Today I was at Borders looking at a book I needed for work. I was sitting on the floor, trying to concentrate, but I kept seeing something flitting around out of the corner of my eye. Not five feet from where I was sitting there was a mouse, darting in and out of a corner in the art section.
This mouse filled me with a mixture of emotion that I will outline for you:
-First I thought about how cute a series of children's books about a mouse who lives in a bookstore would be. The mouse would have some whimsical name like Cadbury or Tuck or Doolittle. He would have lots of adventures with the kids who came in to learn how to read and he would recommend books to people and maybe he'd chew the corners of the pages but only because he loved books so much.
-Second I was concerned about what level of participation was required on my part. Did I need to alert Borders to their mouse problem? Should I take matters into my own hands and get one of those big art coffee table books and kill the mouse?
-Third I was struck by the horrific thought of OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL SITTING ON THE FLOOR WHEN THERE IS A MOUSE SO CLOSE? I stood up and tried to continue concentrating on the book but the mouse corner was so distracting, and the book, which was about how to build a house out of bags filled with dirt (I am not lying), kept using phrases like "hard-assing the butt-end of a tube" to describe filling the bags of dirt. I couldn't tell if they were using these phrases as humor or accidentally or what. Building a house out of dirt doesn't seem like something to joke about. I kind of had to give up on the book.
-Fourth, and this is the most lasting emotion, is concern that I could have caught some sort of mouse disease from sitting on the floor in such close proximity to the mouse. What if I have mashed up mouse droppings all over me and I don't even know?
So anyways, between discovering that my closest Borders has a mouse problem, and being too distracted by the mouse problem to continue reading the book I need for work, I would have to say that this was sort of a rough day.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hour 4--It wasn't a full hour, thank goodness
Hour 4 is starting off with a bang—Best Actor. By the way, I haven’t really written about these, but as you can guess from my love of montage, I am truly enjoying these montages of the people who have won the award that immediately precedes the giving of the award. Who didn’t cry when it flashbacked to Steven Spielberg winning for “Schindler’s List”? And his mom was crying? Oh my.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
I said it before, but Helen Mirren looks great. I like the dress.
How have I managed to get ballpoint pen all over myself?
Daniel Day Lewis wins. It would have been nice to have seen any of them up there, but DDL was very gracious.
Oh my goodness, it’s twenty to twelve and I have to go to work tomorrow. I will say that the one thing, the only thing, that I miss about Pacific time is that they show the Oscars starting at 5 pm, and it ends at a reasonable time. It’s hard to watch these on Eastern time.
Man, remember last year when Martin Scorsese won Best Director, and it was presented to him by the trio of great directors that he was friends with? How awkward would it have been if he hadn’t won, with all his friends up there? That would be so mortifying that I don’t think I would be over it if it had come true, even a year later.
Can you imagine being the uncreative Coen sibling? Oh, did I already say that? It’s late. I’m tired.
Here we go, Denzel. Bring us home. Well, with Best Picture announced, I can tell you the winner of my Oscar Party Pool. It was me! Hooray for me!
Molly—12
Pope John Paul II—4
John Steinbeck—3
Frog & Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—6
Well, and that was the Oscars for 2008. Join us again next year, or maybe just tomorrow if I think of something else I want to say about award shows.
Oscars Hour 3: The moment I have been dreading arrives.
How did everyone in my pool not foresee this mini-sweep by Bourne Ultimatum in the technical awards? None of us had it for Film Editing!
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
Nicole Kidman presents an honorary Oscar or a lifetime achievement award, and Jennifer Garner is incredibly moved by it. I feel bad but I’m not really listening to this. I’m just playing on the internet. Every time I look up someone looks very choked up by this speech. That look of adoring emotion may be the best acting Diane Lane has ever done.
Oh, Penelope Cruz to present Best Foreign Film. What an original choice. And Austria wins. I’m pretty proud to say I got a point on this one just by guessing on the name.
I’m not going to lie, I am getting tired. I’m all curled up with John Steinbeck, primarily because he has a pillow stuffed into him. He’s giving me a hard time though, for not having read “The Grapes of Wrath” and I am promising him that maybe this year I will. It’s just that I had a bad experience trying to read it when I was a teenager, because I took it with me one year to the beach and I tried to be a teenager reading “The Grapes of Wrath” on a beach and that was probably just the worst combination of factors ever. I think I read it for three days and never got past the second page.
Whoa, I’m so happy that Jon Stewart brought back out the girl from “Once” to give her acceptance speech. That was one of those instances where the orchestra cut in after one person and that’s not fair. Laura Linney clearly loved “Once,” she looks all dewy every time they cut to her when “Once” is mentioned.
Big words are hard for you, huh Cameron Diaz?
Oh crap. The Dead Celebrities thing. I already wrote about this. I hate it. It’s the kind of thing I have to watch through my fingers, like how people watch horror movies. So cringeworthy. Stop clapping! Please stop clapping! Okay now they’re not clapping because they don’t recognize the people, which just makes it more awkward when they do recognize the people and clap loudly. Good for you. You all know who Ingmar Bergman is. Ah and they end with Heath. Oh thank God that is over for another year. I hate that so much. I mean, I want them to get recognized. I just don’t want celebrities to clap.
At this point, I am extremely ahead of all my other competitors in the Oscar pool, with 8 points. John Steinbeck and the Frog & Cheerleader still only have one apiece. You might think that a win against items in my apartment would be meaningless, but you’d be wrong. Just four awards left to go.
Diablo Cody wins for Juno! You know, Diablo Cody got discovered through her blog. I’m just saying.
Oscars Hour 2: Things are semi-interesting.
Hour Two begins with Owen Wilson presenting an award. Then we have Jerry Seinfeld as a bee presenting an award. Oh! John Steinbeck just got one right in the pool, picking “Peter and the Wolf” to win Best Short Film-Animated over more entertainingly named animated short films such as “I Met the Walrus,” “All Pigeons Go to Heaven,” and “Madame Tutli-Putli.”
Okay, we’re about to do Best Supporting Actress. Enjoy this, people, because we won’t have another truly entertaining award with a celebrity winner for awhile. Unless people who do sound editing and mixing are celebrities to you. Hmm. Tilda Swinton pulls out an upset. I don’t want to be too mean here, and I know she’s very avant-garde and outside Hollywood, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she also wins an award for ugliest dress.
One year I’d like to be asked to host the scientific and technical awards, held in a separate ceremony.
Man, when you’re hosting an Oscar party with inanimate objects, all you do is eat! Because no one is there to help you eat.
Wouldn’t you feel bad if you were the uncreative Coen sibling?
Look, I’m perfectly willing to understand the role Miley Cyrus plays in entertaining today’s youth. BUT GET HER OFF THE OSCARS. She is climbing up the charts of my Hollywood nemeses. She can’t beat out Jennifer Love Hewitt or Drew Barrymore, but she might be #3 with a bullet.
No one in my pool had The Bourne Ultimatum winning for Sound Editing! Or for sound mixing! Let’s take a moment and look at the Oscar pool score:
Molly—5
Pope John Paul II—3
John Steinbeck—1
The Frog & the Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—4
I hope no one is letting me win because I am the host.
Look, no one wants a 15-minute speech by someone we don’t know, but I hate when they start playing music over people, particularly in an occasion when three people win, and the music starts playing after person #2.
Okay, they’re doing Best Actress a little early in the evening, I guess to throw the viewers a bone, but it kind of make it seems like they care less about actresses than actors. I mean, we haven’t even done documentary awards and they’re going to do Best Actress?! Marion Cotillard wins and is very emotional. I think I would have been happy with any of them winning. Although if I ever win, I’m never going to say, “Thank you life, thank you love,” even if I don’t speak the language very well.
Well, we are over halfway done now, if you take into account the number of awards to be given out. How much time is left? Only God knows.
Are you bored yet? My guests the Frog and the Cheerleader have been bored the whole night. As I mentioned in the intro, they’re the kind of people who just come to an Oscar party to socialize, not to pay strict attention to what is going on. Here they are chatting up the frog cookie jar in my kitchen.
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Jon Stewart plays Wii with the girl who sang the song from “August Rush.” Nice.
Where are you going with this, Jack Nicholson? OH, a tribute to Best Picture. Based on my count, I have seen 53 of them, although some of them I barely remember and perhaps should see again. And so ends Hour 2.
Okay, we’re about to do Best Supporting Actress. Enjoy this, people, because we won’t have another truly entertaining award with a celebrity winner for awhile. Unless people who do sound editing and mixing are celebrities to you. Hmm. Tilda Swinton pulls out an upset. I don’t want to be too mean here, and I know she’s very avant-garde and outside Hollywood, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she also wins an award for ugliest dress.
One year I’d like to be asked to host the scientific and technical awards, held in a separate ceremony.
Man, when you’re hosting an Oscar party with inanimate objects, all you do is eat! Because no one is there to help you eat.
Wouldn’t you feel bad if you were the uncreative Coen sibling?
Look, I’m perfectly willing to understand the role Miley Cyrus plays in entertaining today’s youth. BUT GET HER OFF THE OSCARS. She is climbing up the charts of my Hollywood nemeses. She can’t beat out Jennifer Love Hewitt or Drew Barrymore, but she might be #3 with a bullet.
No one in my pool had The Bourne Ultimatum winning for Sound Editing! Or for sound mixing! Let’s take a moment and look at the Oscar pool score:
Molly—5
Pope John Paul II—3
John Steinbeck—1
The Frog & the Cheerleader—1
Barnabas Bear—4
Abraham Lincoln—4
I hope no one is letting me win because I am the host.
Look, no one wants a 15-minute speech by someone we don’t know, but I hate when they start playing music over people, particularly in an occasion when three people win, and the music starts playing after person #2.
Okay, they’re doing Best Actress a little early in the evening, I guess to throw the viewers a bone, but it kind of make it seems like they care less about actresses than actors. I mean, we haven’t even done documentary awards and they’re going to do Best Actress?! Marion Cotillard wins and is very emotional. I think I would have been happy with any of them winning. Although if I ever win, I’m never going to say, “Thank you life, thank you love,” even if I don’t speak the language very well.
Well, we are over halfway done now, if you take into account the number of awards to be given out. How much time is left? Only God knows.
Are you bored yet? My guests the Frog and the Cheerleader have been bored the whole night. As I mentioned in the intro, they’re the kind of people who just come to an Oscar party to socialize, not to pay strict attention to what is going on. Here they are chatting up the frog cookie jar in my kitchen.
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Jon Stewart plays Wii with the girl who sang the song from “August Rush.” Nice.
Where are you going with this, Jack Nicholson? OH, a tribute to Best Picture. Based on my count, I have seen 53 of them, although some of them I barely remember and perhaps should see again. And so ends Hour 2.
Oscars, Hour One: And so it begins
Okay it’s starting. Before the show I read a blog where the producer said that the first 90 seconds of the show would be the most exciting film that the Oscars had ever shown. What could it be? Well, it seems animated. It’s lots of characters from lots of different movies. I mean, it didn’t blow me away. I wouldn’t give it an Oscar or anything. If that was supposed to be the most exciting 90 seconds, then it’s going to be a long night.
And here comes Jon Stewart, to perform the most thankless task in Hollywood. But Daniel Day-Lewis is just eating it up! Tommy Lee Jones, however, not amused, but I have to agree with him that Javier Bardem hair jokes are getting a little old. In talking about Diablo Cody’s background as a stripper, Jon Stewart reminds us that we can find out our stripper name by taking the name of our first pet and the street we grew up on. Fun fact: my stripper name is Ralph Poplar.
Alright, it’s time for award, and Jennifer Garner is going to give it out. I am so glad the writer’s strike is over so that we get a well-written blurb about all that goes into being a fashion designer! So far Abraham Lincoln and I are tied in the Oscar pool. It’s time for a commercial already?! I have Oscar fever. Don’t stop now!
First montage of the night coming 19 minutes in. All the old favorites—Jack Palance’s one-armed push-ups, Rob Lowe dancing with Snow White, the Titanic song plays in the background. God I know these are silly but I can’t help it, I love a good montage.
I’m not going to lie, I had Norbit for Best Makeup, because I thought that Oscar voters had a sense of humor and would appreciate the idea of giving Norbit an Oscar. But nope, they go with La Vie en Rose. Marion Cotillard is incredibly overwhelmed.
I know that Broadway stars do this all the time, but I have a lot more respect for Amy Adams watching her sing a song from Enchanted live while billions of people watch.
Oh my God, my favorite commercial is on. It’s the commercial where the little kid eats McDonald’s while “Cha Cha Slide” plays. Here, I found it on YouTube so we can all enjoy it as often we want:
I wish we could give that little kid an Oscar!
Here is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to make someone’s dream come true! With the win of “The Golden Compass” for visual effects, Abraham Lincoln pulls into the lead. He has not looked up from his book the entire time the show has been on!
I had Javier Bardem in the pool, but don’t you feel kind of bad about him winning seeing Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter in the audience? Oh, but then don’t you feel even worse that the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones and he’s not even paying attention to his co-star? He’s playing with his cufflink! Get with it Tommy Lee. I know Javier is speaking in Spanish but this is supposed to be meaningful.
So far John Steinbeck has not gotten anything right in the pool. Here he is with the other guys, helping me with all the ballots:
Jon Stewart is mocking montages, saying that if the writer’s strike had continued, we would have gotten a montage to binoculars and periscopes. I know it’s a joke, but not too bad a montage. “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute”…love it.
A stirring song from “August Rush” ends hour 1. Only 17 hours to go! Don’t you love jokes about how long the Oscars are?!
And here comes Jon Stewart, to perform the most thankless task in Hollywood. But Daniel Day-Lewis is just eating it up! Tommy Lee Jones, however, not amused, but I have to agree with him that Javier Bardem hair jokes are getting a little old. In talking about Diablo Cody’s background as a stripper, Jon Stewart reminds us that we can find out our stripper name by taking the name of our first pet and the street we grew up on. Fun fact: my stripper name is Ralph Poplar.
Alright, it’s time for award, and Jennifer Garner is going to give it out. I am so glad the writer’s strike is over so that we get a well-written blurb about all that goes into being a fashion designer! So far Abraham Lincoln and I are tied in the Oscar pool. It’s time for a commercial already?! I have Oscar fever. Don’t stop now!
First montage of the night coming 19 minutes in. All the old favorites—Jack Palance’s one-armed push-ups, Rob Lowe dancing with Snow White, the Titanic song plays in the background. God I know these are silly but I can’t help it, I love a good montage.
I’m not going to lie, I had Norbit for Best Makeup, because I thought that Oscar voters had a sense of humor and would appreciate the idea of giving Norbit an Oscar. But nope, they go with La Vie en Rose. Marion Cotillard is incredibly overwhelmed.
I know that Broadway stars do this all the time, but I have a lot more respect for Amy Adams watching her sing a song from Enchanted live while billions of people watch.
Oh my God, my favorite commercial is on. It’s the commercial where the little kid eats McDonald’s while “Cha Cha Slide” plays. Here, I found it on YouTube so we can all enjoy it as often we want:
I wish we could give that little kid an Oscar!
Here is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to make someone’s dream come true! With the win of “The Golden Compass” for visual effects, Abraham Lincoln pulls into the lead. He has not looked up from his book the entire time the show has been on!
I had Javier Bardem in the pool, but don’t you feel kind of bad about him winning seeing Hal Holbrook and Dixie Carter in the audience? Oh, but then don’t you feel even worse that the camera cuts to Tommy Lee Jones and he’s not even paying attention to his co-star? He’s playing with his cufflink! Get with it Tommy Lee. I know Javier is speaking in Spanish but this is supposed to be meaningful.
So far John Steinbeck has not gotten anything right in the pool. Here he is with the other guys, helping me with all the ballots:
Jon Stewart is mocking montages, saying that if the writer’s strike had continued, we would have gotten a montage to binoculars and periscopes. I know it’s a joke, but not too bad a montage. “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute”…love it.
A stirring song from “August Rush” ends hour 1. Only 17 hours to go! Don’t you love jokes about how long the Oscars are?!
Oscar Preshow Part 2: Gary Busey attacks!
Gary Busey is crashing Jennifer Garner and Laura Linney’s interview and yelling at Ryan Seacrest but I don’t think anyone know who he is! It’s so awkward! He just manhandled Jennifer Garner and she is freaked out.
Ryan Seacrest to Miley Cyrus: “You might be the most famous person to our viewers.” That is just insulting, Ryan Seacrest. She is whining how she doesn’t have any friends.
Keri Russell is very beautiful but her dress is such a weird color that it doesn’t look like she’s wearing one and also it highlights how uncomfortably skinny she is.
WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING TO MILEY CYRUS? She has gotten the longest interview ever. Now they’re talking to her mom! What is up with Miley’s weird mouth? She says she can’t wait to be back here with her own movie, so we can all see how much she loves film and her craft and bullshit like that. She just promised to give Ryan Seacrest a call later in the week. The thing is, I think she really will. Creepy.
E! has decided that red is the color of the night.
Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I’m not going to lie, I’m not completely sure who Jessica Alba is. I think I get her confused with Jessica Biel.
Cameron Diaz just admitted that she did not get Drew Barrymore anything for her birthday. Can you believe Drew Barrymore is 33? For a long time Drew Barrymore always seemed really old but now 33 doesn’t seem old to me. I guess she’s just been in the biz a long time. I should probably clarify that Drew Barrymore is not there. Cameron Diaz is just talking about her. Cameron Diaz is wearing a pink dress. It’s okay.
Marion Cotillard is very beautiful, perhaps wearing my favorite dress of the night so far. But if she wins, that acceptance speech is going to take forever, unless she just bites the bullet and does it in French.
I just don’t like Hilary Swank, but I don’t know why.
Tilda Swinton is talking about how she doesn’t understand the sex appeal of George Clooney, and how she’s never ever seen the Oscars. I just feel like she is pissing on America.
Colin Farrell said that if he weren’t an actor, he’d like to make something with his hands, like hats. Ryan Seacrest thought he was joking, but Colin was deadly serious when he said he wanted to make hats. I get the sense that Colin Farrell is always deadly serious.
I just took a vote of my Oscar party guests, and we all agree that we don’t like Hilary Swank, which makes me feel better.
Do you think that there are a lot of babies named Viggo in the past few years? It’s kind of growing on me as a name.
Katherine Heigl is wearing the reddest lipstick that Ryan Seacrest has ever seen!
“Women hot. Guys very charming.” is the way Ryan Seacrest sums up the night.
Okay, so it’s 8:00, which means we switch over to ABC for another red carpet show. A few years ago, they started some rule that the network that hosts the Oscars gets exclusive rights to show the red carpet right before the show starts or something. It’s frankly kind of pointless and we’ll probably see the same interviews we just saw on E! But this time we get Regis!
George Clooney, showing himself to be the consummate nice guy, asks Regis about Notre Dame football. Maybe his girlfriend’s dress is my favorite.
Helen Mirren looks lovely. Amy Adams is very polite. Regis is talking to the oldest Oscar fan. What am I wearing? Thanks for asking. A green shirt and jeans. Hilary Swank is on again?!
Okay, only a few minutes left so I'm going to go ahead and post this. Here's a shot of the crazy Oscar party I am hosting---this is Barnabas reading the current Time Magazine cover story on George Clooney. You might recall that Barnabas is pulling for a Michael Clayton sweep.
Ryan Seacrest to Miley Cyrus: “You might be the most famous person to our viewers.” That is just insulting, Ryan Seacrest. She is whining how she doesn’t have any friends.
Keri Russell is very beautiful but her dress is such a weird color that it doesn’t look like she’s wearing one and also it highlights how uncomfortably skinny she is.
WHY ARE THEY STILL TALKING TO MILEY CYRUS? She has gotten the longest interview ever. Now they’re talking to her mom! What is up with Miley’s weird mouth? She says she can’t wait to be back here with her own movie, so we can all see how much she loves film and her craft and bullshit like that. She just promised to give Ryan Seacrest a call later in the week. The thing is, I think she really will. Creepy.
E! has decided that red is the color of the night.
Ryan Seacrest just asked Jessica Alba if she was going to breastfeed. I’m not going to lie, I’m not completely sure who Jessica Alba is. I think I get her confused with Jessica Biel.
Cameron Diaz just admitted that she did not get Drew Barrymore anything for her birthday. Can you believe Drew Barrymore is 33? For a long time Drew Barrymore always seemed really old but now 33 doesn’t seem old to me. I guess she’s just been in the biz a long time. I should probably clarify that Drew Barrymore is not there. Cameron Diaz is just talking about her. Cameron Diaz is wearing a pink dress. It’s okay.
Marion Cotillard is very beautiful, perhaps wearing my favorite dress of the night so far. But if she wins, that acceptance speech is going to take forever, unless she just bites the bullet and does it in French.
I just don’t like Hilary Swank, but I don’t know why.
Tilda Swinton is talking about how she doesn’t understand the sex appeal of George Clooney, and how she’s never ever seen the Oscars. I just feel like she is pissing on America.
Colin Farrell said that if he weren’t an actor, he’d like to make something with his hands, like hats. Ryan Seacrest thought he was joking, but Colin was deadly serious when he said he wanted to make hats. I get the sense that Colin Farrell is always deadly serious.
I just took a vote of my Oscar party guests, and we all agree that we don’t like Hilary Swank, which makes me feel better.
Do you think that there are a lot of babies named Viggo in the past few years? It’s kind of growing on me as a name.
Katherine Heigl is wearing the reddest lipstick that Ryan Seacrest has ever seen!
“Women hot. Guys very charming.” is the way Ryan Seacrest sums up the night.
Okay, so it’s 8:00, which means we switch over to ABC for another red carpet show. A few years ago, they started some rule that the network that hosts the Oscars gets exclusive rights to show the red carpet right before the show starts or something. It’s frankly kind of pointless and we’ll probably see the same interviews we just saw on E! But this time we get Regis!
George Clooney, showing himself to be the consummate nice guy, asks Regis about Notre Dame football. Maybe his girlfriend’s dress is my favorite.
Helen Mirren looks lovely. Amy Adams is very polite. Regis is talking to the oldest Oscar fan. What am I wearing? Thanks for asking. A green shirt and jeans. Hilary Swank is on again?!
Okay, only a few minutes left so I'm going to go ahead and post this. Here's a shot of the crazy Oscar party I am hosting---this is Barnabas reading the current Time Magazine cover story on George Clooney. You might recall that Barnabas is pulling for a Michael Clayton sweep.
Oscar pre-show, part 1
E! has been keeping me up-to-date on the Los Angeles weather, theorizing about how the stars should be wearing their hair so that it’s not ruined between their limo and the tarped red carpet.
George Clooney’s girlfriend is wearing a cute dress. One thing I remember reading about George Clooney back in the E.R. days was that he said he wouldn’t go to the Oscars as a presenter or anything until he was invited for work that he did. Which is kind of admirable, particularly when one hears that such luminaries as Miley Cyrus will be presenting tonight.
I can’t believe it’s 38 minutes in and we’ve only seen a few celebrities! They told the celebrities that the writer’s strike was over, right? I think I can safely stop to eat pizza without missing anything.
Another weather update. Scattered showers. Wind picking up. Ryan Seacrest is talking about distracting George Clooney’s perfect hair is.
The anonymous ladies of E! are talking about what Anne Hathaway’s wearing, which reminds me of something I’m really dreading about tonight’s show. I dread it every year, but this year, I’m really dreading the montage of celebrities that died in the previous year. It always becomes this weird post-mortem popularity contest, as people start clapping in celebration of the people that are dead. But then, someone more famous is flashed up, and then people have to clap louder to prove that they appreciate that person even more. I hate hate hate this about award shows because it’s nothing but awkward. The people who worked behind the scenes that no one knew are met with stunned silence, which somehow diminishes their achievement. While the more famous people compete for the loudest clapping.
I would dread this at any time, but I especially dread it this year because Heath Ledger died. Heath Ledger is going to get some sort of standing ovation during the dead celebrity montage. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly sad and shocking that Heath Ledger died. It’s sad and shocking when any 28-year-old dies. But the implication that somehow Heath Ledger was the greatest loss, or the most famous person who died, that will, in my mind, be expressed through celebrities trying to clap very loudly for him during the montage, is just frustrating and wrong. They should tell people to sit in respectful silence during that. Would you want to be compared to everyone else who died in the same 365-day span as you?
Ryan Seacrest just flicked his sweat at the camera.
I’m not seeing any Oscar dresses that are knocking me out.
Patrick Dempsey is on now. Has everyone heard the story about how I saw Patrick Dempsey on the streets of Seattle right after he filmed a scene of Grey’s Anatomy? His hair is so beautiful. He is shorter than you might expect, but it allows better access to look at his gorgeous hair. I guess I kind of relate to Ryan Seacrest when he talks about how distracting George Clooney’s hair is.
Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson is talking about how presenting an award is helping to make someone’s dream come true, and how humbling that is. All of the guests at my fake Oscar party are extremely disgusted by this remark.
They’re interviewing the guy from Atonement, and while he talked, they showed this clip of Jennifer Garner trying to run with an umbrella from her car to the red carpet. Thank goodness E! has continually let me know about this weather situation so that I know what that was all about!
George Clooney’s girlfriend is wearing a cute dress. One thing I remember reading about George Clooney back in the E.R. days was that he said he wouldn’t go to the Oscars as a presenter or anything until he was invited for work that he did. Which is kind of admirable, particularly when one hears that such luminaries as Miley Cyrus will be presenting tonight.
I can’t believe it’s 38 minutes in and we’ve only seen a few celebrities! They told the celebrities that the writer’s strike was over, right? I think I can safely stop to eat pizza without missing anything.
Another weather update. Scattered showers. Wind picking up. Ryan Seacrest is talking about distracting George Clooney’s perfect hair is.
The anonymous ladies of E! are talking about what Anne Hathaway’s wearing, which reminds me of something I’m really dreading about tonight’s show. I dread it every year, but this year, I’m really dreading the montage of celebrities that died in the previous year. It always becomes this weird post-mortem popularity contest, as people start clapping in celebration of the people that are dead. But then, someone more famous is flashed up, and then people have to clap louder to prove that they appreciate that person even more. I hate hate hate this about award shows because it’s nothing but awkward. The people who worked behind the scenes that no one knew are met with stunned silence, which somehow diminishes their achievement. While the more famous people compete for the loudest clapping.
I would dread this at any time, but I especially dread it this year because Heath Ledger died. Heath Ledger is going to get some sort of standing ovation during the dead celebrity montage. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly sad and shocking that Heath Ledger died. It’s sad and shocking when any 28-year-old dies. But the implication that somehow Heath Ledger was the greatest loss, or the most famous person who died, that will, in my mind, be expressed through celebrities trying to clap very loudly for him during the montage, is just frustrating and wrong. They should tell people to sit in respectful silence during that. Would you want to be compared to everyone else who died in the same 365-day span as you?
Ryan Seacrest just flicked his sweat at the camera.
I’m not seeing any Oscar dresses that are knocking me out.
Patrick Dempsey is on now. Has everyone heard the story about how I saw Patrick Dempsey on the streets of Seattle right after he filmed a scene of Grey’s Anatomy? His hair is so beautiful. He is shorter than you might expect, but it allows better access to look at his gorgeous hair. I guess I kind of relate to Ryan Seacrest when he talks about how distracting George Clooney’s hair is.
Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson is talking about how presenting an award is helping to make someone’s dream come true, and how humbling that is. All of the guests at my fake Oscar party are extremely disgusted by this remark.
They’re interviewing the guy from Atonement, and while he talked, they showed this clip of Jennifer Garner trying to run with an umbrella from her car to the red carpet. Thank goodness E! has continually let me know about this weather situation so that I know what that was all about!
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