change is hard, i should know

Something many people know about me is that I pretty much hate all celebrities younger than me. They just make me feel so unaccomplished. I also am disdainful toward celebrities who try to do more than one thing, such as singing and acting, or acting and designing clothes, etc. People like Jennifer Love Hewitt or Jennifer Lopez. I don’t like them.

Like the younger celebrity thing, I’m sure this has something to do with my own feelings of failure about what I’ve done, for when I was a small child I daydreamed about being both a child actress and a child singer. My acting was going to be on the television show “Silver Spoons” as well as a series of sports-themed movies that were going to have some hilarious escapades! I wrote them in my head when I was supposed to be playing real sports. And my singing career was going to be sort of a Jimmy Buffett/Mariah Carey hybrid thing. Today I don’t consider myself as having so many skills that I could have a hyphenate career. I’m pretty much only good at judging people and writing about my judgments.

But anyways, the only person I think that I will tolerate having a crossover career is Zooey Deschanel (Luckily, she’s a few years older than me so I don’t have to hate her for her youth). She is an actress whose most notable role is probably as the love interest in the movie “Elf” though she’s been good in other things as well. And lately she has also been a singer, collaborating with M. Ward under the name She & Him. It’s kinda folky country pop if I may be so vague.

I went to see She & Him in concert last night. It was a packed house. I got worried as soon as I walked in because it looked like a lot of young kids who had probably seen “Elf” 600 times. And sure enough, when Zooey walked onstage some girl yelled out “Elf! Elf! Elf!” which just made me mortified on behalf of my city. Because if you’ve ever seen Zooey Deschanel on a talk show, then you know that she is far too cool to want to put up with people yelling out the name of a Will Ferrell movie from five years ago, no matter how good you were in it.

I won’t get into all the other things that the high school kids did that annoyed me. Perhaps I was preordained to be cranky as I’ve had an ogre sitting on my sinuses for the past few days. Or maybe I’m getting old and curmudgeonly; indeed, starting a blog entry with how much you hate young celebrities does give me a sort of Mr. Wilson/”those darn kids” vibe. But it was one of those nights where I kind of wished I had a communicable disease that I could give to all of the people standing around me. But overall it was okay because I was able to focus most of my mental energy into wishing I was Zooey Deschanel, spending my summer touring with M. Ward singing the songs I wrote and being adorable and whatnot.

I was going to write more but while I was whipping this entry up I somehow got sucked into an episode of Living Lohan. Obviously this is everything I hate: people who are younger than me, people who have more than one career, and another category that I haven’t even addressed yet—people who are famous for no good reason who let cameras follow them around. And yet I am already drawn in and I feel like I need to focus my attention as I have a lot to learn from these people. This trait of getting easily distracted may be one reason why I didn’t have more than one career when I was a pre-teen.