mooooooooving on up

Alright, so I had another blog lapse. I trace this recent lapse to 4 distinct causes.

Cause #1: I turned one year older, which was fairly traumatic for me, as many people who were around me at the time can attest. I mean, I don’t want to get too specific about it, but I went from MID-twenties to LATE-twenties and I was none-too-happy about it. Luckily, with the help of some beer and some Funfetti cupcakes made by my kind friend and editor Katie, I am much more at peace with my new age.

Cause #2: I was pretty busy. First up there was my birthday party. Then I went to see Neko Case in concert (it was incredibly awesome). Then I threw a party for my coworkers, which involved making both dip and punch. I was pretty busy all last week, and then came the weekend and cause #3.

Cause #3: I got pretty sick. Well, not sick, because it wasn’t a virus or a bug that felled me but instead my sinuses. It has felt like an elephant was sitting on my head, which made it to even get out of bed, let alone blog. Maybe I am getting weak and infirm and frail in my old age.

But the real reason for the gap in blogging is Cause #4.

Cause #4: The Chick-fil-a cows have spoken again.

Now, you know all about me and the Chick-fil-a cows. How I love them. How I want to steal them. Better yet, how I want to just open my door one day and see them there. I would sit them down with a dictionary and I would teach them how to spell, letter by letter, with the patience that Annie Sullivan showed to young Helen Keller.

Now, in all the time that I have known them, the Chick-fil-a cows have been guarding a sign that says “After Counting Sheep, Count Some Chicken,” except, you know, horribly misspelled. Then on Tuesday, without warning, there was a whole new message! Take a look at this:
I am of two minds on this billboard. On the one hand, I am kind of thrilled that these cows are going to give me different messages each week or so. It makes them more mythical and magical, and that’s why blogging last week was delayed….I have just been sitting under the billboard, hoping to catch those cows in the act of painting something new much the way that children try to glimpse Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

But I also have some consternation about this billboard. As you know, it drives me up the wall that these cows can’t spell. But now I am supposed to believe that these cows know so much of the world that they know what text messages look like? And they know about emoticons and text message abbreviations they can do? And they know how to modify their sloppy painting style so that it looks like electronic print? They know all this and they still don’t know how to spell? I can’t reconcile these facts, and that’s also why blogging has been delayed over the past week. I have just been thinking and thinking about the situation.

Though I’m confused, I’m more intrigued than ever about these cows. I think I am officially reviving my plan to steal the cows, so I can study them further. However, I would be willing to suspend these plans if someone from Chick-fil-a headquarters were to offer me 3 value meals a week for the rest of my natural-born life. I’m just throwing that out there as a starting point. Let’s talk, Chick-fil-a. You can communicate with me via the comments on this blog, or have the cows paint a message to me on my billboard. You know the one.