Cousin Reunion #3: I overcome tragedy

Since the last cousin reunion-related blog post included a heartbreaking tale of tragedy, I thought I would next recount a heartwarming tale of triumph from the weekend. This is the story of how I became an award-winning road racer.

Saturday morning, the second day of the reunion, dawned crisp and bright. The fall foliage was blooming. One of the activities at Kanuga that day was a road race and a fun run for kids. Mary Henry, who works at Kanuga, was in charge of timing the races, so some cousins meandered up to watch the event. After some persuading by my cousins, I decided to enter the road race. I figured I needed to prove my family's honor as well as raise awareness for glass-related hand injuries. Also, no one else entered so I had a pretty good shot at winning.

Now, I'm no runner, but I figured 2 miles wouldn't kill me. I ran back to my cabin to change clothes, which I have to admit, winded me just a bit. I put on my special running outfit, which includes sneakers and crepe paper, and then I started off on my two mile odyssey. Grant and William followed behind on a golf cart to make sure I didn't get lost and to cheer me on.

I ran for quite a few minutes in a row without stopping. Then I walked for a little bit. Then we stopped and took pictures in front of the lake at Kanuga. Then I ran some more, then I walked some more. Like I said, I'm no runner, but it was a nice day and it was a pretty course.

The last leg of the race was going down the main road out to the Kanuga sign, then turning around and coming back to finish. I don't know how long that is as I'm bad with spatial distances. But I was walking down to the stop sign, the golf cart ahead of me. When the guys were down at the sign, they got off the golf cart and went over toward another road. I had no idea what they were doing. My first guess was vandalism though they told me later they were just taking pictures.

Well. At this point I didn't want to run anymore. And they had left the golf cart unattended. So I ran over there while they were busy with their vandalism/photography and I stole that golf cart. Grant said that all he could hear at that moment was William saying, "Don’t do it, don't do it!", me laughing and the roar of the golf cart.

Here is an artist's rendition of what happened:


So off I drove, giggling the whole way back up the road. I was seized with a little bit of guilt at having left my brother and cousin so far back on the road but I got over that. Then I had a little bit of guilt of not finishing this race in some rule-abiding form, and I pondered whether I should hide the golf cart somewhere and finish the race on foot. But I got over that too, because I really did run most of it and also I wasn't 100% sure how the golf cart worked. I pulled up to the finish in my golden chariot, ran through the finish line tape and became a road race champion. Some guy told me that my time was pretty good for running a half marathon but whatever. I didn't see him running the road race or stealing any golf carts.

My prize for winning was a water bottle and a boob job. Actually it was just these tiny inflatable balls that said "Fun Run 2008" but I turned them into boobs but that's just the kind of idea that champions have.