images of america

As I mentioned in my last post, I went dishwasher shopping with my parents this past weekend. When we were walking up to Home Depot, on the day before the 4th of July, I was very struck by this image:
I think this picture encapsulates the American Dream, which to me, clearly, is flag + tractor. Actually, it's about owning a home with a yard that requires a tractor, and a trip to a nice American-owned business like Home Depot means you have the financial security to acquire such an item. Or something like that. I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, because taking pictures in a parking lot is quite a dangerous thing to do.

What other images of America did I capture over the holiday weekend? Well, here is a picture of a grill with all sorts of meat on it, along with some spiced pierogies:

What, you think that the grilled meat could be made more American by the addition of a beer, some french fries and a little ketchup? Me, too:

And last but not least, here is a kitten playing a video game:

You may notice that even though this is a post full of images of America, there is only one American flag. Well, that is because everyone in Candler, NC was violating the flag code, which I read up on as preparation for the 4th. You have to take your flags down at night if they're not properly illuminated, people!

important life lessons

Well, I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that it was tough to go back to work today, after a nice, long, holiday weekend. I spent my 4th of July in Candler with the family. Though our activities mostly involved eating, I was still able to learn lots of things on my trip home. I decided to blog about all the things I learned, each day. Here we go.

Thursday: In which I drive from Atlanta to Candler, eat at Mellow Mushroom with my brothers and go to a Jenny Lewis concert with my brother George.

I learned that…..
….Atlanta traffic is not that bad if you get to leave work at 1 p.m.
…..Ronde the cat is still impossibly cute
…..Tiki the cat is still rather grumpy when I am around
…..my brother William is starting to look and act eerily like my father.
…..waitresses who show up for their Mellow Mushroom shift directly after “gardening” are often too spacey to be very effective in serving.
…..the Mellow Mushroom in Asheville was out of nearly every local beer.
…..my brother William has some frightening sort of mojo or reverse psychology that can make me agree to eating Hawaiian pizza when I really want to eat White Pizza.
…….it’s better to just compromise and order two pizzas, particularly if one of the pizzas is a White pizza.
….short people who are pissy about having to stand behind taller people at a concert should get to the concert earlier
....the Heartless Bastards are a good opening band, and the lead singer of that band looks like a Muppet.
….a new stylish look, as worn by Jenny Lewis, is a cut-up white t-shirt with a black bra underneath.
….Tecate is a tasty beer suitable for performers, as evidenced by Jenny Lewis’s enthusiasm for it.
…..Jenny Lewis posters are nigh-impossible to get, as they sold out just before I was able to buy one for my brother, and none of the staff members were willing to get the one out of the locked marquee for us.

Friday: I ate coffee cake, cold cuts and chicken, went shopping with my parents and sat on the porch.
I learned that……
….Sara Lee coffee cake is delicious
…..I might be allergic to Ronde the kitten
….shopping for dishwashers is difficult
….dishwasher salesmen might be creepier than car salesmen
….trying on hats at antique stores is fun
….if Hardee’s is out of lids for their medium-sized cups, they will upgrade you to a large.
…..a large soda at Hardee’s is way more soda than any person has a right to drink
…..sitting out on the porch, in weather that was at least ten degrees cooler than Atlanta, is delightful.
….Ronde can climb trees
……my mom used to win roller-skating competitions and win a giant Hershey’s bar for her efforts
….if you let the boys cook, they will come up with something delicious, thus meaning that they should always cook while the ladies sip drinks on the proch
…3 adults can easily polish off 3 bottles of wine.

Saturday: A day to celebrate America by eating and watching things.
I learned that….
…..Tecate is more delicious than I remembered. Thanks for the tip, Jenny Lewis.
…..pierogies with spicy seasoning cooked on the grill are delicious
….how to make ribs from my brother’s father-in-law. Sorta.
…the renovated movie theater on Hendersonville road is awesome, because it has all these big comfy couches and footrests.
…The Hangover is an immensely funny movie
…..when you hear a rustling in trees near the house, it’s best to assume that it’s a bear.
…fireworks that emit a loud boom without also emitting any beautiful sparkles are awful fireworks and should not even be sold.
…..there was much I did not know about our nation’s first sixteen presidents, thanks to the History Channel’s marathon of “The Presidents.”
….the History Channel thinks that Jimmy Carter succeeded Abraham Lincoln in the presidency, if the way they ordered the episodes of “The Presidents” is any indication.
….I get too tired to stay up til 4 a.m. to watch the entirety of any television marathon, even if it is about the presidents.

Sunday: I ate some things, read some stuff, and drove back to Atlanta.
I learned that….
…..my mom can make a mean breakfast sandwich
….the show “Rome Reports” is a must if you like popes, and if you get that channel about Catholics, which my parents do.
….reading “Infinite Jest” while your parents watch the Wimbledon finals is kind of weird.
…ribs are delicious
…..it’s best to shower after you eat ribs
….though you may be expecting heavy traffic on the last day of a holiday weekend, it won’t come in the spots that you expect.

Introducing Ronde!!

Even though I was afflicted with a terrible illness on Thursday and Friday, I still managed to make it up to North Carolina to spend Father’s Day weekend with my dear old dad. And boy, am I glad I made it, because something big happened at our house this weekend!

Our Saturday started off normally enough. Dad goes out to breakfast and to the flea market with his buddies every Saturday, but since it was Father’s Day weekend, William, Mom and me went him instead. Breakfast was at J&S Cafeteria, and it was epic. Probably four pounds of breakfast meat was consumed between the four of us. Then it was off to the flea market. Great deals were found by all.

Then we decided to stop by Michaels, the arts and crafts superstore, because there was a seasonal centerpiece that Mom wanted to show me. Michaels is right next to a pet store; two weeks ago, my family saw an adorable little kitten at that pet store and they have not stopped talking about that kitten since. As we pulled into the parking lot, Dad and William agreed that if the kitten was still there, he was coming home with us. Even Mom, who doesn’t like having to worry about new cats coming in and scratching things, said it was okay if the cat came home, mainly because she thought that kitten had long since been adopted.

Well, Dad didn’t even go into Michaels with everyone else. He ran straight to the pet store and guess what—the kitten was still there!! But since flea market days start very early---you have to be at the cafeteria at 6 am so you can get to the flea market before the good things are gone---we figured we weren’t going to be able to hold the kitten, because the adoption ladies weren’t due to show up for a few more hours. This made me sad because this kitten truly was the most adorable cat I had ever seen. Luckily for us, though, an adoption lady showed up early! While you could tell that she just wanted to set up and get things ready, she let us play with the kitten. And, because that kitten was just too cute to give back, she let us go ahead and start the adoption process a few hours early!

Dad had to fill out eleventy billion papers, probably more adoption papers than Madonna had to fill out when she adopted her orphans from Malawi. While he did all the paperwork, William and I traded off holding the kitten and tried to think of some names. Eventually we got to go home, and the little guy was just captivated by the world. So captivated that he pooped in the box.

But now, as loyal readers know, Mom and Dad already have one cat at home that we all dearly love – lil’ Tiki. Tiki is, how you say, spoiled rotten. So she was none too happy to see this little version of herself show up in the house, and I don’t know that we did a great job introducing the two because there was some hissing involved. No one wanted to go with my idea, which was trying to make Tiki think that she had given birth to the kitten. How would I have done that? By getting Tiki so sick that she threw up, then quickly covering the kitten in vomit and presenting it to Tiki. Then she would care for it as if it were her own. Genius, right? Sadly, we did not use this idea.

During the introduction process, my heart was torn in half. On the one hand, the experience brought up some subconscious memories of what it was like to be an only child, the sole apple of my parents’ eye, until one day when they brought my baby brother home. My life was never the same. So I knew how Tiki was feeling. But on the other hand, Tiki has never been that nice to me. She has a tendency to scratch me and never let me pet her, whereas the new kitten had already proved to be an affectionate lovebug. So while I knew how the first cat felt, the second cat was rapidly stealing my heart.

Over a lunch of hot dogs, we decided to name the kitten Ronde. As you might remember, Tiki is named for Tiki Barber, who played football for Dad’s alma mater, the University of Virginia. Ronde is the name of Tiki’s twin brother; the name Oronde means first-born son in Swahili. For the rest of the day, Tiki was moody, while Ronde was adorable.

Since we decided that Tiki should get to sleep at the foot of Mom and Dad’s bed, per usual, so that she didn't feel like she'd been replaced, I got to take little Ronde up to my bedroom for the night. Ronde woke up every two hours, which made me very tired, but every time Ronde woke me up, he’d try to make it up to me by putting his little paws on either side of my face and giving me little cat kisses. Geez. I just don’t know if I’m getting across how frickin adorable this little guy is.

Tiki was none too pleased when Ronde and I emerged the next day; perhaps she thought it was a bad dream and the kitten would be gone in the morning. I had to leave the cats to come back to Atlanta, but I hope that by the next time I return, they’ll have become good buddies. My greatest fear is that Tiki will tell Ronde not to be so sweet to me. But hopefully Ronde will have better persuasive skills, and I will have two cat friends in Candler.

I couldn’t get a great picture of Ronde, one that captures all his cuteness. Here he is with his eyes closed:

And this is not a very good picture of me, but at least Ronde has his eyes open:

And this is how Tiki looked all weekend. She literally shot green lasers of hate at all of us.