Happy birthday, John Cusack

Well, today is John Cusack’s 41st birthday. I might have been blogging about John Krasinski last night, but it is fairly well-known that my longest running and most enduring celebrity crush is John Cusack. In honor of his birthday, I present you with a film-by-film review of Mr. Cusack’s storied career.

I got this filmography from Wikipedia, and it seems only okay…it leaves out a brief cameo in Broadcast News as “Angry Messenger”…a blink and you’ll miss it role, where a very young John walks through the newsroom, slams down a mailbag, and yells, “this is bullshit!” And no filmography seems to mention a great JC cameo…in Ocean’s Eleven, John Cusack plays the thief who gets shot outside a casino. It’s where they’re doing the flashbacks to other people who have tried to rob casinos. As “Take My Breath Away” plays, John Cusack, holding money, runs with a cigarette in his mouth. Then he gets shot. It’s a really really great performance.


Class (1983)
Is it weird that John Cusack has been making movies for almost as long as I have been alive? I don’t think so. I haven’t seen this movie.

Sixteen Candles (1984)
I haven’t seen this movie, because I just can’t stand that Molly Ringwald.

Grandview, U.S.A. (1984)
I don’t think there’s any conceivable way to even see this movie anymore.

The Sure Thing (1985)
Here is where things start getting good. The Sure Thing is a road trip movie, and a romantic comedy where John teaches a frigid Daphne Zuniga how to let go a little, how to live it up, and most importantly, how to love. My favorite line of this movie is, “Cheetos in Albuquerque, I can hardly wait!”

The Journey of Natty Gann (1985)
Ah, this is a movie I remember liking as a kid, and then when I grew up and realized that it was John Cusack, well, it made the memory all the sweeter.

Better Off Dead (1985)
This is one of the best John Cusack movies of all time. It is so funny and imaginative. Somehow it even ended up on Entertainment Weekly’s Best Sports Movies of All-Time, because surely Entertainment Weekly has realized that this movie should be mentioned as much as possible. I tried to find a YouTube clip of the best moment of this film (the musical number in the restaurant), but it’s sadly unavailable.

One Crazy Summer (1986)
People like to compare and contrast Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer, since it’s the same director and uses some of the same techniques (animation), and while Better Off Dead is the much better movie, that didn’t stop me from watching this movie like 150 times that crazy summer when it was on Comedy Central all the time.

Hot Pursuit (1987)
In this movie, John Cusack has a hot girlfriend, and he wants to go on a Caribbean vacation with her and her family. He fails chemistry though (which is TOTALLY HER FAULT, BECAUSE SHE DISTRACTS HIM FROM STUDYING AND HE SLEEPS THROUGH THE TEST. OH MY GOD SHE IS SUCH A BITCH, JOHN CUSACK, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU) but luckily the chemistry professor gives him a freebie because he knows the chemical formula for coffee. So John runs after that stupid whore but has to fight off pirates instead.

Eight Men Out (1988)
This is a great movie.

Tapeheads (1988)
Once I found this on VHS in K-Mart for a dollar. It’s hard to argue with a movie with both John Cusack and Tim Robbins, except when that movie is Tapeheads.

Say Anything (1989)
Well, there’s so much to say about this movie. It was my first introduction to John Cusack and is probably 89% responsible for me moving to Seattle, because I thought at the town would be crawling with Lloyd Doblers (or at the very least, Campbell Scott’s from Singles). While perhaps this film has given me and other females of my generation a warped sense of love (see Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs), at least it did so in a quotable way. Movie #1 of the Cusack trifecta.

Fat Man and Little Boy (1989)
It’s kinda hard to believe that a movie about atomic bombs featuring Paul Newman and John Cusack wasn’t a bigger deal. I like the scene where John Cusack teaches Laura Dern to dance.

The Grifters (1990)
I think John has spent most of his movie life chasing the attitude of this movie, the kind of character he played in this movie.

True Colors (1991)
This movie is kind of weird because John Cusack is the bad guy and James Spader of all people is the good guy. James Spader as the good guy? But they meet at the University of Virginia and start climbing the ranks of law, politics, etc. As you can tell, I’m biased, but I think this is actually a great movie with a great John performance…the way he hides where he’s from to get to where he wants to be.

Shadows and Fog (1992)
Thus begins the dark days of the Cusack Career.

Bob Roberts (1992)
A bright light, a cameo, in the midst of the dark days.

Roadside Prophets (1992)
These days were dark.

Map of the Human Heart (1993)
How dark were these days.

Money for Nothing (1993)
In the midst of the dark days, came this film, which seemed to run a lot at random times on like, HBO2 or something. I have probably seen this movie like 50 times and that is nothing to be proud of, but I can tell you some interesting things about this movie. John Cusack plays Joey Coyle, who found $1.2 million when it fell off an armored truck. Then his life goes to hell, as he has to deal with his family, his demanding girlfriend, and mobsters/bookies. It’s based on a true story, with the real Joey Coyle committing suicide shortly before or after the movie came out. Features a young James Gandolfini as John Cusack’s brother.

Floundering (1994)
Dark days.

Bullets Over Broadway (1994)
I think I was too young when I saw this movie and should probably watch it again.

The Road to Wellville (1994)
This is a weird movie where John Cusack is trying to come up with a competitor for Kellogg’s corn flakes. I remember this movie more for Dana Carvey playing Anthony Hopkins’ insane son.

City Hall (1996)
This movie features John Cusack attempting a southern accent. It involves Al Pacino and political corruption.

Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
Movie # 2 of the Cusack Trifecta, and a near-perfect film. This movie is a swift kick to the head that alters your reality forever. Look, I don’t want to get into a semantic argument, I just want the protein. Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head? I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. Hey Jenny Slater. I sell biscuits and gravy all over the Southlands. Some people say forgive and forget. Nah, I don't know. I say forget about forgiving and just accept. And... get the hell out of town.

I think my favorite moment is anything that happens in the Ultimart, but particularly when it’s playing the Muzak version of “Live and Let Die”. Sometimes I put this movie on to listen to while I go to sleep, but then I end up waking up when there is shooting.

Con Air (1997)
Always quick to disarm critics, John Cusack liked to point out in interviews for this movie that he wasn't selling out to do a pithy action movie; rather, he was the first post-Biblical action hero who wore sandals. I think this anecdote shows humanity as an actor and as a person. Also, an ability to look on the sunny side of life. I don't know. It's a pretty frickin' enjoyable movie, even if you dislike Nicholas Cage doing a southern accent as much as I do.

Anastasia (1997) (voice)
Here we have some solid voice work, as an animated John Cusack takes on Russian history. This movie features an irresistably catchy song that goes, "Have you heard?! There's a rumor in St. Petersburg! Have you heard?! There's a rumor in St. Petersburg!" When I was spending the summer in Russia, I would frequently sing this song to myself as I walked around and whatnot, imagining vacations with John Cusack during the White Nights.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997)
I used to watch a tape of this movie while I did homework a lot. I didn't read the book, so I couldn't be disappointed (which I gather a lot of people were). Features several scenes of John Cusack looking quite dapper in a tuxedo. I think both John Cusack and Kevin Spacey are very good in this film.

Chicago Cab (1998)
I missed this one.

This Is My Father (1998)
He's in there for just a little bit playing a pilot.

The Thin Red Line (1998)
This is a long movie to watch when John Cusack is just a supporting character. Do you remember the hullabaloo when this movie came out? It was right after Saving Private Ryan and everyone was so fatigued by three hour long war movies that no one really knew what to do with another one.

Pushing Tin (1999)
This movie is perhaps more famous as being the movie where Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton met, but it's an interesting statement on how people compete with each other, and the struggle to be the best at something. Also the struggle between contentment and wondering if you can stay in this stasis of contentment for the rest of your life. And also a statement on the fragile mental health of air traffic controllers. I have probably watched this movie like 100 times.

Cradle Will Rock (1999)
This is a large ensemble cast featuring Cusack playing Rockefeller. It's a really great movie, and even just thinking about it now is making me think about watching it again sometime soon.

Being John Malkovich (1999)
This movie would be brilliant even if John Cusack were not in it, but it is made even more brilliant by his appearance. I don't really have anything original to say about this movie, so I am just going to list the John Cusack quotes from this movie that I like:

--Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

--I mean, it raises all sorts of philosophical-type questions, you know... about the nature of self, about the existence of a soul. You know, am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? I had a piece of wood in my hand Maxine. I don't have it any more. Where is it? Did it disappear? How could that be? Is it still in Malkovich's head? I don't know! Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't see how I could go on living my life the way I've lived it before.

--The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir?

--You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer. And all I ask in return is the opportunity to do my work. And they won't allow it... because I raise issues.

The Jack Bull (1999)
In this movie you can watch John Cusack ride horses!

High Fidelity (2000)
#3 in the Cusack Trifecta of essential movies. I spent so much time in college thinking about this movie and all the subtle nuances of it. I heavily identified with that passion for music as a lifestyle, of finding songs that were so much like you and what you were feeling that it physically affected you. I don't do that so much anymore, because even though I love music, living that way can be kind of exhausting, and frankly, a lot of good songs can be ruined that way. Other things: perhaps I don't call them Top 5's, but I do a lot of lists in my blog and there's probably some direct lineage from this movie. I don't think it's any coincidence that 2/3 of the Cusack trifecta are movies that John wrote or adapted or was pretty heavily involved in the making of. Hopefully he can do more of that in the future. I think the girls who were cast in this movie are kind of lame (exception: Joan Cusack of course), but here we have a star-making performance by Jack Black (Let 'em riot, we're Sonic fucking Death Monkey) as well as great cameos by Tim Robbins and Bruce Springsteen.

America's Sweethearts (2001)
Well, if there's one thing we learned from High Fidelity, it's that Catherine Zeta-Jones can sure play a mega bitch, and she returns in fine form here to play John Cusack's estranged wife. Is it selling out to be in a romantic comedy with Julia Roberts? I don't know. I think the good scenes here are: the scenes of John Cusack at the wellness center, including the flashback of how he went crazy when he saw Catherine Z-J with Hank Azaria; the scene where C Z-J and John are doing interviews all day long at the press junket. I do not like the scene where John Cusack goes, "Remember when we were in Carolina shooting a movie and we rode on go-carts?" Because I do not like it when people do not specify which Carolina they are talking about. It makes them sound too interchangeable.

Serendipity (2001)
I enjoy watching this movie, and I enjoyed walking around New York City last year looking at places that were in the movie. I like watching John Cusack and Jeremy Piven play friends and I am very concerned about the rumors earlier this year that they have had a falling out (due to John being jealous of Jeremy's success in Entourage). But I can't really understand the premise of this movie, because no matter what you believe about destiny or fate or serendipity, I really really really think you should give John Cusack your phone number if he asks for it. So I have no sympathy for Kate Beckinsdale's character in this film, or understanding of her at all.

Max (2002)
I can see how it possibly appeared to have Oscar written all over it, but I just don't think the world was ready for a film that explored trivia such as whether Hitler enjoyed lemonade (the lemonade anecdote being one that John Cusack really liked to throw out in interviews regarding this film. BTW, whatever happened to Leelee Sobieski?

Adaptation. (2002)
A brief cameo to recapture the Being John Malkovich glory.

Identity (2003)
I watched this movie by myself one night in college and nearly died of fright. It does not take much for a movie to frighten me though if I am home alone.

Runaway Jury (2003)
This is a highly enjoyable thrill ride of a film, bringing together talented actors that include Cusack, Dustin Hoffman, and Gene Hackman. It is based on a John Grisham book, but they changed the lawsuit from cigarettes to guns in the movie. I think my favorite part of this movie can be summed up in two words: Madden Challenge.

Must Love Dogs (2005)
I like to watch this movie and fast forward through any scene that Diane Lane is in where John Cusack is also not in the scene. I chalk this up to something I learned from the internet, which is the director of this movie gave John Cusack the script for this movie and told him to readjust lines to make them sound more natural, as needed. And John Cusack completely re-wrote his lines and his part as a result. So I think his scenes have a little more natural, realistic feel. I like that two of the character’s quirks were a love of Dr. Zhivago and a passion for making wooden boats. John Cusack, if you are reading this, I really like Russian literature and boats! We can talk about it!

At the beginning of his career, John really railed against playing high schoolers and being in 80's teen comedies. But I can't imagine that playing love interests for 40-somethings is that much more fulfilling, so I wonder which one he'd pick now if he could.

The Ice Harvest (2005)
This was a pretty underrated movie. I would recommend it.

The Contract (2006)
I missed this one.

1408 (2007)
I am going to try to go see this movie during the weekend, but I am nervous about getting too scared (see: Identity)

John Krasinski, I am not quite sure what to make of you

Dear John Krasinski,
If you have been reading my blog, and I know you have, I have previously mentioned my belief that if I had gone to Brown instead of Emory, and majored in Creative Writing, then we would have met there and we'd be married by now. There would be People Magazine stories about how no matter how much "Jim" is tortured over "Pam," that "John" is not tortured in real-life because of "Molly."

Anyways, John Krasinski, right now I am watching you on David Letterman and you are being awfully witty and precious, but it has not escaped me that you are promoting a Robin Williams movie. Why are you in a Robin Williams movie? It's not even a Robin Williams movie like Good Morning Vietnam or The Birdcage or even Being Human. It's a Robin Williams movie that looks to be in the vein of RV, Man of the Year, Jack...Bicentennial Man.

John, I know you are new to movies, and this is a fairly high-profile move for you. It is important not to be typecast as the guy from The Office forever. But I, your alternate universe wife, would advise you to stick with your darling little cameos in movies like The Holiday, For Your Consideration, and Kinsey over films like this. We don't need the money, because I am a famous novelist in this alternate life I imagine. You can keep doing things like adapting David Foster Wallace for the big screen.

At the very least, please don't make movies with Robin Williams so I don't have moral dilemmas about whether to support you at the multiplex. I am very very VERY encouraged by this move of yours to start making films with George Clooney (Leatherheads--coming December 2007). Let's keep on making films such as this, with this kind of co-star. Might I suggest a buddy cop picture with John Cusack?

I hope if I ever meet John Krasinski that no one tells him I have a blog where he is mentioned.

I can't draw monkey hands

Today at work I was trying to think of a new backdrop for my computer screen, something that lets people passing by know who I am and what I'm about.

For some reason I kept thinking of this painting that I saw at the Hermitage in St. Petersburg. I only saw it once, because when I went back to look at it again, I couldn't find it. It had a very sad title, something like, "The Organ Grinder's Lament," or, "The Tragedy of the Organ Grinder." It showed a young boy sitting on a log crying, looking at a dead monkey. It is my favorite painting of all time but I only have the memory to go on, because Google has absolutely no idea what I am talking about.

Please enjoy this painting of a monkey that I did.

Book #15: Shopaholic & Baby

The book: Shopaholic & Baby by Sophie Kinsella

What is this book about: This book continues the adventures of Becky Bloomwood, previously documented in Confessions of a Shopaholic, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, Shopaholic Ties the Knot, and Shopaholic and Sister. In this book, Becky is pregnant and is dealing with shopping of course, and also the fact that her obstetrician is her husband's ex-girlfriend.

Why did I read this book: Because the Shopaholic series is my guilty pleasure.

What did I think of this book: Overall it was good. There were a few times that I wished that something in Becky's life could just be simple, and she could avoid so many Amelia Bedelia kinds of blunders and embarassments. But that wouldn't make for a very good fictional character, I guess. There was a whole lotta suspense in this one, because it seems that Becky's husband might be having an affair with the above-mentioned obstetrician. I don't know how much further this concept can be stretched...although, despite the title, Becky is pregnant the entire book, so the next book can actually be about shopping with ethe baby, I suppose.

What was my favorite part of this book: The obstetrician was really bitchy, so there were some good scenes there. Becky gets to have the kinds of confrontations that I wish I could have all the time, and in this book, they were particularly satisfying because she gets to say everything the way the reader wants her to say it.

What did I learn from this book: 1. Never trust ex-girlfriends. 2. Everything will turn out perfectly if your name is Becky Bloomwood, even if it seems like things are going to crash down on you for 300 pages.

What grade do I give this book: B+ (and I realize it's a little embarassing that I'm giving a Shopaholic book a higher grade than some of the other, more mature things I've read. But that just goes to show, do not underestimate the power of good chick lit)

Some thoughts about doughnuts

I was going to post about doughnuts yesterday, because yesterday, June 22, marked the 160th anniversary of the invention of the doughnut. I didn’t make it, but I don’t think it matters, because when I was doing a bit of Google research, no one is really all that sure exactly the when or the who or the how of inventing the doughnut. Maybe it happened on June 22, 1847, or maybe it didn’t. Maybe Hanson Gregory invented the doughnut or maybe not. Some say that he was aboard a lime-trading ship when he was 16. Tired of other forms of greasy dough and of the uncooked part in the center, he stamped out a hole in the middle. Others say he put it on the spoke of a wheel while he did something else, and others say angels appeared to him to provide the recipe.

But one thing is not disputed, and that is how much I love doughnuts.

While it is no secret that I love most forms of fried dough (see also: funnel cakes), doughnuts have a special place in my heart. Here is a brief timeline of doughnuts through my years:

--My mom had major doughnut cravings while pregnant with me. She worked in a bank and every day she ate a whole box of Krispy Kremes.

-- Based on the first point, Krispy Kreme was the main doughnut brand in my household. You really have to admire a place that will turn on a light for you, so that you can tell the best time to go. In college I kind of got into Dunkin’ Donuts, mainly because I had friends that liked to study there. There are people that argue that the coffee, the doughnut holes, and the cake-like doughnuts make Dunkin’ Donuts a better place to be than Krispy Kreme. I don’t really like these people or respect their eating habits. Krispy Kremes are like eating little pockets of miracle air.

--When we weren’t eating Krispy Kremes, we got to have French doughnuts for breakfast when we were growing up. My dad would fry us up some beignets, from Café du Monde mix. These beignets were the most delicious thing in the world, and also Jimmy Buffett-approved (“The coffee is strong at the Café du Monde, the doughnuts are too hot to touch. But just like a fool, when those sweet goodies cool, I eat till I eat way too much” – The Wino and I Know, 1974)

--In Seattle, there is a great place called Top Pot that has hand-forged doughnuts. They have sour cream or magic in them, I guess, because they are heavier than a Krispy Kreme. They are a filling doughnut, the kind you can eat for lunch. They are also sold at Starbucks. There are definitely times when I crave such a gourmet doughnut, but I’m probably looking more for that experience of light fluffiness, where you can sit with a Krispy Kreme and eat six in a row, or approximately 1000 grams of fat.

--When I was on vacation in Las Vegas, I tried the new whole wheat Krispy Kreme. It’s okay. It can make you hate yourself a little less for having a doughnut, but really, if you’re going to indulge, INDULGE.

--If the right kind of icing is involved, I will get a filled doughnut, but I prefer the ring doughnut.

--Doughnut wedding cakes….I support this idea.

Sleep Sandwich

Two of my most trusted sources of information include the internet and the public library. Tonight I was using the internet to look up stuff in the library, and I asked the library search engine the question that I ask most people these days, which is "where should I live?" I guess I was hoping that I would get something like a catalogue of towns and I could pick one out and then order me up a job or something.

Rather, I got these 9 results, and now I have even less of an idea of what I am supposed to do:

1. How to set his thighs on fire: 86 red-hot lessons on love, life, men & (especially) sex, by Kate White
Obviously I was a bit surprised that this was the very first result. Turns out that my question made up some key words in chapter titles:
--5 other spots where a guy loves to be touched
--How soon before you should sleep with him//You really should take what a guy says literally
--The best tip I got from a Hollywood stylist
--Live five feet ahead of yourself

This book also has these chapters, unrelated to my question but interesting looking all the same:
--To knock someone's socks off, rent a herd of buffalo
--Discover the thrill of no pantyhose
--How to look as sexy as JLo
--Why you need to drain the swamp as you slay the alligators
--When you need to strut your stuff, wear stilettos
--How to get awesome cleavage
--Think like a bitch but talk as sweet as bambi

I don't know, now that I'm looking at the rest of the chapters, I might really want to read this book. Maybe it does answer all my questions. But back to the library results:

2. How to retire happy: the 12 most important decisions you must make before you retire by Stan Hinden
While somewhat relevant, about 40ish years ahead of its time

3. My Lives by Billy Joel (sound recording)
This one popped up for the same reasons that #1 did, but I must stop and question if Billy Joel music does answer my question. Is the answer Long Island? Billy Joel has a lot of songs about Long Island. Am I in a New York state of mind? Other locales mentioned in Billy Joel songs: Vienna, Saigon, Leningrad, China, Miami (in the year 2017), Hollywood, Scandinavia, Zanzibar. Perhaps they sell homes along the River of Dreams. Am I an uptown girl? Is it still rock and roll to me? Clearly I have a lot to think about.

4. Live long & prosper! invest in your happiness, health, and wealth for retirement and beyond by Steven Vernon
See #2. I just can't read a book with retirement in the title.

5. Hotel by Moby (sound recording)
Should I live in a hotel?

6. Let's get it on by Marvin Gaye (sound recording)
Why did I get so many results about getting it on when I asked where I should live? I guess you should live where you can get it on. Hmm.

7. A night out with Verve (sound recording)

8. Live on by Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band (sound recording)
Good advice nonetheless

9. The portable Thoreau, edited and with an introduction by Carl Bode
If this book provides the answer, I'm guessing that I live in a cabin that's just a few miles from town, but make it seem like it's in the wilderness. I don't pay my taxes. I become a cranky hermit and just read and write a lot.

Well actually I guess that is what I want to do. So the library comes through again!

I was just googling Henry David Thoreau, and read that one of his first memories was of "looking through the stars to see if I could see God behind them." Very cute, tiny Henry David Thoreau.

I must have sneezed 114 times today.

Here are the things that I get when I use the Google search engine to look up my name.

Things that are actually me:
--Work stuff including the company website, materials/summaries with my name on them, the announcements in the paper from when I was hired, weird online networking sites that scan company websites for people.

--A listing with the Center for Ethics, based on a forum I did when I was a sophomore. This one was kind of weird and surprising because I haven't had any contact with the Center for Ethics since I was on the forum, and it's frankly the last organization I would have expected to still have me on the website.

--Articles I wrote for the school paper freshman year of college.

--Articles from the college paper that I appeared in, the most embarassing one being one where I am presented as a huge Dave Matthews fan. While I have nothing against Dave Matthews, I would like to point out that I have never ever been a huge Dave Matthews fan. If you happen to find this article, you will note that my quote does not endorse DMB, but non-commercial music in general. I think I was just sitting there when someone else was interviewed about them. I should have kept my mouth shut, because now I am cyber-linked to DMB for all time probably.

--A page of Italian minors that doesn't seem to be updated very much. Although maybe not very many people minor in Italian anymore.

Things that are not me:
--Someone who wrote a book about birds. She definitely has way more listings than I do.

--A golfer in Portland.

--A girl who was an intern at a zoo.

--Someone who is acknowledged as having helped with a paper on cardiovascular dysfunction, including possibly typing the manuscript (I can't tell if these two are the same person or not. People with my name are very helpful.)

--People from olden days who have died. My favorite being a letter from 1878 where the letter writer tells the person with my name to quit her pining and get good and fat, because he would like nothing more than to see her in good health and fat next summer. I certainly hope that one day I get a letter like this and can put it on the internet.

--Someone who got a park named after her in Chicago.

I would just like to point out to the people of Google, Inc., who must read this blog since it's on Blogger, that I made every effort to use the word "Google" in the correct method in the first sentence. I did not haphazardly use it as a verb. Even though I really wanted to.

Kink

Well, as I have blogged, my grandmother died, on Memorial Day. She was 95 years old. The morning of the funeral, I wrote down all I could think of related to my grandmother, and here's the list:

--My grandmother's name was Catharine Sprinkle Henry but everyone called her Sprink. All of the grandkids called her Kink because the first grandchild couldn't say Sprink.
--She was married to George Henry, who was the bishop of Western North Carolina. He died in the 1970's, and she once told me that he told her to remarry, but she could never think of finding someone as good as him.
--When she went on her honeymoon in 1937, the local newspaper wrote about the scandal of her wearing shorts.
--She had four children, the youngest being my mother. She had eleven grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren at last count.
--For most of my younger life, she lived in a condominium with a great swimming pool, and my brothers and I would go over most every day in the summer. She'd lather us up with grease, put on her Sprink visor, and take us over to the pool for hours. She taught me how to swim.
--She said things like "Well hoopy-do!" "Lordy Moses!" "Ah, go to!" "You're gonna grow up to be a scrawny runt." "We'll have to put you in the garbage can and screw the lid on tight!"
--She had a very interesting system of veins in her hands, and she'd let me look at them and rub my fingers over them over and over.
--She had a laugh like a cackle
--She had one of those hairdryers like they have in salons, where you sit under it while it dries your hair. To do her hair, she wrapped it up in tight curls and sat under it. When I spent the night, I could sit under it too.
--She held "tea parties" for us every day, at 3 or 4. Tea parties were "Co-Cola" in her famous red Dixie cups (Kink wrote our names on a plastic cup and put them in the dishwasher, reusing them over and over until they cracked. It was really gross actually). The snack would be something like half a pack of crackers, or half a pack of Swiss Cake Rolls. As my brother put it, she did not promote obesity in children.
--She embroidered towels for me and made all of the clothes for my American Girl doll. Unfortunately, she didn't finish putting all the snaps in before Christmas morning, so most of my doll clothes didn't have snaps.
--She walked around her complex moving rubber bands from one hand to the other so she could measure how many laps she had walked.
--She loved playing games, especially Yahtzee and Tripoley. Once, when my brother was dealing her some cards, she looked right at him and said, "Don't you put the hoodoo on these cards!"
--She had the best box of blocks that three kids could ask for.
--Once she got a little upset when I asked her what it was like to live a century. She was only in her 70's at that point.
--She lost her teeth when she was a little girl, because her mother died and no one looked after her. So when we spent the night, she always made sure we brushed our teeth.
--Before I went to college, she moved into a retirement community, and I'd go over and have dinner with her at the all you can eat retirement home buffet. Before dinner we'd sit in her apartment and she'd tell me stories about growing up and going to college, like how she went around the dorms with a wagon of candy bars to make some money. At the buffet, she'd always make sure that I had the ice cream for dessert, because she thought it was the best.
--She loved going to the beach and went with our family for several years.
--She loved working puzzles and would get very excited when she got a piece in.
--She liked watching Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights.
--She was an extremely bad driver in later years and many a time I thought my young life was coming to an end.
--She made this chocolate mousse dessert that she would put in fancy teacups, and she'd give us those tiny pink Sweet-n-low spoons to eat it with. We loved it, and when we'd come over, she'd go, "Don't look in the refrigerator!" And that meant that the good dessert was in there.
--Other cooking specialties: waffles, where she made sure that butter was in every single square; ham and cheese casserole; sandwiches (made with frozen bread); cut up hot dogs with toothpicks in every piece.
--It was hard in the last few years because she didn't know who anyone was. It is believed by the whole family that now she is up with my grandfather, having a bourbon and water, which was her favorite drink.

Hopefully I'll add to this list. Lately I've been discovering all sorts of things about my family that no one ever bothered to tell me, such as the night that Martin Luther King came to the house, or that she was presented to the queen of England.

The Southwest

I went on vacation with my parents last week. Here’s what we did:

--We flew into Las Vegas, then drove out of town to Boulder City, NV. Boulder City was having a barbeque festival, and if you know anything about me or my parents, then you know that we love barbeque. So the vacation got off to a great start.

--We saw Lake Mead. It was pretty, but would have been nicer overall had there been an E at the end, just like my middle name.

--We went to Hoover Dam. I don’t want to point a finger at any specific projects, but they built that thing during the Depression for not that much money. In the desert, big rocks all around…name your challenge. It’s a little baffling that we have so much trouble building infrastructure today when they could do that back then.

--We went to Flagstaff, which was having an arts and crafts fair and a bicycling race. I got a little nervous that each destination was going to have a festival or fair or something that was affecting downtown.

--We went to Sedona, aka Red Rock Country.

--We went to Winslow, Arizona. If you’re not an Eagles fan, you might not immediately recognize Winslow, Arizona as the place where you might be standing on the corner, such a fine sight to see, when a girl, my lord, in a flatbed Ford, slows down to take a look at you. Take it easy! Take it easy! But it is, and a little park where a statue recreates that moment is about the only thing in Winslow. Yet people stop by to see it. When I was there, there was this old big kinda mean guy, singing the song really loud to his female companion and telling her she should sing along in a kinda abusive way. Then he goes, “Yessir! Don Henley! Taking it easy!” Well, that was the end of it for me, because it was Glenn Frey and Jackson Browne who wrote the song, ASSHOLE. But he was bigger than me so I could do nothing.

--We saw the Little Painted Desert, just north of Winslow. The real painted desert was a little far.

--We went to Williams, Arizona. The rodeo was in town and we stayed in a hotel owned by a Korean cowboy (they had a sushi restaurant and a slogan about east meeting west)

--We went to the Grand Canyon. My mom couldn’t get over how big it was. We had a geology talk by Ranger Paul, who I miss terribly. I took over 100 pictures, so you know, come visit me and I will show you ALL OF THEM.

--We drove to Utah. When driving through Grand Staircase Escalante, it was recommended that we drive the Cottonwood Road. The road is about 46 miles, unpaved, takes two hours to drive, and promises death around every corner. Some reasons I thought I would die on the Cottonwood Road include:
--Driving in a little ol’ Ford Taurus, with no cell service and no one around
--The kid with the gun walking around
--The sand trap that a driver in a Jeep warned us about, that we spent six LONG miles dreading
--The drop-offs where you’d go over a hill and not be able to see the road ahead of you, much like a roller coaster drop off
--The potholes
--The dust
Don’t worry, we made it, and we saw an arch made out of rocks.

--We went to Bryce Canyon, which is very beautiful. It has formations called hoodoos. My parents and I, who are riddled with knee injuries and not big on “nature vacations” managed to go on a hike to see some hoodoos close up.

--We drove to Las Vegas. We stayed at EXCALIBUR, a casino that looks like a castle. It was very very very very very hot but we walked around and looked at casinos and tried to learn about playing slot machines. We went to a buffet. I ate the best gyro I’ve ever had in my life (not at the buffet).

Then I had a bit of an unexpected second vacation, which was going to North Carolina for my grandmother’s funeral. We found out my grandmother died while at the Grand Canyon, and then it was a bit of blur making new reservations and trying to get home despite being out in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. But we all made it and I got to go home for a bit and see my family. I have a great family and I think we were able to come together to make it into a real celebration of my grandmother’s life. I will write more about her in another post.

But first, one last thing I learned about vacationing with one’s parents: you learn a lot about how things are going in the bathroom for everyone. Normally I think I am pretty private about that department, but when on a trip with parents, I guess it all comes out, so to speak.

Marathon Man

I just got back from the dentist. I fear my dentist, because she seems to involve a lot more technology and instruments and drilling and condescension than I am used to. But today, I went in to the dentist, who is very very pregnant, for two fillings. The dentist said she was going to do them one at a time (rather than numb the whole mouth at once) because she had been having contractions, so she didn't want to get me all numbed up for nothing. So in addition to having fears about my mouth being permanently stretched or never recovering from the numbness, I also had to worry about my dentist giving birth. Every time she leaned over, her gigantic belly rubbed against my head. It was really weird. I would advise people not to have pregnant dentists. I hope she does not find this entry through Google.

Some to see a bear would pay a fee

Well, nothing makes me want to take a picture more than a fake bear. Here are some photos of bears and me on my most recent vacation.



This was a bear I didn't know about. It was in Arizona.




This bear scared me.




This is a bear on a motorcycle in Arizona. I blocked out the license plate myself, using my mad computer skillz.




These are some bears in Utah.




I am helping this bear climb.




This is the Coke bear in Vegas.

Book #14: The Little Prince

The book: The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What is this book about: A small monarch wanders around, says profound things, asks questions repeatedly, learns about life and love and whatnot.

Why did I read this book: It's been a long long time since I've had time to do any book reading, so I wanted something I could just sit down and read and be done with it. Plus I think I'm the only person in the world who hasn't read this book.

What did I think of this book: It might have been a bit more meaningful if I'd read the book when I was like 14 or 15, like everyone else.

What was my favorite part of this book: This poetic quote about the restless nature of people: "The wind blows them away. They have no roots, and that makes their life very difficult." (Please don't sue me, estate of Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Or, s'il vous plaît ne pas me poursuivre en justice, la propriété de Antoine du Saint-Exupery.)

What did I learn from this book: Man, grown-ups can be assholes! People with child-like hearts are awesome!

What grade do I give this book: People who are children at heart don't give grades to books. They just see their true essences with their hearts or something. Let's just say, a passing grade