I have been at my new job two months now. Things are going good, except for a few occupational hazards that I thought I’d share with you now:
--Ink. My office has these nice fountain pens, where the ink comes out all wet and professional looking. Big girl pens, I guess you could call them. Well, not a day of work has gone by where I haven’t come home with ink all over me or my clothing. It’s like that stuff just wants to cover every surface it comes in contact with, because it’s not like I’m not careful with the pens. No matter what I do, I’m getting some on me. This could lead to the threat of ink poisoning.
Well, never mind. I just did some research on ink poisoning and apparently it doesn’t exist. Ink is only bad if you swallow a lot of it. But still. All this ink is hazardous to my clothes and to my general outward appearance. I don’t want people thinking that I’m unkempt.
--The second occupational hazard I face is laziness. Not work-related laziness, because I’m working hard as ever, but bathroom laziness. See, the entire bathroom at the office is automated. The toilet flushes itself. You put your hands under the sink and the water comes out. You wave your hands and get a paper towel. Normally, I hate this system, because inevitably the toilet flushes too soon or not at all, the water doesn’t really allow for a proper handwashing, and the towel is never the appropriate size. But here’s the kicker. I have become reliant on this level of automation in my restroom. When I go to other public restrooms, I just assume they’re automated. On more than one occasion, I have forgotten to turn a sink off because I think it’s going to turn itself off. And other people look at me weird and turn them off for me. That is embarrassing! We’re in a drought! I can’t be forgetting to turn off faucets!
--Aspartame. My office has ten bazillion kinds of soda. I have started calling it the freezer of death, because sugar’s bad for you right? Well, I am starting to think that I have developed some sort of intolerance for aspartame as well. That’s right, glorious aspartame, the life force that gives us diet soda. I don’t want to tell you what symptoms I had to Google to figure out I am getting too sensitive to aspartame, but well, let’s just say I feel much better the days I don’t drink it. But I still want to! But it gives you brain cancer! I’m so conflicted!
--The next occupational hazard is perhaps the most important. I am starting to think I have either arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome. Basically I sit at a computer and type all day and I probably don’t do it ergonomically correctly. So there are days where my hands get very tired and sore, to kind of bad degrees, actually. I mean, now that the health insurance has kicked in, I gotta get it checked out. Especially because I have identified a whole host of other diseases that I might have as a result of hand pain, thanks to Google. What if I have Lyme disease, people? What if there are ticks in the office? That would deserve a completely separate bullet point if my hands weren’t getting tired.
--If I am not typing, then I am usually reading, which is the last occupational hazard I’ll mention. It’s a very real threat, because when I read at a desk (as opposed to on a couch or in bed), then I cup my chin in my hand. Lately that is leading to a lot of breakouts in the chin region. I am trying to keep my hands off my face but then I can’t find a comfortable position. Also, reading and comprehending things in a short timeframe, which I must do, has been known to lead to head explosion.
So these are my occupational hazards. I know they’re not the worst in the world. It’s not like I’m fighting monkeys or handling garbage. But still. I have to live every day with the threat of chin zits and head explosion.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
black-haired girl
This was a good weekend, musically. Saturday I went to see Jesse Malin, who is a good person to listen to if you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Bruce Springsteen and Ryan Adams had a baby who became a singer who wore extremely tight jeans. The guy works with both Bruce Springsteen and Ryan Adams quite a bit so I guess the similarity makes sense. He played at the very un-rock-and-roll time of 6 pm but then I guess he rock-starred it up a bit by not showing up on stage for an hour and a half. He does this thing near the end of the show which I guess is his calling card, which is asking the audience to sit down on the floor and sing along to a cover song with him. To bring everyone together, I guess. Perhaps this was uncool of me, but I squatted. I know too many people who have thrown up in that bar to be comfortable sitting.
Tonight I went to see Antje Duvekot and Ellis Paul. Both are folk singers. Antje Duvekot is kind of like if Patty Griffin and Patty Larkin had a baby but the baby was born in Germany. Ellis Paul is…well, I’m running out of ways to describe potential musical parents. Lookswise, it might be kind of like if Carson Kresssley and Sean Penn had a baby. I don’t know. Both of them put on a good show. They’re both the type that sing confessional songs with acoustic guitar and while I love that, it might be hard for me to describe them in a way that you could differentiate them from other folk singers. Antje Duvekot (I didn’t hear anyone pronounce her name the same way twice so I can’t help you there) had a song in a Bank of America commercial and Ellis Paul has had a few songs in Farrelly Brothers movies.
I was sitting at the bar next to these two girls, who might have been sisters. One was married and one had a boyfriend. Only the boyfriend was there. I spent a lot of time between sets trying to figure these girls out. They talked about topics as diverse as their pedicures and the cost of Maker’s Mark at various locales across the country. The only time I really heard the boyfriend talk was when he told his girlfriend that she looked much better with make-up than without. At this point I snorted beer out of my nose but I tried to cover it up, like it was a sneeze. Friends, it is painful to have beer come out of your nose. And a waste of good beer.
Anyways, if you are interested, here are some song samples from YouTube:
Jesse Malin singing with The Boss:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=izaexqdC29c
Antje Duvekot singing:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=AKnTpRvdQJI
Ellis Paul singing:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HC8Ndis1ucU
Tonight I went to see Antje Duvekot and Ellis Paul. Both are folk singers. Antje Duvekot is kind of like if Patty Griffin and Patty Larkin had a baby but the baby was born in Germany. Ellis Paul is…well, I’m running out of ways to describe potential musical parents. Lookswise, it might be kind of like if Carson Kresssley and Sean Penn had a baby. I don’t know. Both of them put on a good show. They’re both the type that sing confessional songs with acoustic guitar and while I love that, it might be hard for me to describe them in a way that you could differentiate them from other folk singers. Antje Duvekot (I didn’t hear anyone pronounce her name the same way twice so I can’t help you there) had a song in a Bank of America commercial and Ellis Paul has had a few songs in Farrelly Brothers movies.
I was sitting at the bar next to these two girls, who might have been sisters. One was married and one had a boyfriend. Only the boyfriend was there. I spent a lot of time between sets trying to figure these girls out. They talked about topics as diverse as their pedicures and the cost of Maker’s Mark at various locales across the country. The only time I really heard the boyfriend talk was when he told his girlfriend that she looked much better with make-up than without. At this point I snorted beer out of my nose but I tried to cover it up, like it was a sneeze. Friends, it is painful to have beer come out of your nose. And a waste of good beer.
Anyways, if you are interested, here are some song samples from YouTube:
Jesse Malin singing with The Boss:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=izaexqdC29c
Antje Duvekot singing:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=AKnTpRvdQJI
Ellis Paul singing:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HC8Ndis1ucU
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
honk
So, I spent three years in Seattle, the home of passive-aggressive driving, where it's somehow okay to drive 45 mph on the interstate, it's bizarrely thought that bikes can go as fast as cars, and drivers routinely speed up and slow down when they know people are trying to get in their lane. Now I live in Atlanta, where it's okay to honk if you don't like the song that's playing on your radio. I mean, there is a fair amount of honking. At first, I couldn't overcome my Seattle driving shyness, so I would just say "honk" to myself, or say, "that was a honker!" if I thought the offense was grievous enough. But now I am really coming into my own and using the horn a little more.
The problem with honking is it's so imprecise. People are so dumb that they may not even know why you are honking at them, and then they will never learn their lesson. I prefer more direct, concise communication. So I think we should redo car horns so that they convey the messages below, perhaps through actual words, or perhaps through different series of notes that are universally accepted to mean things such as these:
--I don't mind that you are slowing down and turning, because that is a part of driving, but put a blinker on, dumbass.
--I do mind that you are slowing down and turning, because you are slowing down too far in distance from the point at which you are actually turning.
-- I do mind that you are slowing down and turning, because you are taking that turn way too slow. I mean, a wheelchair could beat you on that turn.
--If you're going to switch lanes, please do it quickly and efficiently.
--I see no reason why you can't be going faster!
--Stop creeping over into my lane; it makes me nervous!
--I think your cell phone is impairing your ability to drive.
--I think the dog that you insist on putting in your lap is impairing your ability to drive.
--Do you notice how everyone is passing you on the right? That is because the left lane is for faster people.
--Driving with earphones is irresponsible and illegal.
--You know that parking space was mine, asshole.
--It's a really awful thing to zip by a line of cars waiting patiently for something (a left hand turn, interstate access) and then expect us to let you in.
--I am just letting one person into the flow of traffic right now, buddy. Stop trying to edge your way in.
--A warning horn to tell people that if I let you into traffic, you better move fast so that we both make it through the upcoming light. If you make it through the upcoming light and I don't, face the wrath of an angrier horn.
--Don't litter, jackass.
I will probably add more as time goes on.
Now I realize that these are quite time-consuming to put out into the world, but I think it's necessary. I also know that personally, my reflexes are such that while my brain is saying "honk," my hand may not be getting to the horn fast enough. So of course, having multiple horns that mean different things will just be impossible. What I hope we can do is rig this horn system so that the horn can just tell by the sweat on my palms or the pressure of my hand exactly what horn I need. What I am saying, in conclusion, is that I need a horn system that reads my mind and then conveys my thoughts to any offending drivers in my path. I don't think that's so much to ask for.
The problem with honking is it's so imprecise. People are so dumb that they may not even know why you are honking at them, and then they will never learn their lesson. I prefer more direct, concise communication. So I think we should redo car horns so that they convey the messages below, perhaps through actual words, or perhaps through different series of notes that are universally accepted to mean things such as these:
--I don't mind that you are slowing down and turning, because that is a part of driving, but put a blinker on, dumbass.
--I do mind that you are slowing down and turning, because you are slowing down too far in distance from the point at which you are actually turning.
-- I do mind that you are slowing down and turning, because you are taking that turn way too slow. I mean, a wheelchair could beat you on that turn.
--If you're going to switch lanes, please do it quickly and efficiently.
--I see no reason why you can't be going faster!
--Stop creeping over into my lane; it makes me nervous!
--I think your cell phone is impairing your ability to drive.
--I think the dog that you insist on putting in your lap is impairing your ability to drive.
--Do you notice how everyone is passing you on the right? That is because the left lane is for faster people.
--Driving with earphones is irresponsible and illegal.
--You know that parking space was mine, asshole.
--It's a really awful thing to zip by a line of cars waiting patiently for something (a left hand turn, interstate access) and then expect us to let you in.
--I am just letting one person into the flow of traffic right now, buddy. Stop trying to edge your way in.
--A warning horn to tell people that if I let you into traffic, you better move fast so that we both make it through the upcoming light. If you make it through the upcoming light and I don't, face the wrath of an angrier horn.
--Don't litter, jackass.
I will probably add more as time goes on.
Now I realize that these are quite time-consuming to put out into the world, but I think it's necessary. I also know that personally, my reflexes are such that while my brain is saying "honk," my hand may not be getting to the horn fast enough. So of course, having multiple horns that mean different things will just be impossible. What I hope we can do is rig this horn system so that the horn can just tell by the sweat on my palms or the pressure of my hand exactly what horn I need. What I am saying, in conclusion, is that I need a horn system that reads my mind and then conveys my thoughts to any offending drivers in my path. I don't think that's so much to ask for.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
LBJ's dead.
One of the reasons I’m happy to live in Atlanta is that I can get home easily if there’s some sort of family event or a good concert in Asheville. This weekend there was both! The good concert was Lucy Kaplansky, who’s a folk singer and one-third of the folk supergroup Cry Cry Cry which I have previously mentioned. I haven’t really listened to a lot of Lucy since high school, but the concert keyed me into some things I had been missing. During the concerts, Lucy told a lot of adorable stories about her five-year-old daughter, Molly. When I heard Lucy had a daughter named Molly, I thought that perhaps I might be the inspiration for the name, because in high school, I saw a fair number of Lucy Kaplansky shows and she always signed an autograph for me. My uncle even got her to sign one, “To Molly, my favorite fan” or something like that. So anyways, I thought that all those autographs for me might have made her think, “I must have a daughter named Molly also!” But it turns out her grandmother’s name is Molly.
The opening act…I don’t remember his name, but he did a weird/interesting thing where he played along to his CD during some songs, but the CD was staggered a bit behind him, so it was sort of like singing in the round, with himself. I don’t know if that makes sense. He sang a song about babies dying at birth and a song that he said he wrote to explain to his 20-month-old daughter what a funeral was, because they had to take her to a funeral. I would say that the song was a little inappropriate for a 20-month-old because it had a lot of drinking and also, I think a funeral is a pretty good time to spring for a babysitter.
Anyways, the fun family event was the American Political Items Collectors (APIC) Spring Show in Greensboro, NC!!! Now, some of you who read this blog know that my father has collected political memorabilia since he was 10 years old. Things like campaign buttons and posters and weird presidential toys. When I was little, we completely renovated our basement so it could be like a campaign memorabilia museum. I spent a lot of time down there.
You find buttons by going to antique stores and to APIC shows. When I was little, I’d have to go down to the basement before an APIC show and look at all the buttons and try to memorize what Dad had in the collection, so that at the show, he could say, “Do we have this Goldwater button?” and I would say yes or no. Eventually I started to get it wrong and there were duplicates and then I went to college so now Dad has scanned all his buttons and put them in a binder and this makes going to APIC shows infinitely less stressful for me.
We found some pretty good buttons this year. I learned that LBJ is dead in terms of the value of his buttons, and my dad and a dealer had a pretty engaging conversation about cardboard backing vs. pinbacks on buttons. Some weird guy came up to my brother and showed him a picture of a Christmas tree that had political buttons on it, which you may think would be sort of a one-sided topic but as it turns out, my family also has a Christmas tree with political items that we put up every year. I saw a ferrotype of Lincoln that was selling for $3000. Other than that, it was a lot of middle-aged guys looking at buttons.
After the button show, my dad got horribly sick, but he still went through the button book and showed me some of his favorite buttons. I tried to take pictures of some buttons to put up here, but it turns out buttons don’t photograph well. But here’s what he pointed out:
--A McKinley goldbug. This is a bug with pictures of the candidates in the wings. William Jennings Bryan had silverbugs because the issue of the day was whether the country was going to have the gold standard or the silver standard.
--A Woodrow Wilson Peace Preparedness button that my dad likes because he bought it for a dime when he was ten.
--A button of FDR driving a boat. The button says, Don’t change pilots, re-elect FDR.
--The Landon sunflowers. Alf Landon was from Kansas and a lot of his buttons are brown with yellow petals on the border.
--The Willkie and Roosevelt slogan pins. Man oh man Willkie buttons are the most fun buttons of all! Here’s the deal with Willkie. He was a Democrat who switched parties to run against FDR in 1940, when FDR was up for this third term. People went ape-shit for Willkie, and this manifested itself through thousands of different buttons. They say fairly clever things like “Don’t be a third term-ite,” and the immense number of them led the FDR camp to release a button that said “All you can get from Willkie is buttons.” One of my dad’s favorite buttons is a button that says “Will” and dangling down from the button is a key. Will-key. Willkie. This is probably my favorite button of all-time as well. If my current job doesn’t pan out, I’m just going to become a Wendell Willkie scholar. He was fairly dapper as well.
--An Ike and Dick button that has a matching Mamie and Pat button. Fun fact: political items with two people on them are called jugates!
--A PT pontoon button for JFK. This was JFK’s favorite as well…he used to keep them in his pockets and hand them out to supporters.
--Goldwater buttons—My dad just loves Goldwater buttons. That is probably his specialty. There are a lot of buttons that say “A choice not an echo” or “In your heart you know he’s right” or simply, AuH20.
--Flashers. This one is not candidate-specific. Dad just likes all flasher buttons. They’re the ones you hold and then you move them and they say something different. This weekend we got a cool one that at one angle is a picture of Adlai Stevenson, and at the other angle, it says “Madly for Adlai.”
Also this weekend I came up with the word “Barackulous” which is like miraculous, but meant to denote a Barack Obama miracle. It is sadly too long to fit on a button.
The opening act…I don’t remember his name, but he did a weird/interesting thing where he played along to his CD during some songs, but the CD was staggered a bit behind him, so it was sort of like singing in the round, with himself. I don’t know if that makes sense. He sang a song about babies dying at birth and a song that he said he wrote to explain to his 20-month-old daughter what a funeral was, because they had to take her to a funeral. I would say that the song was a little inappropriate for a 20-month-old because it had a lot of drinking and also, I think a funeral is a pretty good time to spring for a babysitter.
Anyways, the fun family event was the American Political Items Collectors (APIC) Spring Show in Greensboro, NC!!! Now, some of you who read this blog know that my father has collected political memorabilia since he was 10 years old. Things like campaign buttons and posters and weird presidential toys. When I was little, we completely renovated our basement so it could be like a campaign memorabilia museum. I spent a lot of time down there.
You find buttons by going to antique stores and to APIC shows. When I was little, I’d have to go down to the basement before an APIC show and look at all the buttons and try to memorize what Dad had in the collection, so that at the show, he could say, “Do we have this Goldwater button?” and I would say yes or no. Eventually I started to get it wrong and there were duplicates and then I went to college so now Dad has scanned all his buttons and put them in a binder and this makes going to APIC shows infinitely less stressful for me.
We found some pretty good buttons this year. I learned that LBJ is dead in terms of the value of his buttons, and my dad and a dealer had a pretty engaging conversation about cardboard backing vs. pinbacks on buttons. Some weird guy came up to my brother and showed him a picture of a Christmas tree that had political buttons on it, which you may think would be sort of a one-sided topic but as it turns out, my family also has a Christmas tree with political items that we put up every year. I saw a ferrotype of Lincoln that was selling for $3000. Other than that, it was a lot of middle-aged guys looking at buttons.
After the button show, my dad got horribly sick, but he still went through the button book and showed me some of his favorite buttons. I tried to take pictures of some buttons to put up here, but it turns out buttons don’t photograph well. But here’s what he pointed out:
--A McKinley goldbug. This is a bug with pictures of the candidates in the wings. William Jennings Bryan had silverbugs because the issue of the day was whether the country was going to have the gold standard or the silver standard.
--A Woodrow Wilson Peace Preparedness button that my dad likes because he bought it for a dime when he was ten.
--A button of FDR driving a boat. The button says, Don’t change pilots, re-elect FDR.
--The Landon sunflowers. Alf Landon was from Kansas and a lot of his buttons are brown with yellow petals on the border.
--The Willkie and Roosevelt slogan pins. Man oh man Willkie buttons are the most fun buttons of all! Here’s the deal with Willkie. He was a Democrat who switched parties to run against FDR in 1940, when FDR was up for this third term. People went ape-shit for Willkie, and this manifested itself through thousands of different buttons. They say fairly clever things like “Don’t be a third term-ite,” and the immense number of them led the FDR camp to release a button that said “All you can get from Willkie is buttons.” One of my dad’s favorite buttons is a button that says “Will” and dangling down from the button is a key. Will-key. Willkie. This is probably my favorite button of all-time as well. If my current job doesn’t pan out, I’m just going to become a Wendell Willkie scholar. He was fairly dapper as well.
--An Ike and Dick button that has a matching Mamie and Pat button. Fun fact: political items with two people on them are called jugates!
--A PT pontoon button for JFK. This was JFK’s favorite as well…he used to keep them in his pockets and hand them out to supporters.
--Goldwater buttons—My dad just loves Goldwater buttons. That is probably his specialty. There are a lot of buttons that say “A choice not an echo” or “In your heart you know he’s right” or simply, AuH20.
--Flashers. This one is not candidate-specific. Dad just likes all flasher buttons. They’re the ones you hold and then you move them and they say something different. This weekend we got a cool one that at one angle is a picture of Adlai Stevenson, and at the other angle, it says “Madly for Adlai.”
Also this weekend I came up with the word “Barackulous” which is like miraculous, but meant to denote a Barack Obama miracle. It is sadly too long to fit on a button.
Monday, February 25, 2008
hickory dickory
Today I was at Borders looking at a book I needed for work. I was sitting on the floor, trying to concentrate, but I kept seeing something flitting around out of the corner of my eye. Not five feet from where I was sitting there was a mouse, darting in and out of a corner in the art section.
This mouse filled me with a mixture of emotion that I will outline for you:
-First I thought about how cute a series of children's books about a mouse who lives in a bookstore would be. The mouse would have some whimsical name like Cadbury or Tuck or Doolittle. He would have lots of adventures with the kids who came in to learn how to read and he would recommend books to people and maybe he'd chew the corners of the pages but only because he loved books so much.
-Second I was concerned about what level of participation was required on my part. Did I need to alert Borders to their mouse problem? Should I take matters into my own hands and get one of those big art coffee table books and kill the mouse?
-Third I was struck by the horrific thought of OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL SITTING ON THE FLOOR WHEN THERE IS A MOUSE SO CLOSE? I stood up and tried to continue concentrating on the book but the mouse corner was so distracting, and the book, which was about how to build a house out of bags filled with dirt (I am not lying), kept using phrases like "hard-assing the butt-end of a tube" to describe filling the bags of dirt. I couldn't tell if they were using these phrases as humor or accidentally or what. Building a house out of dirt doesn't seem like something to joke about. I kind of had to give up on the book.
-Fourth, and this is the most lasting emotion, is concern that I could have caught some sort of mouse disease from sitting on the floor in such close proximity to the mouse. What if I have mashed up mouse droppings all over me and I don't even know?
So anyways, between discovering that my closest Borders has a mouse problem, and being too distracted by the mouse problem to continue reading the book I need for work, I would have to say that this was sort of a rough day.
This mouse filled me with a mixture of emotion that I will outline for you:
-First I thought about how cute a series of children's books about a mouse who lives in a bookstore would be. The mouse would have some whimsical name like Cadbury or Tuck or Doolittle. He would have lots of adventures with the kids who came in to learn how to read and he would recommend books to people and maybe he'd chew the corners of the pages but only because he loved books so much.
-Second I was concerned about what level of participation was required on my part. Did I need to alert Borders to their mouse problem? Should I take matters into my own hands and get one of those big art coffee table books and kill the mouse?
-Third I was struck by the horrific thought of OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL SITTING ON THE FLOOR WHEN THERE IS A MOUSE SO CLOSE? I stood up and tried to continue concentrating on the book but the mouse corner was so distracting, and the book, which was about how to build a house out of bags filled with dirt (I am not lying), kept using phrases like "hard-assing the butt-end of a tube" to describe filling the bags of dirt. I couldn't tell if they were using these phrases as humor or accidentally or what. Building a house out of dirt doesn't seem like something to joke about. I kind of had to give up on the book.
-Fourth, and this is the most lasting emotion, is concern that I could have caught some sort of mouse disease from sitting on the floor in such close proximity to the mouse. What if I have mashed up mouse droppings all over me and I don't even know?
So anyways, between discovering that my closest Borders has a mouse problem, and being too distracted by the mouse problem to continue reading the book I need for work, I would have to say that this was sort of a rough day.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hour 4--It wasn't a full hour, thank goodness
Hour 4 is starting off with a bang—Best Actor. By the way, I haven’t really written about these, but as you can guess from my love of montage, I am truly enjoying these montages of the people who have won the award that immediately precedes the giving of the award. Who didn’t cry when it flashbacked to Steven Spielberg winning for “Schindler’s List”? And his mom was crying? Oh my.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
Oscars Hour 3: The moment I have been dreading arrives.
How did everyone in my pool not foresee this mini-sweep by Bourne Ultimatum in the technical awards? None of us had it for Film Editing!
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
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