Oscar Party 2008

Well, it’s Oscar Day! Has a special anticipation tinted everything you’ve done today? I know, me too. I mean, I haven’t seen many of the movies nominated, but I just love to watch celebrities celebrate themselves. And with the Golden Globes cancelled in January, the Oscars are under a lot of pressure to deliver an award show high that can last til the Emmys in September.

I know very few people who have the endurance, the dedication, the lack of anything else to do that allow them to focus on award shows in the way I do. So this year, I’m not trying to find those people. Rather, I’m making them up. I am having a made-up Oscar party with things in my home to which I’ve assigned personalities.

Are you confused? Perhaps this picture will help:

These are the people at my Oscar party. I just finished filling out everyone’s ballots, so let me introduce you to everyone by telling you a little about everyone’s choices.

Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln is one-half of my “Abraham Lincoln Reading a Book” set of bookends. He has dressed quite dapperly for the party, and as you can see, he is reading a book that was the basis for one of the films nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay. Because he doesn’t just see the movie, he judges the source material and the actual success in adapting it.

For this Oscars, Abe’s choices are generally what you’d expect from a leader who led the country through a violent and divisive war. He has “There Will Be Blood” to win Best Picture and generally every other category for which it’s nominated. Otherwise, he went for historical choices, including Cate Blanchett for “Elizabeth” and Casey Affleck for “Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.”

Barnabas Bear: Barnabas is my faithful bear companion. While he spends most of his time lying around in whatever spot I leave him, he has managed to catch several films that are already on DVD. Yesterday, he and I watched “Michael Clayton,” and while I was generally underwhelmed, Barnabas really loved it and has it winning most every category that it’s nominated for. Other than that, most of his picks are just things he’s seen in the Netflix queue.

Pope John Paul II: This bust of everyone’s favorite pope picked “Atonement” to win Best Picture, because atonement as a concept is really something he can get behind. After that, he tried to pick nominees who have a variety of backgrounds, so as to show his ability to unite and support people from all over the world. This means that the pope is supporting everything from Marion Cotillard to “Persepolis” to Javier Bardem.

John Steinbeck: John Steinbeck, as depicted on this t-shirt I bought in California, was one of only two Nobel laureates for literature to be nominated for a writing Academy Award. He was nominated three times, no less. So he has picked winners based on their basis in literature. Like the pope, he has “Atonement” to win (the only Best Picture overlap that exists at this Oscar Party), but he has picked a variety of nominees with origins in a book: Johnny Depp, Hal Holbrook, There Will Be Blood. Least exciting category to him: Best Original Screenplay.

Frog and Cheerleader: This jauntily clad Frog usually holds candy in his bucket, while the Cheerleader was in my stocking at Christmas a few years ago. I don’t know if you can tell in the picture, but she has an M on her chest; I think she was intended to cheer me on or something. A fun fact is that if you squeeze her, she sings a song about wiggling it, just a little bit, that provides this blog with its name. Anyways, these two are playing together, for one, because I didn’t print out enough ballots, and for two, because they are clearly the kind of people who don’t actually care about movies or four hour award shows. They’re the people that show up just to see who’s wearing what and to see what snacks the party host will provide. While this duo has some issues with teen pregnancy, they’ve gone with “Juno” as best picture, because it was so cheery, cheeriness and/or attractiveness being their general qualification for what they’ve picked. As such, they’re pulling for George Clooney and “Diving Bell and the Butterfly”…because what is more cheery than butterflies?!

As for me, I have a pretty good-looking ballot as long as there are no surprises and everyone who has been anointed as a winner by the media actually wins. Luckily, however, I have five other ballots that I can take credit for, and with that many involved, I’m sure to win somehow. Stay tuned for an epic night of blogging and fun!