welcome to the working week

Today's Picture of the Day is my view for at least 8 hours a day--the view from my cubicle at work.

Okay, so let me tell you a little about what you're seeing here. Obviously, there's my computer, where I work on my brilliant little ideas. Now, to the left. My left. Next to the computer you will see a cup of office coffee mixed with hot cocoa mix AND water, because that's how I roll. Two beverages. At afternoon the coffee turns into soda.

I have a Peanuts Page-a-Day calendar to my left. Charlie Brown starts my day off right. Some of the ones that I've liked over the past year are on the wall, including one where Charlie Brown says "YOU LOOK CUTE TODAY!" and I always pretend C.B. is talking right to me if I need a self-esteem boost.

Also on my left is my writing frog. Sometimes if I get writer's block or feel lazy, I look at that smug little frog over there, just writing away, and I get mad! But he's so adorable that I can't stay mad at him long.

On the wall to my left, amidst the post-its that try to remind me little details about my job are my Washington license tag, my Sgt Peppers calendar my brother gave me Christmas last year, and some beautiful notecards with illustrations of Japanese seasons that are in a museum somewhere. There's also this thing with an American flag that has three boxes, where you can check off if you're a Republican, a Democrat, or a Cosmetologist. Apparently cosmetologists make a lot of money and my editor thinks I need a career change, as she's the one who gave it to me. I try not to take it as a statement of how I'm doing my job. The cosmetologist part is covered up with my Advent calendar, which has dangerously little candy left inside.

The whole right side of the cubicle is devoted to postcards of old Nancy Drew book covers. They inspire me to constantly look for clues in this mystery of life and to dress a little better. That Nancy always looked sharp.

The things you really can't see in this picture are my phone that never rings and the shelf space, which is mostly just filled with papers, a dictionary, a style guide and my big bag.

So that's where I work. If ever want to feel like me for awhile, stare at this picture for 8 or 9 hours and you'll have an idea of what it's like to be me during the week.

skylines and bylines

Atlanta doesn't really have much of a skyline, which used to bother my Emory classmates who came from the "big city." There's a moment when you're getting on Freedom Parkway, which leads to the interstates, and downtown kind of unfolds before you in a way that makes you think there's a skyline. But that's about it.

Today's Picture of the Day is my own personal skyline. I don't really know what any of the buildings are, other than the well-marked W, and this isn't downtown Atlanta, it's Midtown. I don't know if that matters or not. But anyways, I drive by this scene every morning on the way to work. The buildings that make a skyline over Piedmont Park. It's a beautiful scene with the sky is gray and cloudy, and it's a beautiful scene when the buildings sparkle against a clear blue sky. This picture was taken just as the sun began to set today.


It's a scene that reminds me that I live in a city, even though the place I live is more neighborhoody. And even though I'm happy to live in a city, I've never had to go to any of those buildings down there, and that kinda makes me happy too. I want to be close enough to touch a skyline, but not so close that I have to deal with the hassle. If that makes sense.

When you're driving by, you don't notice all the power lines.

This Week in History: Dec 21-27

I settled down with a cup of coffee and a bagel to write this week's look back in history. I was in a great mood. But as you scroll through the dates, Wikipedia tells you how many days are left in the year, and there are so few of them left that I started getting more and more depressed and overwhelmed. Also, while I was writing, the sun started moving so that now it's right in my eyes. Now I'm in a bad mood. Bah humbug. Enjoy these historical events from the week ahead.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 21
There's no way around it. The week starts off weird. The best I can do in terms of a silver lining is tell you that the first crossword was printed today. Otherwise, you must reconcile that it's the birthday of Joseph Stalin and Andy Dick. Perhaps you will be heartened by the fact that it's also Ray Romano's birthday, but he doesn't really do it for me.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 22
On this day in 1912, Lady Bird Johnson was born. I feel compelled to tell you that her real name is Claudia, because that seems like it would be a great pub trivia question. And now you will know the answer.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 23
I can't find anything on this day interesting enough for me to write about. Maybe everyone was too busy finishing their Christmas shopping to give birth to anyone interesting or to have any real impact on world history.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 24
On this day in 1927, writer Mary Higgins Clark was born, and I'd like to give a shout-out to her, because I feel that she was the first adult author I was really cognizant of. After graduating from things like The Babysitter's Club and Nancy Drew's, I spent many a summer of my young life being enthralled by a Mary Higgins Clark book.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 25
As long as we're saluting heroes of my childhood--any self-respecting Parrothead knows that today is the birthday of Jimmy Buffett, turning the big 62 today. Unfortunately, "A Pirate Looks at 62" doesn't have quite the same ring. Also sharing a special day with Jesus Christ (observed) are Sir Isaac Newton, Clara Barton, Humphrey Bogart, Barbara Mandrell, Sissy Spacek, Karl Rove, Annie Lennox, Shane MacGowan and Miley Cyrus.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 26
Did you stop after reading that last entry and go, hey, wasn't Miley Cyrus's birthday back in November? If so….that is sick.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY: DECEMBER 27
If you like milk, then pour a little out today for your homey Louis Pasteur, born this day in 1822.

naughty or nice

Guess what, everyone? I decided to put up a Christmas tree! It's today's Picture of the Day:


Ok, I am just joshing. That's the Christmas tree at the mall. It goes all the way to the second floor of the mall, because it sits atop all these presents. Santa Claus sits at the bottom, kind of amid all the big presents. The thing I noticed about Santa's set-up this year is that it's very pink and purple. I think it's extremely beautiful, but a tad girly. Perhaps I'm very traditional and prefer for Santa to sit amidst red and green shades.

I snapped a few pictures of Santa in action, which was hard, because he had a long line of children to entertain. I knew I had to get Santa minus kids, because no one wants to dial up a blog from someone they don't know but find a picture of their child. That's the kind of thing that could get me arrested. So these were hard-won shots, of Santa without a kid on his lap.




I watched Santa interact with the children for awhile, and I feel like you get a lot of insight into family dynamics and certain kids, but I don't feel comfortable writing about it. It seems to personal. Also, today, I saw the Chick-fil-a cow dressed up as Santa Claus. The weirdest place I have seen Santa Claus this year was at the pet store. He didn't seem to be there to take pictures with pets or anything. He was just hanging around as a greeter. Or waiting for the magic reindeer to get groomed, maybe.

smoothie like butter

To my horror, I realized I had to venture to the mall to get one last present on the weekend before Christmas. And it couldn't just be any old ghetto, uncrowded mall, it had to be Lenox, the mall of the Great Food Court Project, but also a very popular mall guaranteed to be absolutely packed. It's the kind of mall with high-end stores that makes you look around and go, "Recession? What recession?" There were LINES to get on the escalator. I broke a sweat. To get to just one store and back out took me an hour.

Anyways. To reward myself for my effort I decided to get a sweet treat from the food court as part of the Great Food Court Project. Because the line at Haagen Dazs was kinda long I headed over to Freshens Smoothies and Yogurt. This is a place that used to be in the food court at Emory, and I have long admired this chain for their ability to turn their windowed countertop into a fruit display. They make fruit look so good, even when encased in glass.

But ordering a smoothie has gotten a lot more complicated since my college days. There were a few basic categories: fat-free smoothies, non-dairy smoothies, low-cal smoothies and tropical oasis smoothies. So you had to figure out which category you wanted, and then hope that there was a fruit combination within that group that you liked. Then, you had to decide if you want a BOOST. I don't know who thought of BOOSTs first, if it was Jamba Juice or Freshens or some other smoothie place, but I'd be interested in some sort of scientific study of their alleged benefits. Whenever I get a free boost, I get the one that's geared toward women, but then I walk around feeling nervous that I might spontaneously become pregnant.

In addition to smoothies, every single other beverage you could think of is available now, including sodas, vitamin water, icees and juice, in case you want the taste of fruit but not a smoothie I guess. Also, there was something called Thrive frozen yogurt, which made promises to improve my immune system, though the menu board was suspiciously mum on how that would be accomplished. You can also get milkshakes with this magical miracle cure yogurt. There are also soft serve candy blasts, which is basically a Blizzard if you speak Dairy Queen.

I settled on a frozen coffee drink. How much was sugar, and how much was coffee? It's impossible to say. But it was delicious.

The food court was crowded for 3 pm, with many people enjoying some sort of meal that was either a late lunch or an early dinner. In fact, while I was taking my Freshens notes, several people were sorta standing around my table, ready to pounce if I left or perhaps even to guilt me into leaving, as if by merely enjoying a beverage I didn't deserve an entire table. I gave them the stink eye, which I hope sent the message that I was in the midst of an important anthropological and sociological study of food courts, but who knows if they understood. Tensions were running high. So after I finished taking notes, I got the hell out of there.

As I sat in my car for what seemed like an eternity, just trying to get out of the parking garage, I noticed that my Freshens cup promised that the drink inside would nourish, invigorate, energize, refresh and provide me with fuel for my body and mind. A tall order, and perhaps on some days such a promise could have been kept. But even a vat full of Freshens wouldn't have prepared me for the hell that is a mall parking lot at the holidays.

saturday morning cartoons

Remember when you were a kid and Saturday morning was the best time to watch TV, because of all the cartoons? I don't really think I was that kid, not that I remember. But today I decided to see what sort of stuff was on the television on Saturday morning, because that's the kind of thing I do when I need more blog entries (see example one and example two). Also I'm too lazy to be doing any of the other things that I really should be doing. So here we go. Start time is 9:30 a.m.

9--The TV was on CBS when I turned it on, I guess because it was on CBS last night for Letterman. There is something called The Early Show on and it makes me want to kill myself. The anchors are talking about how they're going to give us 19 tips for de-stressing, but not 20, because that would be too stressful. Then they riff on that for awhile. Other annoying things happen while I look for the remote but I hate them too much to even write them down.

10--Some guy wants to sell me an ugly-ass car. He keeps saying "folks." He's got a sidekick who just cannot believe the deals! He keeps giving directions to the dealership. He knows how to get to that dealership from any town in Georgia. In the car dealer's excitement, he accidentally says "good things happen to bad people" instead of the other way around. I guess they didn't have enough film to do a second take.

11--Okay, now we're to the first cartoon. But it's on a religious network and it's some sort of weird claymation stop motion thing that I don't really know the name of. It's called Davy and Goliath's Christmas and it features a talking dog. But oh no! Davy and Goliath want to go snowboarding and they have to take a GIRL with them. And not just any girl but AN ARABIC GIRL. I'm tempted to stick around to see if the Christian learns a lesson about tolerance OR if the Christian converts them all. But I have to keep going.

12--Oooh Chuck Norris wants to sell me workout equipment. He's wearing a belt while exercising though which seems odd.

13--Some people are trying to sell me a juicer. It looks like there's something wrong with all of them. The people, not the juicers.

14--Cartoons in Spanish! There are many pigs.

15--Some people are trying to sell me a skin care line. I am so bored by them.

16--Some men are building a house. There are going to be 3 bathrooms! Juliet gets her own bathroom, which everyone is excited about, but Juliet is nowhere to be seen.

19--Some people want to sell me a GPS. I worry that there are no cartoons for kids, but only consumer opportunities. OMG this woman missed her child's ball game because she got lost! Thanks goodness she got a GPS!

20--Some ladies wnt to sell me ribbed cardigans and sleeveless turtlenecks. If you accessorize right, this look will "kill 'em at the office."

21--Some author from Georgia is being interviewed in a library. The guy who is doing the interview is doing his best James Lipton.

22--An opera.

23--The same opera! WTF. Maybe I need to do a public access show. The public access channels are duplicating content!

24--Women are trying to be snarky about government by playing some form of Monopoly and reading position stances off the cards.

25--I have one of those cable packages where they tell me what the program is when I flip to the channel. According to my tv, what I am watching is called "Asian Variety Show." It's weird and giving me a headache. It may just be the early hour.

26--Ooh, a finance executive committee meeting. But I don't know what organization this committee belongs to! So I'm going to make something else. Finance executive committee of the Jonas Brothers fan club.

27--This is a combo home shopping channel and tv schedule channel.

30--CSPAN is talking to our current president. Say what you will about the man, but he is wearing a frickin beautiful tie. It is teal.

32--The Weather Channel alerts me that the temperature is 66 degrees. Take that, people who have snow!

33--This channel proclaims to be The Learning Channel, but I can't tell what I'm supposed to be learning. Oh, how to flip a house or something.

34--A real estate program is on CNN. I want some news, beeyotch.

35--Headline News is telling me how much snow is around the country, and how upset the people are about it.

36--It's too early for CNBC to have any news, they're still in paid programming mode.

37--Fox News claims to understand everything going on with the stock market. You didn't hear it from me, but the bulls are ready to run!

38--A&E follows a man who does catering. His business is down.

39--It's movie and a makeover on TBS! The movie is Jumanji, and the makeover is going to be how to give your kids low-cost gifts and maintain your holiday spirit.

40--Ooh Mike Rowe just picked up some sort of creepy reptile and I had to change the channel immediately, so I don't even know what the dirty job was.

41--Commercials for K-mart and Kay Jewelers. They only show commercials for K-stores on this channel!

42--On USA a guy just got shocked by a microphone and I'm going to guess he's dead, and then some young, attractive detectives will come along to solve the case. Almost every single show has young attractive detectives these days.

43--Have you always yearned to enjoy the comedic stylings of Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt in a sequel to Cheaper by the Dozen? Then I wish you were here to watch Cheaper by the Dozen 2 with me.

44--People are hunting things.

45--A commercial for Pepsi makes me distinctly uncomfortable.

46--Sportscenter. One guy can't wait to watch Ohio State versus Texas. Me neither, Sports Man!

47--A tearjerking commercial for Columbus, GA. If you visit Columbus, GA you can visit a historic district, a Civil War naval museum and a community college!

48--Golf.

49--Golf

50--A commercial for Peptobismol makes me distinctly uncomfortable.

51--The #16 video of 2008, according to VH1, is a song by Jordin Sparks that I have never ever heard before!

52--I just saw a commercial that mildly amused me. A couple checks into a hotel, and the man goes, "Hey honey, two shampoos! Two shampoos!" And the woman, nonplussed, responds, "Maybe they're just trying to buy you off so that you'll write a good review." And the man goes, "It's working! It's working!" Then, fully clothed, he raises his arms above his head and pours the shampoos all over his head.

53--Sports coverage that leads right into an e-harmony ad. Weird. Are sports people on e-harmony?

54--Oh holy shit! The win of the day! A Very Brady Christmas is on ABC Family! This is a 1988 tv movie with all the kids grown up and reunited. Right now grown-up Bobby is trying to convince grown-up Peter that he should marry his girlfriend. And now Peter's girlfriend is talking to one of the Brady sisters who I don't think is a grown-up Marcia, Jan or Cindy. She must be a replacement Brady.

55--It was mildly hard to turn away from the Bradys, but I must press on. Now I'm on a workout infomercial with a lady talking about her "mom pouch" that went away when she bought the exercise program that is now for sale.

56--Aww, the Soup. They are doing a countdown of the best moments of the year. Right now they're showing Cameron Mathison on The View talking about his thong. Television is so weird.

57--Rachael Ray is making something in her overly bright kitchen. Maybe I'm projecting, because I know how much she does, but she looks exhausted.

58--Some people are trying to sell me a bodyshaper by asking me about my back and butt bulge.

59--Some people are building something.

60--Oh my god. The Travel Channel is doing a show about the best bar food across the country, and right now they're featuring Irish nachos. HOW COME I AM NOT WORKING FOR THIS SHOW???????????

61--People have pets. They love their pets. This is a show for those people.

62--A cartoon with aliens! Do the cartoons for kids come on earlier than 10 a.m.? I really do worry for the kids. Not that the kids should be watching television, but, you know.

63--Talking animals. It's kind of a cartoon.

64--Oh, apparently I get the Disney Channel. I had no idea. An annoying band is singing me a song that mentions every single winter holiday.

65--On TV Land, they're telling me I don't need to watch the ball drop on New Year's Eve. Instead, I should watch Lucille Ball drop. During their I Love Lucy New Year's Eve marathon. I find that mildly amusing.

66--A Clint Eastwood movie is on AMC.

68--Some redneck is doing stand-up comedy and the crowd is Eating. It. Up.

69--How many channels do I get? I'm tired

70--Aww, it's the end of Serendipity, one of John Cusack's finest roles! But unfortunately, it's the very very end, so I missed all the endearing moments. Nick Drake is starting to play, and John Cusack is giving a wistfully happy and relieved look. Luckily I own this movie on DVD and I don't have to be too sad that I missed it.

71--Another weird claymation stop motion thing. I guess traditional animation is dead.

72--Commercials for nothing interesting.

73--Infomercials en espanol!

74--Zales is having a z-sale. And some kids are making Rice Krispy treats. It's a black-and-white commercial with only the Rice Krispy treats in color.

75--A show with cars and girls with big butts.

76--Wrestling with lady wrestlers. I don't like the lady wrestlers. I like ladies being the managers and knowing their place, which is the side of the ring.

79--A weird show about murder on the Oxygen network. It's too creepy to watch. If it's on Oxygen, does that mean the wife did it?

104--Book tv features an annoying lady. If she can write a book, then I can, I think.

I finally reach the upper limits of the cable package and return to the lower numbers.

2--Old people are telling me I can make something. The project involves scissors but I can't for the life of me tell what they're making.

3--Oh dear, a commercial for the Walt Disney World Christmas Day Parade tells me that I'm going to be able to spend Christmas morning with Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, Regis and Kelly, and Ryan Seacrest. Merry Christmas to me, I guess.

4--A show called Teen Kids News. Apparently an issue that interests teens is learning to speak English via songs on Ipods.

5--Do moderate exercise at a moderate intensity, says one woman!

6--This looks like some sort of cartoon/educational program combo and it freaks me out.

7--some lady lost 30 pounds with an exercise program that I can buy if I want to! I think I saw this lady on another infomercial this morning.

8--A show about bunnies! The narrator speaks slowly, so it must be for very small children.

9--Back to my enemies at the Early Show.

Well, having taken a bit less than an hour to satisfy myself that there is absolutely nothing on television at this hour, I guess I can move on to my massive to-do list. Nothing like bad television to make errands look like fun.

work week in review

As many of you may know, one of my cardinal rules for the blog is not to talk about work. At least not too much. No matter how much one's work is interesting to him or her, it is likely boring to other people. Plus there are too many stories about people losing their jobs for something on their blog. Plus I like to maintain some mystery about who I am and what I do everyday. The world doesn't need to know every time I exhale.

But I must digress from that rule as briefly as possible to relate a humorous anecdote. In the past week, I have been working on some articles about death. Dying. The cessation of life as we know it. In order to do this, I scouted out the local libraries for books on the subject, and I ended up checking out quite a few.

At the first library I went to, I checked out eight books on death. Perhaps I am projecting, but I really feel that the library was judging me. She gave me such a sad, pitiful and frightened look. It was more judgment than I expected from a librarian, but on the other hand, it really wasn't enough outright concern for whether I was about to go home to a dying family member or about to die myself. I kinda wish she had said something so I could have allayed her fears. "It's for work!" I could have said. "I have to learn about death for work!" And if that hadn't worked I could have said something like, don’t blame me, you're the one who works at a library that has all these books on death for me.

At another library for a second go-round of books, I decided to cut the librarian off at the pass by putting a non-related book on top of the pile. I chose the Stephen Colbert book "I Am America (and So Can You!)" but I did have doubts about this choice as I stood in line. Was I saying, hey, this Stephen Colbert book better be funny or I am going to want to die? Stephen Colbert makes me want to die? I have a family member or friend extremely close to death and I hope Stephen Colbert can pull him or her out of it?

I'm probably worrying about it too much. Maybe I know I would judge someone if they came to a check-out counter with an armful of weird books, but maybe they teach you how not to do this at library school or in bookstore training or what have you. Who can say. But today's Picture of the Day contains all my death books as well as my Stephen Colbert decoy.