Obviously, I would hate it if this blog just dissolved in my housing complaints. For one, I hate blogs that just complain all the time, and for two, my housing complaints just aren’t that interesting. But you’ll have to indulge me here for a few moments, and allow me to speak about my tv stand.
As you’ll recall from the previous entry, I was having to spend several more hours than anticipated assembling a tv stand. As I mentioned last night, I am normally really great at putting furniture like this together. Like, put me on the clock and time me, I’m that good. Well, I have met my match. This tv stand made me break a sweat, what with its “connect bolts” and “connectors” that did not “connect”, and with its compression dowels that snapped in two at the slightest feel of compression, and its stupid cam bolts that don’t fit into the holes that they’re supposed to.
I took some pictures to show you how poorly this has all turned out, but frankly I’m so tired after this adventure that I don’t have the energy to find my camera cord. Instead, just imagine the crookedest thing that you can, and then imagine a few of the legs falling off, and imagine that where the legs are falling off, you can see the remnants of tacky glue where I got desperate.
I sent off an email to customer service and intend to place a very disapproving phone call to Lowe’s tomorrow, but until then, let’s enjoy a TV-related edition of “This Day in History”:
On this day in 814, Charlemagne died.
This is related to TV because Charlemagne served as an early prototype for the character of Raymond in “Everybody Loves Raymond.”
On this day in 1725, Peter the Great died.
This is related to TV because Peter the Great was the one who had the original idea for the record-breaking mini-series “Roots.”
On this day in 1814, Stendahl’s first book is published.
This is related to TV because Stendahl’s first book included a minor plot point about doctors in Seattle who take care of patients despite not being able to take care of themselves. Of course, Stendahl’s first book was criticized for its whiny, trite voiceover.
On this day in 1878, the Yale Daily News was first published, making it the first college daily newspaper.
This is related to TV because if the Yale Daily News had never been published, then Rory Gilmore would not have had a place to work, and maybe she wouldn’t have met that dead weight Logan, and maybe she would have had a more interesting boyfriend.
On this day in 1914, Beverly Hills, California is incorporated.
This is related to TV because it’s hard to imagine my middle school years without the joy that was watching 30-year-olds pretend to be in high school. Oh, Jason Priestley, our pretend love was so pure, so real.
On this day in 1915, the U.S. Coast Guard created the Life Saving and Revenue Cutter services.
This is related to TV because surely that relates to Baywatch somehow.
On this day in 1915, Woodrow Wilson refused to prohibit immigration of illiterates.
This is related to TV because as long as we have illiterates, we’ll have Lifetime, with all its after school specials related to illiteracy. And teen pregnancy, and adultery. Are they all related? I don’t know. It’s hard to watch my TV right now, because it’s on the floor.
On this day in 1918, Trotsky became leader of the Reds.
This is related to TV because Trotsky liked to cook, inspiring a young solider named Freddie Ray, who passed along a love of food and cooking to his granddaughter, Rachael, who would go on to dominate the Food Network, and dare I say, the world.
On this day in 1928, Christopher Hornsrud was chosen prime minister of Norway at age 101.
This is related to TV because then he got a reality show where he got to pick which hottie to date.
On this day in 1978, “Fantasy Island” premiered on ABC.
This is related to TV because it’s actually a tv show.
On this day in 1989, Rain Man and Working Girl won at the 46th Golden Globes.
This is related to TV because Rain Man liked to watch television too, and he probably could have done a better job with this frickin tv stand than I did.
On this day in 1990, there was an East German agreement to form all-party government.
This is related to TV because East German television was hilarious, especially in comparison to West German television.
On this day in 1996, Super Bowl 30 took place, with the Dallas Cowboys beating the Pittsburgh Steelers, 27-17.
This is related to TV because sometimes sports come on television too, for some reason.
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