animal cruelty

Today I was driving home from work, and there was a truck going in the opposite direction. The truck driver stuck his head out the window and let loose a big old gob of spit, which landed right on my windshield. It was so gross. Grosser, I think, than having a bird poop on the windshield, because I have higher expectations from humans than I do from birds.

One time, I was walking down the street in Seattle, and this guy walking past me let loose some spit. I guess he was aiming for the ground, but since there was a slight breeze, the spit stayed aloft and hit me right on the arm. Neither the dude nor the lady he was with thought it was that big a deal, if the half-hearted apology I got was any indication. I suppose it's possible they were on drugs. People spit all over the sidewalks of Seattle. There's not as much walking around in Atlanta as there is in Seattle, but today I learned that even if you don't have to see everyone's deposits of spit on the sidewalk, then you still might have to see them on your very own car.

Look, I didn't mean to get off on such a spitting tangent. I am tired. The whole reason I started to blog was to share this picture of how I was cruel to my fish this past weekend. I thought it might help keep the little guy in line if I put a package of tuna fish right next to his bowl. As you can see from his body language, of keeping still and facing straight ahead, he was not amused. I probably made a bigger deal than I should have in making and eating those tuna fish sandwiches.

Geez, now that I am writing about what I put poor Alvin through, I feel I kind of deserved that spit globule. I am the worst fish owner in the world. I am sorry, Alvin. I promise to never chunk you up and mix you with mayonnaise, dijon mustard, onion and relish for a sandwichy treat, no matter how hungry I may get. Please don't spit on me.

images of america

As I mentioned in my last post, I went dishwasher shopping with my parents this past weekend. When we were walking up to Home Depot, on the day before the 4th of July, I was very struck by this image:
I think this picture encapsulates the American Dream, which to me, clearly, is flag + tractor. Actually, it's about owning a home with a yard that requires a tractor, and a trip to a nice American-owned business like Home Depot means you have the financial security to acquire such an item. Or something like that. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, because taking pictures in a parking lot is quite a dangerous thing to do.

What other images of America did I capture over the holiday weekend? Well, here is a picture of a grill with all sorts of meat on it, along with some spiced pierogies:

What, you think that the grilled meat could be made more American by the addition of a beer, some french fries and a little ketchup? Me, too:

And last but not least, here is a kitten playing a video game:

You may notice that even though this is a post full of images of America, there is only one American flag. Well, that is because everyone in Candler, NC was violating the flag code, which I read up on as preparation for the 4th. You have to take your flags down at night if they're not properly illuminated, people!

important life lessons

Well, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that it was tough to go back to work today, after a nice, long, holiday weekend. I spent my 4th of July in Candler with the family. Though our activities mostly involved eating, I was still able to learn lots of things on my trip home. I decided to blog about all the things I learned, each day. Here we go.

Thursday: In which I drive from Atlanta to Candler, eat at Mellow Mushroom with my brothers and go to a Jenny Lewis concert with my brother George.

I learned that…..
….Atlanta traffic is not that bad if you get to leave work at 1 p.m.
…..Ronde the cat is still impossibly cute
…..Tiki the cat is still rather grumpy when I am around
…..my brother William is starting to look and act eerily like my father.
…..waitresses who show up for their Mellow Mushroom shift directly after “gardening” are often too spacey to be very effective in serving.
…..the Mellow Mushroom in Asheville was out of nearly every local beer.
…..my brother William has some frightening sort of mojo or reverse psychology that can make me agree to eating Hawaiian pizza when I really want to eat White Pizza.
…….it’s better to just compromise and order two pizzas, particularly if one of the pizzas is a White pizza.
….short people who are pissy about having to stand behind taller people at a concert should get to the concert earlier
....the Heartless Bastards are a good opening band, and the lead singer of that band looks like a Muppet.
….a new stylish look, as worn by Jenny Lewis, is a cut-up white t-shirt with a black bra underneath.
….Tecate is a tasty beer suitable for performers, as evidenced by Jenny Lewis’s enthusiasm for it.
…..Jenny Lewis posters are nigh-impossible to get, as they sold out just before I was able to buy one for my brother, and none of the staff members were willing to get the one out of the locked marquee for us.

Friday: I ate coffee cake, cold cuts and chicken, went shopping with my parents and sat on the porch.
I learned that……
….Sara Lee coffee cake is delicious
…..I might be allergic to Ronde the kitten
….shopping for dishwashers is difficult
….dishwasher salesmen might be creepier than car salesmen
….trying on hats at antique stores is fun
….if Hardee’s is out of lids for their medium-sized cups, they will upgrade you to a large.
…..a large soda at Hardee’s is way more soda than any person has a right to drink
…..sitting out on the porch, in weather that was at least ten degrees cooler than Atlanta, is delightful.
….Ronde can climb trees
……my mom used to win roller-skating competitions and win a giant Hershey’s bar for her efforts
….if you let the boys cook, they will come up with something delicious, thus meaning that they should always cook while the ladies sip drinks on the proch
…3 adults can easily polish off 3 bottles of wine.

Saturday: A day to celebrate America by eating and watching things.
I learned that….
…..Tecate is more delicious than I remembered. Thanks for the tip, Jenny Lewis.
…..pierogies with spicy seasoning cooked on the grill are delicious
….how to make ribs from my brother’s father-in-law. Sorta.
…the renovated movie theater on Hendersonville road is awesome, because it has all these big comfy couches and footrests.
…The Hangover is an immensely funny movie
…..when you hear a rustling in trees near the house, it’s best to assume that it’s a bear.
…fireworks that emit a loud boom without also emitting any beautiful sparkles are awful fireworks and should not even be sold.
…..there was much I did not know about our nation’s first sixteen presidents, thanks to the History Channel’s marathon of “The Presidents.”
….the History Channel thinks that Jimmy Carter succeeded Abraham Lincoln in the presidency, if the way they ordered the episodes of “The Presidents” is any indication.
….I get too tired to stay up til 4 a.m. to watch the entirety of any television marathon, even if it is about the presidents.

Sunday: I ate some things, read some stuff, and drove back to Atlanta.
I learned that….
…..my mom can make a mean breakfast sandwich
….the show “Rome Reports” is a must if you like popes, and if you get that channel about Catholics, which my parents do.
….reading “Infinite Jest” while your parents watch the Wimbledon finals is kind of weird.
…ribs are delicious
…..it’s best to shower after you eat ribs
….though you may be expecting heavy traffic on the last day of a holiday weekend, it won’t come in the spots that you expect.

the lost weekend

So, though I vowed to blog everyday during Lent, I hit a bit of a stumble this weekend. And I have to say, once the blogging went, all of my Lenten resolutions fell off track. I had some soda. I didn’t do any stomach crunches. And then I figured that I’d done so poorly that I might as well have some chocolate as well.

What got me so badly off track? Here’s the thing. Earlier in the week I had been scanning what was happening this week in history on Wikipedia – that’s right, just because I’ve abandoned my weekly TWIH in history doesn’t mean that I don’t still check to see the week’s events. Lately they’ve been kind of boring, though, so I haven’t felt too bad about not posting a recap. Plus it seemed that no one liked that feature anyways. But I digress. In my Wikipedia research, I noticed that famed Chick-fil-a founder Truett Cathy’s birthday fell on March 14, a Saturday this year. And wouldn’t you know it, I was scheduled to eat with my family at the South Asheville Chick-fil-a on that very Saturday!

As you might imagine, the excitement was palpable. That’s why I didn’t blog on Friday. I was just too keyed up, wondering how each franchise would choose to celebrate their founder. Would we all get free chicken or ice cream? Would we all get our own dwarf, in recognition of the fact that the first Chick-fil-a was called the Dwarf House? Would there be, God help me, a Funfetti cake?

Well, there was cake alright, but it was only for a little girl who was having her birthday party at Chick-fil-a. For everyone else, there was nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nothing to honor the man that gave the world and its food courts a tasty variety of chicken products and waffle fries six days out of the week. Even those stupid cows couldn’t get it together to produce a misspelled sign along the lines of “Happi Berthdayy Truett.”

The fact that the South Asheville franchise was not honoring Truett Cathy sent me into a blind rage. I threw my box of chicken nuggets against the wall and smashed the little girl’s birthday cake. I ran into the play area, knocking little children out of my way. I climbed to the top of the playset, took some shots of honey mustard sauce and proclaimed for the whole restaurant to hear that this was Truett’s day, dammit, and we needed to bless our chicken sandwiches in his honor. At that point I think I went into an off-subject rant about how it’s nearly impossible to prove that he actually invented the chicken sandwich, as the store’s marketing claims, but then I got back on subject by singing an impromptu opera about pickles. After my song, I spread my arms and fell backwards into the ball pit.

Then, as I rested in the ball pit, a vision of Truett Cathy appeared to me. He extended an arm to me, as if he was offering me a college scholarship for my commitment to the company. He pulled me up, and we waltzed around the store. I whispered “Happy birthday” and thanked him for the dance, and he whispered, “My pleasure,” just as every employee does when they refill your drink. But his “My pleasure” was not perfunctory or accompanied by a scowl, the way some employees say it. His was heartfelt. I think I fainted in his arms.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground with my family standing around me, pouring the contents of their Styrofoam cups on my face to revive me. I did not feel guilty, for I knew they could get refills. I was drenched in iced tea and sweat, but I had done my duty. I had honored Truett.

Slowly, I got to my feet and headed for the condiment station, because I wanted to fill out a comment form to let this Chick-fil-a franchise owner know what I thought of his lack of loyalty and tradition (for those very loyal blog readers out there, this was in fact the same Chick-fil-a where I filled out a comment card regarding the lack of Diet Coke. You may have thought that was silly, but there’s currently Diet Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero at that Chick-fil-a. Who’s laughing now?). Anyways, they didn’t have any comment cards available, which in and of itself is an offense that I would mention on a comment card, if one were available. I think that’s what they call a Catch-22.

Anyways, that’s why I didn’t blog, and why everything went downhill so fast. But I’m back on track now. I think we can all agree that being tempted by the devil in the desert is basically the same as your hometown Chick-fil-a not recognizing its founder. Totally and completely the same.

get me to the church on time (because it will be very crowded)

If it’s true that we eat our feelings, then I guess I ate lots and lots of joy last weekend. That is when my cousin Mary Henry married my new cousin-in-law Brad at Kanuga. I am pretty happy about this arrangement, to the point that if anyone had objected during the ceremony, even as a joke (something I often daydream of doing), I would have fought that person right then and there. Especially if that person was my arch-nemesis.

Yes, I managed to acquire a new arch-nemesis at the wedding, even though the whole festivities only lasted a weekend. Hey. What can I say. You get on my bad side and you are dead to me. But let’s not dwell on the negative. Let’s dwell on the positive. The most positive thing was that Mary Henry and Brad got married.

The second most postive thing was that there was a TON of food. For the rehearsal dinner on Friday night, there were specialities from Buffalo, NY, which is where Brad’s family is from, including hot dogs, roast beef and wings. As well as two kinds of cake! Then, on Saturday morning, my side of the family had sausage biscuits from Bojangle’s because we couldn’t wait til 10 am for brunch. Then we had the just mentioned brunch; I had french toast with strawberry topping, sausage and egg bites and bacon, among other things.

Then a few hours later was the reception, where I feasted on spinach and artichoke dip, meatballs, ham biscuits, cheese straws, cheese and cake. I had more than one piece of cake at the reception, for which my first cousin once-removed Sophie chastised me, but I pointed out that she didn’t have much of a case because she was eating sugar straight from the packet at the time. I guess that was just a snack to tide her over before dinner, which included roast beef, chicken, potatoes, green beans, and salad..and that’s just what I remember. And poundcake with fruit for dessert.

Then the next day we had a breakfast that included eggs, biscuits with sausage gravy and also sausage on the side. There was a lot of sausage. And that’s not even including all the food there was in the hospitality suite, which is where my family hung out between mealtimes. In the hospitaly suite there were goodies including cookies, pretzels, M&Ms, cheese straws and spinach dip. As I said before, I ate lots and lots of joy this weekend.

But the wedding weekend wasn’t all about food, of course. It was also about drinking. My brother William showed up with his custom beer pong table, and many a good game was had, including one monumental game that had three overtimes. At one point my cousins and I ran upstairs to Brad’s family’s hospitality suite and took them on in a game of flip cup, which we won, thanks to a little bit of cheating. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I was not aware that I was cheating at the time. I was just unsure what the game was.

This was a multi-keg wedding, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t wine and spirits as well. And the younger folks had lemonade and soda available, but what they really loved was water. That’s because they played water pong for most of the weekend. Stylistically, water pong is very similar to beer pong, but the scoring is much different, particularly if you play against a child. Children tend to give themselves half-points for a lot of things, such as being close and for cool throws. At one point I was down 7 ½ to nothing despite the fact that I had gotten several balls into cups and my opponent had gotten no balls into no cups. But such is life.

Other than eating and drinking, I guess there was the wedding itself. That was an extremely nice event that is too difficult to explain in blog format. But everyone looked wonderful and everyone in the whole chapel cried, but in a good way, and everyone was very happy to be there.
I’m trying to think if anything happened that didn’t involve eating or drinking or a wedding ceremony but I’m coming up with very few examples. I took a nap. My cousin Worth played music. I looked at the pictures my first cousin once removed Maggie drew. We all played with Baby Sarah. I conspired against my arch-nemesis. Mainly, though, I think I will remember the eating. And so will my waistline.

a day in the life

One thing I sorta pride myself on is that my blog doesn't have too much diary-format stuff, as in "I did this, then I did this, and this person made me mad and here's what I did after that." That tends to get boring after awhile and I prefer to focus on weirder small parts of my life. I think everyone would quickly see how boring my everyday life is. But when you're going for a goal, you gotta try everything. So here is what my blog would be like if it was more about my real life:

Dear Diary,
Today I woke up at 5:55 a.m. Since the alarm was set for 6, I figured I'd snooze for five minutes but that was a bad idea because then I ended up pushing snooze three more times. I should have just gotten up when I woke up.

I pulled on my exercise clothes and went to the little apartment gym to exercise for an hour. I did the stationary bike and read Atlanta magazine and Rolling Stone magazine. I don't recall reading anything particularly earth-shaking. Then it was off to shower and get ready for work. I ended up wearing a black long-sleeved t-shirt with a magenta puffy vest. Since so many people are off this week for the holidays, I figured it didn't matter if I was uber casual at work.

For breakfast, I had waffles. I know I am always writing to you, Diary, about the waffles I eat, but it actually turns out that I haven't had them in quite awhile because they haven't been on sale at Kroger lately. It was good to have them again. I grabbed my stuff for work and left, which was kinda difficult because I haven't unpacked anything from Christmas break yet. I hope my mom doesn't read this diary entry, because she would probably frown on that!

I drove to work and the trip was pretty uneventful. I got there early, at like 8:30 a.m. I made some coffee with hot chocolate as is my wont and settled down to catch up on emails and blogs and to see where I was work-wise. As I predicted, not many people were in the office today so it was peaceful and quiet. My Monday morning meeting was canceled, which gave me an extra 30 minutes to work. I reviewed an earlier draft of an article I'm working on, then did a little bit of research, then wrote the last page of it. Then I started working on listing all the sources I used for the article. There were a lot!

By this time I was pretty hungry so I went to the break room to fix my lunch, which was chicken fried rice as prepared by the kind folks at Lean Cuisine. While the microwave worked its magic, I talked to a co-worker about how much I hate that Lexus commercial with the woman who gets a pony for Christmas then grows up to get a Lexus. My lunch was very hot so I had to wait a bit to eat it. Also I had a Cherry Coke Zero. They haven't been stocking Diet Cherry Coke lately which is my preference. As you know, Diary.

I sent the article to my editor, then I started researching my next article, which has to do with shipping pets. By late afternoon, all that researching had made me pretty hungry again, so I made a single-serving bag of popcorn. While the popcorn popped I talked to a coworker about hot air popcorn poppers and how they are better, but I probably should have listened more closely to the popcorn, because wouldn't you know, it burned! I smelled like burnt popcorn the rest of the day. Oh well.

I left work at 5 and the commute was super easy, because it is usually super easy if you leave the office before 5:15. I don't know why the commute gets worse as it gets darker. But it does. When I got home I called up a friend and chatted on the phone for awhile. Then I fixed another Lean Cuisine for dinner, which means boy oh boy did I get a lot of sodium today! I read some of "Middlemarch" and then changed clothes for yoga class.

I walked down to yoga and it was generally a good class. Apparently I am starting to do something weird with my knees in certain poses, where I just sink into the joint. In a bad way. So the teacher told me to watch that. After class the yoga teacher told us some anecdotes from her recent trip to India for the guru's birthday. It sounded nice.

Then I walked back home and took a shower. Yes, that puts the shower count at 2 today, but that means I will have less to do in the morning. Now I am writing this blog and listening to my Ipod. Right now the Beatles are playing. I have a cousin who knows Ringo. After I finish this blog entry I will probably draft up tomorrow's picture of the day and then maybe read some "Middlemarch." It was a very busy day, Diary, but a pretty productive one. I think these short work weeks with long holiday weekends agrees with me.

Talk to you tomorrow, Diary.

XOXO,
Molly

ciao asian chao

Even though I have two mega-popular features going on right now on the blog -- Picture of the Day and This Day in History -- I thought it might be a good time to revisit one of my older mega-popular features: The Great Food Court Project. I know that many of you have been moved to tears some nights by the seeming abandonment of this project. It just happened that I got too busy at work to go over to the food court on a regular basis. But don't you worry. I won't let such a lapse happen ever again.

One reason why there can't be any more lapses is that in just a few months, the food court has changed dramatically. The pizza place that isn't Sbarro is gone, which takes away my glorious idea of having a pizza place showdown, and the burger place that used to be Burger King but then turned into Flamers is now a Checkers, which means the Best Burger in Lenox Contest is back on.

But today I turned my attention to Asian Chao. Asian Chao is the kind of food court place that I try to walk by slowly in an attempt to get samples. But I don't really ever eat there. I just want the samples. While I was getting my sample of orange chicken on a toothpick today, the man behind the counter advised me that there was a special going on -- two kinds of meat and either fried rice or lo mein for $5. It seemed like as good a day as any to consume Asian Chao.

For my two kinds of meat I picked sweet and sour chicken, which even to my normally forgiving eye seemed to be a very weird shade of orange, and chicken and mushrooms, mainly because it had gigantic hunks of zucchini in it and I really like zucchini. It was definitely not a hard choice deciding between fried rice and lo mein. I would pick fried rice every time, even if the lo mein came with chunks of gold in it. Gold is not very good to eat.

While I ate my meal, I had to endure a thing where the mall is having the choruses of area schools come in to sing holiday songs. I suppose it is meant to keep people in the holiday spirit but it is more akin to torture. For one thing, the acoustics of this food court aren't particularly good, so it basically sounded like a lot of middle school kids were yelling at me….which is what "Feliz Navidad" sounded like. I WANT TO WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS. Okay kid. Pipe down. Wish it to me in a quiet voice. Though quiet voices didn't really work in this environment either. There was one particularly nuanced and melodic ballad they sang that I just couldn't identify. I could hear the word "responsibility" being used a lot. I don't know of a holiday song that involves responsibility and I'll probably be okay if I don't hear that one again.

Anyways, while it's possible that the tuneless children had an adverse affect on the meal, Asian Chao was probably my least favorite place of the Great Food Court Project so far. But strangely, I don’t think Asian Chao should leave the food court. I firmly believe that every food court needs an Asian place that serves subpar food and offers samples on toothpicks, and Asian Chao fits that niche for this food court.

a room with a view

In the vice-presidential debate, Joe Biden told a sad story about a man who didn't know how much it cost to fill up his gas tank because he never had enough money to do it. But do you know what's even sadder? Not being able to fill up your gas taken because there's not enough gas. And that's been the situation in the southeast for awhile now. We have no gas, no gas at all.

But my company has turned a negative into a positive by allowing me to work from home for three days a week for two weeks. Last week was the first week and I can tell you that working from home is awesome. If you stay out too late at the Jenny Lewis concert, like I did, you can sleep in, because you don't have to drive to work! You can sit near a window instead of inside a sunlight-free cubicle! You can wear whatever! And I happen to get loads more work done because I can pace around and think, or stretch out on the floor while I research and write. I love working from home.

If I had to work from home all the time, I think I'd get sad because I'd be lonely. But last week I met a few coworkers for lunch and I had the extra special benefit of having my editor Katie come over to my apartment to use my internet. Now Katie has been in two blog entries in a row! And she is inspiring content, because after living in my world for three days, here are the things she thought I should blog about:

1. Halloween costumes.
Katie has a real problem with my past Halloween costumes. Like one year, I wore a black dress and sunglasses and pinned a piece of paper reading "June 14" to the dress. I was a blind date. Get it? So hilarious…to me. No one else that night really liked it and neither did Katie. Katie also didn't like the idea of my costume in which I wore a pink sweatsuit and tied a shoe to my clothes. That costume was gum under a shoe. I never actually did this next one, but I want to sometime: I would wear a black sweatsuit and attach cars to it. I would put a yellow piece down the center of myself and be the highway. Katie thinks that idea sucks also. She looked at me with pity in her eyes, so I tried to redeem myself by saying, "Well, what about a sexy highway?" Cause if you're a girl, just make your Halloween costume sexy and you're totally fine. I think that was my mistake with gum under the shoe. Not sexy enough.

2. Grocery lists
Katie happened to look inside my refrigerator, as well as see a few grocery lists on my fridge---
Grocery list #1 read: pretzels, butter, 3 boxes of waffles.
Grocery list #2 read: pretzels, bread, soda, frozen food, waffles (lots)

Katie wants to submit these lists to that artist who creates characters based on shopping lists that she finds. She wants to find out what the artist would make of someone who eats so many waffles. I just love toaster waffles, okay? I wish my fridge was bigger just so I could fit more boxes of waffles in there! I eat waffles almost every meal!

Now my secret is out. I eat too many waffles. And the only other thing in my fridge is beer.

3. More mundane blogs; treat my blog like more of a friend.
Those were Katie's tips on how I should be writing this blog. For example, we went to lunch and I had this chocolate cupcake with raspberry icing. I was just raving about this cupcake and here's how Katie said the blog should go:

"Dear Diary. Today I had a cupcake with raspberry icing. It was delicious. Talk to you tomorrow, Diary."

Here was another entry she thought I should write:
"Dear Diary. Today I wore a hooded sweatshirt. It was comfy. Well, see you around, Diary."

I don't know if this helps, but you have to imagine the entries read in a really high-pitched voice. A high-pitched voice reading extremely mundane details, in combination with both a greeting and a farewell to the diary. Katie believes this would be more enjoyable as well as increase the number of posts that I make. And she is a professional editor. But sometimes I don't take all her edits. Ha ha! Editors love it when you make jokes like that!

Great Food Court Project on the Road

I’ve had a problem lately where I dream that things happen, and then I forget that they didn’t happen in real life. For example, this weekend I dreamt that I bought the new Dar Williams CD at Target for $9.99. The next day I was looking all around the apartment for the CD, but it turns out I didn’t buy it. They don’t even sell it at Target, or at least not the one closest to me.

That is the case with this blog entry. I was convinced I already wrote it. But I didn’t. And now I can only sorta understand the notes I wrote down, which means I can only partially vouch for the accuracy of this entry. That’s a shame, because this entry relates to something near and dear to my heart, which is the Great Food Court Project.

As you may remember, the Great Food Court Project, an attempt to eat at all restaurants in the Lenox Mall Food Court, was partially spurred by the great sense of relief I felt at being back on the East Coast, where the food courts are as God intended. By which I mean, they have a Chick-fil-a. I couldn’t find one good food court in the greater Seattle area, so when I went back to the Northwest on vacation a few weeks ago, food courts were not high on my list of things to do.

But what I realized is that I may have been prematurely hasty in writing off all Northwest food courts, because apparently Portland has a good one. I ate at this food court, located in the Pioneer Place Mall, completely by accident. The goal of that day was to look around at a bunch of outdoor food carts and eat at one of them, which is rather like eating at a food court, except it’s outside. Doing things outside is REAL big in the Pacific Northwest.

But it was Sunday, and the food carts were closed, as was most every food-serving place downtown, I guess because Sunday is a city-wide day of fasting that I was unaware of. Do you know what was not closed? A food court! An inside food court in a mall! So now I present an edition of the Great Food Court Project On the Road.

First off, as I mentioned just two paragraphs earlier, I liked this food court. These were the restaurants:
--Kelly’s Cajun Grill
--Gyros n’ Grill
--Wrapture
--McDonald’s
--Subway
--California Crisp
--Yucatan Grill
--Paradise Bakery and Grill
--Lotus Express
--Suki Hana
--Thai Go
--Sbarro

I thought this was a good food court because of the diversity of options, with not too many major chains, and it was affordable. Although I did not eat there, I was intrigued by Wrapture because I thought it was a clever name for a place that serves wraps. I went to Yucatan Grill and got a delicious and attractive plate of nachos for just six dollars. I gave my meal a 10 out of a possible 10.

I was eating with my friend Gallagher, who gave his meal a 7 out of 10 if my notes are to be believed. He had a dish of spicy chicken with red beans & rice and boiled cabbage. While he ate this meal, I seized the opportunity to pick another person’s brain about food courts.

While I enjoy food courts for the amount of diversity they offer, Gallagher does not feel the same way. Given his druthers, Gallagher would rather eat at a place that does just one thing really well, as opposed to having to choose from a bunch of places that do several things in a mediocre way. When I asked him why he selected the meal that he did, Gallagher explained that he panicked, which may be further evidence that there was just too much choice. I don’t want to speculate too much on what this might reveal about his personality.

Gallagher claims to be against food courts in general yet had no bad food court experiences that he wanted to share. Later in the conversation he revealed that Chick-fil-a was his favorite food court restaurant of all time, so maybe he’s against food courts because he lives in a place where the food courts don’t have Chick-fil-a. Generally, he finds food courts to be lacking in options related to vegetables and fruit, as well as North African cuisine.

For awhile, Gallagher and I discussed how the restaurant California Crisp had no customers. I thought that was weird because it looked pretty healthy, and the Northwest is all about eating healthy. But Gallagher pointed out that the food court was full of foreigners. That was true. Also if someone really wanted to eat some California cuisine, they only had to venture a little bit south to actually be in California, another possible deterrent.

Speaking of foreigners in food courts, Gallagher told me about food courts in Japan, where he lived for two years. Apparently they serve udon, ramen and fried octopus dough balls in Japanese food courts.

When asked what kind of food court restaurant he would like to operate, Gallagher said he would serve rolls, of the kaiser and rye variety. I think at that point I tried to convince him to serve all kinds of rolls, like sushi rolls, pizza rolls, sandwich rolls, likely with a cutesy name like “Rock and Roll” or “Roll it Up” or “Rolling Stones.” I am guessing this conversation got sidetracked, because here’s what I have written down in my notes: “Molly continues talking about brilliant idea; Gallagher starts talking about cartoons/comics.” I don’t remember which cartoons or comics, or how that related to my brilliant idea.

Here’s another thing I have written down in my notes: “I tried to pick a fight about Cinnabun.” I don’t really remember doing that, though I generally do think that Cinnabuns are a waste of space. So I may have brought that up, but then written the exchange down in my notebook in a way that created dramatic tension. My notes abruptly end at that point because we went to see a movie.

an interview with myself, by myself

Molly 1: Molly, the last time you blogged, there was a giant bug in your apartment! Then you disappeared! For like two weeks! Did the giant bug eat you?
Molly 2: No, I just went on vacation for like 10 days in Seattle and Portland. Then I had a houseguest.

M1: I was so worried and bored when you did not blog!
M2: Your concern was muted.

M1: So much has happened since you’ve been gone!
M2: I know! They have announced not one but two vice-presidential nominees! The Olympics ended! There have been like ten hurricanes!

M1: Well, let’s talk about your vacation. You spoke in your very first blog entry of how much you hate the Atlanta airport, so you must have been dreading that. How was your experience heading out there?
M2: It was like the nicest experience ever! The security people were so nice and funny. The lady at the place I ate was so sweet. There were like, no people there. The departure was one time!

M1: Great! Were you scared to travel, given that there are many news stories about guns in the Atlanta airport and people getting decapitated on buses?
M2: I would be lying if I said I was not mildly concerned.

M1: Okay, let’s jump right into the important questions. Can you name all the meals you ate while you were on vacation?
M2: I sure can! Here is what I had, in the order I had it:
-burger that was made of beef, blue cheese and bacon all mixed together
-sushi
-an omelet and pancakes
-a salad and a wasabi grilled cheese sandwich
-a doughnut
-a slice of pizza and a pesto salad
-clams and a flatbread pizza thing with figs and proscuitto
-a chicken gyro
-a burger made of magical beef
-a ham and cheese sandwich
-an oyster sandwich
-doughnuts
-a breakfast sandwich with proscuitto and cheese and magic
-a Cajun chicken sandwich
-a sandwich made of sage eggs, sausage and avocado, on an English muffin
-a ramen and vegetably thing
-doughnuts
-sausage on an English muffin.
-miso soup and stirfry
-nachos
-pizza (for dinner)
-pizza (for breakfast)
-burrito

M1: Oh my, I can’t believe you remember all that! Your memory is beyond compare! Can you remember all the beverages you consumed?
M2: Oh, of course not, there were too many.

M1: Did you meet any interesting bartenders, though?
M2: Oh yes! In Seattle Matthew and I met a bartender that we both wanted to be best friends with. She gave us Cheez-its and got us really good and drunk!

M1: Did you go back to your old places of employment?
M2: Yep, Matthew and I walked around Old Navy and took pictures in the store. We found the store to be a mess, and we were surprised that some of the security codes still worked, even though it’s years since we worked there. We went into some places we were supposed to go. Then I went to my old office. It was weird that someone else sat in my seat. But I was glad I wasn’t doing that work anymore.

M1: What things happened in Seattle that made you glad that you don’t live there anymore?
M2: First, I would say almost getting run over by a car. Second, I would say the more or less constant deluge of rain. Third, I would repeat what I said above, that seeing my old office made me glad I had a new job.

M1: What did you do to deal with the rain?
M2: Mostly I ate things. For example, I ate cupcakes with Matthew while it rained.

M1: What things made you wish you still lived in the Northwest?
M2: First and foremost, I’d say the people. Second, the bookstores. Third, the reliable public transportation. And also Specialty’s bakery in Seattle.

M1: What did the city of Portland do to welcome you?
M2: They got the symphony to play a free concert in the park with cannons. Then they shot off fireworks.

M1: What things did you win in Portland?
M2: Trivia, foozball.

M1: How many episodes of Weeds did you watch in Portland?
M2: I think like 30.

M1: How many movies did you see on this trip?
M2: Four! I saw The Dark Knight on an IMAX screen, Elegy, Hamlet 2, and Hot Fuzz.

M1: How was the return trip?
M2: I just want to let my readers know that Labor Day is possibly the most miserable day that you can travel. There are too many people, and they all smell funny.

M1: What book did you take out there, and how many pages of it did you read?
M2: I started Middlemarch, but I only read 76 pages of it. It’s kind of a hard book and I have to read most pages twice to make sure I understood. But one guy on the light rail in Portland told me it might steal a little bit of my soul!

M1: What was your greatest accomplishment of the trip?
M2: I bought 15 books and managed to get them all back home.

M1: 15 books! That is insane! I thought you told your mother you weren’t going to buy any more books!
M2: I really don’t remember saying that.

M1: How gracious were all of your hosts?
M2: They were all very gracious!

M1: You said you had a houseguest? What about that?
M2: It seems like a topic for a separate blog entry.

M1: Alrighty then! Looking forward to that!

tabbouleh, patchouli

So far the Great Food Court Project has involved more burgers, hot dogs and french fries than I would care to think about right now. That's why today when I headed off to eat at the food court I decided that would try to eat as healthily as possible. With this goal, I felt I only had two real options: Subway or Hovan Mediterranean.

The evidence for Subway being healthy is that guy Jared, who ate Subway all the time, halved his size, and can now never gain a pound lest he lose his livelihood. The evidence for Hovan being healthy was the word "Mediterranean" in the title, and I thought I remembered a lot of women's magazines telling me that Mediterranean diets were good. Since the evidence for the Mediterranean place was admittedly a little shaky, I initially decided to go to Subway. But the line for Subway was really long, and I didn't think that I'd be able to stand in a line so long without getting a chocolate chip cookie and thus defeating the purpose. So I decided to go with Hovan after all.

At Hovan, I ordered a veggie wrap that came with hummus, tabbouleh, lettuce and tomato. The meal kinda failed as a wrap but made a delicious salad after it fell apart. However, it tasted very salty to me, which makes me doubt if there was truly any healthful impact.

As for the restaurant, Hovan joins a long list of places in this food court with a hard-to-read and confusing menu. Things were all over the place and I do not like ordering without knowing if I've fully considered all the options. Food court stalls make it particularly hard to consider a scattered menu without annoying all the people behind you, and food court personnel can be aggressive about getting you to order when you're in close proximity. And yet close proximity is necessary to see the whole menu! Perhaps it is a marketing technique.

On the positive side, the people working at Hovan today were extremely nice. One lady had a jolly British accent. It was possibly the best customer service I've experienced in the Great Food Court Project so far. My recommendation to Hovan, though, in addition to working on the menu situation, is to start offering mints to their customers. After my meal was over I was extremely glad that I am in the habit of carrying gum on my person.

best burger contest is back on!

The odds are that many of you have been just heartbroken since my last entry regarding The Great Food Court Project, in which I reported that Burger King had closed, giving Nathan’s Famous the “best burger in Lenox” crown by default. Well, folks, I am happy to report that what opened in Burger King’s spot is…a burger place!!!

The new burger place is called Flamers, and while I have absolutely no evidence to back this up, I’m betting that the person running Flamers is the same person that used to run Burger King. Flamers is likely a cheaper franchise and you don’t have to deal with the King getting all royal and up in your business.

So Flamers has burgers, chicken sandwiches, salads, a fish sandwich, fries with various toppings and hot dogs. At first I got excited about pitting the Flamers hot dogs up against Nathan’s Famous hot dogs for a “best hot dog in Lenox” contest, but according to the Flamers web site, Flamers uses Nathan’s Famous hot dogs. Do you think that means that the burger patties are the same as well? It’s a concept I didn’t even consider when I was doing the taste-testing, although I did have a hard time picking the winner. Maybe they are the same. Maybe this is no contest at all. We’ll have to continue on as though it is.

Flamers offers more burgers with toppings, such as a mushroom swiss burger and a bacon cheeseburger and a lumberjack burger, and although I studied the picture for awhile, I couldn’t quite figure out what was on that. The menu shows all the burgers with two patties, so you have to specify that you just want one patty and that can make you feel like a wimp, but it was the perfect amount of food for me.

I got the mushroom swiss burger, which is kinda strange because normally I’m not much of one for mushrooms, but it was good. After they fix your burger there is a condiment guy standing at the end of the counter and you get to request the other toppings you might want. Sorta like Subway, but with fewer options.

The cheese was perfectly melted, and there were some sautéed onions in with those mushrooms, so I guess I have to give the best burger crown to Flamers, though I’m well aware that it really wasn’t an apples-to-apples comparison, in that it’s a cheeseburger to mushroom swiss burger comparison, and those things just couldn’t be farther apart.

But don’t be too sad, Nathan’s Famous. I’m giving the “best French fry” crown to you, because the fries that I had at Flamers tasted like maybe Burger King had left a few old bags behind in the very bottom of a freezer somewhere, and the Flamers guy found them and cooked them improperly. Plus, Nathan’s Famous, you serve your fries with a little red fork and I find that frickin’ adorable.

While I was eating, Flamers did a pretty brisk business that did seem to outdo Nathan’s Famous. Also, I saw a guy walking around with a tape measure around his neck. He was dressed up and wearing a nametag so I guess he works in a department store nearby, but he’s so much of an important badass that he can’t even be bothered to take off his tape measure before he goes to Asian Chao. I found it amusing.

Best Burger in Lenox

Well, it’s almost Memorial Day, which gets me thinking about beer and burgers. So today I set off for Lenox Mall Food Court, where I knew I could get at least one of those things.

I went to Nathan’s Famous for a burger as part of the Great Food Court Project. Now, I know what you’re thinking—Molly, you already went to Nathan’s Famous as part of the Great Food Court Project. You’re just repeating yourself now. That is not interesting.

Well, let me explain what happened here. When I went to Nathan’s the first time, I noticed not one, but two signs proclaiming that Nathan’s served the “Best Burger in Lenox.” This seemed a pretty direct affront to the restaurant that was diagonally across the way: Burger King.

So, immediately I realized that we had a burger showdown on our hands. The monarchy epitomized by Burger King versus the democracy promised by all-American Nathan’s. Could the Whopper really be upstaged by a no-name burger provided by a restaurant more famous for its hot dogs? I intended to find out.

I walked into the food court today determined to give Burger King the first go at this “Best Burger” crown. A true shock awaited me, readers. For, as it turns out, Burger King has gone out of business since I’ve been there last. The King abdicated. The King has left the building. The King is dead, long live the King.

This made the best burger showdown a bit anticlimactic, as Nathan’s does indeed now have the “Best Burger in Lenox” by virtue of having the only burger. Although…perhaps it was a self-fulfilling prophecy! Perhaps by simply asserting their prominence, they did indeed become prominent. There’s a self-help book in there somewhere.

So I went ahead and had the burger at Nathan's. It was fine. It’s been awhile since I had a Whopper so I couldn’t really even picture how the showdown would have come down. I did notice that the Nathan’s burger lacked that decadent gob of mayo that a Whopper does, and I feel like the Whopper is more onion-y. Or onion-y in a way that sticks with you for hours and hours. This burger had onion but it was more subdued in its aftermath. These are either positives or minuses depending upon how you look at it.

As I ate, I pondered the travesty that the AT&T store is still allowed to do business in the food court while legitimate food-serving businesses are being pushed out. I also wondered what might fill Burger King’s spot. The only two unexploited food niches I could identify were sushi (very hip in malls right now!) and Thai (very popular in Seattle food courts!). I certainly wouldn’t mind a Wendy’s there, if we’re going to stick with chains. Also, maybe a more gourmet burger outlet, the kind of burger place that thinks up burgers with guacamole and barbeque sauce and whatnot.

I also tried to decide what Burger King’s closure portended for the Great Food Court Project. Should I eat faster, so that I can hit all these places before they go out of business? Are these store closures just reflecting the normal ebb and flow of American businesses, each barricaded storefront representing missed opportunities and the challenges of owning a franchise? I may be overthinking it, and I’m not particularly broken up over the loss of a Burger King. But I’m trying to add some depth to this project.

But let me say this. Consider this a threat, Lenox Mall Food Court. If either Sbarro or Roman Delight goes out of business before I get around to my “Best Pizza in Lenox” showdown, then….um….well, I’ll be mildly upset I guess. I thought I was going to have a stronger threat, but I don’t.

the Greats of Wrap

When I was in high school, I was a member of the Future Homemakers of America (FHA). They changed the name when I was a senior in high school, just in time for me to fill out college applications. Not that I’m demeaning the name. It’s important to make a home for oneself and for one’s family, but people still think of it as an old-fashioned cookie baking club.

Well, it wasn’t. It offered an opportunity to complete service projects and present them on pretty display boards and compete at the local, state and national level over who had the most meaningful project/the coolest display board. I did this every year that I was in high school and I always made it to state competition, which was held in Greensboro, North Carolina.

The hotel in Greensboro was next to a mall, a convenient diversion for the hundreds of teenage girls who came to town for competition (yes, there were a few boys too). And it was in that mall that I had some of my most formative food court experiences. There was this restaurant called Great Wraps, and I always ate there. We were there for like 2 or 3 days, and we ate all our meals in that food court, and I ate all of mine at Great Wraps. I had never seen one anywhere else, so going to Greensboro not only evoked excitement about competing, but I always got pretty excited about going to Great Wraps.

Then, my senior year of high school, I went to that mall, and Great Wraps was gone. I can distinctly remember thinking, “Well, it’s a good thing I’m graduating. Because I never ever want to come to this godforsaken town again,” or something like that. Luckily, I wasn’t deprived long, because shortly thereafter I went to college in Atlanta, and there in the food court was a Great Wraps. Yes, that very same food court that now is the subject of the Great Food Court Project.

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a Great Wraps outside of the southeast, so those three years in Seattle were three Great Wraps-less years. But now, I work but 15 minutes away from a Great Wraps, and today, I could bear the wait no longer. Today, I went back to Great Wraps as part of the Great Food Court Project.

First off, I’d like to say that my visit was marred by two things. One thing was that the woman at the table next to me was loudly talking about Miley Cyrus. Doesn’t that woman read my blog? Doesn’t she know that I am sick to death of hearing about Miley Cyrus? The second thing was the hard-to-see placement of the Great Wraps menu (a recurring problem in this food court), which left me kinda squatting right in front of the guy waiting to take my order as I tried to find the thing I wanted to order on the menu.

Because, oh man, did I know what I wanted to order—a cheesy chicken wrap. I remembered it as being the only thing on the menu, but maybe it’s just the only thing I ever ordered. Their menu does seem to be a bit bigger now. It has wraps, salads, and chicken fingers. The sides are curly fries and two other things that I can’t remember but it doesn’t matter because you should get the curly fries.

Anyway, I found the cheesy chicken wrap which had been renamed something silly. They’ve basically renamed all the wraps after places, such as Woodstock Hummus and Vegas Caesar Wrap. Another new addition that I noticed was a wide variety of fry seasonings available. Unlike the newly named wraps, this is a great addition. I didn’t have time to take down all the flavors, but basically you can sprinkle your curly fries with various seasonings, such as ranch and cajun.

The wrap…the perfection of the cheesy chicken wrap will never be adequately captured in words. It’s this warm, thick pita that embraces chicken, melted cheese, honey mustard sauce, carmelized onions and lettuce. These ingredients come together in some sort of magical poetic harmony that makes you feel like your life is going okay after all. What I’m trying to get across is that this wrap was blessedly as wonderful as I remembered it.

While I was in line, I briefly wondered if I might prolong the Great Food Court Project by eating every single thing on the Great Wraps menu and reviewing it, because if the cheesy chicken is so heavenly, then probably everything else is too, right? It’s an idea, but it’s hard for me to contemplate eating anything other than the cheesy chicken. It’s a perfect meal.

Now, this brings me to a larger point. If you have been confused about why I’d pursue eating at food courts, then I’d wager it’s likely that you don’t have a Great Wraps. Or a Great Wraps emotional equivalent. By that I mean a restaurant that you love that can only be found in a mall. Chick-fil-a used to be like this to some extent, but now they have a lot of stand-alone stores (God, I can only hope that Great Wraps becomes a popular franchise also). But for me, the experience of walking into a food court and spotting a Great Wraps is one of the reasons I like to eat at malls. It really is possible for food courts to offer something special that you can’t get in the outside world. And if that something special is drenched in honey mustard sauce, so much the better.

sakkio it to me!

First off, I would like to thank blog reader Matthew for suggesting the title of this post. Second, I’d like to thank all the loyal blog readers who expressed their strong opinions about where to go next for the Great Food Court Project, by which I mean, thanks George and Matthew. You both suggested Sakkio Japan, and I heard you loud and clear.

Well, I almost abandoned the Sakkio plan today because of something unexpected and wonderful. I am very excited to tell all of you that there is a new restaurant in the Lenox food court! It is called Baja Bistro, and it is between Chick-fil-a and Nathan’s Famous. I almost stopped right there in my excitement, but I decided to stick with the plan and give Baja Bistro a few weeks to work out the kinks and get really great. I did get to sample a little bit of a quesadilla on a toothpick and I can report that all the correct ingredients seemed to be there (cheese, tortilla).

So I headed off for Sakkio Japan, which offers several varieties of teriyaki, tempura and veggie things. It appears to be the kind of place where people go habitually, because everyone around me in line had very specific orders. The girl in front of me asked for “just a little vegetables.” Then she gave the guys working there a hard time because they gave her “too many vegetables.” After she got her meat products, the guy asked her if she’d like some extra teriyaki sauce. She said, “just a little,” and the guy, having learned his lesson with the whole vegetable debacle, gave her just a little. But then she got mad and asked for more sauce. This girl gave me a headache and I just tried to focus on the guy who was scooping fried rice into the warmer.

So anyways, I had chicken teriyaki, fried rice and the aforementioned vegetables, which are primarily of the cabbage variety, although there were also little pieces of carrot, pea, and broccoli. It was clear that Sakkio Japan deals more with chicken teriyaki orders than the beef or shrimp options, because they had what must have been fifteen chickens grilling on the cooking device. Beef and shrimp they did only when someone ordered.

One thing I should probably mention at some point is that despite being called Sakkio Japan, everyone there was speaking Spanish to each other. But everyone was nice and efficient, which is good because Sakkio Japan had a fairly healthy line for most of the time that I sat there and observed. The restaurant garnered a mix of all genders and races, more so than any other restaurant that was in my line of sight. But only about four restaurants were in my line of sight.

Now, I’m unhappy to have to do this, but it appears the Great Food Project has a Nemesis. I have encountered this Nemesis on all previous food court trips, but hoped it was a fluke. But today I have had to upgrade this person to full-on Nemesis status.

This nemesis is the lady who cleans food court tables. Granted, this is an awful job and I probably shouldn’t make someone who cleans into a nemesis. I am generally grateful to the people who do this. But in my opinion---and let me know if you think differently---the ideal time to clean the table is when no one’s sitting there. This lady only seems to have the desire to clean at the moment that someone sits down to the table. Then she comes over and wipes it down as you’re trying to get settled with your food. The unfortunate side effect of cleaning at this point is that it’s possible for the old crumbs to get into the new food. She tries to get her dirty rag all up in the uneaten food’s business.

I will get you, Nemesis!

Other than the encounter with my new Nemesis, I thoroughly enjoyed my visit to Sakkio Japan. While not one of the best teriyakis I’ve ever eaten, it was one of the better meals I’ve had as part of the Great Food Court Project so far. If we were to rank the meals so far, it would probably go:
1. sautéed onion hot dog from Nathan’s
2. chicken teriyaki from Sakkio
3. Taco Bell nachos
But then, I’ve only been to four places. So take the ranking with a grain of salt.

Where will I go next? Your suggestions are welcome!

coney island moon

Nathan’s Famous is a Coney Island institution. It has been selling hot dogs since 1916, and it also holds the Fourth of July hot dog eating contest, when we celebrate America by watching small Japanese men set hot dog eating records. What then, is Nathan’s Famous doing in the Lenox Mall Food Court?

Lest anyone has forgotten, today I resumed the Great Food Court Project, or my attempt to eat at every restaurant in the mall food court that is a short walk from my office. Today I was in the mood for hot dogs.

I honestly don’t remember Nathan’s presence in the food court from my earlier stint in Atlanta, and I thought it was exclusively in Coney Island and in the New York New York casino in Las Vegas. But a quick glimpse at the Nathan’s website showed me how wrong I was---this restaurant is everywhere! There are numerous outposts in Tokyo, which I guess is how the Japanese practice for world domination, and weirdly, Kuwait. Also, it’s possible that Nathan’s might be trying to take over the world; they’ve bought Kenny Rogers Roasters and a sub company and a fish company. Let’s keep an eye on this, people.

Anyways, the Nathan’s in Lenox has possibly the world’s worst placed menu, which requires kind of leaning in to the restaurant to see what they have…this might be the reason that not many people were ordering from there. Or it might be the social bias that exists against hot dogs in our culture. Either one. Because of the weirdly placed menu, I can’t report on everything they offered, but let’s just say I saw a little menu item known as “hot dog nuggets.”

I settled on a chili cheese hot dog, a hot dog with sautéed onions and an order of fries. I preferred the hot dog with sautéed onions to the chili cheese dog, even though I lost some onions down the front of my shirt when I took a bite. They sauté those onions in magic. The fries were great---they are gigantic crinkle cut fries that were bigger than my fingers.

While I ate, I tried to read the little info sheet that lines the trays (it was a little tricky to read with the gobs of chili cheese that fell onto it). What I learned is that nine U.S. presidents have eaten Nathan’s, and that when King George and Queen Elizabeth came to visit America, FDR served them Nathan’s.

Nathan’s got its start when a guy named Nathan fell in love with this girl named Ida at this hot dog place they were working. They decided to start their own hot dog stand and sold hot dogs for a nickel and the rest is history from what it sounds like.

I thoroughly enjoyed my meal, but I will say that a lunch of hot dogs makes it a little hard to go back and work for a few more hours. Even on the short walk back to the office I felt like I was going to die. Hot dog juice was oozing through my pores.

steakin' it out

Well, since the first installment of the Great Food Court Project, my work has truly been blessed by the gods, for this week, coupon books appeared in the break room at work. And these coupon books feature over two dozen coupons for food court restaurants in the vicinity!

So today, I headed over and ate at the Great Steak & Potato Company. Places like this always have slightly different names, but you can usually identify them by their predilection for serving french fries in a cup. They also chop up meat in tiny pieces and grill it and it becomes something kind of resembling a philly cheese steak.

If I were to order the things with the most interesting names on the menu, I would have ordered a Ham Explosion sandwich (ham, onions, peppers, mushroom and swiss cheese) and a King Potato, which features cheese, bacon, sour cream, and either olives or chives (I was sitting kind of faraway when I was taking my notes. I guess chives makes more sense but olives is funnier to me). Although the Great Potato (which is the King Potato with either steak or chicken) is a close runner-up, I guess because it kind of sounds like something Linus from Peanuts would sit around waiting for.

But I didn’t order those things. Instead, I chose a super steak sandwich, which is steak, cheese, onions, peppers, and mushrooms; mushrooms, of course, being what distinguishes a super steak from a regular steak. Also with my coupon I got free fries.

The food court was not as crowded as usual today, but even so, there were not many patrons at the Great Steak & Potato Company while I was there. I wonder if their food preparation methods work against them. On the one hand, it’s probably the only place where they cook the food when you order it, as opposed to placing it under a heat lamp, but on the other hand, when that place gets backed up, it’s backed up.

As I ate my super steak, I tried to learn something from the Great Steak & Potato Company by browsing their menu. In addition to the sandwiches, they also serve salads with the chopped up meat on them. They also have a wide variety of baked potatoes with lots of toppings on them. Some places in this cheesesteak genre will instead substitute fries for baked potatoes and serve loaded fries. I think I prefer loaded fries to loaded potatoes. I don’t know. As soon as I typed that I doubted myself.

My super steak was okay but not super. That said, I’m not really a cheese steak connoisseur and I tend to find these places kind of hit-and-miss. While eating, I tried to make a chart of how things can go well at these places, and how they can go bad:

Factors that make a good cheesesteak sandwich
-Bun a perfect mix of crispy and soggy
-A lot of cheese distributed throughout sandwich
-Proper ratios of mayonnaise or other special sauce
-Generally, I think shredded lettuce is better than big leafy lettuce

Factors that spell doom for cheesesteak sandwich
-Bun too hard, hard to eat
-Bun too soggy, sandwich falls apart
-Sandwich falls apart due to unwieldy ingredients, regardless of bun conditions
-Meat too dry

My chart also needs to include something about vegetables. There’s also something tricky about the vegetables in the cheese steak, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Anyways, it was okay. The fries were good although too salty. While I ate, I tried to decide if the awning and sign for the Great Steak & Potato Company was dingier and dirtier than its neighbors, but I think that might have been my imagination.

When I got back to the office, I had to get some Junior Mints from the convenience store downstairs to really complete the meal and close the palate. Just something to keep in mind if you happen to eat at one of these types of establishments and feel that something is missing when you’re finished.

thinking outside the bun

Well, I hope that everyone was able to get to sleep last night, and able to concentrate on work today, even with all the excitement and mystery surrounding the beginning of The Great Food Court Project.

Well, the time has come to announce that today I ate lunch at…Taco Bell.

I know, it’s kind of a dud and a boring way to start off The Great Food Court Project. I probably chose it in part as a way of getting that one over with. But here’s the other reason I chose it: you know that urban legend about the girl who ate at Taco Bell, and then she got a sore throat, and it ended up being cockroach eggs that hatched? Well, whenever I’ve eaten at Taco Bell since I heard that story, I feel like I get a sore throat out of hypochondriac sympathy. But I already have a sore throat! I’m sick with a really bad cold! So I’m untouchable to the normal Taco Bell effects.

It’s probably been three years since I ate at Taco Bell, despite living across the street from one in Seattle for awhile, although that particular Taco Bell seemed more like a place where people did drugs than ate. I did love it when I was a child, and I fondly remember dipping cinnamon twists into nacho cheese with my brothers back in the day. So as I stood at the counter to order, I must say that I was struck by the loss of knowledge I’ve suffered where Taco Bell is concerned. What’s bigger—a burrito supreme or a stuft burrito? Just what are the seven layers in a seven-layer burrito? What do all these types of nachos come with? These are things I used to know.

Other things I noticed as I ordered: the line for Taco Bell was all male, although in the time in which I was eating, I did notice two females get some food there as well. Also, I really do think that Taco Bell might be the last truly affordable fast food restaurant. It’s also been awhile since I ate at McDonald’s, but aren’t combos there now like six bucks? I guess the flip side to the cheapness might point to poor quality, like maybe there’s some truth rumor that they just kill cats and use that for beef. But I don’t know if that’s true. I’m not saying it is. Please don’t sue me, Taco Bell.

Well, today I had nachos supreme and a baja chicken chalupa, and both were fine. The shell of the chalupa wasn’t quite as magical as I remembered it being…I remembered it being the finest in fried bread, and when I was little, I thought chalupa shells should be used in everything, despite having an inkling even at that age that they were awfully unhealthy. But anyways, both items were just fine, even though I’ll be a-okay if I don’t eat at Taco Bell for another three years.

As I left the food court, I had a few extra minutes, so I made a loop through Urban Outfitters. I got like a nail or a tack or something stuck in my shoe, but luckily I got it out before it penetrated the food and would have required a tetanus shot. No one said The Great Food Court Project wouldn’t be dangerous.

Here's something else I wrote when I was eleven

Here's another writing sample from the sixth grade. As I mentioned in the previous entry, for the writing test, you basically had to write an intro, write three supporting paragraphs, and a closing paragraph. I think each supporting paragraph had to have about 5 sentences. The prompt for this one was, "My favorite restaurant." As before, I did not change a word.

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My Favorite Restaurant, September 30, 1993

The restaurant I like most is Bojangle’s. My reasons for liking it are: its fantastic food, the comfortable atmosphere and appearance, and its good quality.

I love the food! Bojangle’s serves southern or Cajun chicken, biscuits, or any serving you could imagine. You can get juicy nuggets, a thigh, a breast, a leg, or make a combination. The mouthwatering side dishes cover almost anything you could want with your chicken. All of the food has good flavor and is hard to match.

The attractive atmosphere and appearance will make you feel right at home. It is sparkling clean. The walls have a few decorations. They put beautiful colors together to decorate the tables, chairs, and walls. There is faint music in the background.

The good quality is hard to beat! The food is pleasantly hot. The prices are decent. The service people are friendly. You will get what you paid for!

Bojangle’s is my favorite restaurant because of the delicious food, its friendly appearance and atmosphere, and their overall quality. It’s a must for all chicken and biscuit lovers!!

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Okay, it is the present day again. Like the sixth grade post about my bedroom, this post holds true today. Bojangle's is still my favorite restaurant, and my room is still decorated the same. Is that weird? Shouldn't my tastes have evolved a little bit since I was 11?

If I had to write this essay over, I would probably not write about the atmosphere. That really isn't important. Supporting paragraph #1 would have been all about the chicken. Supporting paragraph #2 would have been all about the biscuits. Supporting paragraph #3 would have been all about the side dishes. Overall, the biscuits get really shortchanged in this middle school essay. Now that I am older, I understand how difficult it is to find a biscuit so perfectly fluffy, so decadantly buttered, and so golden brown.

Good news! I just did a little internet research, and my new apartment is only 15 miles from a Bojangle's! That might seem like too far to go, but in Seattle I was 2,900 miles from a Bojangle's! This is definitely a move in the right direction!

I got a bone to pick-with-a Chick-fil-a

Look, I hate to have to do this, because Chick-fil-a is one of my very favorite restaurants, but I have a major problem that I need to share.

This weekend, my parents and I headed to the South Asheville Chick-fil-a location, which we do most weekends, because my parents seem to habitually win some contest where they get free sandwiches or free combos for a year. Now, this seems like a minor detail, but I have to note here that I had a slight headache. I was about to take some Excedrin Migraine, but that medicine is loaded with so much caffeine that I can’t have any more caffeine within like 48 hours or I’ll have a seizure. So anyways, I decided against the Excedrin Migraine because I was about to go to Chick-fil-a, and I figured that by having a delicious and refreshing Diet Coke with my chicken nuggets and waffle fries that I would consume enough caffeine to zap that headache away.

So we get to Chick-fil-a, and I’m ordering my combo, when I notice that all the soda machines have stickers that say ‘Caffeine-free Diet Coke.’

“Is that sticker right?” I asked the lady at the counter. “Is it really caffeine-free Diet Coke, or is it just a sticker that you put over the regular Diet Coke spigot?”

“The sticker is right,” said the lady.

“Well what else do you have that is diet?” I asked. Because it just seems silly to consume soda calories when I can drink fake calories and use the real calories for something later, like cookies.

“That’s the only diet thing we have,” said the lady.

Now, I applaud having caffeine-free things. And I applaud having diet things. But I don’t think the two, combined, should be the only option for each. Plenty of people are on diets but need caffeine; in fact, I am sure there are plenty of studies where the two are linked. And plenty of people don’t want caffeine but don’t mind soda calories (Sprite drinkers). And at one point, this Chick-fil-a offered both caffeinated and caffeine-free Diet Coke because my mom remembers having to specify.

So, because the lady was not really enthused by my request to mix a little regular Coke and a little caffeine-free Diet Coke, I ended up with caffeine-free Diet Coke and a raging headache. So I took a comment card and I am making a personal plea to Larry Meadows, Operator of the Chick-fil-a in South Asheville (I am including his name in case he ever googles himself), to please bring back the caffeinated Diet Coke.

My worry here, though, is that Chick-fil-a’s are franchises with individual owners, and will I have to fill out a comment form in every Chick-fil-a that I visit so that Diet Coke junkies can get their fix? But you know, I am willing to do that, because I need some caffeinated Diet Coke with my combo. In return, I would ask all my readers, who might ever be in a Chick-fil-a, to note whether regular Diet Coke is available, and if not, please fill out a comment form. Coke Zero is an acceptable substitute although I can’t say I understand how it differs from Diet Coke.

As long as I am complaining about Chick-fil-a, I would like to share a few other minor beefs (Get it? Beefs? But it’s Chick-fil-a? Get it?) with this otherwise fine restaurant:

-Failure to expand into the Pacific Northwest. Right after I moved to Seattle, my dad mailed me a coupon for a free combo or a free drink or something, and I had to mail it back and say, “sorry Dad, no Chick-fil-a’s out here.” Isn’t that story just so sad you could cry? Also, this incident led to my dad not really understanding why I had chosen to live where I did.

-The advertising campaign with the cows. I think the cows part is actually clever. What confuses me is why they are such poor spellers. Like, when they spell “chikin” instead of “chicken.” These cows were smart enough to mobilize, create an advertising campaign, steal some posterboard and paint, paint signs, and then hold them up, but they didn’t take the trouble to consult a dictionary or use a spell-checker? That just doesn’t add up. And since poor spelling is a pet peeve of mine, I would be more inclined to eat a cow, just to rid the world of bad spellers.

-This complex about being the “first” restaurant to do anything. This one is really my dad’s. Chick-fil-a likes to claim that they invented the chicken sandwich, and that they were the first people to serve waffle fries, and that they invented the modern day food court as we know it. Well, I can’t speak to the food court one, but apparently my dad’s mom made chicken sandwiches way before Chick-fil-a came along, and he’s pretty offended on her behalf. He’s also pretty sure he saw waffle fries before Chick-fil-a as well. So he’s just sick of their attitude.

-The business practices of the Chick-fil-a in the Biltmore Square Mall. This is a store-specific complaint, but if you’ve ever been to the Biltmore Square Mall in Asheville, then you know that the “food court” is a Chick-fil-a and a bunch of empty businesses. Apparently, particularly during the time in which I was in high school, because that’s where I heard it, that Chick-fil-a would stop at nothing to run out competing businesses. Some might say that this is "good business" and that "the market has spoken," but trust me when I say it sounded pretty unfair. I can’t really spell out what I heard they did (because the aforementioned Larry Meadows might find this on Google and sue me), but let’s just say that you have to eat Chick-fil-a at the Biltmore Square Mall if you want to eat.