrong. They should tell people to sit in respectful silence during that. Would you want to be compared to everyone else who died in the same 365-day span as you?

Ryan Seacrest just flicked his sweat at the camera.

I’m not seeing any Oscar dresses that are knocking me out.

Patrick Dempsey is on now. Has everyone heard the story about how I saw Patrick Dempsey on the streets of Seattle right after he filmed a scene of Grey’s Anatomy? His hair is so beautiful. He is shorter than you might expect, but it allows better access to look at his gorgeous hair. I guess I kind of relate to Ryan Seacrest when he talks about how distracting George Clooney’s hair is.

Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson is talking about how presenting an award is helping to make someone’s dream come true, and how humbling that is. All of the guests at my fake Oscar party are extremely disgusted by this remark.

They’re interviewing the guy from Atonement, and while he talked, they showed this clip of Jennifer Garner trying to run with an umbrella from her car to the red carpet. Thank goodness E! has continually let me know about this weather situation so that I know what that was all about!