Saturday, April 28, 2007

how we operate

Most of the cleaning that my apartment ever gets is done during commercials, because I don't like to watch commercials, and I don't like to clean (so it's the only space of time I have enough patience to clean). So it's not like I ever form a lot of opinions about commercials, but two have really got me thinking lately:

1) Money Tree commercial--In the commercial, a caterpillar gets in a cab and asks to go to Money Tree. The cab driver looks in the rearview mirror and notes that the guy looks familiar, does he work for Money Tree? The caterpillar says, I might have a hand in some of their advertising. So the driver goes, "man, why do they come up with those crazy caterpillar commercials?" Then we flashback to the caterpillar in the cab directing said commercial. The caterpillar is embarrassed.

Questions I have:
--Why does the cab driver not care that he is driving a caterpillar around?
--Even if he is professionally able to look past the fact that he is driving a caterpillar around, why does he go on to insult caterpillar commercials? If the caterpillar works for Money Tree, it seems like he is probably close to the caterpillar commercials on a personal level (If I were a caterpillar looking for a place to work, I'd go somewhere they celebrated my kind.) and even barring that, it's kind of an insult to caterpillars. So why go there?
--In this world where the caterpillar and man co-exist, what other species have these sort of privileges?
--What does Money Tree actually do?

2) "Lucky You" preview/commercial
This commercial presents scenes from the upcoming film "Lucky You," starring Drew Barrymore and some guy. The guy is a gambler and it looks like there are lots of lessons to be learned about taking a chance both at the table and in love. The main reason I bring up this commercial is just to share how much I hate it, and to share the fact that even though I have never really liked Drew Barrymore all that much, she has officially moved into the Top 5 actresses I can't stand (for as long as this commercial is regularly airing, she will be tied at number one with Jennifer Love Hewitt)

Things she does in this commercial that annoy the crap out of me:
--says "vroom vroom" all cutesy when she hops on the gambler's motorcycle
--says "You know what I think? I think everybody's just trying not to be lonely." I don't even care if that has some semblance of truth to it, I just can't take her tone and expression when she says it, which is...I don't even want to get into it. It just pisses me off.

Friday, April 27, 2007

orca whales and owls

Last night I went to see Regina Spektor at the Moore. She put on a good show---she was all by herself which I think allowed her to show off some creativity. For example, when she banged a drum stick on a chair with one hand and played the piano with the other hand, or when she tapped the microphone to provide some percussion.

I've already told this theory to a few people, but the show reinforced why I can't really be friends with super artsy folk, as much as I might want to. Because while Regina has a really beautiful voice and is a gifted pianist, some of her songs are so, so weird. Which is what I love about her, but I definitely prefer her more mature tunes, and hearing about 30 songs in a row will really highlight the inconsistency. While I enjoyed the song about doing the dishes and choking on the soap bubble, I would have laughed if I was Regina's friend and she played it for me. It still worked out for her in the grand scheme of things, but I wouldn't have been able to be supportive of that with a straight face. I'm just not in that zone, man.

Still, stay tuned for my thrilling songs about why I like mechanical pencils or how many M&M's I can eat in an hour, and be sure to support my burgeoning music career.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Book #12: Under the Banner of Heaven

The book: Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer

What is this book about: This book provides a history of the Mormon Church and Mormon fundamentalism against the story of how two fundamentalists murdered their sister-in-law and her child, because they had received a revelation from God to do so.

Why did I read this book: I wanted to learn more about the Mormons after my trip to Salt Lake City a few months ago, and I like true crime when it doesn't scare me too much.

What did I think of this book: I learned a lot from this book, and was particularly interested in the sections on Joseph Smith and how the church came into being. I don't want to write too much on what I think of the Mormon church, because many have pointed out that Mormons seem to take almost any criticism or investigation into their church very personally. But it was interesting to wonder whether a religion could come into being like that today.

While I really liked getting both the history and some contemporary examples of how people interpret this faith today, some of the jumping back and forth between history and the present was a little overwhelming and might have actually hurt the narrative in my point of view.

What was my favorite part of this book: As sick as it got sometimes, I thought the real world examples of how the polygamists live were perversely interesting, although still sad and heartbreaking because of the abuse that is going on (it should be pointed out that the Mormon church does not sanction polygamy, and polygamists are fundamentalists who operate outside of the rules of the church....they are very clear about this in Salt Lake City as well). In terms of reading about it, and thinking about all the ways that people can interpret religion....well, it's a bigger topic than I have the energy for right now, and probably a little too weird for the blog.

What did I learn from this book: I learned about Mormons, but probably not in the way they intended.

What grade do I give this book: B

masterminds

Well, today was one of the biggest dates in my annual calendar, the Friends of the Seattle Public Library Book Sale. This sale is a big deal, and since I buy a lot of books, and still consider it a big deal...well, I hope that tells you something. The sale is held is a former aircraft hangar and according to library sources, there are 200,000 items for sale. This includes books, CDs, movies, to name a few. It is held in April and September. Books are either 50 or 75 cents, with hardbacks going for a dollar and a section of "better books" that might be a few bucks. Movies are a dollar. I always go an hour before it starts to get in line, like a crazy person.

In years past, there have been times when I have bought 50+ books. Today my haul was a little small, which is to say it probably was the size of a regular person's. I mean, I probably even bought more my first year, when I did not have a car and did not know what I was getting myself into, and had to take the bus with all the books I bought about to come out of a bursting plastic bag. This year I only got 17 books and 5 movies.

Why was the take so small this year? Well, of course, when you've already been to this sale a few times, it's possible you've already bought all the books you're ever going to need. Also, since I am still recovering from a sprained knee, I wasn't at the top physical form required to really do this sale. There are books on top of table, stacked under the table, (which requires a lot of up-and-down) there are people to push out of the way, there are narrow aisles...it all needs physical endurance and very strong muscles and I am not back to 100% yet.

But I was certainly well enough to go. Here is a list of people who I wish were not well enough to go:
--Babies and small children: If you know me, you know I am all about instilling a love of reading in children from the moment they are conceived. But I do not need to crawl over children in the U.S. History section, nor do I want to worry about dropping a box of books on a newborn baby. There were at least two babies that could not have been more than a week old. People of Seattle, please don't bring your babies to book sales. It is not a place for the defenseless.

--People who were more infirm than me: If I didn't feel as good as I did, I might not have gone, because people push you around at this event in an effort to get to cheap books, and I'm well aware that my leg really shouldn't be pushed, but no one else is and no one else cares, frankly. Which is why I don't have a lot of patience for the woman hopping around with her foot in a cast, or the people who block aisles with walkers and wheelchairs. Please do not find me insensitive. But please find me to be realistic.

--Booksellers: Booksellers ruin it for the rest of us. Obviously it's great that the owner of a small independent bookstore can come in and replenish their stock for a few hundred bucks, then mark it up to sell back to all of us. Just fantastic. But they get meaner and meaner every year, blocking out entire aisles, and then taking entire boxes of books without even looking inside them. Other buyers roam the aisles, scanning every single book with a scanner that will beep and go, "Buy it!" when they scan a book they need. It just ruins the spirit of the book sale.

And other mean and selfish people, I wish they'd just get sick on the day of the sale and stay home, but they're so mean and selfish that they'd just come anyway and get us all sick. It's not really an event that makes me think very well of humanity, because when you put them in a situation where it's essentially a contest to find bargains, then things will get nasty. I just wish we could all be nice, polite readers, and help each other out. More like the cute fellow who moved out of the way so I could get a better look at the classical literature section.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Orange and maroon

A few years ago, my brothers and I were home for Christmas, and the whole family went to the nursing home to visit my grandmother. My brother was wearing his Virginia Tech sweatshirt, one of many he proudly owned. We were getting on the elevator to my grandmother's floor, along with this little old couple. It looked like it was going to take this couple quite a while to get from one point to the other, and as if they could easily trip or fall. But I could see the old man eying my brother.

When the elevator stopped at their floor, all of a sudden this old man broke into a jog. He jogged right out of there, turned around, waved his arms in the air, and yelled, "That's how the Hokies do it!" We all laughed and George yelled out, "right on! Hokies!" or something like that.

Now I hope this won't be cheesy, but what I hope is that all VT students, alumni, friends, family, or anyone who just generally feels beaten down by life and by what happened yesterday, will remember the spirit of that old man, and remember the Hokie spirit, because from what I have seen, it is powerful enough to help us all get through this.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

know-it-all

Last night I was having all these weird dreams about celebrities, and when I woke up throughout the night, I'd think, hmm, interesting. Blog about it tomorrow. But of course when tomorrow comes I can't remember all the dreams, just the fact that I kept having interesting dreams. But that begs the question, are any dreams really ever that interesting.

Well, here are the two I remember:
1. Angelina Jolie was adopting another baby, and she named the baby Dixie. In the dream, I commented to someone that I doubted that Angelina would ever really name a baby Dixie, but the other person in the dream said that Angelina had adopted so many babies that she had run out of names and was cycling through names like Dixie.
2. Stephen Colbert and I were on a train trip, and we were updating a website all the time with things about our trip. I feel like we came to a lot of profound conclusions on the trip that were very vivid at 3 am but in the morning, I couldn't remember any of them.

Here's something from today that was not a dream:
I was driving north on Aurora and I passed a few guys on motorcycles, and one guy was up on one wheel! But not just a little bit up on one wheel; he was perpendicular to the road. He was like that for at least the ten seconds that I saw him, and who knows how long after. That is just crazy.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Happy Da, Birthday Ve

Okay, I must first say that this post will never say all I want it to. For one, the individual that is the subject of this post has had too great of an influence on my life for me to get this completely right, but for two, I have had a few of Tia Lou's good strong margaritas.

But April 12 is always a pretty memorable date in my life, because there is not a year that this day passes that I don't go, hey, this is David Letterman's birthday. And this year, David Letterman is 60. David Letterman is the celebrity in my life that I would miss the most if he was gone. So this is my tribute to him (not to be done in anything so cheesy as a Top Ten list, because I am nowhere near the master).

Dave has been around my life since I was a little kid. We would go to Holden Beach when we were little kids, usually two weeks over July 4th. July 4th I would not go outside, because E! would show all of the Late Night with David Letterman (NBC) specials, one right after the other, for like 10 hours. Dave in an Alka-seltzer suit, being dipped in water, over and over. Stupid pet tricks. How could I go outside with something like that happening?

So then, when I was in middle school or so, I used my babysitting money to buy a television with a built-in VCR, so I could tape Dave at night, and watch him the next morning, as I was getting ready for school (eventually, I let Conan into my taping ritual, but it was always about Dave). The thing about it was, if I pushed rewind as soon as I woke up, and then watched the opening segment, it would wake me up. Then I had exactly the right amount of time to run downstairs, toast two cinnamon-sugar Pop-Tarts, and be back upstairs by the time the next segment started.

Things I saw in that time period:
--Warren Zevon filling in as the band director while Paul Shaffer shot the movie Blues Brothers 2000. It was the first I'd ever heard of Warren Zevon and I became really interested in this guy who called himself Dave's "comedy deputy" and played songs like "Werewolves of London" as Dave was going to commercial break. As I result I found one of my favorite singers of all-time. I've spent a lot of time on YouTube looking for clips of this period. (this happened after the high school period, but after I went to college, I didn't have as much time to watch Dave. But I definitely watched the day I heard Warren Zevon died, so I could hear Dave say goodbye. Another time I watched in college? Dave's 9/11 show...when he gracefully captured what we all were thinking. I hadn't even been to New York at that point and I felt the pain of being a New Yorker at that point, just based on Dave's monologue that night)
--The guest hosts that filled in when Dave had a quintuple bypass, and Dave's tearful but triumphant return. It tore me up.
--Dave hosting the Oscars. I don't care what anyone says. It was funny. ("Do you wanna buy a monkey?")

It wasn't fair to put the 9/11 show or the bypass show in parentheses above, because frankly, I could write a whole entry about both. But here are the other moments I'll always treasure:
-Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts
-Dave's feud with Oprah (she was totally out of town)
-Dave guessing what kind of pie his mom made for Thanksgiving
-Dave works at a Taco Bell
-Dave talks to kids segments
-"There's not a man, woman or child alive that doesn't enjoy a refreshing beverage"
-"I wouldn't give your troubles to a monkey on a rock"

One of the only things I really had to do when I went to New York City last summer was go and see the Ed Sullivan theater. Recently I started taping Letterman again (also Daily Show and Colbert), because I am too old to stay up for it (before, I was too young), and while it takes up a good chunk of my life to watch so much late-night television on tape, it's worth it, because Dave gets better and better. It's bizarre and comforting and laugh-out-loud funny. I'm looking forward to tonight's show. I hope something that is the equivalent of Drew Barrymore flashing Dave happens. Happy birthday, Dave.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The woman in white

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, thanks to my bladder. It was not a very dark night, and as I woke up a bit, I was convinced I saw a figure in a white coat standing outside. Not directly outside my window, but over a bit--kind of outside my neighbor's window. I didn't want to scare myself too much, so I avoided looking out there, even though actually looking might have revealed it just to be a shadow or a concrete wall, the likeliest culprits.

Anyways, I got under my covers (so I couldn't be found by any lurking figures) and came up some theories as to who the figure in white was. I share them here, so in case anything happens to me anytime soon, people will have some suspects and this blog to enter as evidence.

--Angel (good kind)
Maybe something fortuitous was happening to someone in the neighborhood, engineered by the angel.

--Angel of Death
Maybe an angel of death can technically be a good angel, but I don't want an angel of death passing by my window every night.

--My neighbor has a stalker
And what if the stalker also becomes fixated with me? Especially if she keeps peeking in my window at night, and sees me so sweetly sleeping?

--Unicorn
Maybe it wasn't a woman in white, but a white animal.

--Ghost
This is kind of complicated, but across from my neighbor's window there is a little nook-like thing, that holds up the fence that is at street level. Since the day I moved in, there has been a little yellow kayak in the nook, and if it ever has been taken out for use, I missed it. The nose of that little boat is the first thing I see every morning. So what if someone died at sea in that boat? What if that person is now a ghost and visits the boat at night to mourn lost youth? Isn't that just so sad and scary you could throw up?

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Happy Easter!

Today has already been lovely. It's a beautiful day, and I walked down to St. Paul's for the Easter service. I sat next to an older man who had a very nice voice. Tonight I am having dinner with some folks for a friend's birthday, and I have a few hours to read and rest my leg. In honor of one of my favorite holidays, let's look back at some of my treasured Easter memories:

--One of my most significant Easters was Easter 2003, when I was studying abroad in Rome. During my time studying abroad I developed a bit of an obsession with the pope, and I followed the pope very closely during the Easter week. On Good Friday I went to the Colosseum for the stations of the cross, and on Easter morning I went to St. Peter's to hear the Urbi et Orbi. The pope was fairly healthy that week, in good voice, and on Sunday, when they wheeled him around St. Peter's in the popemobile, that was probably the closest I got to the pope the whole time I was there. Saturday night was special as well, as I took a brief respite in my fake Catholicism to go to an Easter vigil at the English-speaking Episcopal church in Rome. The people there were so nice, and they were doing baptisms, and it really made me feel like church membership made me a part of something larger and infinitely connected in this world.

But after Easter services I walked around Rome, pretty lonely, because my only real good friend in Rome was Jewish and out of town. I got pretty homesick that day and ate a big salami sandwich. I went back to the apartment and took a nap, and woke up when my family called to tell me Happy Easter, which actually only made me more lonely and sad. Perhaps you will see how important Easter is to me when I tell you that my parents only called me a few times when I was in Rome (expensive), and one of those very few times was on Easter. I am not even sure if we talked on my birthday.

--There are plenty of other church-going memories, but I won't recount them all. It seemed that growing up, we'd always go to a different service depending on what time we wanted to go to church. Once we went to the 5 am vigil, and then went to IHOP for chocolate chip pancakes; once when I was little we went to the 10 am service that lasted forever, and my mom let me read a book as long as I kept it low. But church is just really meaningful for me on Easter, and it's wonderful because two of the best hymns get to come out ("Hail thee, festival day" and "Jesus Christ is risen today")

--Once, my college roommate and I went to North Carolina to spend Easter with my family. However, we did so much partying on Friday night that we were extremely hungover for the drive and events of Saturday. My mom wanted to make us all these cocktails, and we had to put up a brave face and put them down. It was hard. We watched Sex and the City and Mom had an Easter basket for both of us Sunday morning.

--One of the only home videos in my house in North Carolina is labeled "Easter 1989," which captures a dramatic Easter egg hunt between my brother George and I (my other brother was just a baby at that point). We are meant to be finding eggs that lead us to a grand prize, which was a little four-wheeler that my grandmother got for us (no way would my mother have gotten it for us). It takes George a little while to realize this, and he gets a lot of eggs, wheras I'm pretty sure I went straight for the four-wheeler to claim it as my own. The rest of the tape is just us riding around in different combinations. It is kind of a boring tape, not as good as its companion piece, Christmas 1987.

--Another memorable Easter egg hunt took place when we were all a little older; I was probably in high school. We were going to have an egg hunt; the eggs were going to be plastic and filled with slips of paper. Some of the paper had monetary amounts written on them, and some had chores written on them. We weren't allowed to open the eggs until we had regrouped as a family, and then we had to open the eggs and accept whatever was written there. There was going to be one grand prize. I remember that some of the eggs were hidden in pretty inappropriate places for young people, such as in the tailpipe of the car, or nestled in the chainsaw. But obviously, the hunt didn't end all that well...I think chores outnumbered money by about 2 to 1, and the money was always along the lines of a quarter or so. George opened an egg and said, "whoa, fifty dollars...the grand prize!" But my dad intervened and said it was only meant to be five dollars. Apparently the decimal point had been written too large. Suffice it to say, there was disappointment all around and we never had another egg hunt again.

--As a child it was always thrilling to see what the Easter bunny brought, usually a small toy and a wealth of candy. One Easter, before we were supposed to be awake, I snuck out of my room to peak at my basket through the slits of the staircase. What I could see was a Moondreamers doll. Let me tell you, it was a long wait before I could go down and look at it. It was Bucky Buckaroo. I don't know why I remember that gift so distinctly, but I do. But I hate Easter grass. Hate it.

--Lastly, I'd like to give a big shout-out to CANDY. Easter candy is some of the best candy, with Cadbury eggs being the best. I don't really like Peeps, but I have fond memories of throwing them over the railing of my apartment senior year of college. However, I will say that I am not a very big jelly bean fan, and I wish there wasn't such an emphasis on jelly beans at Easter time.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

dishwasher

Look, if you're reading this, and you haven't seen The Usual Suspects, and you don't want to know the end, don't read the next sentence....Okay, so you know how at the end, someone (I won't even say who), is walking, with a pronounced limp, much as I have walked for the past few weeks, and then the limp slowly disappears and the twist of the movie is revealed? Well, I have been waiting for that to happen to me. When I hobble down the street, trying to walk normally, I watch myself in the windows and wonder if this is my Keyser Soze moment. So far, I have not really had a good normal walk but I am getting closer. I am doing stairs better. I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on a stationary bike. But I still have some pain and I lack full range of motion. What oh what will my blog be about when my knee is better?

But I did drive for the first time since the accident this past weekend. Rather than choosing a nice short drive for my first drive, I drove all the way to Portland so Clair could pick up her car. Luckily that is a fairly easy drive, with no scary passes or the like, and the driving went well. It was the walking that was a killer, I guess due to stiffness from 3 hours of driving.

Portland was very nice though. We only had a few hours, so we went to REI, Lululemon, Anthropologie, and of course Powell's, where I bought myself an early birthday present (the Edith Grossman translation of Don Quixote). It was also a great eating day. We started off in Seattle at Greatful Bread, where I had an amazing raspberry scone. In Portland we ate at a vegan restaurant that was in the front of a yoga studio, and I had a spicy avocado sandwich with tofu and a blueberry smoothie. We split a spinach salad. After shopping we went to Bakery Bar, where we split a carrot cake cupcake and a chocolate chip cranberry cookie. All of these food items were excellent and if you are in Seattle and driving to Portland for the day, I suggest you eat the exact same things.

But look, after seeing the yoga studio with a restaurant in front, I have decided that I will open one here in Seattle. It's the most amazing thing ever. Imagine going to a 6 pm yoga class, getting out at 7 or 7:30, and then enjoying a healthy meal, then heading home. That sounds just heavenly to me and I would like to believe I am not alone in that. My yoga studio will be known for its very hard yoga, its very good food, and special events including concerts, movies, and readings. Also the restaurant will have a little bakery and serve alcohol as well. Let me know if you want to provide funding.