what a country

Well, I hope everyone had a great Fourth of July holiday weekend. I spent my long weekend in North Carolina eating meat. It’s all I ate. Here is a list of the meat products I consumed: hot dogs, cold cuts (turkey and roast beef), a turkey burger, a Boston butt that the men of my family smoked out in the smoker, and a delicious chicken that had a beer can stuck up its butt by my brother. It’s called a beer can chicken and it looks creepy! Then I ate more cold cuts. Also, I watched some minor league baseball and saw some fireworks.

But one of the true highlights of my weekend was seeing the item I am about to describe to you. It’s a ceramic cookie jar, in the shape of Noah’s ark. Then, to confirm that it’s Noah’s ark, there are all sorts of animals hanging out two-by-two. Some of them are up on the top deck, and some are leaning out the windows. But if you look closer at the windows, you see that all the windowsills are decked out for Christmas with wreaths. And right in the center of all those animals…it’s not Noah, but SANTA.

It’s a Noah’s ark cookie jar that removes Noah and substitutes Santa Claus.

I just can’t stop thinking about this cookie jar. Who do you think the target audience is? It has to be someone who is religious enough to want a cookie jar modeled on a Bible story, but someone who’s not so religious that they’d be offended that one of the major biblical heroes is replaced by a symbol of the commercialization of the holiday marking Christ’s birth. Do these people exist? Am I one of them? After all, if that cookie jar hadn’t been $20, but more like $5, I probably would have bought it. But I would have bought it cause it was tacky and it would have been a goofy thing to show off. I wouldn’t have bought it for cookie storage purposes.

People who read this, I need your help. Stop everyone you see over the next few days and ask them if they would buy a Noah’s ark cookie jar but with Santa instead of Noah. I need to know if there’s a market for this item.

I took some pictures but I’m not sure they fully capture the gloriousness of this item: