Rejection

I have been doing some thinking about rejection in the last 16 hours, not counting those hours during which I was asleep, due to a heinous rejection that occurred to me last night.

Last night, at approximately 6 p.m., I entered the Enka-Candler branch of the Asheville-Buncombe Library System. I had these items with me: my Washington state driver’s license and confirmation from the U.S. Post Office that I had moved to Candler, North Carolina. The post office notification includes a little box that says, be sure to keep this document, for many agencies and local offices will require it as evidence of your move. I brought these two things, because according to the library’s website, a combination of identification was acceptable for obtaining a library card.

Now, anyone who knows me in the slightest knows that I love libraries, and I love books, and just because I buy an awful lot of books, doesn’t mean I don’t want free books too. From the time I was four until the time I was in college, I was a card-carrying member of the Asheville-Buncombe Library System in good standing (no late items, no lost items), with a strong level of participation in such youth events as the summer reading program.

So I walk into the library last night, very excited to get a library card. I present my two pieces of identification and explain that I just moved there, and the lady is looking at the paper. Then she tells me that my official letter from the Post Office is not valid, because my current address is a post office box. She needs identification with a street address. She tells me to come back with my light bill or some shit. I am not an official resident of Candler if I receive mail at a post office box. I leave with no library card.

Here are some thoughts:
1-Who the fuck would get a post office box in Candler, and show up at the Candler branch of the library, and not be a resident of Candler? If I were going to get a fake post office box, I think I could do a little better than Candler. Where do you think I live? Sylva? I’m coming up from Sylva every day to get my mail and abuse the library system? I don’t think so.

2-It is not my fault we have a post office box, lady. I live on a frickin dirt road that was arbitrarily numbered for 911 purposes. I can’t get mail there. I’ve gotten mail at that post office box all my life and never gotten too much grief about it.

3-Let’s just do a little comparison here. The Seattle Public Library (which by the way, gave me a library card without any evidence that I lived in Seattle, as far as I can recall) has wireless internet, a ton of computers for public use, and the newest DVDs, CDs, periodicals, and books. The Asheville system has no DVDs, no wireless internet, and I think about 4 computers that patrons can sign up to use. If I were going to abuse a library system, I think I’d pick a better one to abuse. This library should be so lucky to have me reading their old and decrepit books.

4-By the way, do you know who the Seattle Public Library lets use their computers? Homeless people. I guarantee you those people don’t have a piece of identification that has a street address on it.

5-I didn’t throw this one out there last night, but I should have. The light bill is not going to have my name on it. It’s going to my dad. What then, mean librarian?

6-I guess technically I’m not a resident, because I’m not going to change my driver’s license or car tabs or anything until I move to whatever new city I’m going to, eventually. Technically I might not be a resident. Technically that library might be right. But you know what, this little example illustrates why kids can’t read these days and why no one has a love of learning….because we make it too hard for them to access resources.

So anyway, after I excluded all forms of romantic rejection, I identified this rejection by the library as one of the three most painful rejections of my life. Here are the other two:

--Rejection from the elementary school chorus in fifth grade. I have always loved music. I have always just wanted to play an instrument and sing and play little dingy clubs. But one of the cruel facts of my life is that I just can’t sing. I sound awful. This fact was brought home when I did not make the fifth grade chorus. All my friends made it and I didn’t. I thought the world was over.

--Rejection from TJ Maxx due to ethical reasons. I have been rejected by a lot of employers, but it’s something one gets used to. The most painful job rejection, however, might be the TJ Maxx in Asheville. First off, you have to understand that TJ Maxx was having a “Hiring Extravaganza”, if the banner they hung outside their store was true. I took an application and the required supplemental information, which was an ethics test that I thought was designed to figure out if you’d steal money from TJ Maxx or try to give your friends free clothes. I filled out this ethics test WITH MY PARENTS, who are, in my estimation, very ethical people.

When I went back to TJ Maxx with my application, the lady’s eyes lit up, and she said, “Oh, let me just take it back and score it!” and she ran off and I settled back, thinking I’d have a job and some extra cash by the end of the day. Then she came back and she didn’t look me in the eye and she said she couldn’t hire me because I had failed the ethics test. I am not ethical enough to work at TJ Maxx. Have you ever shopped at a TJ Maxx? I don’t want to be rude, but the people there are not smart. You’re telling me that they’re more ethical than me?

Just for fun, here is the one question I really remember from that TJ Maxx test.

True or False: It’s okay if all my friends get in trouble, as long as I don’t.

What does that question even mean? The way I wanted to answer it is, I don’t want the kind of friends who are getting in trouble. But is the question saying that I did something bad too, but avoided punishment? Or that as long as I don’t do these awful things that my friends did, I’m okay?