Indiana Jones Hour 2: the capital is Indianapolis

So far I have seen two commercials with Indiana Jones tie-ins: Expedia and Burger King. Maybe I will start taking shots every time there’s an Indiana Jones commercial.

So now we’re back, and Indy is drinking with that monkey and he thinks his woman is dead. Then things get worse because he meets up with that guy who stole the idol at the beginning, Belloq. Belloq is a damn dirty Nazi. Small children save Indy from an escalating war of words with Belloq. That monkey gets in the car with them and that can mean nothing but trouble…unless the monkey gets hungry, eats a poisoned date, and thus saves Indy from death. Turns out that’s what happens. “Bad dates,” the man says.

Now they’re at the dig site and Indy is sneaking around doing archaeologist things. Turns out he is there just at the right time of day to make some important discoveries. I am going to eat two Oreos to celebrate. Then Indy finds out that Marion is still alive. I guess I better make that three Oreos. Then Indy makes the good decision to leave her tied up so he can find the Ark.

Uh-oh, that creepy guy that doesn’t like fire is back again, complete with a “heil Hitler” so we can remember how evil he is. Indy starts digging for the ark.

During the commercial break I did a little light housekeeping so I might have missed some Indy tie-in commercials. During the commercial the guys in the movie did a lot of digging and now they’ve found something. Inside are tons of snakes. If you remember from the beginning of the movie, Indy just hates snakes. He just hates them. And you know what, so do I. So my notes on this section of the movie are going to be a little fuzzy, because if I watch something about snakes, then I will likely dream about snakes tonight and then I will wake up thinking that snakes are all over me, and I will freak out.

The bad guys are making Marion put on a pretty dress. Isn’t it kind of amazing how well it fits? If I were held captive and they gave me a dress to put on, I really don’t think it would fit and I’d have to have dinner with the bad guys in a dress that wouldn’t zip. How embarrassing. All right snake related stuff is going on so I am just going to do some distracting things on the internet.

Okay now I am back and can only hope I didn’t miss anything too important. The bad guy with the burnt hand is back. Outside my apartment the wind is blowing hard as if it can sense the evil inside. A storm is brewing. I can see a bug out there. The Nazis find Indy and take his treasure yet again. They throw Marion into the pit of snakes with Indy. If I didn’t know there were three more movies after this, I would assume this was the end of Indiana Jones.

Because we all mourn in our own way and because I’m scared of snakes I left the room for a bit to let these kids get themselves free and work out their relationship issues. I worked on some laundry related stuff instead. When I come back out, Indy is fist-fighting a guy against the backdrop of a swastika-emblazoned plane. Marion is in a plane machine-gunning guys. I know I should be rooting for Marion, but on this viewing, I just feel like she’s more trouble than she’s worth.

One of the bad guys really lost his head. Because a propeller sawed it off.

Indy finds out he can still get the ark, which is in a truck. He gets on a horse. A commercial comes on. A commercial comes on for men’s hair color and it involves a robot voice which may be a commercial specially made for the SciFi channel. Now Indy’s back and ditched the horse at some point that I must not have been paying attention for. Now they’re in vehicles. They’re like racing and bumping into things and falling in the water and off cliffs and stuff. Look I know we’re only two hours into this thing but I might need a nap soon.