Aww, man, when I switched over to NBC’s preshow, I found out I was missing red carpet coverage by Tiki Barber. What a loss. Anyways. Now the show is starting. Everyone is there, which they are demonstrating by showing all the celebrities arriving while a rap song plays.
Jennifer Lopez is going to start off the show. For a minute I thought they were going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt and I was going to get pissed. J-Lo goes, “Mama talkin’ Mama talkin’” when people keep talking. Oh, J-Lo, that is so annoying. And didn’t anyone tell you that the Golden Globes are ZANY?! Talking through presenters is, like, so Golden Globe.
Kate Winslet takes her sweet time getting up to the stage. Don’t you know I have a cold, Kate? We gotta keep this show on schedule. I’d be more upset, but I adore her, and she’s genuinely happy and moved. So okay. THIS TIME.
Oh, thank goodness. If Miley Cyrus had beat Bruce Springsteen in the Best Song category, I might have had to commit suicide or at least turn the show off. And then where would the blog be? And he said happy birthday to the Big Man Clarence Clemons! He must have seen that on Wikipedia, like I did.
Now the one thing I really dislike about the Golden Globes is that in the supporting categories, all the tv show actors are lumped together with all the miniseries and tv movie actors. That keeps the show moving faster than the Emmys, but it puts someone like Tom Wilkinson, who played Ben Franklin in “John Adams” up against Neil Patrick Harris. It seems unfair, but there’s no contest. I think Tom Wilkinson is drunk.
I’ve seen, like, nothing that is nominated for a Golden Globe, except for these things: Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Weeds, and John Adams. I have a lot of viewing to do, I guess.
Now I am looking at other things on the internet.
Oh, now they are showing my husband, Jon Hamm! I hope he wins! He does not. But Anna Paquin does? Over January Jones of Mad Men? This show is losing me very, very rapidly.
Man, even the celebrities are excited that Johnny Depp is there.
Guys, I worry that I’m not more excited by this award show. Is it really that boring, or have I lost my passion for award shows, and by extension, my passion for life? Is it the cold? I have drunk like half a carton of orange juice and it’s not doing ANYTHING. Beer doesn’t do anything either. I tried that a few nights ago. Ditto soda. I am running out of fluids.
It’s kind of hard to believe we haven’t passed the hour mark yet. Finally, we’re there. Tom Hanks is accepting the award for “John Adams” as I post this.
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