Well, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that it was tough to go back to work today, after a nice, long, holiday weekend. I spent my 4th of July in Candler with the family. Though our activities mostly involved eating, I was still able to learn lots of things on my trip home. I decided to blog about all the things I learned, each day. Here we go.
Thursday: In which I drive from Atlanta to Candler, eat at Mellow Mushroom with my brothers and go to a Jenny Lewis concert with my brother George.
I learned that…..
….Atlanta traffic is not that bad if you get to leave work at 1 p.m.
…..Ronde the cat is still impossibly cute
…..Tiki the cat is still rather grumpy when I am around
…..my brother William is starting to look and act eerily like my father.
…..waitresses who show up for their Mellow Mushroom shift directly after “gardening” are often too spacey to be very effective in serving.
…..the Mellow Mushroom in Asheville was out of nearly every local beer.
…..my brother William has some frightening sort of mojo or reverse psychology that can make me agree to eating Hawaiian pizza when I really want to eat White Pizza.
…….it’s better to just compromise and order two pizzas, particularly if one of the pizzas is a White pizza.
….short people who are pissy about having to stand behind taller people at a concert should get to the concert earlier
....the Heartless Bastards are a good opening band, and the lead singer of that band looks like a Muppet.
….a new stylish look, as worn by Jenny Lewis, is a cut-up white t-shirt with a black bra underneath.
….Tecate is a tasty beer suitable for performers, as evidenced by Jenny Lewis’s enthusiasm for it.
…..Jenny Lewis posters are nigh-impossible to get, as they sold out just before I was able to buy one for my brother, and none of the staff members were willing to get the one out of the locked marquee for us.
Friday: I ate coffee cake, cold cuts and chicken, went shopping with my parents and sat on the porch.
I learned that……
….Sara Lee coffee cake is delicious
…..I might be allergic to Ronde the kitten
….shopping for dishwashers is difficult
….dishwasher salesmen might be creepier than car salesmen
….trying on hats at antique stores is fun
….if Hardee’s is out of lids for their medium-sized cups, they will upgrade you to a large.
…..a large soda at Hardee’s is way more soda than any person has a right to drink
…..sitting out on the porch, in weather that was at least ten degrees cooler than Atlanta, is delightful.
….Ronde can climb trees
……my mom used to win roller-skating competitions and win a giant Hershey’s bar for her efforts
….if you let the boys cook, they will come up with something delicious, thus meaning that they should always cook while the ladies sip drinks on the proch
…3 adults can easily polish off 3 bottles of wine.
Saturday: A day to celebrate America by eating and watching things.
I learned that….
…..Tecate is more delicious than I remembered. Thanks for the tip, Jenny Lewis.
…..pierogies with spicy seasoning cooked on the grill are delicious
….how to make ribs from my brother’s father-in-law. Sorta.
…the renovated movie theater on Hendersonville road is awesome, because it has all these big comfy couches and footrests.
…The Hangover is an immensely funny movie
…..when you hear a rustling in trees near the house, it’s best to assume that it’s a bear.
…fireworks that emit a loud boom without also emitting any beautiful sparkles are awful fireworks and should not even be sold.
…..there was much I did not know about our nation’s first sixteen presidents, thanks to the History Channel’s marathon of “The Presidents.”
….the History Channel thinks that Jimmy Carter succeeded Abraham Lincoln in the presidency, if the way they ordered the episodes of “The Presidents” is any indication.
….I get too tired to stay up til 4 a.m. to watch the entirety of any television marathon, even if it is about the presidents.
Sunday: I ate some things, read some stuff, and drove back to Atlanta.
I learned that….
…..my mom can make a mean breakfast sandwich
….the show “Rome Reports” is a must if you like popes, and if you get that channel about Catholics, which my parents do.
….reading “Infinite Jest” while your parents watch the Wimbledon finals is kind of weird.
…ribs are delicious
…..it’s best to shower after you eat ribs
….though you may be expecting heavy traffic on the last day of a holiday weekend, it won’t come in the spots that you expect.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Monday, July 6, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
why don't you climb down off that movie screen
I have a long-standing blog tradition, which is every six months, I list all the films that I’ve seen for the first time in the previous six months. It is that time of year again, and even though I am uncomfortably full of cheeseburgers and beer, I shall review the films watched in the first half of 2009. Think about that people. 2009 is half over. What do I have to show for it? Well, for one, I have these 31 films.
1. Made of Honor
When I watch movies with Patrick Dempsey, I get to reminisce about the time I stood less than a foot away from him in Seattle. He was so beautiful. I think he should be in all the romantical comedies.
2. Fred Claus
For a film that included Vince Vaughan, Paul Giamatti and Kevin Spacey, it probably could have been better. But as a kids’ Christmas film, it also could have been a lot worse. So I was pleased with the effort, particularly the origin story of Santa and Fred at the beginning.
3. Step Brothers
I probably shouldn’t have let myself get my hopes up, because I’ve been burned too badly by Will Farrell and/or John C. Reilly (oh, Walk Hard…). I remember laughing kinda hard at something in this movie, but now I don’t even remember what it was. Probably not a good sign.
4. Smart People
Wasn’t impressed.
5. Definitely, Maybe
Man, combine the charm of Ryan Reynolds and the sassy precociousness of Abigail Breslin, with a few little dabs of Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz, and you have a very enjoyable two hours. On the one hand, I was kind of surprised that it wasn’t a bigger hit, but on the other hand, it’s not like I ran out to the theaters and watched it. I watched it on DVD.
6. Night at the Museum
Oh man, I thought I would like it because I like museums, and how can you go wrong with a movie about a museum? But I ended up adoring this movie. Even Robin Williams, who has become fairly annoying in most every movie these days, was enjoyable to watch.
7. Igor
I don’t even remember watching this movie, which is pretty rare for me as far as John Cusack movies are concerned. But I watched it during what was probably my worst week ever in a good long time, and there was so much going on that I think this got crowded out of my brain space.
8. He’s Just Not That Into You
I enjoyed watching this movie, because there were a lot of likeable people in the cast, but my main problem is that the whole premise of the book/movie is that you shouldn’t sit around waiting to suddenly be the love of someone’s life all of a sudden, because that’s not the way things happen. And the movie is built around teaching the characters that, but in the end, they get what they want anyways, even though the book/movie was about teaching them that they couldn’t have those things. Was that supposed to be ironic?
9. The Bank Job
I liked this movie a lot.
10. Iron Man
I liked this movie too, but it was kinda long for my taste.
11. Sunshine Cleaning
It’s definitely a weak movie where plot’s concerned, but I thought Amy Adams was great.
12. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
In some ways, this movie made me wish I was a teenager who lived in New York City. In other ways, this movie made me very glad I wasn’t a teenager anymore. Though if I was a teenager who knew Michael Cera…..well, I could probably deal with that.
13. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
It was okay for what it was. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me that people that destitute would spend so much on equipment and other things necessary for making a porno, but I guess if you can buy into that premise it’s not so bad.
14. Rachel Getting Married
Man, aren’t you glad you didn’t have to go to that wedding? What an annoying wedding, what with all that singing and dancing and the long speeches and the faux intellectualism. I mean, some might say that Anne Hathaway’s character is a train wreck who ruins everything around her, but if I were at that wedding, I’d want some relief from all the pretentiousness.
15. Milk
I don’t know how anyone could have doubted that Sean Penn would win the Oscar. I liked this one quite a bit.
16. My Kid Could Paint That
I liked this documentary very much. It’s about modern art and a four-year-old prodigy, and the questions that start to arise about whether the child actually did the work. Was it the frustrated artist father? I kinda think so.
17. The Wrestler
I had pretty high hopes based on the reviews and wasn’t that blown away. Mainly I was just made uncomfortable my all the staple guns and breaking glass and whatnot. I used to really like wrestling when I was little, because it had all those outsized personalities, but I never really associated it with pain, if that makes sense. More like dancing with storylines. Mickey Rourke was impressive, but I wasn’t outraged at his Oscar loss as some people were.
18. Frost/Nixon
I liked Sean Penn in “Milk” an awful lot, but I would not have been sad if Frank Langella had won the Best Actor Oscar. I wish all movies could have a retired President wandering around in them. Even if it’s not based on fact at all. Here’s how I see this working: two characters have lunch at a café, and discuss an issue of some importance to one of the characters. Then Millard Fillmore wanders by and asks them if they want refills. And you have sort of comforting sense that an ex-president is nearby. Think about it.
19. The King of Kong
I don’t know much about video games, but this documentary about breaking video game records made me briefly care about them.
20. What Happens in Vegas
Sometimes I forget how entertaining Ashton Kutcher is.
21. Patty Hearst
One day, feeling sad that Natasha Richardson had died, I was adding a lot of her movies to my Netflix queue. I noticed this one, considered one of her breakout roles, was only available instantly. Being interested in the story of Patty Hearst, I sat down and watched it then and there. Intriguing. Not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but interesting. Now I’m looking forward to some Patty Hearst documentaries that are in the queue.
22. The Nanny Diaries
I have really fond memories of reading the book “The Nanny Diaries,” which I did while I was studying abroad at Oxford. We had to go on a really long bus trip to Scotland and when there wasn’t any scenery, I read this book and was enchanted by it. I didn’t really have any plans to see the movie, because I’m not the biggest Scarlett Johansson fan, but then I watched the “John Adams” miniseries, and I immediately wanted to see everything that Paul Giamatti had even touched, which is how I ended up finally watching this movie. I have to say: eh.
23. Last Chance Harvey
Sometimes Dustin Hoffman seems so weird and mannered in interviews that I lose all desire to watch him in movies. But with Emma Thompson to balance him out in this endeavor, I was okay. Better than okay actually…somewhat enchanted by this short, sweet film.
24. Wendy and Lucy
I’m not a dog person, so this indie film about losing a dog was a little hard to identify with, but I think Michelle Williams did a fabulous job. But don’t watch it unless you’re up for a good dose of hopelessness.
25. Troop Beverly Hills
I wanted to see Jenny Lewis in her younger days.
26. Pineapple Express
I like it when cast members of “Freaks and Geeks” work together. I thought it was just alright, though.
27. Doubt
Holy cow. Meryl Streep was so good in this movie, I thought. I wish her character could be in every movie too, like the ex-presidents, just wandering around and saying things sharply.
28. The Proposal
This movie made me all warm and fuzzy. I found myself helpless against the combined charisma of Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.
29. The Doors
This movie made me never ever want to do drugs. I think they should show it to kids who are pondering taking drugs, because I think it would make them not want to do it. I mean, I even felt like I was on drugs while I was watching this movie and I did not feel well afterward.
30. Blades of Glory
I remember finding one line in this movie REALLY funny, but I just read all the Memorable Quotes for this movie on IMDB.com and I can’t find that funny line. I just watched this movie a few days ago, so that’s probably not a very good sign for my memory. But in reading all those memorable quotes, I found another one that I liked:
Chazz (Will Farrell): Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy (Napoleon Dynamite): Did you just say mind-bottling? Chazz: Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?
31. Confessions of a Shopaholic
Okay, so I REALLY like the Shopaholic books, so I was bound to be disappointed by the movie, right? Probably, and I was disappointed. Isla Fisher was good, but here were my problems:
1. The love interest did not look or act anything like I pictured.
2. I did not like the filmmakers changing the setting from London to New York.
3. They crammed several of the books together. This does not bother me because I don’t think they need to make a sequel…but it left some gaping holes in plot.
4. Somehow, it’s easier to sympathize and root for a character who shops compulsively when you’re reading her thoughts. When you’re just watching her, it’s very hard to care. A few monologues by Isla does not explain why the character has this shopping problem. Just something that’s easier to read, I guess.
5. That’s all I have right now.
1. Made of Honor
When I watch movies with Patrick Dempsey, I get to reminisce about the time I stood less than a foot away from him in Seattle. He was so beautiful. I think he should be in all the romantical comedies.
2. Fred Claus
For a film that included Vince Vaughan, Paul Giamatti and Kevin Spacey, it probably could have been better. But as a kids’ Christmas film, it also could have been a lot worse. So I was pleased with the effort, particularly the origin story of Santa and Fred at the beginning.
3. Step Brothers
I probably shouldn’t have let myself get my hopes up, because I’ve been burned too badly by Will Farrell and/or John C. Reilly (oh, Walk Hard…). I remember laughing kinda hard at something in this movie, but now I don’t even remember what it was. Probably not a good sign.
4. Smart People
Wasn’t impressed.
5. Definitely, Maybe
Man, combine the charm of Ryan Reynolds and the sassy precociousness of Abigail Breslin, with a few little dabs of Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks and Rachel Weisz, and you have a very enjoyable two hours. On the one hand, I was kind of surprised that it wasn’t a bigger hit, but on the other hand, it’s not like I ran out to the theaters and watched it. I watched it on DVD.
6. Night at the Museum
Oh man, I thought I would like it because I like museums, and how can you go wrong with a movie about a museum? But I ended up adoring this movie. Even Robin Williams, who has become fairly annoying in most every movie these days, was enjoyable to watch.
7. Igor
I don’t even remember watching this movie, which is pretty rare for me as far as John Cusack movies are concerned. But I watched it during what was probably my worst week ever in a good long time, and there was so much going on that I think this got crowded out of my brain space.
8. He’s Just Not That Into You
I enjoyed watching this movie, because there were a lot of likeable people in the cast, but my main problem is that the whole premise of the book/movie is that you shouldn’t sit around waiting to suddenly be the love of someone’s life all of a sudden, because that’s not the way things happen. And the movie is built around teaching the characters that, but in the end, they get what they want anyways, even though the book/movie was about teaching them that they couldn’t have those things. Was that supposed to be ironic?
9. The Bank Job
I liked this movie a lot.
10. Iron Man
I liked this movie too, but it was kinda long for my taste.
11. Sunshine Cleaning
It’s definitely a weak movie where plot’s concerned, but I thought Amy Adams was great.
12. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
In some ways, this movie made me wish I was a teenager who lived in New York City. In other ways, this movie made me very glad I wasn’t a teenager anymore. Though if I was a teenager who knew Michael Cera…..well, I could probably deal with that.
13. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
It was okay for what it was. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me that people that destitute would spend so much on equipment and other things necessary for making a porno, but I guess if you can buy into that premise it’s not so bad.
14. Rachel Getting Married
Man, aren’t you glad you didn’t have to go to that wedding? What an annoying wedding, what with all that singing and dancing and the long speeches and the faux intellectualism. I mean, some might say that Anne Hathaway’s character is a train wreck who ruins everything around her, but if I were at that wedding, I’d want some relief from all the pretentiousness.
15. Milk
I don’t know how anyone could have doubted that Sean Penn would win the Oscar. I liked this one quite a bit.
16. My Kid Could Paint That
I liked this documentary very much. It’s about modern art and a four-year-old prodigy, and the questions that start to arise about whether the child actually did the work. Was it the frustrated artist father? I kinda think so.
17. The Wrestler
I had pretty high hopes based on the reviews and wasn’t that blown away. Mainly I was just made uncomfortable my all the staple guns and breaking glass and whatnot. I used to really like wrestling when I was little, because it had all those outsized personalities, but I never really associated it with pain, if that makes sense. More like dancing with storylines. Mickey Rourke was impressive, but I wasn’t outraged at his Oscar loss as some people were.
18. Frost/Nixon
I liked Sean Penn in “Milk” an awful lot, but I would not have been sad if Frank Langella had won the Best Actor Oscar. I wish all movies could have a retired President wandering around in them. Even if it’s not based on fact at all. Here’s how I see this working: two characters have lunch at a café, and discuss an issue of some importance to one of the characters. Then Millard Fillmore wanders by and asks them if they want refills. And you have sort of comforting sense that an ex-president is nearby. Think about it.
19. The King of Kong
I don’t know much about video games, but this documentary about breaking video game records made me briefly care about them.
20. What Happens in Vegas
Sometimes I forget how entertaining Ashton Kutcher is.
21. Patty Hearst
One day, feeling sad that Natasha Richardson had died, I was adding a lot of her movies to my Netflix queue. I noticed this one, considered one of her breakout roles, was only available instantly. Being interested in the story of Patty Hearst, I sat down and watched it then and there. Intriguing. Not the best movie I’ve ever seen, but interesting. Now I’m looking forward to some Patty Hearst documentaries that are in the queue.
22. The Nanny Diaries
I have really fond memories of reading the book “The Nanny Diaries,” which I did while I was studying abroad at Oxford. We had to go on a really long bus trip to Scotland and when there wasn’t any scenery, I read this book and was enchanted by it. I didn’t really have any plans to see the movie, because I’m not the biggest Scarlett Johansson fan, but then I watched the “John Adams” miniseries, and I immediately wanted to see everything that Paul Giamatti had even touched, which is how I ended up finally watching this movie. I have to say: eh.
23. Last Chance Harvey
Sometimes Dustin Hoffman seems so weird and mannered in interviews that I lose all desire to watch him in movies. But with Emma Thompson to balance him out in this endeavor, I was okay. Better than okay actually…somewhat enchanted by this short, sweet film.
24. Wendy and Lucy
I’m not a dog person, so this indie film about losing a dog was a little hard to identify with, but I think Michelle Williams did a fabulous job. But don’t watch it unless you’re up for a good dose of hopelessness.
25. Troop Beverly Hills
I wanted to see Jenny Lewis in her younger days.
26. Pineapple Express
I like it when cast members of “Freaks and Geeks” work together. I thought it was just alright, though.
27. Doubt
Holy cow. Meryl Streep was so good in this movie, I thought. I wish her character could be in every movie too, like the ex-presidents, just wandering around and saying things sharply.
28. The Proposal
This movie made me all warm and fuzzy. I found myself helpless against the combined charisma of Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.
29. The Doors
This movie made me never ever want to do drugs. I think they should show it to kids who are pondering taking drugs, because I think it would make them not want to do it. I mean, I even felt like I was on drugs while I was watching this movie and I did not feel well afterward.
30. Blades of Glory
I remember finding one line in this movie REALLY funny, but I just read all the Memorable Quotes for this movie on IMDB.com and I can’t find that funny line. I just watched this movie a few days ago, so that’s probably not a very good sign for my memory. But in reading all those memorable quotes, I found another one that I liked:
Chazz (Will Farrell): Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy (Napoleon Dynamite): Did you just say mind-bottling? Chazz: Yeah, mind-bottling. You know, when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle?
31. Confessions of a Shopaholic
Okay, so I REALLY like the Shopaholic books, so I was bound to be disappointed by the movie, right? Probably, and I was disappointed. Isla Fisher was good, but here were my problems:
1. The love interest did not look or act anything like I pictured.
2. I did not like the filmmakers changing the setting from London to New York.
3. They crammed several of the books together. This does not bother me because I don’t think they need to make a sequel…but it left some gaping holes in plot.
4. Somehow, it’s easier to sympathize and root for a character who shops compulsively when you’re reading her thoughts. When you’re just watching her, it’s very hard to care. A few monologues by Isla does not explain why the character has this shopping problem. Just something that’s easier to read, I guess.
5. That’s all I have right now.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
everything's better on a big screen
Here are two things that are probably only interesting to me:
1. Last night I had a dream that I was supposed to give a speech and I had lost my notes. I don’t know what I was supposed to talk about. Before I went on, someone told me just to speak from my heart, so I got up to the podium and said, “It is a stain upon our entire society that we haven’t found more uses for Cadbury eggs.” Whatever that means. Then, in the same dream, I found out that my stuffed bear Barnabas could lay Cadbury eggs and I was scared he would get stolen. This dream may or may not have been brought to you by some Cadbury eggs I consumed last night.
2. This morning, I sat down on the toilet (hopefully that is not too graphic an image for you) and at the very same time, there was this clattering in the kitchen. I felt pretty bad about myself. Did I weigh so much that by sitting on a toilet I could cause the kitchen to settle? No, as it turns out. It was just the toaster waffles being released with a giant whoosh from the toaster. There were two upsides to discovering this: 1, I was not in fact heavy enough to cause things to clatter, and 2, I had some toaster waffles waiting for me.
Now, on to more pleasant things. Today I had one of my best cinematic experiences, ever. And it probably won’t be topped, so I should just stop going to the movies. Today I went with my friend Katie to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to see my favorite film of all time, Gone With the Wind, on the big screen.
First off, it’s cool enough to do something at the Fox. It is a very neat place. But to see Gone with the Wind there, in recognition of GWTW’s 70th anniversary? Well, that is something else entirely. It was insane to see the movie that large. I kept seeing things that I don’t notice when the movie is on my television. I also noticed that some things were funnier with an audience than when you watch them by yourself. Never have I really laughed out loud at Gone with the Wind, because, you know, an awful lot of bad things happen. But when people started laughing in certain parts, I was like, hmm, this movie can be pretty funny in places. And that just means that this movie has it all….romance, drama, history and COMEDY.
However, the weird thing about seeing this movie with 4800 people was the compulsion that some people had to clap at certain parts. Like when the movie started, people started clapping when the title went across the screen. Okay, I thought, they’re excited and bursting with pent-up emotion and I can deal with this. But then, they kept clapping through all the introductory credits, to the point that I wanted to turn around and be like, you know these people aren’t here, right? The only person still alive from the movie is Olivia de Havilland, who is in her 90s and lives in Paris. Speaking of which, here is one of the most awesome things of the day---Robert Osborne of Turner Classic Movies was there to introduce the film, and he said that this morning he called up Olivia in Paris to let her know that there were two sold-out screenings of the film in Atlanta. And she said, “Oh, I know all about that. I have my spies.” And then Robert Osborne said that Olivia de Havilland sent us all her regards.
When I recovered from the fact that Olivia de Havilland had sent me regards, I had two thoughts. 1--How do I get to be one of Olivia de Havilland’s spies? And 2—How can I get a job that just allows me to introduce movies and call up Olivia de Havilland? I need that job.
There’s not much else I can say about the movie that I haven’t said a million times before, except to reiterate how cool it was to see it on a big screen. Even though people kept clapping at random parts all through the movie, even clapping at weird parts that I still haven’t quite made sense of. Maybe these people were Olivia de Havilland’s spies. Hmmm.
1. Last night I had a dream that I was supposed to give a speech and I had lost my notes. I don’t know what I was supposed to talk about. Before I went on, someone told me just to speak from my heart, so I got up to the podium and said, “It is a stain upon our entire society that we haven’t found more uses for Cadbury eggs.” Whatever that means. Then, in the same dream, I found out that my stuffed bear Barnabas could lay Cadbury eggs and I was scared he would get stolen. This dream may or may not have been brought to you by some Cadbury eggs I consumed last night.
2. This morning, I sat down on the toilet (hopefully that is not too graphic an image for you) and at the very same time, there was this clattering in the kitchen. I felt pretty bad about myself. Did I weigh so much that by sitting on a toilet I could cause the kitchen to settle? No, as it turns out. It was just the toaster waffles being released with a giant whoosh from the toaster. There were two upsides to discovering this: 1, I was not in fact heavy enough to cause things to clatter, and 2, I had some toaster waffles waiting for me.
Now, on to more pleasant things. Today I had one of my best cinematic experiences, ever. And it probably won’t be topped, so I should just stop going to the movies. Today I went with my friend Katie to the Fabulous Fox Theatre to see my favorite film of all time, Gone With the Wind, on the big screen.
First off, it’s cool enough to do something at the Fox. It is a very neat place. But to see Gone with the Wind there, in recognition of GWTW’s 70th anniversary? Well, that is something else entirely. It was insane to see the movie that large. I kept seeing things that I don’t notice when the movie is on my television. I also noticed that some things were funnier with an audience than when you watch them by yourself. Never have I really laughed out loud at Gone with the Wind, because, you know, an awful lot of bad things happen. But when people started laughing in certain parts, I was like, hmm, this movie can be pretty funny in places. And that just means that this movie has it all….romance, drama, history and COMEDY.
However, the weird thing about seeing this movie with 4800 people was the compulsion that some people had to clap at certain parts. Like when the movie started, people started clapping when the title went across the screen. Okay, I thought, they’re excited and bursting with pent-up emotion and I can deal with this. But then, they kept clapping through all the introductory credits, to the point that I wanted to turn around and be like, you know these people aren’t here, right? The only person still alive from the movie is Olivia de Havilland, who is in her 90s and lives in Paris. Speaking of which, here is one of the most awesome things of the day---Robert Osborne of Turner Classic Movies was there to introduce the film, and he said that this morning he called up Olivia in Paris to let her know that there were two sold-out screenings of the film in Atlanta. And she said, “Oh, I know all about that. I have my spies.” And then Robert Osborne said that Olivia de Havilland sent us all her regards.
When I recovered from the fact that Olivia de Havilland had sent me regards, I had two thoughts. 1--How do I get to be one of Olivia de Havilland’s spies? And 2—How can I get a job that just allows me to introduce movies and call up Olivia de Havilland? I need that job.
There’s not much else I can say about the movie that I haven’t said a million times before, except to reiterate how cool it was to see it on a big screen. Even though people kept clapping at random parts all through the movie, even clapping at weird parts that I still haven’t quite made sense of. Maybe these people were Olivia de Havilland’s spies. Hmmm.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Hour 3: dull as the other two
One time Steven Spielberg saw a movie and it changed his life blah blah blah. He talks about how he had mentors, and now he gets to be a mentor. Who are his mentees, I wonder. Shia LaBeouf? Drew Barrymore’s hair?
Now Wynonna Judd is endorsing Alli. Do you remember the made-for-tv movie “Love Can Build a Bridge”, based upon Naomi Judd’s autobiography of the same name? Yeah, I just remembered it too, and it’s going on the Netflix queue. Now I bet that would be an interesting live blog.
I just tried to make a list of five things I’d like to win an award for. First was blogging. Then I guess non-blog related writing, either work-related or otherwise. Then I was out of stuff. I should get good at other things. Hmm. This boring awards show is forcing me to face my own mediocrity.
Finally, something funny happens, when Sasha Baron Cohen gets up there. No one in the room laughs, though. Based on the background noise, it sounds like they don’t even stop talking for the show anymore. They just keep on meeting and greeting and making deals and celebrating, as the voiceover announcer reminds me every time we cut to commercial. The only way they could improve this award show at this point would be to televise the commercials. And put microphones on everyone. Secret microphones. AND they should fly Jennifer Aniston in for a last-minute surprise to Brangelina and she should present Angelina Jolie’s award and….the possibilities are too limitless from there.
Man, I liked Cameron Diaz’s dress, then she got on stage and was annoying. Now she’s dead to me. Kate Winslet wins twice! Hooray! This refuted the previous intelligence that Anne Hathaway would win because her name was already up on the Golden Globes web site. I like how Emma Thompson is there to help Kate Winslet on-stage. Then Kate Winslet forgot Angelina Jolie was even nominated! Mwa ha ha ha. I don’t want Angelina to get awards. I would prefer she focus on acquiring children.
Finally. Mad Men wins something. That’s the good thing. The bad thing is how long it might take them all to walk up to the stage.
I’m not even trying anymore. I guess I’ll go ahead and post this. I don’t think live blogging award shows is a very good idea anymore. Oh well.
Now Wynonna Judd is endorsing Alli. Do you remember the made-for-tv movie “Love Can Build a Bridge”, based upon Naomi Judd’s autobiography of the same name? Yeah, I just remembered it too, and it’s going on the Netflix queue. Now I bet that would be an interesting live blog.
I just tried to make a list of five things I’d like to win an award for. First was blogging. Then I guess non-blog related writing, either work-related or otherwise. Then I was out of stuff. I should get good at other things. Hmm. This boring awards show is forcing me to face my own mediocrity.
Finally, something funny happens, when Sasha Baron Cohen gets up there. No one in the room laughs, though. Based on the background noise, it sounds like they don’t even stop talking for the show anymore. They just keep on meeting and greeting and making deals and celebrating, as the voiceover announcer reminds me every time we cut to commercial. The only way they could improve this award show at this point would be to televise the commercials. And put microphones on everyone. Secret microphones. AND they should fly Jennifer Aniston in for a last-minute surprise to Brangelina and she should present Angelina Jolie’s award and….the possibilities are too limitless from there.
Man, I liked Cameron Diaz’s dress, then she got on stage and was annoying. Now she’s dead to me. Kate Winslet wins twice! Hooray! This refuted the previous intelligence that Anne Hathaway would win because her name was already up on the Golden Globes web site. I like how Emma Thompson is there to help Kate Winslet on-stage. Then Kate Winslet forgot Angelina Jolie was even nominated! Mwa ha ha ha. I don’t want Angelina to get awards. I would prefer she focus on acquiring children.
Finally. Mad Men wins something. That’s the good thing. The bad thing is how long it might take them all to walk up to the stage.
I’m not even trying anymore. I guess I’ll go ahead and post this. I don’t think live blogging award shows is a very good idea anymore. Oh well.
Only Hour 2, but it felt like Hour 20
Demi Moore tells her daughter, who is Miss Golden Globe, not to slouch. Do you constantly forget that Demi Moore is married to Ashton Kutcher now? I do. Heath Ledger wins an award and gets a standing ovation and they show a clip of his work. Would he have won if he hadn’t died? An awful question to ask, but still. Maybe he wouldn’t have even shown up. Philip Seymour Hoffman didn’t.
A commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice was just on. That looks more interesting than this show right now.
Colin Farrell has a cold too! He makes a joke about drug use. So appropriate, Colin!
Laura Linney’s dress: should it be another color? Usually these things don’t occupy me, but when things get this boring. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN AN AWARD IS ANNOUNCED, STAT.
Should people really be described as “handsome” when they are introduced? I took a vote of all the voices in my head, and we say no. Sorry Gerard Butler.
Elizabeth Banks may be wearing my favorite dress of the night.
Here’s something I learned this week: sodium plays an important part in the taste of bread. I found that out when I bought some low-sodium bread. It tasted weird.
Here’s another thing: Amazon.com is getting kind of desperate, I think, and recommending me really bizarre things. Things that I am in no way interested in. Stop recommending me things with “Theban” in the title, Amazon. I’m just not that into Sophocles.
Renee Zellweger = worst-dressed! You read it here first. Unless you read other news sites first.
Paul Giamatti…I am trying to think of words that sum up how I feel about Paul Giamatti. He is zooming to the top of my favorite actor list. I even have “The Nanny Diaries” on my Netflix list because he is in it. I have heard that movie sucks but I’ll watch it anyways, for him.
Today I finally found some food coloring. I’d been having a hard time finding it. Turns out they keep it with the spices now, not with the cake decorating stuff.
I am trying to spy on my neighbors across the way. A couple lives there now. I think they are having dinner.
Tracy Morgan gives the acceptance speech for “30 Rock”, finally enlivening this boring show. Maybe he should give everyone’s acceptance speech. OMG Jay-Z is there with Beyonce!
We have nine awards left to go! And whatever lifetime achievement things they’re gonna do!
Even Tina Fey can’t keep me entertained at this point. TRY HARDER, CELEBRITIES.
A commercial for The Celebrity Apprentice was just on. That looks more interesting than this show right now.
Colin Farrell has a cold too! He makes a joke about drug use. So appropriate, Colin!
Laura Linney’s dress: should it be another color? Usually these things don’t occupy me, but when things get this boring. SOMEONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN AN AWARD IS ANNOUNCED, STAT.
Should people really be described as “handsome” when they are introduced? I took a vote of all the voices in my head, and we say no. Sorry Gerard Butler.
Elizabeth Banks may be wearing my favorite dress of the night.
Here’s something I learned this week: sodium plays an important part in the taste of bread. I found that out when I bought some low-sodium bread. It tasted weird.
Here’s another thing: Amazon.com is getting kind of desperate, I think, and recommending me really bizarre things. Things that I am in no way interested in. Stop recommending me things with “Theban” in the title, Amazon. I’m just not that into Sophocles.
Renee Zellweger = worst-dressed! You read it here first. Unless you read other news sites first.
Paul Giamatti…I am trying to think of words that sum up how I feel about Paul Giamatti. He is zooming to the top of my favorite actor list. I even have “The Nanny Diaries” on my Netflix list because he is in it. I have heard that movie sucks but I’ll watch it anyways, for him.
Today I finally found some food coloring. I’d been having a hard time finding it. Turns out they keep it with the spices now, not with the cake decorating stuff.
I am trying to spy on my neighbors across the way. A couple lives there now. I think they are having dinner.
Tracy Morgan gives the acceptance speech for “30 Rock”, finally enlivening this boring show. Maybe he should give everyone’s acceptance speech. OMG Jay-Z is there with Beyonce!
We have nine awards left to go! And whatever lifetime achievement things they’re gonna do!
Even Tina Fey can’t keep me entertained at this point. TRY HARDER, CELEBRITIES.
Golden Globes The Actual Show Hour One
Aww, man, when I switched over to NBC’s preshow, I found out I was missing red carpet coverage by Tiki Barber. What a loss. Anyways. Now the show is starting. Everyone is there, which they are demonstrating by showing all the celebrities arriving while a rap song plays.
Jennifer Lopez is going to start off the show. For a minute I thought they were going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt and I was going to get pissed. J-Lo goes, “Mama talkin’ Mama talkin’” when people keep talking. Oh, J-Lo, that is so annoying. And didn’t anyone tell you that the Golden Globes are ZANY?! Talking through presenters is, like, so Golden Globe.
Kate Winslet takes her sweet time getting up to the stage. Don’t you know I have a cold, Kate? We gotta keep this show on schedule. I’d be more upset, but I adore her, and she’s genuinely happy and moved. So okay. THIS TIME.
Oh, thank goodness. If Miley Cyrus had beat Bruce Springsteen in the Best Song category, I might have had to commit suicide or at least turn the show off. And then where would the blog be? And he said happy birthday to the Big Man Clarence Clemons! He must have seen that on Wikipedia, like I did.
Now the one thing I really dislike about the Golden Globes is that in the supporting categories, all the tv show actors are lumped together with all the miniseries and tv movie actors. That keeps the show moving faster than the Emmys, but it puts someone like Tom Wilkinson, who played Ben Franklin in “John Adams” up against Neil Patrick Harris. It seems unfair, but there’s no contest. I think Tom Wilkinson is drunk.
I’ve seen, like, nothing that is nominated for a Golden Globe, except for these things: Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Weeds, and John Adams. I have a lot of viewing to do, I guess.
Now I am looking at other things on the internet.
Oh, now they are showing my husband, Jon Hamm! I hope he wins! He does not. But Anna Paquin does? Over January Jones of Mad Men? This show is losing me very, very rapidly.
Man, even the celebrities are excited that Johnny Depp is there.
Guys, I worry that I’m not more excited by this award show. Is it really that boring, or have I lost my passion for award shows, and by extension, my passion for life? Is it the cold? I have drunk like half a carton of orange juice and it’s not doing ANYTHING. Beer doesn’t do anything either. I tried that a few nights ago. Ditto soda. I am running out of fluids.
It’s kind of hard to believe we haven’t passed the hour mark yet. Finally, we’re there. Tom Hanks is accepting the award for “John Adams” as I post this.
Jennifer Lopez is going to start off the show. For a minute I thought they were going to say Jennifer Love Hewitt and I was going to get pissed. J-Lo goes, “Mama talkin’ Mama talkin’” when people keep talking. Oh, J-Lo, that is so annoying. And didn’t anyone tell you that the Golden Globes are ZANY?! Talking through presenters is, like, so Golden Globe.
Kate Winslet takes her sweet time getting up to the stage. Don’t you know I have a cold, Kate? We gotta keep this show on schedule. I’d be more upset, but I adore her, and she’s genuinely happy and moved. So okay. THIS TIME.
Oh, thank goodness. If Miley Cyrus had beat Bruce Springsteen in the Best Song category, I might have had to commit suicide or at least turn the show off. And then where would the blog be? And he said happy birthday to the Big Man Clarence Clemons! He must have seen that on Wikipedia, like I did.
Now the one thing I really dislike about the Golden Globes is that in the supporting categories, all the tv show actors are lumped together with all the miniseries and tv movie actors. That keeps the show moving faster than the Emmys, but it puts someone like Tom Wilkinson, who played Ben Franklin in “John Adams” up against Neil Patrick Harris. It seems unfair, but there’s no contest. I think Tom Wilkinson is drunk.
I’ve seen, like, nothing that is nominated for a Golden Globe, except for these things: Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mad Men, The Office, 30 Rock, Weeds, and John Adams. I have a lot of viewing to do, I guess.
Now I am looking at other things on the internet.
Oh, now they are showing my husband, Jon Hamm! I hope he wins! He does not. But Anna Paquin does? Over January Jones of Mad Men? This show is losing me very, very rapidly.
Man, even the celebrities are excited that Johnny Depp is there.
Guys, I worry that I’m not more excited by this award show. Is it really that boring, or have I lost my passion for award shows, and by extension, my passion for life? Is it the cold? I have drunk like half a carton of orange juice and it’s not doing ANYTHING. Beer doesn’t do anything either. I tried that a few nights ago. Ditto soda. I am running out of fluids.
It’s kind of hard to believe we haven’t passed the hour mark yet. Finally, we’re there. Tom Hanks is accepting the award for “John Adams” as I post this.
Golden Globes Red Carpet Hour 2
Hour 2 of Red Carpet on E! starts off with an awkward interview with Kevin Nealon because no one who works at E! has a sense of humor. They cut it off when Kevin Nealon starts talking about how it doesn’t matter what people wear, because what people wear is E!’s bread and butter. Now they’re talking to Susan Sarandon. And now Amy Adams. We’re in the thick of it now, people! Celebrities right and left! And yet they just keep showing Miley Cyrus!
Oh yikes. I give Drew Barrymore’s hair a thumbs-down. But I just learned an important tv term. “Hot switch!” is when Ryan Seacrest switches the celebrities he’s talking to without taking a commercial break. Man, we are TV insiders now! Another hot switch! Do you think maybe it’s one word?
Oh my. The screen just went completely red while Giuliana Rancic while she was interviewing Jeff Garlin…a sign of the end of the world? Or maybe someone at E! just freaked out because Leo (as in DiCaprio) is on the red carpet now. They passed out and some buttons got pushed. Want more TV insider news? Giuliana Rancic eats collard greens at the airport!
A somewhat awesome thing just happened. Ryan Seacrest asked Maggie Gyllenhaal what tonight was like without Heath Ledger. And Maggie said, you know what, we did a whole press junket where we answered that question over and over. And I understand why you’re interested, but it’s kinda hard to talk about a friend who died while all this silliness of the Golden Globes is going on. But then she answered the question anyways. She should have just bitch-slapped him all the way to the floor.
“Do you realize you have it pretty good in this world?” Giuliana Rancic to David Duchovny, in the midst of a majorly awkward interview.
HOT SWITCH.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewing his daughter and his wife and I just vomited all over my couch. Just kidding about the vomit part. But then Miley starts bitching because she got a hand-me-down Porsche and not a new Porsche and then I think I will vomit. And then she makes a joke about spousal and child abuse! NO WONDER PEOPLE LOVE HER.
Now I have to eat some fried rice, far away from my computer so I don’t get food on it. So there may be a brief break in my comments.
Oh, man, while I was eating fried rice, Brangelina arrived. And Ryan Seacrest left his little perch to go down on the red carpet to try and interview them, but he got rejected. It was a glimpse of what life must have been like for Ryan Seacrest in high school.
Speaking of high school, there was this totally annoying moment while I was eating where High School Musical star Zac Efron talked about how long he had to wait in the limo to get there. And Ryan was all like, “Yeah, you people at home don’t know how long the stars have to wait in the limos before they can get out of the car!” Zac Efron looked vaguely uncomfortable, and I’d like to think that maybe he realized that that was a really stupid thing to be complaining about while the country is dealing with war and recession and whatnot.
The other ridiculous thing that happened while I was eating was that Giuliana Rancic worked the “fact” that she reads three books a month into an interview with John Krasinski. It’s her new year’s resolution to read more; John Krasinski replied that his new year’s resolution was to learn to read.
Aww, Jeremy Piven allegedly has mercury poisoning, but not so much that he couldn’t come to the Golden Globes! Suspicious! He can’t “get too much into it.”
I don’t know who Megan Fox is, but I hate her. She talks about how ugly she is but then works into the convo that she has a 22 inch waist. She is dating Brian Austin Green but he won’t come with her because he’s “a man with an ego.” I wish my cold upon her. Hopefully she won’t become more famous because then I’ll have to elevate her to arch-nemesis status.
On that negative note, I shall wrap up Hour 2 of my Red Carpet coverage and post this.
Oh yikes. I give Drew Barrymore’s hair a thumbs-down. But I just learned an important tv term. “Hot switch!” is when Ryan Seacrest switches the celebrities he’s talking to without taking a commercial break. Man, we are TV insiders now! Another hot switch! Do you think maybe it’s one word?
Oh my. The screen just went completely red while Giuliana Rancic while she was interviewing Jeff Garlin…a sign of the end of the world? Or maybe someone at E! just freaked out because Leo (as in DiCaprio) is on the red carpet now. They passed out and some buttons got pushed. Want more TV insider news? Giuliana Rancic eats collard greens at the airport!
A somewhat awesome thing just happened. Ryan Seacrest asked Maggie Gyllenhaal what tonight was like without Heath Ledger. And Maggie said, you know what, we did a whole press junket where we answered that question over and over. And I understand why you’re interested, but it’s kinda hard to talk about a friend who died while all this silliness of the Golden Globes is going on. But then she answered the question anyways. She should have just bitch-slapped him all the way to the floor.
“Do you realize you have it pretty good in this world?” Giuliana Rancic to David Duchovny, in the midst of a majorly awkward interview.
HOT SWITCH.
Billy Ray Cyrus is interviewing his daughter and his wife and I just vomited all over my couch. Just kidding about the vomit part. But then Miley starts bitching because she got a hand-me-down Porsche and not a new Porsche and then I think I will vomit. And then she makes a joke about spousal and child abuse! NO WONDER PEOPLE LOVE HER.
Now I have to eat some fried rice, far away from my computer so I don’t get food on it. So there may be a brief break in my comments.
Oh, man, while I was eating fried rice, Brangelina arrived. And Ryan Seacrest left his little perch to go down on the red carpet to try and interview them, but he got rejected. It was a glimpse of what life must have been like for Ryan Seacrest in high school.
Speaking of high school, there was this totally annoying moment while I was eating where High School Musical star Zac Efron talked about how long he had to wait in the limo to get there. And Ryan was all like, “Yeah, you people at home don’t know how long the stars have to wait in the limos before they can get out of the car!” Zac Efron looked vaguely uncomfortable, and I’d like to think that maybe he realized that that was a really stupid thing to be complaining about while the country is dealing with war and recession and whatnot.
The other ridiculous thing that happened while I was eating was that Giuliana Rancic worked the “fact” that she reads three books a month into an interview with John Krasinski. It’s her new year’s resolution to read more; John Krasinski replied that his new year’s resolution was to learn to read.
Aww, Jeremy Piven allegedly has mercury poisoning, but not so much that he couldn’t come to the Golden Globes! Suspicious! He can’t “get too much into it.”
I don’t know who Megan Fox is, but I hate her. She talks about how ugly she is but then works into the convo that she has a 22 inch waist. She is dating Brian Austin Green but he won’t come with her because he’s “a man with an ego.” I wish my cold upon her. Hopefully she won’t become more famous because then I’ll have to elevate her to arch-nemesis status.
On that negative note, I shall wrap up Hour 2 of my Red Carpet coverage and post this.
Golden Globes Red Carpet Hour 1
Well, I feel my blog needs a 2009 kickstart, and I think that kickstart is presenting itself tonight in the form of the Golden Globes. Live-blogging awards shows is a great way to get a ton of entries, particularly if you break your blogs down by hour as I will do. And I have never live-blogged the Golden Globes before!! The only thing that could stand in my way tonight is falling asleep at 8:15, and with my cold, that is entirely possible. But I am going to do my very best. I am taking shots of orange juice.
So it’s 6 p.m. EST now, which means it’s E! time. 6 p.m. is when red carpet coverage starts, though I can’t promise we’ll see any celebrities til 7 at the earliest. Though E! is starting out strong with Ricky Gervais.
While the minor celebrities are being interviewed, I’ll go ahead and tell you that the Golden Globes are my absolute favorite out of all awards shows, because this award show has movies AND television. Plus they have booze, which means that things get kinda crazy, or at least they did one year, and the Golden Globes has been showing footage of that zany night ever since.
Tonight the Golden Globes are extra-special, because it wasn’t on last year due to the writer’s strike. There was just a press conference where they announced the winners, but I had just moved into my current apartment, like, that day, and I didn’t have the television or internet hooked up, so I couldn’t even watch it. So this year it should be bigger and better ever to make up for that!!!
OK enough sentimentality. E! is trying to bring me some breaking television news. All the TV stars want out of their contracts. The E! anchor promises to try to talk them out of it tonight. Good luck, random E! anchor I’ve never seen before!
Kevin Nealon is there! He’s kinda wandering around while the woman who plays Brad Pitt’s mother in “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” talks about growing up in inner-city and her childhood dreams and studying electrical engineering. She talked fast, so they couldn’t cut her off and get another celebrity in there. I applaud her for that. She was pretty spunky.
Some starlet talks about how getting sick over the holidays kept her from eating too much and gaining weight before she had to get into her Golden Globes dress! I hear ya, sister, but I’m going to take your comments out of context and pretend you were talking about bulimia.
Guiliana Rancic is saying that there might be movie star reunions on the red carpet along the lines of Susan Sarandon and Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise) and Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore (E.T.) tonight, and that is apparently a reason to stay tuned. That has gotta be the dumbest reason for staying tuned that I have ever heard.
E! keeps wanting me to text them things while we wait for people to arrive. And they keep referring to people as “hotties.”
Ryan Seacrest is asking Rumer Willis if Bruce Willis ever won a Golden Globe. Blurgh. She doesn’t know.
Guys, E! has so many satellites and cameras on this red carpet that it is really starting to freak me out. Don’t they know we’re in a recession? The fashion guy just said he was “gagging” over some TV star’s outfit. In like, a good way, as far as I can tell. I think. Creepy.
Eva Longoria Parker has a cold too! Now she’s stuck there awkwardly, like a third wheel, while Aaron Eckhart talks about Heath Ledger. Aaron Eckhart has no idea who she is.
There are interesting people to interview, in the form of Creed, Meredith and Stanley from the Office, but E! has put them in a tiny box to show that MILEY CYRUS IS HERE. I hope Miley Cyrus gets a cold. Now the Jonas Brothers are there. What are they doing there? I wish a cold upon all of them.
Evan Rachel Wood is talking about “The Wrestler,” and all I am thinking about is how she used to date Marilyn Manson. But then she says that Bruce Springsteen will be there tonight! She seems kind of excited about it! That makes me like her.
Time for more orange juice. So ends pre-show hour 1.
So it’s 6 p.m. EST now, which means it’s E! time. 6 p.m. is when red carpet coverage starts, though I can’t promise we’ll see any celebrities til 7 at the earliest. Though E! is starting out strong with Ricky Gervais.
While the minor celebrities are being interviewed, I’ll go ahead and tell you that the Golden Globes are my absolute favorite out of all awards shows, because this award show has movies AND television. Plus they have booze, which means that things get kinda crazy, or at least they did one year, and the Golden Globes has been showing footage of that zany night ever since.
Tonight the Golden Globes are extra-special, because it wasn’t on last year due to the writer’s strike. There was just a press conference where they announced the winners, but I had just moved into my current apartment, like, that day, and I didn’t have the television or internet hooked up, so I couldn’t even watch it. So this year it should be bigger and better ever to make up for that!!!
OK enough sentimentality. E! is trying to bring me some breaking television news. All the TV stars want out of their contracts. The E! anchor promises to try to talk them out of it tonight. Good luck, random E! anchor I’ve never seen before!
Kevin Nealon is there! He’s kinda wandering around while the woman who plays Brad Pitt’s mother in “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” talks about growing up in inner-city and her childhood dreams and studying electrical engineering. She talked fast, so they couldn’t cut her off and get another celebrity in there. I applaud her for that. She was pretty spunky.
Some starlet talks about how getting sick over the holidays kept her from eating too much and gaining weight before she had to get into her Golden Globes dress! I hear ya, sister, but I’m going to take your comments out of context and pretend you were talking about bulimia.
Guiliana Rancic is saying that there might be movie star reunions on the red carpet along the lines of Susan Sarandon and Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise) and Steven Spielberg and Drew Barrymore (E.T.) tonight, and that is apparently a reason to stay tuned. That has gotta be the dumbest reason for staying tuned that I have ever heard.
E! keeps wanting me to text them things while we wait for people to arrive. And they keep referring to people as “hotties.”
Ryan Seacrest is asking Rumer Willis if Bruce Willis ever won a Golden Globe. Blurgh. She doesn’t know.
Guys, E! has so many satellites and cameras on this red carpet that it is really starting to freak me out. Don’t they know we’re in a recession? The fashion guy just said he was “gagging” over some TV star’s outfit. In like, a good way, as far as I can tell. I think. Creepy.
Eva Longoria Parker has a cold too! Now she’s stuck there awkwardly, like a third wheel, while Aaron Eckhart talks about Heath Ledger. Aaron Eckhart has no idea who she is.
There are interesting people to interview, in the form of Creed, Meredith and Stanley from the Office, but E! has put them in a tiny box to show that MILEY CYRUS IS HERE. I hope Miley Cyrus gets a cold. Now the Jonas Brothers are there. What are they doing there? I wish a cold upon all of them.
Evan Rachel Wood is talking about “The Wrestler,” and all I am thinking about is how she used to date Marilyn Manson. But then she says that Bruce Springsteen will be there tonight! She seems kind of excited about it! That makes me like her.
Time for more orange juice. So ends pre-show hour 1.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
movies, july-dec
Well, seeing as how I don't think I'll have time to watch any more movies before the end of the year, I thought I'd go ahead and write up Part Two of movies watched in 2008. You can find part one here: http://iwiggleitjustalittlebit.blogspot.com/2008/07/lets-all-go-to-movies.html. Sure, everyone else tells you which movies they liked the best out of the ones they've seen. But I tell you about ALL the movies I see for the first time in a calendar year. That's really something, I think.
28. Ratatouille
Cute. If talking culinary rats feel persecuted, they should come live with me. Once I get over my initial fright, I will allow them to live with me and do my cooking.
29. Gone Baby Gone
It was good baby good.
30. Margot at the Wedding
Mmm, just as cringe-inducing as all the reviews said it would be.
31. The Notorious Bettie Page
A very interesting bio, and without watching it I might not have cared that Bettie Page died a few weeks ago. It was also beautiful to watch, a very artsy looking movie. Gretchen Mol was awesome. But ultimately, there were all these holes that left me wondering about some of Bettie's actions, motives, etc. She seemed too inconsistent.
32. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
One of my favorites of the year. The main actor, Mathieu Almaric, is amazing. It's hard to watch without imagining yourself in that situation, and I don't think many people would have been as strong as he was.
33. The Dark Knight
I saw this on an IMAX screen in Seattle! Midway through there were technical difficulties which was nerve-wracking, but everything got fixed. Heath Ledger was just as good as everyone in the world has said. As soon as this movie was over I was ready for the next one.
34. Elegy
I got to see this movie for free because I know people. It has Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz, who have a relationship, but the main thing I remember about it is not understanding the ending.
35. Hamlet 2
While it's obvious that they came up with the song "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" and decided to write a movie around it, I still found the movie enjoyable. I like that Steve Coogan. I just looked at the IMDB quotes but they don't have any of my favorites up. A challenge for me, perhaps?
36. Hot Fuzz
I think I liked it at the time, but I don't remember much of it now. I think I was distracted.
37. House Bunny
I really loved this movie, but I had a few martinis in me.
38. Baby Mama
It was enjoyable enough, though I mean I think if you wanted to watch Tina Fey in action it would be better to just watch five 30 Rock's in a row instead.
39. 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
Nothing like following up a light-hearted romp like Baby Mama with this Romanian movie about abortion. This movie came from Netflix and it took me several weeks to get around to it, I guess because I don't have a lot of nights where I want to come home and get depressed. You watch this movie and go, "Oh no, why did you do that" or "Oh no, don't do that" over and over. But some images of this movie stuck with me much longer than those of other movies on this list.
40. Kit Kittredge: An American Girl
In this movie based on the American Girl character, a spunky go-getter named Kit Kittredge has to solve mysteries, battle prejudices against hobos, and keep her head while her father loses his money ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I enjoyed all the references to hobos the most.
41. War, Inc.
While I usually say that every movie is John Cusack's best movie, it was hard for me to get into this one. Perhaps I had my sights set too high after reading that it was a spiritual sequel to "Grosse Pointe Blank," or maybe my dislike of Hilary Duff was too hard to overcome. That's not to say I wouldn't sit and watch it a million times if I had a lot of spare time. It does have John Cusack in it, after all.
42. Trading Places
My dad walks around the house saying lines from this movie, which I thought I had seen, but I actually don't think I had. Because I didn't remember anything when I watched it this year. I watched with my dad, who unfortunately slept through Jamie Lee Curtis' nude scene. But he was awake for "looking good Billy Ray!" "Feelin good Lewis" which is sort of an important thing to my family.
43. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The puppet musical was the best thing. The actors were all enjoyable enough to watch but I found the story kinda tiring.
44. Four Christmases
If this movie is indeed supposed to take place in the course of one day, then it was one long-ass day. But there was a Nativity scene in this movie that I just thought was hilarious.
45. Tropic Thunder
This movie had a bunch of great performances -- I found Robert Downey Jr and Ben Stiller to be reliably terrific -- but I thought the whole Tom Cruise thing was overrated.
46. Kissing Jessica Stein
I got this movie because I heard that pre-Mad Men Jon Hamm was in it; his real-life girlfriend co-wrote and stars in it. Turns out Jon Hamm is only in a brief scene but the rest of the movie, about a woman flirting with lesbianism, is enjoyable. The characters could be frustrating, but so can everyone.
47. Bee Movie
I laughed out loud several times. LOL as the kids say. It was cute, but maybe too long? But then I checked Wikipedia and it was only 90 minutes, which seems about the minimum length a movie should be. If I had kids that wanted to watch it a lot I'd probably get annoyed.
48. License to Wed
On the one hand, I love John Krasinski and can be easily entertained by romantic comedies. On the other hand, Robin Williams currently (not old Robin Williams per se) is the acting equivalent of nails screeching against a chalkboard and Mandy Moore is fairly annoying. Unfortunately, John K had too big an uphill battle to climb for this film's redemption, though fake pooping babies always help. All in all, a depressing way to end my movie watching year.
28. Ratatouille
Cute. If talking culinary rats feel persecuted, they should come live with me. Once I get over my initial fright, I will allow them to live with me and do my cooking.
29. Gone Baby Gone
It was good baby good.
30. Margot at the Wedding
Mmm, just as cringe-inducing as all the reviews said it would be.
31. The Notorious Bettie Page
A very interesting bio, and without watching it I might not have cared that Bettie Page died a few weeks ago. It was also beautiful to watch, a very artsy looking movie. Gretchen Mol was awesome. But ultimately, there were all these holes that left me wondering about some of Bettie's actions, motives, etc. She seemed too inconsistent.
32. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
One of my favorites of the year. The main actor, Mathieu Almaric, is amazing. It's hard to watch without imagining yourself in that situation, and I don't think many people would have been as strong as he was.
33. The Dark Knight
I saw this on an IMAX screen in Seattle! Midway through there were technical difficulties which was nerve-wracking, but everything got fixed. Heath Ledger was just as good as everyone in the world has said. As soon as this movie was over I was ready for the next one.
34. Elegy
I got to see this movie for free because I know people. It has Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz, who have a relationship, but the main thing I remember about it is not understanding the ending.
35. Hamlet 2
While it's obvious that they came up with the song "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" and decided to write a movie around it, I still found the movie enjoyable. I like that Steve Coogan. I just looked at the IMDB quotes but they don't have any of my favorites up. A challenge for me, perhaps?
36. Hot Fuzz
I think I liked it at the time, but I don't remember much of it now. I think I was distracted.
37. House Bunny
I really loved this movie, but I had a few martinis in me.
38. Baby Mama
It was enjoyable enough, though I mean I think if you wanted to watch Tina Fey in action it would be better to just watch five 30 Rock's in a row instead.
39. 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
Nothing like following up a light-hearted romp like Baby Mama with this Romanian movie about abortion. This movie came from Netflix and it took me several weeks to get around to it, I guess because I don't have a lot of nights where I want to come home and get depressed. You watch this movie and go, "Oh no, why did you do that" or "Oh no, don't do that" over and over. But some images of this movie stuck with me much longer than those of other movies on this list.
40. Kit Kittredge: An American Girl
In this movie based on the American Girl character, a spunky go-getter named Kit Kittredge has to solve mysteries, battle prejudices against hobos, and keep her head while her father loses his money ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I enjoyed all the references to hobos the most.
41. War, Inc.
While I usually say that every movie is John Cusack's best movie, it was hard for me to get into this one. Perhaps I had my sights set too high after reading that it was a spiritual sequel to "Grosse Pointe Blank," or maybe my dislike of Hilary Duff was too hard to overcome. That's not to say I wouldn't sit and watch it a million times if I had a lot of spare time. It does have John Cusack in it, after all.
42. Trading Places
My dad walks around the house saying lines from this movie, which I thought I had seen, but I actually don't think I had. Because I didn't remember anything when I watched it this year. I watched with my dad, who unfortunately slept through Jamie Lee Curtis' nude scene. But he was awake for "looking good Billy Ray!" "Feelin good Lewis" which is sort of an important thing to my family.
43. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The puppet musical was the best thing. The actors were all enjoyable enough to watch but I found the story kinda tiring.
44. Four Christmases
If this movie is indeed supposed to take place in the course of one day, then it was one long-ass day. But there was a Nativity scene in this movie that I just thought was hilarious.
45. Tropic Thunder
This movie had a bunch of great performances -- I found Robert Downey Jr and Ben Stiller to be reliably terrific -- but I thought the whole Tom Cruise thing was overrated.
46. Kissing Jessica Stein
I got this movie because I heard that pre-Mad Men Jon Hamm was in it; his real-life girlfriend co-wrote and stars in it. Turns out Jon Hamm is only in a brief scene but the rest of the movie, about a woman flirting with lesbianism, is enjoyable. The characters could be frustrating, but so can everyone.
47. Bee Movie
I laughed out loud several times. LOL as the kids say. It was cute, but maybe too long? But then I checked Wikipedia and it was only 90 minutes, which seems about the minimum length a movie should be. If I had kids that wanted to watch it a lot I'd probably get annoyed.
48. License to Wed
On the one hand, I love John Krasinski and can be easily entertained by romantic comedies. On the other hand, Robin Williams currently (not old Robin Williams per se) is the acting equivalent of nails screeching against a chalkboard and Mandy Moore is fairly annoying. Unfortunately, John K had too big an uphill battle to climb for this film's redemption, though fake pooping babies always help. All in all, a depressing way to end my movie watching year.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Happy Election Day!
In the days leading up to the momentous election occurring today, I transported myself back in time to the good ol' days of the founding fathers. By which I mean I finally got around to watching all 501 minutes (about 8 ½ hours) of "John Adams", the acclaimed miniseries starring Paul Giamatti as John Adams and Laura Linney as Abigail Adams.
I have always had a soft spot for Adams since visiting Adams National Historic Park with my family a few years ago. It's a really great site, on par with some of the best presidential libraries, though it's not an official presidential library since it's not run by the National Archives and Record Administration. But you do get to see a really cool library that belonged to John Quincy Adams. It's entirely fireproof and has so many books. It was probably my favorite part of the tour.
By the way, from a non-partisan perspective, we can't really go wrong in this election in terms of the presidential library situation. If we had a Barack Obama library, than Illinois would have a great two-fer in terms of Lincoln and Obama. And we badly need more presidential sites in the western states. California does its part but something in Arizona would really liven up vacations for those of us who like going to these types of things. So that's a win-win! But as most people know, I am not non-partisan.
Anyways, back to John Adams. I thought watching the miniseries at this point of the year would provide a good reprieve from the election news, which has been driving me crazy. And frankly, John Adams was lucky to be around in a YouTube-less age. For example, he seemed like kind of a big crybaby. He was frequently grumpy. He was kind of an ass to everyone that he thought was wrong. His speeches would have been criticized as elitist and emotionless. He was not very attractive. He had a very spunky wife who likely would have said something that would have been taken out of context and criticized. On the plus side, he did have adorable children that would give the Obama girls and Piper Palin runs for their money, but unfortunately he treated them kinda badly and would have likely gotten into the kind of snafu that Giuliani got into when his kids wouldn't campaign with him. John Adams was not a very good dad.
What does everybody think about wigs? Sometimes while watching this miniseries I was pro-wig, especially the look that was a few tight horizontal curls right above the ear, while other times I was vehemently anti-wig. I'm a flip-flopper like that. But one thing I can get behind is carrying around a walking stick all the time and banging it on the floor to demonstrate approval or disgust. People were real into that in the olden days, apparently. Also, bonnets. We should bring back bonnets.
So bonnets + walking stick = win. But here were the things from John Adams' day that I didn't like. First up, tarring and feathering. That seems bad. But I will say that I might hold undue prejudice against this one because I got all excited about the HBO advisory that warned me that there would be "brief nudity" in this episode. I figured this translated into John and Abigail getting it on. But as it was, a naked guy got tarred and feathered. I didn't enjoy that. I also didn't enjoy watching the Adams family get smallpox vaccines or the guy who had smallpox. Similarly hard to watch: amputation and a primitive mastectomy.
The most interesting character of all to me was Thomas Jefferson. When we meet Thomas Jefferson, he's a moody writer who has to sit by while Ben Franklin and John Adams mess up his carefully chosen words. It's a hard ordeal for any writer, which is why I think Jefferson might have liked blogging. No editor can touch you there. Unless your editor leaves comments on your blog. HELLO KATIE.
Well, after hearing his historic but mangled words read aloud, Jefferson disappears until one of the best segments of the series, which is when Adams is in Paris. Then he reappears for some crazy sexual tension with Abigail Adams. Also, Ben Franklin, deep into his crazy coonskin hat days, is also running around. At first, it seemed to me that Ben Franklin would have been awesome to be friends with, because he ran around saying funny and wise things all the time. But I guess I would eventually find that annoying, as John Adams seemed to do; Adams was also generally annoyed that history would remember Franklin more fondly than it remembered him. That's a concern he had about most people. I guess it was hard to be a Founding Father. Because in addition to Franklin and Jefferson, you also had the dashing heartthrob and flashy dresser George Washington running around.
John Adams spends a lot of time getting down on himself. Despite thinking he is always right, he pretty much always thinks he failed as well. He always felt screwed over, which is not a particularly attractive quality in a politician and leader or anybody I guess. And frankly he made some bad decisions, particularly in terms of his children. Would we elect him president today? Probably not.
Anyways, if you want to watch a miniseries that has weird parallels and references to things that happen in politics today, you should watch this miniseries. You should also just watch the miniseries if you want to be entertained for 501 minutes, because I know I certainly was. Though don't watch this miniseries for a happy ending because pretty much everybody dies….hope I'm not giving anything away there. Though if you do watch to the end, you get this little nugget of a quote from elderly John Adams: "I can no longer bear this ennui, Abigail!" I'm going to try to throw it into conversation more often. Even if no one nearby is named Abigail.
I have always had a soft spot for Adams since visiting Adams National Historic Park with my family a few years ago. It's a really great site, on par with some of the best presidential libraries, though it's not an official presidential library since it's not run by the National Archives and Record Administration. But you do get to see a really cool library that belonged to John Quincy Adams. It's entirely fireproof and has so many books. It was probably my favorite part of the tour.
By the way, from a non-partisan perspective, we can't really go wrong in this election in terms of the presidential library situation. If we had a Barack Obama library, than Illinois would have a great two-fer in terms of Lincoln and Obama. And we badly need more presidential sites in the western states. California does its part but something in Arizona would really liven up vacations for those of us who like going to these types of things. So that's a win-win! But as most people know, I am not non-partisan.
Anyways, back to John Adams. I thought watching the miniseries at this point of the year would provide a good reprieve from the election news, which has been driving me crazy. And frankly, John Adams was lucky to be around in a YouTube-less age. For example, he seemed like kind of a big crybaby. He was frequently grumpy. He was kind of an ass to everyone that he thought was wrong. His speeches would have been criticized as elitist and emotionless. He was not very attractive. He had a very spunky wife who likely would have said something that would have been taken out of context and criticized. On the plus side, he did have adorable children that would give the Obama girls and Piper Palin runs for their money, but unfortunately he treated them kinda badly and would have likely gotten into the kind of snafu that Giuliani got into when his kids wouldn't campaign with him. John Adams was not a very good dad.
What does everybody think about wigs? Sometimes while watching this miniseries I was pro-wig, especially the look that was a few tight horizontal curls right above the ear, while other times I was vehemently anti-wig. I'm a flip-flopper like that. But one thing I can get behind is carrying around a walking stick all the time and banging it on the floor to demonstrate approval or disgust. People were real into that in the olden days, apparently. Also, bonnets. We should bring back bonnets.
So bonnets + walking stick = win. But here were the things from John Adams' day that I didn't like. First up, tarring and feathering. That seems bad. But I will say that I might hold undue prejudice against this one because I got all excited about the HBO advisory that warned me that there would be "brief nudity" in this episode. I figured this translated into John and Abigail getting it on. But as it was, a naked guy got tarred and feathered. I didn't enjoy that. I also didn't enjoy watching the Adams family get smallpox vaccines or the guy who had smallpox. Similarly hard to watch: amputation and a primitive mastectomy.
The most interesting character of all to me was Thomas Jefferson. When we meet Thomas Jefferson, he's a moody writer who has to sit by while Ben Franklin and John Adams mess up his carefully chosen words. It's a hard ordeal for any writer, which is why I think Jefferson might have liked blogging. No editor can touch you there. Unless your editor leaves comments on your blog. HELLO KATIE.
Well, after hearing his historic but mangled words read aloud, Jefferson disappears until one of the best segments of the series, which is when Adams is in Paris. Then he reappears for some crazy sexual tension with Abigail Adams. Also, Ben Franklin, deep into his crazy coonskin hat days, is also running around. At first, it seemed to me that Ben Franklin would have been awesome to be friends with, because he ran around saying funny and wise things all the time. But I guess I would eventually find that annoying, as John Adams seemed to do; Adams was also generally annoyed that history would remember Franklin more fondly than it remembered him. That's a concern he had about most people. I guess it was hard to be a Founding Father. Because in addition to Franklin and Jefferson, you also had the dashing heartthrob and flashy dresser George Washington running around.
John Adams spends a lot of time getting down on himself. Despite thinking he is always right, he pretty much always thinks he failed as well. He always felt screwed over, which is not a particularly attractive quality in a politician and leader or anybody I guess. And frankly he made some bad decisions, particularly in terms of his children. Would we elect him president today? Probably not.
Anyways, if you want to watch a miniseries that has weird parallels and references to things that happen in politics today, you should watch this miniseries. You should also just watch the miniseries if you want to be entertained for 501 minutes, because I know I certainly was. Though don't watch this miniseries for a happy ending because pretty much everybody dies….hope I'm not giving anything away there. Though if you do watch to the end, you get this little nugget of a quote from elderly John Adams: "I can no longer bear this ennui, Abigail!" I'm going to try to throw it into conversation more often. Even if no one nearby is named Abigail.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
let's all go to the movies
Well, 2008 is half over. I’m sure that you have been counting down the days to this halfway point of the year, knowing that every six months I post the reviews of the movies I’ve seen in the previous half year. As always, the rule is movies I saw for the first time. I watched an average of 1.04 movies a week. That sounds pretty reasonable, but I guess I did watch a fair amount of TV on DVD in the first two quarters of 2008. But that doesn’t factor into this list.
1. Superbad
I watched it with my dad. He loved it. It was kinda disturbing actually how much he laughed at some parts of it.
2. 27 Dresses
I watched it with my mom. We both liked it. It’s predictable but enjoyable.
3. Juno
Probably my favorite movie of the year so far.
4. Year of the Dog
It’s kind of hard for me to relate to people who feel this strongly about animals. But I like that Peter Sarsgaard. I hope he got rid of all those SARS-Guards.
5. Away from Her
It seemed moving at the time but now all I seem to remember are all the accolades Julie Christie got.
6. Shine
Do you remember that band Collective Soul? And their mega-hit “Shine”? What if this movie was about the making of that song, and not about pianist David Helfgott? Would you find this movie more or less awesome?
7. Kicking and Screaming
This may not be very politically correct to point out, but I loved that little midget Asian kid. Byong Sun!
8. The Contract
This is a movie with John Cusack and Morgan Freeman that I think might have gone directly to DVD. It is hard for me to understand why. What was interesting about this movie to me at least is that the movie takes place in Washington State (albeit with fictionalized names, with one real-life exception…that was weird). If this movie was filmed in Washington State and John Cusack and I were in the SAME STATE and NO ONE TOLD ME, then I will not be very happy at all. I’m not even going to look it up because I don’t want to know. It would depress me just too much.
9. Hard Candy
I was investigating Ellen Page’s earlier, edgier roots. It’s not a very easy movie to watch.
10. Michael Clayton
I don’t think I understood the end of this movie, and I haven’t talked to anyone who could satisfactorily explain it to me.
11. Across the Universe
It was too long. I personally would cut about 55 minutes, and I would start with cutting the lines that make it really obvious that a certain song is about to be sung (for example, when the guy is all like, “blah blah blah revolution” and it’s like, how long will it take them to break into “Revolution”?)
12. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
This movie is so adorable and it has the guy from “Pushing Daisies” in it, walking around and being charming.
13. About a Son
I was ambivalent about this movie. It was about Kurt Cobain. He was in a band called Nirvana.
14. La Vie en Rose
After I watched this movie, I felt bad for picking Julie Christie over Marion Cotillard in my Oscar pool. Particularly because I would have won more points if I’d picked Marion Cotillard. But on a side note, I don’t think we need to scramble the chronological order of movies just to be edgy.
15. Alvin and the Chipmunks
Look, I know I’m not supposed to like it, because I am mature and squeaky chipmunks are for little kids. But I just laughed and laughed at those little chipmunks. Especially when they sang their little ditties. For anyone who is wondering, my fish Alvin is still alive and he is doing fine!
16. Dan in Real Life
Look, I enjoy Steve Carell as much as the next person. But what I really love is the song “Let My Love Open the Door.” And I’m getting really sick of movies using this song to manipulate my emotions. The only exception is Grosse Pointe Blank.
17. Walk Hard
Look, I just noticed how much I’m starting sentences by saying “Look.” I know if you’re reading this blog you’re probably already looking. And I am not really starved for attention. So I am sorry. I generally liked this movie, especially the scene with the Beatles.
18. Enchanted
I like that Amy Adams. This movie was a little hard to watch, though, because my Netflix copy of it broke during the big climactic song and I had to request a new one and what should have been a quick 90 minutes of my life turned into a four-day endeavor. But I guess it was worth it. Does everyone know the story of how I saw Patrick Dempsey in real life? If not, let me know.
19. Lars and the Real Girl
I loved it.
20. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It was a non-stop action ride. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll have a great time (that is also true for the movie below). My only disappointment? I couldn’t live blog it as I did the first three Indiana Jones movies.
21. Sex and the City
Anyone who didn’t like it can kiss my ass. What did you expect? For Sex and the City to suddenly become Citizen Kane? Personally I never wanted it to end.
22. Reservation Road
Some of the emotional trajectories of the characters confused me a bit, but I’d watch Joaquin Phoenix do just about anything.
23. Once
I didn’t love it as much as I wanted to, but perhaps I just waited too long to see it. But some of the songs are great.
24. Be Kind Rewind
I know the reviews told me not to get my hopes up, but I got my hopes up anyway. Then I was disappointed. I can only be glad of the small blessing that Jack Black didn’t look too much like my brother in this one, to the point of distraction.
25. Happiness
Let’s say that you don’t feel very well. You just kinda need to lay on the couch and watch a movie to take your mind off feeling sick. But you don’t know this movie is about pedophiles and sorts of depravities? Well, then you’re not in for a very good night.
26. Clerks
I wonder what kind of movie I could churn out for $28,000. Someone give me the money and we’ll find out. I’ll even give you a part in the movie.
27. Grace is Gone
So as I watched this movie last evening, the sky got grey and dark. Lightning flickered across the sky. When the movie ended, the sky was all yellow and golden. I went out on my balcony to investigate and saw a rainbow. Do I think John Cusack sent me this rainbow as a sign of our unending love? Yes. Yes I do.
1. Superbad
I watched it with my dad. He loved it. It was kinda disturbing actually how much he laughed at some parts of it.
2. 27 Dresses
I watched it with my mom. We both liked it. It’s predictable but enjoyable.
3. Juno
Probably my favorite movie of the year so far.
4. Year of the Dog
It’s kind of hard for me to relate to people who feel this strongly about animals. But I like that Peter Sarsgaard. I hope he got rid of all those SARS-Guards.
5. Away from Her
It seemed moving at the time but now all I seem to remember are all the accolades Julie Christie got.
6. Shine
Do you remember that band Collective Soul? And their mega-hit “Shine”? What if this movie was about the making of that song, and not about pianist David Helfgott? Would you find this movie more or less awesome?
7. Kicking and Screaming
This may not be very politically correct to point out, but I loved that little midget Asian kid. Byong Sun!
8. The Contract
This is a movie with John Cusack and Morgan Freeman that I think might have gone directly to DVD. It is hard for me to understand why. What was interesting about this movie to me at least is that the movie takes place in Washington State (albeit with fictionalized names, with one real-life exception…that was weird). If this movie was filmed in Washington State and John Cusack and I were in the SAME STATE and NO ONE TOLD ME, then I will not be very happy at all. I’m not even going to look it up because I don’t want to know. It would depress me just too much.
9. Hard Candy
I was investigating Ellen Page’s earlier, edgier roots. It’s not a very easy movie to watch.
10. Michael Clayton
I don’t think I understood the end of this movie, and I haven’t talked to anyone who could satisfactorily explain it to me.
11. Across the Universe
It was too long. I personally would cut about 55 minutes, and I would start with cutting the lines that make it really obvious that a certain song is about to be sung (for example, when the guy is all like, “blah blah blah revolution” and it’s like, how long will it take them to break into “Revolution”?)
12. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
This movie is so adorable and it has the guy from “Pushing Daisies” in it, walking around and being charming.
13. About a Son
I was ambivalent about this movie. It was about Kurt Cobain. He was in a band called Nirvana.
14. La Vie en Rose
After I watched this movie, I felt bad for picking Julie Christie over Marion Cotillard in my Oscar pool. Particularly because I would have won more points if I’d picked Marion Cotillard. But on a side note, I don’t think we need to scramble the chronological order of movies just to be edgy.
15. Alvin and the Chipmunks
Look, I know I’m not supposed to like it, because I am mature and squeaky chipmunks are for little kids. But I just laughed and laughed at those little chipmunks. Especially when they sang their little ditties. For anyone who is wondering, my fish Alvin is still alive and he is doing fine!
16. Dan in Real Life
Look, I enjoy Steve Carell as much as the next person. But what I really love is the song “Let My Love Open the Door.” And I’m getting really sick of movies using this song to manipulate my emotions. The only exception is Grosse Pointe Blank.
17. Walk Hard
Look, I just noticed how much I’m starting sentences by saying “Look.” I know if you’re reading this blog you’re probably already looking. And I am not really starved for attention. So I am sorry. I generally liked this movie, especially the scene with the Beatles.
18. Enchanted
I like that Amy Adams. This movie was a little hard to watch, though, because my Netflix copy of it broke during the big climactic song and I had to request a new one and what should have been a quick 90 minutes of my life turned into a four-day endeavor. But I guess it was worth it. Does everyone know the story of how I saw Patrick Dempsey in real life? If not, let me know.
19. Lars and the Real Girl
I loved it.
20. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It was a non-stop action ride. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll have a great time (that is also true for the movie below). My only disappointment? I couldn’t live blog it as I did the first three Indiana Jones movies.
21. Sex and the City
Anyone who didn’t like it can kiss my ass. What did you expect? For Sex and the City to suddenly become Citizen Kane? Personally I never wanted it to end.
22. Reservation Road
Some of the emotional trajectories of the characters confused me a bit, but I’d watch Joaquin Phoenix do just about anything.
23. Once
I didn’t love it as much as I wanted to, but perhaps I just waited too long to see it. But some of the songs are great.
24. Be Kind Rewind
I know the reviews told me not to get my hopes up, but I got my hopes up anyway. Then I was disappointed. I can only be glad of the small blessing that Jack Black didn’t look too much like my brother in this one, to the point of distraction.
25. Happiness
Let’s say that you don’t feel very well. You just kinda need to lay on the couch and watch a movie to take your mind off feeling sick. But you don’t know this movie is about pedophiles and sorts of depravities? Well, then you’re not in for a very good night.
26. Clerks
I wonder what kind of movie I could churn out for $28,000. Someone give me the money and we’ll find out. I’ll even give you a part in the movie.
27. Grace is Gone
So as I watched this movie last evening, the sky got grey and dark. Lightning flickered across the sky. When the movie ended, the sky was all yellow and golden. I went out on my balcony to investigate and saw a rainbow. Do I think John Cusack sent me this rainbow as a sign of our unending love? Yes. Yes I do.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Indiana Jones Hour 8: The End...until the 4th movie
For the first part of this hour, I did an online Sudoko that was rated five stars for difficulty. I pretended that if I solved the puzzle, that it would be the equivalent of beating the Nazis in the race for religious artifacts. Well, I solved it in 15 minutes, Indiana Jones. You still haven’t even rescued your dad from that tank yet. Clearly I am the superior archaeologist.
Sean Connery thinks that Indy died and regrets he never told him anything fatherly. But it turns out Indy is still alive. The two men hug in a rare display of emotion. Do you think after this movie that their father-son rift is healed and they become close? Based on the non-existent fate of Indy’s former best friend Short Round, then I doubt it.
So, what happens in the next movie, which is about crystal skulls, has been pretty well-guarded. I’m going to come up with some vicious lies and list them here in the hopes that maybe one of them is right and I look like a magical seer.
--Indiana Jones dies.
--Indiana Jones dates a girl named Ally McBeal.
--Indiana Jones is Iron Man.
--Indiana Jones gets really into Sudoko.
--Marion wears those red pants again.
--Short Round makes a cameo.
--Indiana Jones gets eaten by a shark.
--Indiana Jones has a long-lost twin named Illinois.
--Indiana Jones has a crystal skull.
--Indiana Jones has an affair with a student (played by Lindsey Lohan)
--Indiana Jones accepts a job offer at a burgeoning paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
--Indiana Jones runs for president.
--Indiana Jones has mid-life crisis now that there are no damn dirty Nazis to fight.
So now there’s approximately 20 minutes left in this movie and in this epic quest of mine. Indy is trying to get the grail to save his father. He meets a knight. The bad guy drinks from the wrong grail. Indy picks the right grail and saves his dad. The hot librarian gets too greedy about the possibility of everlasting life. Indiana learns that sometimes archaeological artifacts aren’t the most important things in the world. We learn Indy's real name. Everyone thinks this is the last crusade but they are wrong. The movie ends. I get my life back and eight blog posts. Everyone wins except for Nazis.
Sean Connery thinks that Indy died and regrets he never told him anything fatherly. But it turns out Indy is still alive. The two men hug in a rare display of emotion. Do you think after this movie that their father-son rift is healed and they become close? Based on the non-existent fate of Indy’s former best friend Short Round, then I doubt it.
So, what happens in the next movie, which is about crystal skulls, has been pretty well-guarded. I’m going to come up with some vicious lies and list them here in the hopes that maybe one of them is right and I look like a magical seer.
--Indiana Jones dies.
--Indiana Jones dates a girl named Ally McBeal.
--Indiana Jones is Iron Man.
--Indiana Jones gets really into Sudoko.
--Marion wears those red pants again.
--Short Round makes a cameo.
--Indiana Jones gets eaten by a shark.
--Indiana Jones has a long-lost twin named Illinois.
--Indiana Jones has a crystal skull.
--Indiana Jones has an affair with a student (played by Lindsey Lohan)
--Indiana Jones accepts a job offer at a burgeoning paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
--Indiana Jones runs for president.
--Indiana Jones has mid-life crisis now that there are no damn dirty Nazis to fight.
So now there’s approximately 20 minutes left in this movie and in this epic quest of mine. Indy is trying to get the grail to save his father. He meets a knight. The bad guy drinks from the wrong grail. Indy picks the right grail and saves his dad. The hot librarian gets too greedy about the possibility of everlasting life. Indiana learns that sometimes archaeological artifacts aren’t the most important things in the world. We learn Indy's real name. Everyone thinks this is the last crusade but they are wrong. The movie ends. I get my life back and eight blog posts. Everyone wins except for Nazis.
Indiana Jones Hour 7: I want to fly on a blimp. They look spacious.
Okay after another brief sojourn on the deck, I am back and ready to fire through to the end. I had some waffles. While I was eating I tried to catch up on this movie. Somehow Indiana Jones found his father and they had gotten tied up to chairs and there was a fire and they were on a revolving panel and there were Nazis and then there was a motorcycle chase. Hmmm. Just typing that out made me kind of exhausted again.
After this day of watching all the Indiana Jones movies, I can’t say I’m really excited about the new movie anymore. Frankly I’m kind of sick of Indiana Jones and all his drama. Also I don’t really feel like I know Indiana Jones as a person. He has maddeningly little dialogue and most of that is dedicated to talking about artifacts. Women and small Asian children come in and out of his life with no explanation. He’s pretty mean to his father. The only thing he really has going for him is his hatred of Nazis.
Now those damn dirty Nazis are burning books. Now Indy is riding on a blimp.
Which do you think would have gone better? Blogging about three Indiana Jones movies or blogging about three Lifetime movies? Blogging about Indiana Jones or blogging about the entire first season of Beverly Hills 90210? Blogging about Indiana Jones or blogging about some sort of sporting event? At this point in, I really don’t even know. Should I have just spent the day reading my book? I haven’t decided the success of today yet.
There’s a SciFi Memorial Day Weekend Movie Marathon! I can guarantee you now that I will neither be blogging that nor watching it.
Now Indy and his dad are working out their issues. Would Indy have become an archaeologist if his dad hadn’t been so obsessed about archaeology? I don’t know. But that might be an interesting movie to watch. Let me think about how a scene would go.
Young Indy: Dad, wanna go play catch?
Sean Connery: Sure, let’s go! It’s not like I’m too busy with archaeology or anything! (they play catch)
Young Indy: I want to be a baseball player!
(flash forward 20 years)
Grown-up Indiana Jones: Well, it sure was gratifying to win the World Series. If only my dad were here to see it. But I can be at peace knowing that we didn’t have any unresolved issues at the time of his death. As a result, I can maintain healthy relationships with women, I don’t have to make small children drive cars through temples of doom, and my fedora hat is not all sweaty and dirty. Of course, the Nazis have made off with all the religious artifacts, but what could I have done about that? I’m just a humble baseball player who has never used a whip in my entire life.
[end scene]
After this day of watching all the Indiana Jones movies, I can’t say I’m really excited about the new movie anymore. Frankly I’m kind of sick of Indiana Jones and all his drama. Also I don’t really feel like I know Indiana Jones as a person. He has maddeningly little dialogue and most of that is dedicated to talking about artifacts. Women and small Asian children come in and out of his life with no explanation. He’s pretty mean to his father. The only thing he really has going for him is his hatred of Nazis.
Now those damn dirty Nazis are burning books. Now Indy is riding on a blimp.
Which do you think would have gone better? Blogging about three Indiana Jones movies or blogging about three Lifetime movies? Blogging about Indiana Jones or blogging about the entire first season of Beverly Hills 90210? Blogging about Indiana Jones or blogging about some sort of sporting event? At this point in, I really don’t even know. Should I have just spent the day reading my book? I haven’t decided the success of today yet.
There’s a SciFi Memorial Day Weekend Movie Marathon! I can guarantee you now that I will neither be blogging that nor watching it.
Now Indy and his dad are working out their issues. Would Indy have become an archaeologist if his dad hadn’t been so obsessed about archaeology? I don’t know. But that might be an interesting movie to watch. Let me think about how a scene would go.
Young Indy: Dad, wanna go play catch?
Sean Connery: Sure, let’s go! It’s not like I’m too busy with archaeology or anything! (they play catch)
Young Indy: I want to be a baseball player!
(flash forward 20 years)
Grown-up Indiana Jones: Well, it sure was gratifying to win the World Series. If only my dad were here to see it. But I can be at peace knowing that we didn’t have any unresolved issues at the time of his death. As a result, I can maintain healthy relationships with women, I don’t have to make small children drive cars through temples of doom, and my fedora hat is not all sweaty and dirty. Of course, the Nazis have made off with all the religious artifacts, but what could I have done about that? I’m just a humble baseball player who has never used a whip in my entire life.
[end scene]
Indiana Jones Hour 6: When will this end?
Hour 6 starts with Indy cutting down the bridge with alligators so that some bad guys get eaten. The chief bad guy makes one last attempt to rip out Indiana Jones’ heart but luckily I did not get too scared that he’d succeed because I know there’s another movie on right after this. Indy prevails. I hope I didn’t ruin the end for anyone.
I know I missed some of this movie because I was outside reading, but one thing I can say is that this movie passed by much more quickly than the first one, which did seem a little long. As far as I can ascertain, the only things I missed were: the development of the romance between Indiana Jones and Kate Capshaw, the significance of the Temple of Doom and exactly what Indiana Jones was trying to do down there, and some adorably precious things performed by the little kid.
Well, the third movie is starting. It is titled “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” and Harrison Ford is reprising his role as Indiana Jones. It is 6:10 p.m. I just opened a beer. So far I have thought of two possibilities for dinner and those two things are toaster waffles and cereal. Some boy scouts are riding through what appears to be Utah and given that this is the first 10 minutes of an Indiana Jones movie, I fear something bad might happen to them.
Oh, River Phoenix is playing young Indiana. I had forgotten about this. Young Indy has the same intensity about archaeological artifacts but is unafraid of snakes at this point in his life. That will not last, as he lands amidst all these snakes on a train car. Snakes on a train! Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? Then Young Indy finds a whip and gets eaten by a lion. The end.
Just kidding. We have HOURS of movie left to go.
We have another scene of grown-up Indy teaching in his classroom. He still loves writing one word at a time on the board, he still has girls in love with him in his class, Marcus keeps coming into his classroom right before the bell rings. Shake it up a little bit, Spielberg.
And shake it up he does, because then we get a scene that shows that Indy’s students have some gripes with Indy. So he sneaks out a window under the watchful eye of what we can only assume at this point is a Nazi or Sean Connery. Or I guess just some dudes who bring Indy to a meeting with a guy who is also totally into archaeological artifacts. The Holy Grail! Someone alert Dan Brown because I think he totally missed this movie.
So Indy sets off to find the most precious artifact of all, his father. I go off to give my dad a call. I talk to my mom for five minutes but now it’s back to the movie. In the time in which I was gone Indy found some sort of hot librarian who is willing to dig holes in library floors for the sake of adventure.
Someone releases a lot of rats into the library hole but not before Indy makes some sort of important discovery. Look, Indy seems to have things under control so I’m going to go back out on the deck for awhile.
I know I missed some of this movie because I was outside reading, but one thing I can say is that this movie passed by much more quickly than the first one, which did seem a little long. As far as I can ascertain, the only things I missed were: the development of the romance between Indiana Jones and Kate Capshaw, the significance of the Temple of Doom and exactly what Indiana Jones was trying to do down there, and some adorably precious things performed by the little kid.
Well, the third movie is starting. It is titled “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade,” and Harrison Ford is reprising his role as Indiana Jones. It is 6:10 p.m. I just opened a beer. So far I have thought of two possibilities for dinner and those two things are toaster waffles and cereal. Some boy scouts are riding through what appears to be Utah and given that this is the first 10 minutes of an Indiana Jones movie, I fear something bad might happen to them.
Oh, River Phoenix is playing young Indiana. I had forgotten about this. Young Indy has the same intensity about archaeological artifacts but is unafraid of snakes at this point in his life. That will not last, as he lands amidst all these snakes on a train car. Snakes on a train! Where is Samuel L. Jackson when you need him? Then Young Indy finds a whip and gets eaten by a lion. The end.
Just kidding. We have HOURS of movie left to go.
We have another scene of grown-up Indy teaching in his classroom. He still loves writing one word at a time on the board, he still has girls in love with him in his class, Marcus keeps coming into his classroom right before the bell rings. Shake it up a little bit, Spielberg.
And shake it up he does, because then we get a scene that shows that Indy’s students have some gripes with Indy. So he sneaks out a window under the watchful eye of what we can only assume at this point is a Nazi or Sean Connery. Or I guess just some dudes who bring Indy to a meeting with a guy who is also totally into archaeological artifacts. The Holy Grail! Someone alert Dan Brown because I think he totally missed this movie.
So Indy sets off to find the most precious artifact of all, his father. I go off to give my dad a call. I talk to my mom for five minutes but now it’s back to the movie. In the time in which I was gone Indy found some sort of hot librarian who is willing to dig holes in library floors for the sake of adventure.
Someone releases a lot of rats into the library hole but not before Indy makes some sort of important discovery. Look, Indy seems to have things under control so I’m going to go back out on the deck for awhile.
Indiana Jones Hour 5: I want an adorable child sidekick too
Okay so now I have to try to figure out what I missed in the last hour. Indy is in a cave…maybe the titular temple of doom? People are chanting. He’s still got Kate Capshaw and the little kid with him. I really don’t remember anything about this movie.
I was just joking in that last post about human sacrifice, but that might actually be about to happen. OH MY GOD THIS IS THE ONE WHERE THEY RIP PEOPLE’S HEARTS OUT OF THEIR CHESTS HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN SUCH A THING?!?!?!?
Maybe that’s why they edited this one for content. Oh my. I wonder if Indy will explain the archaeological significance of what just happened, or if I missed that part. Indy went to go get something archaeologically significant even though Kate Capshaw didn’t want him to. I think he got it but if the first movie is any indication then some Nazis will surely be along soon to take it from him. Are Nazis in this one? And where did this little kid come from? He’s so precocious.
Now they have an Indy voodoo doll that they’re putting in fire. What is this religion all about? They must have one bad-ass store to get their little outfits and accessories and candles and whatnot. Now they are beating Indy with a whip, which makes me wonder if Indy will reconsider its use as a weapon. A fun fact to lighten up this torture scene is that Harrison Ford provided the whipcracks on the Jimmy Buffett song “Desperation Samba (Halloween in Tijuana)”. Jimmy Buffett and Harrison Ford are friends in real life.
This religion seems kind of similar to the one practiced by the people who are after Ringo Starr in the movie “Help!” Except vastly more violent, and the little kid doesn’t provide the same comic relief that Lennon/McCartney did. I just looked him up and he’s also in The Goonies and the television show “Head of the Class.” There’s a show that they should think about bringing to DVD. The little kid just told Indy that Indy is his best friend. I don’t think that portends good things for his emotional development. Indy will love you and leave you, kid. And it’s kind of a miracle you’re not dead yet. Temples of doom are no places for little kids.
Which is why, of course, Indy has to save all the little kids that have been turned into slaves! But someone gets out the Indy voodoo doll again, which means the little kid and Kate Capshaw have to do some of the heavy lifting. One guy dies by getting crushed in a wheel thing. Now they’re all in a cart and I think they’re going through the set of “Mr Toad’s Wild Ride.” This had to be a bitch to film.
Indy stops a car with his feet and then he gets chased by lots of water. Two things I would not like about being an archaeologist are the running and all the peril. Now the little kid has discovered a bridge that goes over alligators. That seems like a good place to wrap up hour 5.
I was just joking in that last post about human sacrifice, but that might actually be about to happen. OH MY GOD THIS IS THE ONE WHERE THEY RIP PEOPLE’S HEARTS OUT OF THEIR CHESTS HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN SUCH A THING?!?!?!?
Maybe that’s why they edited this one for content. Oh my. I wonder if Indy will explain the archaeological significance of what just happened, or if I missed that part. Indy went to go get something archaeologically significant even though Kate Capshaw didn’t want him to. I think he got it but if the first movie is any indication then some Nazis will surely be along soon to take it from him. Are Nazis in this one? And where did this little kid come from? He’s so precocious.
Now they have an Indy voodoo doll that they’re putting in fire. What is this religion all about? They must have one bad-ass store to get their little outfits and accessories and candles and whatnot. Now they are beating Indy with a whip, which makes me wonder if Indy will reconsider its use as a weapon. A fun fact to lighten up this torture scene is that Harrison Ford provided the whipcracks on the Jimmy Buffett song “Desperation Samba (Halloween in Tijuana)”. Jimmy Buffett and Harrison Ford are friends in real life.
This religion seems kind of similar to the one practiced by the people who are after Ringo Starr in the movie “Help!” Except vastly more violent, and the little kid doesn’t provide the same comic relief that Lennon/McCartney did. I just looked him up and he’s also in The Goonies and the television show “Head of the Class.” There’s a show that they should think about bringing to DVD. The little kid just told Indy that Indy is his best friend. I don’t think that portends good things for his emotional development. Indy will love you and leave you, kid. And it’s kind of a miracle you’re not dead yet. Temples of doom are no places for little kids.
Which is why, of course, Indy has to save all the little kids that have been turned into slaves! But someone gets out the Indy voodoo doll again, which means the little kid and Kate Capshaw have to do some of the heavy lifting. One guy dies by getting crushed in a wheel thing. Now they’re all in a cart and I think they’re going through the set of “Mr Toad’s Wild Ride.” This had to be a bitch to film.
Indy stops a car with his feet and then he gets chased by lots of water. Two things I would not like about being an archaeologist are the running and all the peril. Now the little kid has discovered a bridge that goes over alligators. That seems like a good place to wrap up hour 5.
Indiana Jones Hour Four: What an exciting hour!
For Hour 4 I went outside on the deck and read my book. There was a pleasant breeze. It got a little darkly ominous and even rained for a few minutes. But it stopped as suddenly as it began. I have no idea what I missed. Is this the one where they eat bugs and make a human sacrifice out of the little kid?
Indiana Jones Hour 3: An exclusive interview
Hour Three starts and we’re still in the first movie. The fact that I’m already so tuckered makes me worry that I might not be up to the challenge of blogging all these movies. I feel bad that I’m so tired. Indiana Jones fought all these damn dirty Nazis and he never complained about being tired. To spice things up I am going to conduct an interview for hour 3. An interview with myself.
Molly #1: Why are you so tired?
Molly #2: I don’t know.
Molly #1: You haven’t even been paying attention to this for like 15 minutes, have you?
Molly #2: No. I honestly don’t know how Marion and Indy got on this ship or whatever they’re on. Do they have the ark with them?
Molly #1: I don’t know. Why don’t you focus on this love scene that is the culmination of two hours of sexual tension?
Molly #2: Okay.
Molly #1: It was over kinda quick!
Molly #2: That’s what she said!
Molly #1: Oh dear, bad guys have found them.
Molly #2: How original. I did not see that coming.
Molly #1: So Molly #2, are you excited about the new Indiana Jones movie?
Molly #2: I’m sort of ambivalent. I don’t know whether I will go see it in theaters or not.
Molly #1: Do you think Harrison Ford is too old?
Molly #2: No. I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford will outlive us all and don’t think his age will be too much of a factor. I’m intrigued by Cate Blanchett as a “ruthless Soviet agent and sword wielding villain” (that’s how my tie-in can of Diet Dr. Pepper describes her) and would be happy to watch her read the phone book. Shia LaBeouf seems like a charming young man, the character of Marion is back, and I’m sure John Williams’ stirring score will manipulate my emotions appropriately.
Molly #1: Did you know “LaBeouf” means “the beef” in French?
Molly #2: Yeah, he mentioned that on Letterman once. You know what’s kinda frustrating? It keeps looking like it’s gonna rain and then it doesn’t. If it’s not going to rain I’m going to go outside.
Molly #1: Really? And miss the breathtaking conclusion of this movie? What will happen to the ark? What will happen to Indy and Marion?
Molly #2: I just had an awesome idea. I think there should be a band called Indiana and the Jones, and they sing songs about things in the movie. Like one song could be called “Damn Dirty Nazis” and one song could be called “Don’t Look Directly at What’s in the Ark (Unless You Want Fire to Go Through Your Stomach and Destroy You).”
Molly #1: Lame-o!
Molly #2: Oh finally the first movie is over. Now we have “Temple of Doom.”
Molly #1: Would you say that it’s the best titled movie?
Molly #2: I think so. “Temple of Doom” is pretty evocative. “Last Crusade” is just a lie of a title because there’s another crusade about to be released to theaters. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was pretty good as well.
Molly #1: This movie has apparently been edited for content.
Molly #2: I don’t know how I feel about that. What if they edited something good?
Molly #1: I wish more movies had musical numbers like the one that opens this movie.
Molly #2: I hope Indy can get either the diamond or the antidote in this screwball comedy of an opening scene.
Molly #1: Are there any other cinematic fights that take place in five inches of balloons?
Molly #2: Asia’s a weird place. Oh look, they found that little kid with a speech impediment. He’s so adorable.
Molly #1: I think he grows up to be Shia LaBeouf. Man I could go for some candy right now.
Molly #2: You can get some after this freaky commercial for an underwater circus that somehow turns into a commercial for an insurance company.
Molly #1: Commercials are so zany!
Molly #2: The new Indiana Jones would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus. Actually most everything would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus.
Molly #1: Would you like to go to an underground circus?
Molly #2: No, I would not, because the water would get in my popcorn.
Molly #1: What if they have special underwater refreshments at the underwater circus that you don’t even know about?
Molly #2: I just find that too implausible to consider.
Molly #1: Why are you so tired?
Molly #2: I don’t know.
Molly #1: You haven’t even been paying attention to this for like 15 minutes, have you?
Molly #2: No. I honestly don’t know how Marion and Indy got on this ship or whatever they’re on. Do they have the ark with them?
Molly #1: I don’t know. Why don’t you focus on this love scene that is the culmination of two hours of sexual tension?
Molly #2: Okay.
Molly #1: It was over kinda quick!
Molly #2: That’s what she said!
Molly #1: Oh dear, bad guys have found them.
Molly #2: How original. I did not see that coming.
Molly #1: So Molly #2, are you excited about the new Indiana Jones movie?
Molly #2: I’m sort of ambivalent. I don’t know whether I will go see it in theaters or not.
Molly #1: Do you think Harrison Ford is too old?
Molly #2: No. I’m pretty sure Harrison Ford will outlive us all and don’t think his age will be too much of a factor. I’m intrigued by Cate Blanchett as a “ruthless Soviet agent and sword wielding villain” (that’s how my tie-in can of Diet Dr. Pepper describes her) and would be happy to watch her read the phone book. Shia LaBeouf seems like a charming young man, the character of Marion is back, and I’m sure John Williams’ stirring score will manipulate my emotions appropriately.
Molly #1: Did you know “LaBeouf” means “the beef” in French?
Molly #2: Yeah, he mentioned that on Letterman once. You know what’s kinda frustrating? It keeps looking like it’s gonna rain and then it doesn’t. If it’s not going to rain I’m going to go outside.
Molly #1: Really? And miss the breathtaking conclusion of this movie? What will happen to the ark? What will happen to Indy and Marion?
Molly #2: I just had an awesome idea. I think there should be a band called Indiana and the Jones, and they sing songs about things in the movie. Like one song could be called “Damn Dirty Nazis” and one song could be called “Don’t Look Directly at What’s in the Ark (Unless You Want Fire to Go Through Your Stomach and Destroy You).”
Molly #1: Lame-o!
Molly #2: Oh finally the first movie is over. Now we have “Temple of Doom.”
Molly #1: Would you say that it’s the best titled movie?
Molly #2: I think so. “Temple of Doom” is pretty evocative. “Last Crusade” is just a lie of a title because there’s another crusade about to be released to theaters. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was pretty good as well.
Molly #1: This movie has apparently been edited for content.
Molly #2: I don’t know how I feel about that. What if they edited something good?
Molly #1: I wish more movies had musical numbers like the one that opens this movie.
Molly #2: I hope Indy can get either the diamond or the antidote in this screwball comedy of an opening scene.
Molly #1: Are there any other cinematic fights that take place in five inches of balloons?
Molly #2: Asia’s a weird place. Oh look, they found that little kid with a speech impediment. He’s so adorable.
Molly #1: I think he grows up to be Shia LaBeouf. Man I could go for some candy right now.
Molly #2: You can get some after this freaky commercial for an underwater circus that somehow turns into a commercial for an insurance company.
Molly #1: Commercials are so zany!
Molly #2: The new Indiana Jones would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus. Actually most everything would rock if there was a scene with an underground circus.
Molly #1: Would you like to go to an underground circus?
Molly #2: No, I would not, because the water would get in my popcorn.
Molly #1: What if they have special underwater refreshments at the underwater circus that you don’t even know about?
Molly #2: I just find that too implausible to consider.
Indiana Jones Hour 2: the capital is Indianapolis
So far I have seen two commercials with Indiana Jones tie-ins: Expedia and Burger King. Maybe I will start taking shots every time there’s an Indiana Jones commercial.
So now we’re back, and Indy is drinking with that monkey and he thinks his woman is dead. Then things get worse because he meets up with that guy who stole the idol at the beginning, Belloq. Belloq is a damn dirty Nazi. Small children save Indy from an escalating war of words with Belloq. That monkey gets in the car with them and that can mean nothing but trouble…unless the monkey gets hungry, eats a poisoned date, and thus saves Indy from death. Turns out that’s what happens. “Bad dates,” the man says.
Now they’re at the dig site and Indy is sneaking around doing archaeologist things. Turns out he is there just at the right time of day to make some important discoveries. I am going to eat two Oreos to celebrate. Then Indy finds out that Marion is still alive. I guess I better make that three Oreos. Then Indy makes the good decision to leave her tied up so he can find the Ark.
Uh-oh, that creepy guy that doesn’t like fire is back again, complete with a “heil Hitler” so we can remember how evil he is. Indy starts digging for the ark.
During the commercial break I did a little light housekeeping so I might have missed some Indy tie-in commercials. During the commercial the guys in the movie did a lot of digging and now they’ve found something. Inside are tons of snakes. If you remember from the beginning of the movie, Indy just hates snakes. He just hates them. And you know what, so do I. So my notes on this section of the movie are going to be a little fuzzy, because if I watch something about snakes, then I will likely dream about snakes tonight and then I will wake up thinking that snakes are all over me, and I will freak out.
The bad guys are making Marion put on a pretty dress. Isn’t it kind of amazing how well it fits? If I were held captive and they gave me a dress to put on, I really don’t think it would fit and I’d have to have dinner with the bad guys in a dress that wouldn’t zip. How embarrassing. All right snake related stuff is going on so I am just going to do some distracting things on the internet.
Okay now I am back and can only hope I didn’t miss anything too important. The bad guy with the burnt hand is back. Outside my apartment the wind is blowing hard as if it can sense the evil inside. A storm is brewing. I can see a bug out there. The Nazis find Indy and take his treasure yet again. They throw Marion into the pit of snakes with Indy. If I didn’t know there were three more movies after this, I would assume this was the end of Indiana Jones.
Because we all mourn in our own way and because I’m scared of snakes I left the room for a bit to let these kids get themselves free and work out their relationship issues. I worked on some laundry related stuff instead. When I come back out, Indy is fist-fighting a guy against the backdrop of a swastika-emblazoned plane. Marion is in a plane machine-gunning guys. I know I should be rooting for Marion, but on this viewing, I just feel like she’s more trouble than she’s worth.
One of the bad guys really lost his head. Because a propeller sawed it off.
Indy finds out he can still get the ark, which is in a truck. He gets on a horse. A commercial comes on. A commercial comes on for men’s hair color and it involves a robot voice which may be a commercial specially made for the SciFi channel. Now Indy’s back and ditched the horse at some point that I must not have been paying attention for. Now they’re in vehicles. They’re like racing and bumping into things and falling in the water and off cliffs and stuff. Look I know we’re only two hours into this thing but I might need a nap soon.
So now we’re back, and Indy is drinking with that monkey and he thinks his woman is dead. Then things get worse because he meets up with that guy who stole the idol at the beginning, Belloq. Belloq is a damn dirty Nazi. Small children save Indy from an escalating war of words with Belloq. That monkey gets in the car with them and that can mean nothing but trouble…unless the monkey gets hungry, eats a poisoned date, and thus saves Indy from death. Turns out that’s what happens. “Bad dates,” the man says.
Now they’re at the dig site and Indy is sneaking around doing archaeologist things. Turns out he is there just at the right time of day to make some important discoveries. I am going to eat two Oreos to celebrate. Then Indy finds out that Marion is still alive. I guess I better make that three Oreos. Then Indy makes the good decision to leave her tied up so he can find the Ark.
Uh-oh, that creepy guy that doesn’t like fire is back again, complete with a “heil Hitler” so we can remember how evil he is. Indy starts digging for the ark.
During the commercial break I did a little light housekeeping so I might have missed some Indy tie-in commercials. During the commercial the guys in the movie did a lot of digging and now they’ve found something. Inside are tons of snakes. If you remember from the beginning of the movie, Indy just hates snakes. He just hates them. And you know what, so do I. So my notes on this section of the movie are going to be a little fuzzy, because if I watch something about snakes, then I will likely dream about snakes tonight and then I will wake up thinking that snakes are all over me, and I will freak out.
The bad guys are making Marion put on a pretty dress. Isn’t it kind of amazing how well it fits? If I were held captive and they gave me a dress to put on, I really don’t think it would fit and I’d have to have dinner with the bad guys in a dress that wouldn’t zip. How embarrassing. All right snake related stuff is going on so I am just going to do some distracting things on the internet.
Okay now I am back and can only hope I didn’t miss anything too important. The bad guy with the burnt hand is back. Outside my apartment the wind is blowing hard as if it can sense the evil inside. A storm is brewing. I can see a bug out there. The Nazis find Indy and take his treasure yet again. They throw Marion into the pit of snakes with Indy. If I didn’t know there were three more movies after this, I would assume this was the end of Indiana Jones.
Because we all mourn in our own way and because I’m scared of snakes I left the room for a bit to let these kids get themselves free and work out their relationship issues. I worked on some laundry related stuff instead. When I come back out, Indy is fist-fighting a guy against the backdrop of a swastika-emblazoned plane. Marion is in a plane machine-gunning guys. I know I should be rooting for Marion, but on this viewing, I just feel like she’s more trouble than she’s worth.
One of the bad guys really lost his head. Because a propeller sawed it off.
Indy finds out he can still get the ark, which is in a truck. He gets on a horse. A commercial comes on. A commercial comes on for men’s hair color and it involves a robot voice which may be a commercial specially made for the SciFi channel. Now Indy’s back and ditched the horse at some point that I must not have been paying attention for. Now they’re in vehicles. They’re like racing and bumping into things and falling in the water and off cliffs and stuff. Look I know we’re only two hours into this thing but I might need a nap soon.
Indiana Jones Hour One: The Adventure Begins
So perhaps you’ve noticed that we’re halfway through May and I’ve only posted twice. Something I learned in February, though, when the Academy Awards were on, is that if you watch some sort of television event, and post all your thoughts on it hourly, then you can generate a lot of posts. So today I am going to blog my watching of all three Indiana Jones movies, which are being shown today on the SciFi channel in preparation for the new Indiana Jones that is coming out soon.
So not only will I increase my posting, I will provide a public service for everyone who wants to get ready for the new movie but does not have the time to sit down and watch the first three movies themselves. I myself have only vague memories of what happens in which movies.
So to set the scene, it is 1 pm on a Sunday. I just got out of the shower and I have never watched anything on the SciFi channel before so I am pretty excited about that. It is a little overcast and if it were nicer I’d probably be out on my deck. But then we would be deprived the hours of fun that we’re about to have.
So while I was typing all that we had the opening credits of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and Indiana Jones, who is played by Harrison Ford in case you don’t know, is about to go into a cave. A poison dart has indicated that enemies are fresh on these explorers’ trail. Now they’re in the cave and they have spiders all over them! Then they discovered a skeleton. This is a very scary cave. I hope they get what they want out of it and that there are no double crosses amongst this staff.
Okay, so what he wants is a golden head. He takes it and makes the gods angry. Oh crap. There is a double cross by his assistant, who is going to take the idol and leave Indiana Jones to die. OH NO EXCEPT HE DIED.
Now there is a big ball chasing Indy. He survives only to have the idol taken away. Then he is chased by a native tribe with firm asses and poison darts. He swims to his waiting plane but it has a snake in it. This guy is having a Very Bad Day.
Perhaps what he needs is a roast beef sandwich and some potato salad, which is what I made myself during the commercial break. We come back to the movie to see Indy teaching a class that is full of young women who just find him dreamy. Including a girl who wrote “Love You” on her eyelids.
Now Indy is in a meeting about the damn dirty Nazis, who are trying to get all the world’s religious artifacts. Indy immediately gathers that the damn dirty Nazis are after the ark of the covenant. This part of the movie is kinda important so that you know the significance of what they’re after but I’m a little too busy with my sandwich to type it all out.
So now Indy has got to get the ark before the damn dirty Nazis. He’s going to have to find his old mentor, who knows more about it than he does. He packs his suitcase with a jacket, a whip and a gun. So I guess we shouldn’t expect too many costume changes in this movie.
Okay I am finished with lunch so I’ll be able to focus a little more. Indy is getting on a plane but someone treacherous is on board with him. You can tell by the ominous music and the way he peers at Indy from behind a Life magazine. Only badasses read Life.
Actually I bet that guy can’t even read.
A line that shows the airplane’s progress lets us know that we have flown to Nepal, where there is a drinking contest taking place. This scene kinda scared me when I was little because you know the part where Karen Allen falls asleep and people think she is done? I got really worried for her, like maybe she was seriously injured. I just looked it up on IMDB and Karen Allen was 30 when she made this movie. This really relieves me. I was scared that she’d be my age or younger in this movie, and then I’d have to question how my life was going. What if she were my age and had already been in an Indiana Jones movie? That would make me feel just awful.
So now Marion is alone in her bar and she has Indy’s money and the artifact he is looking for in her shirt. Now treacherous guy is here. He has a German accent so that should be an immediate tip-off that this guy is going to be a damn dirty Nazi, albeit a wimpy one who can’t stomach cigarette smoke. The guy threatens her with a hot iron but I have a hunch that Indy will save her…and yep there he is. Unfortunately it will be a race against time because that hot iron has also set the bar on fire. Now people are getting set on fire and getting shot and it is really intense. The German gets his hand burned by the artifact. That guy really needs to learn to deal with fire.
Now Marion, who’s bar has been burned to the ground, is going to tag along with Indy because she has the medallion. What I predict is that she is going to be more of a liability than a help. Now they are in Cairo and Marion’s first act as Indy’s partner is to acquire a monkey. See what I mean about being a liability? What are the chances this monkey will ever be anything but a burden or perhaps lead to disaster?
Marion is rocking some high-waisted red pants as she and Indy stroll through a market and eat dates. The monkey finds a guy with an eye patch and the two of them start following Indy and Marion. They are bantering cutely unaware of all the people after them. Now a fight has broken out in the market. Indy puts Marion on a hay cart where she belongs but she escapes and tries to fight off a guy with a frying pan. Then she hides in a basket but the monkey finds her and betrays her location. I coulda told her that monkey was a mistake.
Did you know Barack Obama had a monkey when he lived in Indonesia?
One day Harrison Ford was sick and instead of filming a big long whip fight, he just ended up shooting the guy. They just had that scene. Also did you know that Tom Selleck was up for the role of Indiana Jones and couldn’t get out of his Magnum PI contract? HOW WOULD OUR WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF TOM SELLECK HAD BEEN INDIANA JONES?????? Let’s all ponder that as hour one of watching Indiana Jones comes to an end.
So not only will I increase my posting, I will provide a public service for everyone who wants to get ready for the new movie but does not have the time to sit down and watch the first three movies themselves. I myself have only vague memories of what happens in which movies.
So to set the scene, it is 1 pm on a Sunday. I just got out of the shower and I have never watched anything on the SciFi channel before so I am pretty excited about that. It is a little overcast and if it were nicer I’d probably be out on my deck. But then we would be deprived the hours of fun that we’re about to have.
So while I was typing all that we had the opening credits of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and Indiana Jones, who is played by Harrison Ford in case you don’t know, is about to go into a cave. A poison dart has indicated that enemies are fresh on these explorers’ trail. Now they’re in the cave and they have spiders all over them! Then they discovered a skeleton. This is a very scary cave. I hope they get what they want out of it and that there are no double crosses amongst this staff.
Okay, so what he wants is a golden head. He takes it and makes the gods angry. Oh crap. There is a double cross by his assistant, who is going to take the idol and leave Indiana Jones to die. OH NO EXCEPT HE DIED.
Now there is a big ball chasing Indy. He survives only to have the idol taken away. Then he is chased by a native tribe with firm asses and poison darts. He swims to his waiting plane but it has a snake in it. This guy is having a Very Bad Day.
Perhaps what he needs is a roast beef sandwich and some potato salad, which is what I made myself during the commercial break. We come back to the movie to see Indy teaching a class that is full of young women who just find him dreamy. Including a girl who wrote “Love You” on her eyelids.
Now Indy is in a meeting about the damn dirty Nazis, who are trying to get all the world’s religious artifacts. Indy immediately gathers that the damn dirty Nazis are after the ark of the covenant. This part of the movie is kinda important so that you know the significance of what they’re after but I’m a little too busy with my sandwich to type it all out.
So now Indy has got to get the ark before the damn dirty Nazis. He’s going to have to find his old mentor, who knows more about it than he does. He packs his suitcase with a jacket, a whip and a gun. So I guess we shouldn’t expect too many costume changes in this movie.
Okay I am finished with lunch so I’ll be able to focus a little more. Indy is getting on a plane but someone treacherous is on board with him. You can tell by the ominous music and the way he peers at Indy from behind a Life magazine. Only badasses read Life.
Actually I bet that guy can’t even read.
A line that shows the airplane’s progress lets us know that we have flown to Nepal, where there is a drinking contest taking place. This scene kinda scared me when I was little because you know the part where Karen Allen falls asleep and people think she is done? I got really worried for her, like maybe she was seriously injured. I just looked it up on IMDB and Karen Allen was 30 when she made this movie. This really relieves me. I was scared that she’d be my age or younger in this movie, and then I’d have to question how my life was going. What if she were my age and had already been in an Indiana Jones movie? That would make me feel just awful.
So now Marion is alone in her bar and she has Indy’s money and the artifact he is looking for in her shirt. Now treacherous guy is here. He has a German accent so that should be an immediate tip-off that this guy is going to be a damn dirty Nazi, albeit a wimpy one who can’t stomach cigarette smoke. The guy threatens her with a hot iron but I have a hunch that Indy will save her…and yep there he is. Unfortunately it will be a race against time because that hot iron has also set the bar on fire. Now people are getting set on fire and getting shot and it is really intense. The German gets his hand burned by the artifact. That guy really needs to learn to deal with fire.
Now Marion, who’s bar has been burned to the ground, is going to tag along with Indy because she has the medallion. What I predict is that she is going to be more of a liability than a help. Now they are in Cairo and Marion’s first act as Indy’s partner is to acquire a monkey. See what I mean about being a liability? What are the chances this monkey will ever be anything but a burden or perhaps lead to disaster?
Marion is rocking some high-waisted red pants as she and Indy stroll through a market and eat dates. The monkey finds a guy with an eye patch and the two of them start following Indy and Marion. They are bantering cutely unaware of all the people after them. Now a fight has broken out in the market. Indy puts Marion on a hay cart where she belongs but she escapes and tries to fight off a guy with a frying pan. Then she hides in a basket but the monkey finds her and betrays her location. I coulda told her that monkey was a mistake.
Did you know Barack Obama had a monkey when he lived in Indonesia?
One day Harrison Ford was sick and instead of filming a big long whip fight, he just ended up shooting the guy. They just had that scene. Also did you know that Tom Selleck was up for the role of Indiana Jones and couldn’t get out of his Magnum PI contract? HOW WOULD OUR WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF TOM SELLECK HAD BEEN INDIANA JONES?????? Let’s all ponder that as hour one of watching Indiana Jones comes to an end.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hour 4--It wasn't a full hour, thank goodness
Hour 4 is starting off with a bang—Best Actor. By the way, I haven’t really written about these, but as you can guess from my love of montage, I am truly enjoying these montages of the people who have won the award that immediately precedes the giving of the award. Who didn’t cry when it flashbacked to Steven Spielberg winning for “Schindler’s List”? And his mom was crying? Oh my.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
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