Hour 2 of Red Carpet on E! starts off with an awkward interview with Kevin Nealon because no one who works at E! has a sense of humor. They cut it off when Kevin Nealon starts talking about how it doesn’t matter what people wear, because what people wear is E!’s bread and butter. Now they’re talking to Susan Sarandon. And now Amy Adams. We’re in the thick of it now, people! Celebrities right and left! And yet they just keep showing Miley Cyrus!
Oh yikes. I give Drew Barrymore’s hair a thumbs-down. But I just learned an important tv term. “Hot switch!” is when Ryan Seacrest switches the celebrities he’s talking to without taking a commercial break. Man, we are TV insiders now! Another hot switch! Do you think maybe it’s one word?
Oh my. The screen just went completely red while Giuliana Rancic while she was interviewing Jeff Garlin…a sign of the end of the world? Or maybe someone at E! just freaked out because Leo (as in DiCaprio) is on the red carpet now. They passed out and some buttons got pushed. Want more TV insider news? Giuliana Rancic eats collard greens at the airport!
A somewhat awesome thing just happened. Ryan Seacrest asked Maggie Gyllenhaal what tonight was like without Heath Ledger. And Maggie said, you know what, we did a whole press junket where we answered that question over and over. And I understand why you’re interested, but it’s kinda hard to talk about a friend who died while all this silliness of the Golden Globes is going on. But then she answered the question anyways. She should have just bitch-slapped him all the way to the floor.
“Do you realize you have it pretty good in this world?” Giuliana Rancic to David Duchovny, in the midst of a majorly awkward interview.
HOT SWITCH.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewing his daughter and his wife and I just vomited all over my couch. Just kidding about the vomit part. But then Miley starts bitching because she got a hand-me-down Porsche and not a new Porsche and then I think I will vomit. And then she makes a joke about spousal and child abuse! NO WONDER PEOPLE LOVE HER.
Now I have to eat some fried rice, far away from my computer so I don’t get food on it. So there may be a brief break in my comments.
Oh, man, while I was eating fried rice, Brangelina arrived. And Ryan Seacrest left his little perch to go down on the red carpet to try and interview them, but he got rejected. It was a glimpse of what life must have been like for Ryan Seacrest in high school.
Speaking of high school, there was this totally annoying moment while I was eating where High School Musical star Zac Efron talked about how long he had to wait in the limo to get there. And Ryan was all like, “Yeah, you people at home don’t know how long the stars have to wait in the limos before they can get out of the car!” Zac Efron looked vaguely uncomfortable, and I’d like to think that maybe he realized that that was a really stupid thing to be complaining about while the country is dealing with war and recession and whatnot.
The other ridiculous thing that happened while I was eating was that Giuliana Rancic worked the “fact” that she reads three books a month into an interview with John Krasinski. It’s her new year’s resolution to read more; John Krasinski replied that his new year’s resolution was to learn to read.
Aww, Jeremy Piven allegedly has mercury poisoning, but not so much that he couldn’t come to the Golden Globes! Suspicious! He can’t “get too much into it.”
I don’t know who Megan Fox is, but I hate her. She talks about how ugly she is but then works into the convo that she has a 22 inch waist. She is dating Brian Austin Green but he won’t come with her because he’s “a man with an ego.” I wish my cold upon her. Hopefully she won’t become more famous because then I’ll have to elevate her to arch-nemesis status.
On that negative note, I shall wrap up Hour 2 of my Red Carpet coverage and post this.
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