E! The network with nothing better to do.

So perhaps you think I have started my Oscar coverage too early. After all, the show doesn’t start for four more hours! But the E! channel began its red carpet coverage at approximately 2 a.m. on Friday morning, so clearly I have a lot of catching up to do. I mean, they’ve been talking about the Oscars for months, but only one network would put anchors outside and in studios in designer gowns for 72 hours, and that channel is E!

When you start that early, though, you have to do a lot of stretching in terms of content. Celebrities aren’t even going to start showing up for another two hours. So here’s a fun game. Guess which of these things E! has not done in the past few hours:

--Polled four-year-olds on their choices for Best Picture.
--Had a pregnant teenager in the studio to talk about realism in “Juno” and to model maternity designer wear.
--Played a game where a dude had to identify which designer made which necklace and bracelet.
--Looked at maps to determine which countries really aren’t appropriate for old men.
--Had an Edith Piaf impersonation contest to discuss Marion Cotillard’s chances.
--Compared Cate Blanchett’s work in “Elizabeth” and “I’m Not There” with the thesis that she is actually playing the same character.
--Killed an anchor to see if there will actually be blood.
--Provided recipes for Oscar-themed snacks, including cookies shaped like diving bells and butterflies, Michael Caketon, and Johnny Seven-layer Depp.
--Had an underwear fashion show to discuss the troubling topic of panty lines under designer dresses.
--Had a stirring conversation about how current events are shaping the documentary categories.
--Brought in E! reality stars to sings all the nominations for Best Original Song.
--Interpreted celebrity tattoos for insight into who that celebrity really is.
--Evaluated polling to see if they can make any early projections in Texas and Ohio.
--Had quirky comedians sing acoustic songs about the nominees.

The thing is, E! had done quite a few of these things. It’s fairly possible that they’ll do the rest of them by the time the celebrities actually start arriving. And even if they don’t, I think you’ll agree that all of them are fairly plausible regardless.