The first celebrities are here

Well, E! has switched over to Ryan Seacrest, which in E!’s world, screams respectability. So soon, any minute now, we might have an actual celebrity to talk to. Who will be the first to show up? That’s such a mixed bag—it seems slightly uncool, like showing up to a party before it gets into full swing, but on the other hand, there’s more chance to be on TV because everyone is so eager to film the one celebrity wondering around on the red carpet.

While we wait, here’s a movie-related anecdote. So, I joined Netflix, because now that I don’t live in Seattle, I can’t borrow all of my entertainment from the library, and I won’t even get started on the numerous ways that the Atlanta-Fulton County Library is failing me. So anyway, I’ve started Netflix. Perhaps this will sound backward to all of you who have been Netflixing forever, but I’ve gotten kind of obsessed with rating movies so that the “Movies You’ll Heart” section becomes stunningly accurate and insightful. I just want Netflix to know me so well that I don’t even have to think about what to watch and instead can just be happy with whatever a robot serves up to me.

So, it’s going a little slowly. If you rank “Loved It” to Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1, it offers up Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2. I had hoped for a little more diversity. But I just got recommended “Women’s Health: The Wedding Workout” based on my enjoyment of “Sex and the City,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” and “Bridget Jones’s Diary.” How depressing. Just because I like watching things with women as main characters I must be interested in a wedding workout? None of the main characters in those things even gets married!

By the way, The Wedding Workout has three reviews. One is positive, pointing out that you pick what kind of dress you’re wearing (strapless or formfitting), and then you receive a customized workout to help you look great on your special day. The other two reviews are negative, saying that the workout is not long enough and that you’ll probably never lose enough weight if that’s all you do to get ready for your wedding.

Okay, actual celebrities have been sighted now! George Clooney is talking to someone. But no celebrities are near E! so they’re just doing celebrity gossip. Angelina Jolie is pregnant…c’mon E! that is so 24 hours ago. Oh thank God, Ryan has nagged some celebrities: Heidi Klum and Seal. Heidi Klum just admitted that she is not wearing a bra, and then Seal said he had some ideas about how he and Heidi were going to collaborate musically in the future, but he wasn’t going to reveal them, and Heidi got mad because Seal has secrets! Marital awkwardness! Then Seal let us know that his favorite movie of the year was “Into the Wild.” Good to know.

My Oscar party is in full swing. Here is Abraham Lincoln, who staked out a spot next to the pretzels I thoughtfully provided for my guests:

More thoughts on the Oscar pre-show are on the way!