olympic athletes

Well, despite ending the blog entry a little early last night, I did make it to the end of the opening ceremonies. I watched the Chinese walk in and go crazy, and Bob Costas reminded me again and again that this was the most important moment in the history of modern China. I’ve just about decided that I prefer learning about important moments of history in textbooks, as opposed to living through them.

But I did like it when they lit the Olympic torch! Did you see it? A Chinese gymnast flew like Peter Pan around the stadium and then the fire went up a tube thing and lit up the gigantic torch! I want to get one of those tube things when I have a house someday; I will use it to light my chandelier.

Last night while I was watching all of the athletes parade in, I was trying to decide which country I would be from, if the only basis for choosing was the outfits they wore to the ceremony. I didn’t really come up with a good answer as no one looked particularly comfortable. But today, as I watch a little women’s volleyball, I thought I’d consider what event I’d want to participate in, as an athlete. So I got the list of all the event from Wikipedia. To be honest I don’t know if they’re all women’s sports or not, and maybe I don’t understand how they’re all played as far as the Olympics are concerned. But that’s not gonna stop me!

Pros and Cons of Competing in Various Olympic Events
Aquatics-Diving
Pro: Jumping off really high diving boards is fun and awesome!
Con: Might hit head on diving board; lots of people see you standing around in a bathing suit; belly flops are painful

Aquatics-Swimming
Pro: I would gain insight into the life of my fish, Alvin.
Con: Have to wear a swimsuit frequently; get really broad shoulders, may make it difficult to find shirts that fit.

Aquatics-Synchronized Swimming
Pro: I like dancing, and I like meandering around in water, so this seems like the only sport I might be remotely qualified for.
Con: People probably make fun of you

Aquatics-Water Polo
Pro: I bet they play Marco Polo at the end of practices.
Con: Might be too easy to get hit on the head and drown.

Archery
Pro: Could fight off unsavory characters.
Con: I don’t really have very good aim; seems like a lot of equipment; might be hard to trust your teammates.

Athletics
Pro: This involves all the track and field events. I’m just putting a factoid here because there are no pro’s about these events.
Con: I hate running, especially in hot weather like they are having in Beijing.

Badminton
Pro: Can practice in your backyard!
Con: Those rackets break really easily, so may be too big of a financial commitment.

Baseball
Pro: Can chew gum while you compete.
Con: I’m pretty sure this one is only for boys.

Basketball
Pro: In team sports, sometimes it can be kind of easy to hide the fact that you have no athletic talent, if you just keep running around.
Con: No one cares about women’s basketball; the multitasking of running and bouncing a ball has never been my strong suit.

Boxing
Pro: Could get out a lot of aggression and stress
Con: Might bleed.

Canoeing
Pro: Sounds relaxing.
Con: Life jackets are bulky and sometimes smell moldy.

Cycling
Pro: Might meet Lance Armstrong; I am pretty good at cycling if the gym is any indication.
Con: I have a feeling that the gym is not any indication, especially cause you can’t read magazines when you do it for real.

Equestrian
Pro: The horse does a lot of the work in this event, right?
Con: Horses smell bad and poop a lot.

Fencing
Pro: Could pretend I was a Musketeer
Con: Potential for injury seems high.

Field Hockey
Pro: It seems pretty fun.
Con: People might think I was a lesbian.

Football
Pro: Do they mean soccer? Soccer is good because it’s another sport where you can run around and hide your lack of skill.
Con: It’s a lot of running; I lack, let’s say, precision when it comes to my kicking.

Gymnastics
Pro: Everyone loves gymnastics.
Con: You have to be really tiny and have a mean Romanian coach.

Handball
Pro: If middle-aged guys can play it at the gym, I probably can to.
Con: People probably make a lot of puns about what you do.

Judo
Pro: I don’t really have an opinion on judo.
Con: But I don’t want to get hurt. And they never put judo gold medalists on Wheaties boxes.

Modern pentathlon
Pro: Could feel really good about being well-rounded.
Con: Sounds like a lot of work; people would always be asking what all the events were

Rowing
Pro: I like boats.
Con: I don’t like doing work on boats.

Sailing
Pro: I like boats.
Con: I don’t like doing work on boats.

Shooting
Pro: I used to be kinda good at Mario Duck Hunt.
Con: But real guns scare me.

Softball
Pro: It would be a good way to make friends.
Con: Well now it’s not going to be an Olympic sport anymore, so it seems like a bad choice. Also, playing softball as a girl kind of scarred me.

Table Tennis
Pro: Could train in the basement; could play beer pong after practice; doesn’t seem to require a ton of athletic skills
Con: You have to go against Chinese players who do nothing else with their waking hours but play.

Taekwondo
Pro: Could defend self; the outfits seem comfortable.
Con: I can’t think of any, but I’m getting distracted but the volleyball. They’re having like five match points!

Tennis
Pro: I’ve seen some hot male tennis players lately.
Con: I’ve always found tennis kind of lame and overrated.

Triathlon
Pro: I really can’t think of any.
Con: Sounds exhausting.

Volleyball
Pro: Get to hang out on the beach.
Con: I bet you never get the sand out of your hair. Never.

Weightlifting
Pro: Could go around saving lives and lifting up cars and opening jars and generally just being awesome!
Con: I don’t want to get too bulky.

Wrestling
Pro: I really liked watching the fake wrestling when I was little, and maybe other people in this event did too, and we could bond over it.
Con: This kind of wrestling isn’t fake.

Stay tuned for 2010, when I will reveal what Winter Olympic events interest me!