One time Steven Spielberg saw a movie and it changed his life blah blah blah. He talks about how he had mentors, and now he gets to be a mentor. Who are his mentees, I wonder. Shia LaBeouf? Drew Barrymore’s hair?
Now Wynonna Judd is endorsing Alli. Do you remember the made-for-tv movie “Love Can Build a Bridge”, based upon Naomi Judd’s autobiography of the same name? Yeah, I just remembered it too, and it’s going on the Netflix queue. Now I bet that would be an interesting live blog.
I just tried to make a list of five things I’d like to win an award for. First was blogging. Then I guess non-blog related writing, either work-related or otherwise. Then I was out of stuff. I should get good at other things. Hmm. This boring awards show is forcing me to face my own mediocrity.
Finally, something funny happens, when Sasha Baron Cohen gets up there. No one in the room laughs, though. Based on the background noise, it sounds like they don’t even stop talking for the show anymore. They just keep on meeting and greeting and making deals and celebrating, as the voiceover announcer reminds me every time we cut to commercial. The only way they could improve this award show at this point would be to televise the commercials. And put microphones on everyone. Secret microphones. AND they should fly Jennifer Aniston in for a last-minute surprise to Brangelina and she should present Angelina Jolie’s award and….the possibilities are too limitless from there.
Man, I liked Cameron Diaz’s dress, then she got on stage and was annoying. Now she’s dead to me. Kate Winslet wins twice! Hooray! This refuted the previous intelligence that Anne Hathaway would win because her name was already up on the Golden Globes web site. I like how Emma Thompson is there to help Kate Winslet on-stage. Then Kate Winslet forgot Angelina Jolie was even nominated! Mwa ha ha ha. I don’t want Angelina to get awards. I would prefer she focus on acquiring children.
Finally. Mad Men wins something. That’s the good thing. The bad thing is how long it might take them all to walk up to the stage.
I’m not even trying anymore. I guess I’ll go ahead and post this. I don’t think live blogging award shows is a very good idea anymore. Oh well.
Showing posts with label award shows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label award shows. Show all posts
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Only Hour 2, but it felt like Hour 20
Demi Moore tells her daughter, who is Miss Golden Globe, not to slouch. Do you constantly forget that Demi Moore is married to Ashton Kutcher now? I do. Heath Ledger wins an award and gets a standing ovation and they show a clip of his work. Would he have won if he hadn’t died? An awful question to ask, but still. Maybe he wouldn’t have even shown up. Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t.
A commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice was just on. That looks more interesting than this show right now.
Colin Farrell has a cold too! He makes a joke about drug use. So appropriate, Colin!
Laura Linney’s dress: should it be another color? Usually these things don’t occupy me, but when things get this boring. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN AN AWARD IS ANNOUNCED, STAT.
Should people really be described as “handsome” when they are introduced? I took a vote of all the voices in my head, and we say no. Sorry Gerard Butler.
Elizabeth Banks may be wearing my favorite dress of the night.
Here’s something I learned this week: sodium plays an important part in the taste of bread. I found that out when I bought some low-sodium bread. It tasted weird.
Here’s another thing: Amazon.com is getting kind of desperate, I think, and recommending me really bizarre things. Things that I am in no way interested in. Stop recommending me things with “Theban” in the title, Amazon. I’m just not that into Sophocles.
Renee Zellweger = worst-dressed! You read it here first. Unless you read other news sites first.
Paul Giamatti…I am trying to think of words that sum up how I feel about Paul Giamatti. He is zooming to the top of my favorite actor list. I even have “The Nanny Diaries” on my Netflix list because he is in it. I have heard that movie sucks but I’ll watch it anyways, for him.
Today I finally found some food coloring. I’d been having a hard time finding it. Turns out they keep it with the spices now, not with the cake decorating stuff.
I am trying to spy on my neighbors across the way. A couple lives there now. I think they are having dinner.
Tracy Morgan gives the acceptance speech for “30 Rock”, finally enlivening this boring show. Maybe he should give everyone’s acceptance speech. OMG Jay-Z is there with Beyonce!
We have nine awards left to go! And whatever lifetime achievement things they’re gonna do!
Even Tina Fey can’t keep me entertained at this point. TRY HARDER, CELEBRITIES.
A commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice was just on. That looks more interesting than this show right now.
Colin Farrell has a cold too! He makes a joke about drug use. So appropriate, Colin!
Laura Linney’s dress: should it be another color? Usually these things don’t occupy me, but when things get this boring. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN AN AWARD IS ANNOUNCED, STAT.
Should people really be described as “handsome” when they are introduced? I took a vote of all the voices in my head, and we say no. Sorry Gerard Butler.
Elizabeth Banks may be wearing my favorite dress of the night.
Here’s something I learned this week: sodium plays an important part in the taste of bread. I found that out when I bought some low-sodium bread. It tasted weird.
Here’s another thing: Amazon.com is getting kind of desperate, I think, and recommending me really bizarre things. Things that I am in no way interested in. Stop recommending me things with “Theban” in the title, Amazon. I’m just not that into Sophocles.
Renee Zellweger = worst-dressed! You read it here first. Unless you read other news sites first.
Paul Giamatti…I am trying to think of words that sum up how I feel about Paul Giamatti. He is zooming to the top of my favorite actor list. I even have “The Nanny Diaries” on my Netflix list because he is in it. I have heard that movie sucks but I’ll watch it anyways, for him.
Today I finally found some food coloring. I’d been having a hard time finding it. Turns out they keep it with the spices now, not with the cake decorating stuff.
I am trying to spy on my neighbors across the way. A couple lives there now. I think they are having dinner.
Tracy Morgan gives the acceptance speech for “30 Rock”, finally enlivening this boring show. Maybe he should give everyone’s acceptance speech. OMG Jay-Z is there with Beyonce!
We have nine awards left to go! And whatever lifetime achievement things they’re gonna do!
Even Tina Fey can’t keep me entertained at this point. TRY HARDER, CELEBRITIES.
Golden Globes The Actual Show Hour One
Aww, man, when I switched over to NBC’s preshow, I found out I was missing red carpet coverage by Tiki Barber. What a loss. Anyways. Now the show is starting. Everyone is there, which they are demonstrating by showing all the celebrities arriving while a rap song plays.
Jennifer Lopez is going to start off the show. For a minute I thought they were going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt and I was going to get pissed. J-Lo goes, “Mama talkin’ Mama talkin’” when people keep talking. Oh, J-Lo, that is so annoying. And didn’t anyone tell you that the Golden Globes are ZANY?! Talking through presenters is, like, so Golden Globe.
Kate Winslet takes her sweet time getting up to the stage. Don’t you know I have a cold, Kate? We gotta keep this show on schedule. I’d be more upset, but I adore her, and she’s genuinely happy and moved. So okay. THIS TIME.
Oh, thank goodness. If Miley Cyrus had beat Bruce Springsteen in the Best Song category, I might have had to commit suicide or at least turn the show off. And then where would the blog be? And he said happy birthday to the Big Man Clarence Clemons! He must have seen that on Wikipedia, like I did.
Now the one thing I really dislike about the Golden Globes is that in the supporting categories, all the tv show actors are lumped together with all the miniseries and tv movie actors. That keeps the show moving faster than the Emmys, but it puts someone like Tom Wilkinson, who played Ben Franklin in “John Adams” up against Neil Patrick Harris. It seems unfair, but there’s no contest. I think Tom Wilkinson is drunk.
I’ve seen, like, nothing that is nominated for a Golden Globe, except for these things: Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Weeds, and John Adams. I have a lot of viewing to do, I guess.
Now I am looking at other things on the internet.
Oh, now they are showing my husband, Jon Hamm! I hope he wins! He does not. But Anna Paquin does? Over January Jones of Mad Men? This show is losing me very, very rapidly.
Man, even the celebrities are excited that Johnny Depp is there.
Guys, I worry that I’m not more excited by this award show. Is it really that boring, or have I lost my passion for award shows, and by extension, my passion for life? Is it the cold? I have drunk like half a carton of orange juice and it’s not doing ANYTHING. Beer doesn’t do anything either. I tried that a few nights ago. Ditto soda. I am running out of fluids.
It’s kind of hard to believe we haven’t passed the hour mark yet. Finally, we’re there. Tom Hanks is accepting the award for “John Adams” as I post this.
Jennifer Lopez is going to start off the show. For a minute I thought they were going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt and I was going to get pissed. J-Lo goes, “Mama talkin’ Mama talkin’” when people keep talking. Oh, J-Lo, that is so annoying. And didn’t anyone tell you that the Golden Globes are ZANY?! Talking through presenters is, like, so Golden Globe.
Kate Winslet takes her sweet time getting up to the stage. Don’t you know I have a cold, Kate? We gotta keep this show on schedule. I’d be more upset, but I adore her, and she’s genuinely happy and moved. So okay. THIS TIME.
Oh, thank goodness. If Miley Cyrus had beat Bruce Springsteen in the Best Song category, I might have had to commit suicide or at least turn the show off. And then where would the blog be? And he said happy birthday to the Big Man Clarence Clemons! He must have seen that on Wikipedia, like I did.
Now the one thing I really dislike about the Golden Globes is that in the supporting categories, all the tv show actors are lumped together with all the miniseries and tv movie actors. That keeps the show moving faster than the Emmys, but it puts someone like Tom Wilkinson, who played Ben Franklin in “John Adams” up against Neil Patrick Harris. It seems unfair, but there’s no contest. I think Tom Wilkinson is drunk.
I’ve seen, like, nothing that is nominated for a Golden Globe, except for these things: Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Weeds, and John Adams. I have a lot of viewing to do, I guess.
Now I am looking at other things on the internet.
Oh, now they are showing my husband, Jon Hamm! I hope he wins! He does not. But Anna Paquin does? Over January Jones of Mad Men? This show is losing me very, very rapidly.
Man, even the celebrities are excited that Johnny Depp is there.
Guys, I worry that I’m not more excited by this award show. Is it really that boring, or have I lost my passion for award shows, and by extension, my passion for life? Is it the cold? I have drunk like half a carton of orange juice and it’s not doing ANYTHING. Beer doesn’t do anything either. I tried that a few nights ago. Ditto soda. I am running out of fluids.
It’s kind of hard to believe we haven’t passed the hour mark yet. Finally, we’re there. Tom Hanks is accepting the award for “John Adams” as I post this.
Golden Globes Red Carpet Hour 2
Hour 2 of Red Carpet on E! starts off with an awkward interview with Kevin Nealon because no one who works at E! has a sense of humor. They cut it off when Kevin Nealon starts talking about how it doesn’t matter what people wear, because what people wear is E!’s bread and butter. Now they’re talking to Susan Sarandon. And now Amy Adams. We’re in the thick of it now, people! Celebrities right and left! And yet they just keep showing Miley Cyrus!
Oh yikes. I give Drew Barrymore’s hair a thumbs-down. But I just learned an important tv term. “Hot switch!” is when Ryan Seacrest switches the celebrities he’s talking to without taking a commercial break. Man, we are TV insiders now! Another hot switch! Do you think maybe it’s one word?
Oh my. The screen just went completely red while Giuliana Rancic while she was interviewing Jeff Garlin…a sign of the end of the world? Or maybe someone at E! just freaked out because Leo (as in DiCaprio) is on the red carpet now. They passed out and some buttons got pushed. Want more TV insider news? Giuliana Rancic eats collard greens at the airport!
A somewhat awesome thing just happened. Ryan Seacrest asked Maggie Gyllenhaal what tonight was like without Heath Ledger. And Maggie said, you know what, we did a whole press junket where we answered that question over and over. And I understand why you’re interested, but it’s kinda hard to talk about a friend who died while all this silliness of the Golden Globes is going on. But then she answered the question anyways. She should have just bitch-slapped him all the way to the floor.
“Do you realize you have it pretty good in this world?” Giuliana Rancic to David Duchovny, in the midst of a majorly awkward interview.
HOT SWITCH.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewing his daughter and his wife and I just vomited all over my couch. Just kidding about the vomit part. But then Miley starts bitching because she got a hand-me-down Porsche and not a new Porsche and then I think I will vomit. And then she makes a joke about spousal and child abuse! NO WONDER PEOPLE LOVE HER.
Now I have to eat some fried rice, far away from my computer so I don’t get food on it. So there may be a brief break in my comments.
Oh, man, while I was eating fried rice, Brangelina arrived. And Ryan Seacrest left his little perch to go down on the red carpet to try and interview them, but he got rejected. It was a glimpse of what life must have been like for Ryan Seacrest in high school.
Speaking of high school, there was this totally annoying moment while I was eating where High School Musical star Zac Efron talked about how long he had to wait in the limo to get there. And Ryan was all like, “Yeah, you people at home don’t know how long the stars have to wait in the limos before they can get out of the car!” Zac Efron looked vaguely uncomfortable, and I’d like to think that maybe he realized that that was a really stupid thing to be complaining about while the country is dealing with war and recession and whatnot.
The other ridiculous thing that happened while I was eating was that Giuliana Rancic worked the “fact” that she reads three books a month into an interview with John Krasinski. It’s her new year’s resolution to read more; John Krasinski replied that his new year’s resolution was to learn to read.
Aww, Jeremy Piven allegedly has mercury poisoning, but not so much that he couldn’t come to the Golden Globes! Suspicious! He can’t “get too much into it.”
I don’t know who Megan Fox is, but I hate her. She talks about how ugly she is but then works into the convo that she has a 22 inch waist. She is dating Brian Austin Green but he won’t come with her because he’s “a man with an ego.” I wish my cold upon her. Hopefully she won’t become more famous because then I’ll have to elevate her to arch-nemesis status.
On that negative note, I shall wrap up Hour 2 of my Red Carpet coverage and post this.
Oh yikes. I give Drew Barrymore’s hair a thumbs-down. But I just learned an important tv term. “Hot switch!” is when Ryan Seacrest switches the celebrities he’s talking to without taking a commercial break. Man, we are TV insiders now! Another hot switch! Do you think maybe it’s one word?
Oh my. The screen just went completely red while Giuliana Rancic while she was interviewing Jeff Garlin…a sign of the end of the world? Or maybe someone at E! just freaked out because Leo (as in DiCaprio) is on the red carpet now. They passed out and some buttons got pushed. Want more TV insider news? Giuliana Rancic eats collard greens at the airport!
A somewhat awesome thing just happened. Ryan Seacrest asked Maggie Gyllenhaal what tonight was like without Heath Ledger. And Maggie said, you know what, we did a whole press junket where we answered that question over and over. And I understand why you’re interested, but it’s kinda hard to talk about a friend who died while all this silliness of the Golden Globes is going on. But then she answered the question anyways. She should have just bitch-slapped him all the way to the floor.
“Do you realize you have it pretty good in this world?” Giuliana Rancic to David Duchovny, in the midst of a majorly awkward interview.
HOT SWITCH.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewing his daughter and his wife and I just vomited all over my couch. Just kidding about the vomit part. But then Miley starts bitching because she got a hand-me-down Porsche and not a new Porsche and then I think I will vomit. And then she makes a joke about spousal and child abuse! NO WONDER PEOPLE LOVE HER.
Now I have to eat some fried rice, far away from my computer so I don’t get food on it. So there may be a brief break in my comments.
Oh, man, while I was eating fried rice, Brangelina arrived. And Ryan Seacrest left his little perch to go down on the red carpet to try and interview them, but he got rejected. It was a glimpse of what life must have been like for Ryan Seacrest in high school.
Speaking of high school, there was this totally annoying moment while I was eating where High School Musical star Zac Efron talked about how long he had to wait in the limo to get there. And Ryan was all like, “Yeah, you people at home don’t know how long the stars have to wait in the limos before they can get out of the car!” Zac Efron looked vaguely uncomfortable, and I’d like to think that maybe he realized that that was a really stupid thing to be complaining about while the country is dealing with war and recession and whatnot.
The other ridiculous thing that happened while I was eating was that Giuliana Rancic worked the “fact” that she reads three books a month into an interview with John Krasinski. It’s her new year’s resolution to read more; John Krasinski replied that his new year’s resolution was to learn to read.
Aww, Jeremy Piven allegedly has mercury poisoning, but not so much that he couldn’t come to the Golden Globes! Suspicious! He can’t “get too much into it.”
I don’t know who Megan Fox is, but I hate her. She talks about how ugly she is but then works into the convo that she has a 22 inch waist. She is dating Brian Austin Green but he won’t come with her because he’s “a man with an ego.” I wish my cold upon her. Hopefully she won’t become more famous because then I’ll have to elevate her to arch-nemesis status.
On that negative note, I shall wrap up Hour 2 of my Red Carpet coverage and post this.
Golden Globes Red Carpet Hour 1
Well, I feel my blog needs a 2009 kickstart, and I think that kickstart is presenting itself tonight in the form of the Golden Globes. Live-blogging awards shows is a great way to get a ton of entries, particularly if you break your blogs down by hour as I will do. And I have never live-blogged the Golden Globes before!! The only thing that could stand in my way tonight is falling asleep at 8:15, and with my cold, that is entirely possible. But I am going to do my very best. I am taking shots of orange juice.
So it’s 6 p.m. EST now, which means it’s E! time. 6 p.m. is when red carpet coverage starts, though I can’t promise we’ll see any celebrities til 7 at the earliest. Though E! is starting out strong with Ricky Gervais.
While the minor celebrities are being interviewed, I’ll go ahead and tell you that the Golden Globes are my absolute favorite out of all awards shows, because this award show has movies AND television. Plus they have booze, which means that things get kinda crazy, or at least they did one year, and the Golden Globes has been showing footage of that zany night ever since.
Tonight the Golden Globes are extra-special, because it wasn’t on last year due to the writer’s strike. There was just a press conference where they announced the winners, but I had just moved into my current apartment, like, that day, and I didn’t have the television or internet hooked up, so I couldn’t even watch it. So this year it should be bigger and better ever to make up for that!!!
OK enough sentimentality. E! is trying to bring me some breaking television news. All the TV stars want out of their contracts. The E! anchor promises to try to talk them out of it tonight. Good luck, random E! anchor I’ve never seen before!
Kevin Nealon is there! He’s kinda wandering around while the woman who plays Brad Pitt’s mother in “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” talks about growing up in inner-city and her childhood dreams and studying electrical engineering. She talked fast, so they couldn’t cut her off and get another celebrity in there. I applaud her for that. She was pretty spunky.
Some starlet talks about how getting sick over the holidays kept her from eating too much and gaining weight before she had to get into her Golden Globes dress! I hear ya, sister, but I’m going to take your comments out of context and pretend you were talking about bulimia.
Guiliana Rancic is saying that there might be movie star reunions on the red carpet along the lines of Susan Sarandon and Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise) and Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore (E.T.) tonight, and that is apparently a reason to stay tuned. That has gotta be the dumbest reason for staying tuned that I have ever heard.
E! keeps wanting me to text them things while we wait for people to arrive. And they keep referring to people as “hotties.”
Ryan Seacrest is asking Rumer Willis if Bruce Willis ever won a Golden Globe. Blurgh. She doesn’t know.
Guys, E! has so many satellites and cameras on this red carpet that it is really starting to freak me out. Don’t they know we’re in a recession? The fashion guy just said he was “gagging” over some TV star’s outfit. In like, a good way, as far as I can tell. I think. Creepy.
Eva Longoria Parker has a cold too! Now she’s stuck there awkwardly, like a third wheel, while Aaron Eckhart talks about Heath Ledger. Aaron Eckhart has no idea who she is.
There are interesting people to interview, in the form of Creed, Meredith and Stanley from the Office, but E! has put them in a tiny box to show that MILEY CYRUS IS HERE. I hope Miley Cyrus gets a cold. Now the Jonas Brothers are there. What are they doing there? I wish a cold upon all of them.
Evan Rachel Wood is talking about “The Wrestler,” and all I am thinking about is how she used to date Marilyn Manson. But then she says that Bruce Springsteen will be there tonight! She seems kind of excited about it! That makes me like her.
Time for more orange juice. So ends pre-show hour 1.
So it’s 6 p.m. EST now, which means it’s E! time. 6 p.m. is when red carpet coverage starts, though I can’t promise we’ll see any celebrities til 7 at the earliest. Though E! is starting out strong with Ricky Gervais.
While the minor celebrities are being interviewed, I’ll go ahead and tell you that the Golden Globes are my absolute favorite out of all awards shows, because this award show has movies AND television. Plus they have booze, which means that things get kinda crazy, or at least they did one year, and the Golden Globes has been showing footage of that zany night ever since.
Tonight the Golden Globes are extra-special, because it wasn’t on last year due to the writer’s strike. There was just a press conference where they announced the winners, but I had just moved into my current apartment, like, that day, and I didn’t have the television or internet hooked up, so I couldn’t even watch it. So this year it should be bigger and better ever to make up for that!!!
OK enough sentimentality. E! is trying to bring me some breaking television news. All the TV stars want out of their contracts. The E! anchor promises to try to talk them out of it tonight. Good luck, random E! anchor I’ve never seen before!
Kevin Nealon is there! He’s kinda wandering around while the woman who plays Brad Pitt’s mother in “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” talks about growing up in inner-city and her childhood dreams and studying electrical engineering. She talked fast, so they couldn’t cut her off and get another celebrity in there. I applaud her for that. She was pretty spunky.
Some starlet talks about how getting sick over the holidays kept her from eating too much and gaining weight before she had to get into her Golden Globes dress! I hear ya, sister, but I’m going to take your comments out of context and pretend you were talking about bulimia.
Guiliana Rancic is saying that there might be movie star reunions on the red carpet along the lines of Susan Sarandon and Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise) and Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore (E.T.) tonight, and that is apparently a reason to stay tuned. That has gotta be the dumbest reason for staying tuned that I have ever heard.
E! keeps wanting me to text them things while we wait for people to arrive. And they keep referring to people as “hotties.”
Ryan Seacrest is asking Rumer Willis if Bruce Willis ever won a Golden Globe. Blurgh. She doesn’t know.
Guys, E! has so many satellites and cameras on this red carpet that it is really starting to freak me out. Don’t they know we’re in a recession? The fashion guy just said he was “gagging” over some TV star’s outfit. In like, a good way, as far as I can tell. I think. Creepy.
Eva Longoria Parker has a cold too! Now she’s stuck there awkwardly, like a third wheel, while Aaron Eckhart talks about Heath Ledger. Aaron Eckhart has no idea who she is.
There are interesting people to interview, in the form of Creed, Meredith and Stanley from the Office, but E! has put them in a tiny box to show that MILEY CYRUS IS HERE. I hope Miley Cyrus gets a cold. Now the Jonas Brothers are there. What are they doing there? I wish a cold upon all of them.
Evan Rachel Wood is talking about “The Wrestler,” and all I am thinking about is how she used to date Marilyn Manson. But then she says that Bruce Springsteen will be there tonight! She seems kind of excited about it! That makes me like her.
Time for more orange juice. So ends pre-show hour 1.
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