I like to think of myself as fairly strong and resilient. I take care of myself and don’t let things get in my way. I can do things that I know other girls call their boyfriends for. I’m saying all this so that you know that it would be extremely hard for me to admit a weakness. I don’t want you to think I’m exaggerating.
But I have truly met my match.
There is a bug in my apartment that is the size of a salamander.
I mean, it could be a salamander for all I know. I can’t get close enough to get a good look without running away shrieking. And I don’t shriek, people! This is the biggest bug I’ve ever seen in my life!
On my last attempt to swoop in and kill it, it started running toward me and I fell over and crawled away helplessly because I didn’t want to leave myself vulnerable to this giant bug. To some extent, I’m a little offended that none of my neighbors have stopped by to see if the screaming girl is all right.
Right now, the bug is hiding, which I find hard to believe since this bug is so fucking huge. I really need to go to bed and get some sleep, but I felt compelled to post this, because I have a dreadful feeling that the bug might try to eat me while I sleep. That bug is big enough to do it, to kill me.
So look, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, it’s possible that I might be dead. Please use this blog in applicable courts of law to prosecute the bug.
Also, I’m well aware that I might be a character in a Kafka novella. Either way, I’m concerned I might die soon.
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