Only Hour 2, but it felt like Hour 20

Demi Moore tells her daughter, who is Miss Golden Globe, not to slouch. Do you constantly forget that Demi Moore is married to Ashton Kutcher now? I do. Heath Ledger wins an award and gets a standing ovation and they show a clip of his work. Would he have won if he hadn’t died? An awful question to ask, but still. Maybe he wouldn’t have even shown up. Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t.

A commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice was just on. That looks more interesting than this show right now.

Colin Farrell has a cold too! He makes a joke about drug use. So appropriate, Colin!

Laura Linney’s dress: should it be another color? Usually these things don’t occupy me, but when things get this boring. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN AN AWARD IS ANNOUNCED, STAT.

Should people really be described as “handsome” when they are introduced? I took a vote of all the voices in my head, and we say no. Sorry Gerard Butler.

Elizabeth Banks may be wearing my favorite dress of the night.

Here’s something I learned this week: sodium plays an important part in the taste of bread. I found that out when I bought some low-sodium bread. It tasted weird.

Here’s another thing: Amazon.com is getting kind of desperate, I think, and recommending me really bizarre things. Things that I am in no way interested in. Stop recommending me things with “Theban” in the title, Amazon. I’m just not that into Sophocles.

Renee Zellweger = worst-dressed! You read it here first. Unless you read other news sites first.

Paul Giamatti…I am trying to think of words that sum up how I feel about Paul Giamatti. He is zooming to the top of my favorite actor list. I even have “The Nanny Diaries” on my Netflix list because he is in it. I have heard that movie sucks but I’ll watch it anyways, for him.

Today I finally found some food coloring. I’d been having a hard time finding it. Turns out they keep it with the spices now, not with the cake decorating stuff.

I am trying to spy on my neighbors across the way. A couple lives there now. I think they are having dinner.

Tracy Morgan gives the acceptance speech for “30 Rock”, finally enlivening this boring show. Maybe he should give everyone’s acceptance speech. OMG Jay-Z is there with Beyonce!

We have nine awards left to go! And whatever lifetime achievement things they’re gonna do!

Even Tina Fey can’t keep me entertained at this point. TRY HARDER, CELEBRITIES.