fish sticks

I thought everyone might like an update on my fish, Alvin. Yesterday was our two-week anniversary. We’ve had some highs and lows (mostly lows) but we are finally finding our footing. Here is a review of our time together:

--In the first few days after I brought Alvin home I was wracked with tremendous guilt. What if the next person in the pet store was going to take him home to a gigantic 1000 gallon aquarium? He would have had a much more exciting life than being stuck in a little bowl. I did not think he looked very happy in the bowl.

--For most of the past two weeks I have been convinced that Alvin is blind, because he would come right up near his fish food, and he would open his mouth like he was going to eat, but he would always miss the food. I didn’t see him eat something until yesterday. Maybe he thought I was trying to poison him.

--Alvin seems to have figured out that my current fear in life is coming home from work and finding him dead. So he’s developed a hilarious routine where he hovers near the top of the bowl and does not move even a gill. I freak out because I think he has died. Then he moves again. That’s so funny, Alvin. So funny.

--Last week I had to change Alvin’s water and it really caused some trust issues between us. I guess it caused him some trauma and he got very skittish whenever I was nearby. We are doing a little better now but I will probably have to change his water again soon. I fear it will be a vicious cycle.

--He has this little frog in the tank with him who is supposed to serve as decoration. I think they might be having an affair. Alvin is obsessed with that frog.

--Alvin continues to be a very good swimmer and he shows off his big flashy tail a lot. Right now he is swimming up on the side of the bowl like maybe eventually he’ll find a way out.

I guess that’s about it. In conclusion, I’d like to thank my brother George, who used to work in a pet store and has had to answer a lot of questions about fish. Also when I called him to wish him happy birthday, I had a minor freakout that Alvin was dead. I hope that didn’t ruin your birthday, George. It turns out he wasn’t dead.