Hour Three starts and we’re still in the first movie. The fact that I’m already so tuckered makes me worry that I might not be up to the challenge of blogging all these movies. I feel bad that I’m so tired. Indiana Jones fought all these damn dirty Nazis and he never complained about being tired. To spice things up I am going to conduct an interview for hour 3. An interview with myself.
Molly #1: Why are you so tired?
Molly #2: I don’t know.
Molly #1: You haven’t even been paying attention to this for like 15 minutes, have you?
Molly #2: No. I honestly don’t know how Marion and Indy got on this ship or whatever they’re on. Do they have the ark with them?
Molly #1: I don’t know. Why don’t you focus on this love scene that is the culmination of two hours of sexual tension?
Molly #2: Okay.
Molly #1: It was over kinda quick!
Molly #2: That’s what she said!
Molly #1: Oh dear, bad guys have found them.
Molly #2: How original. I did not see that coming.
Molly #1: So Molly #2, are you excited about the new Indiana Jones movie?
Molly #2: I’m sort of ambivalent. I don’t know whether I will go see it in theaters or not.
Molly #1: Do you think Harrison Ford is too old?
Molly #2: No. I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford will outlive us all and don’t think his age will be too much of a factor. I’m intrigued by Cate Blanchett as a “ruthless Soviet agent and sword wielding villain” (that’s how my tie-in can of Diet Dr. Pepper describes her) and would be happy to watch her read the phone book. Shia LaBeouf seems like a charming young man, the character of Marion is back, and I’m sure John Williams’ stirring score will manipulate my emotions appropriately.
Molly #1: Did you know “LaBeouf” means “the beef” in French?
Molly #2: Yeah, he mentioned that on Letterman once. You know what’s kinda frustrating? It keeps looking like it’s gonna rain and then it doesn’t. If it’s not going to rain I’m going to go outside.
Molly #1: Really? And miss the breathtaking conclusion of this movie? What will happen to the ark? What will happen to Indy and Marion?
Molly #2: I just had an awesome idea. I think there should be a band called Indiana and the Jones, and they sing songs about things in the movie. Like one song could be called “Damn Dirty Nazis” and one song could be called “Don’t Look Directly at What’s in the Ark (Unless You Want Fire to Go Through Your Stomach and Destroy You).”
Molly #1: Lame-o!
Molly #2: Oh finally the first movie is over. Now we have “Temple of Doom.”
Molly #1: Would you say that it’s the best titled movie?
Molly #2: I think so. “Temple of Doom” is pretty evocative. “Last Crusade” is just a lie of a title because there’s another crusade about to be released to theaters. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was pretty good as well.
Molly #1: This movie has apparently been edited for content.
Molly #2: I don’t know how I feel about that. What if they edited something good?
Molly #1: I wish more movies had musical numbers like the one that opens this movie.
Molly #2: I hope Indy can get either the diamond or the antidote in this screwball comedy of an opening scene.
Molly #1: Are there any other cinematic fights that take place in five inches of balloons?
Molly #2: Asia’s a weird place. Oh look, they found that little kid with a speech impediment. He’s so adorable.
Molly #1: I think he grows up to be Shia LaBeouf. Man I could go for some candy right now.
Molly #2: You can get some after this freaky commercial for an underwater circus that somehow turns into a commercial for an insurance company.
Molly #1: Commercials are so zany!
Molly #2: The new Indiana Jones would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus. Actually most everything would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus.
Molly #1: Would you like to go to an underground circus?
Molly #2: No, I would not, because the water would get in my popcorn.
Molly #1: What if they have special underwater refreshments at the underwater circus that you don’t even know about?
Molly #2: I just find that too implausible to consider.
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